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cracked | what_is_life_without_a_girlfriend_quorators_podcast | Yep, yep, yep Quora boys and again back in the studio where the Quora boys. Let's get it And welcome back to Quora Raiders season 2 now on crack calm home of the fact I'm Alex And this is Jeremy. What's going on? What's going on Quora boys? Here's the thing I've realized I've started doing here.
Give me the glasses. G... |
cracked | 4_awesome_videos_that_make_you_happy_to_be_alive_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hello internet, my name is Daniel O'Brien and welcome to another episode of obsessive pop culture disorder the show that eats all the internet And then poops it at you today's episode gives us The internet is dark and full of boners and no one should travel through its sweaty and Pulsing walls without an experienced gu... |
TheOnion | Grover_Norquist_I_Engaged_In_A_Week_Long_Drug_Fueled_Orgy_With_Corporate_Income_Taxes | Thank you for coming. My name is Grover Norquist, President of Americans for Tax Reform. Over the last week, some very illicit, very scandalous images of myself carousing with taxes have surfaced and while I at first attempted to deny that I had ever had any romantic dalliances with taxes, I would like to take this opp... |
TheOnion | ClickHole_WATCH_Man_Sees_His_Family_For_First_Time_After_27_Years_Holding_His_Hand_Over_His_Eyes | Okay, Dan, now I'm almost ready to bring your hand down from your eyes and you'll be able to see. Ready as I'll ever be. It's okay, honey. Everything's gonna be okay. You're doing great, Dan. Here we go. Oh my god.
I've lived for nearly 30 years with my hand over my eyes. And for most of that time, I thought, I'll nev... |
TheOnion | Obama_Debt_Ceiling_Deal_A_Prime_Example_Of_Democrats_And_Democrats_Sacrificing_For_The_Greater_Good | Republicans and Democrats celebrate what amounts to a pathetic excuse for common ground. An area dog's rock bottom is the same as his peak, and the FDA is calling for everyone to induce vomiting right now. And now a crisp, cool, and refreshing recap of your weekly news. President Obama acknowledged Wednesday that the d... |
dropout | i_want_my_phone_back_the_scariest_game_show_ever | Hi, I'm Brandon Gardner, host of I Want My Phone Back, the only game show on the go where contestants can win cash by giving me their phone and letting me do whatever I want with it. For every task I complete, they win $5 cash. Let's get to it. I want my phone back.
Who's a Michael ****? He's one of my buddies from th... |
SaturdayNightLive | posters_snl | Ugh! this physics homework is impossible. Why do I even have to learn it? nobody even uses it in real life. real life. real life. Think again, Bruv. Lots of people use physics. yo, what? my old school poster of David Beckham is talking to me?
Is this a dream? Yep. Oh, okay, because I was going to say, you don't look a... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_nudie_games_michael_ian_black | On this week's Bleep Bloop, we will be playing erotic arcade games. No further explanation needed. I'm your host Jeff Rubin and I'm here with Kyle Jimmer's Pat Cassels, Sarah Schneider and Michael Ian Black. So the yellow power-ups are above water and the blue ones are underneath. What they're revealing is what has alr... |
dropout | all_star_wars_characters_have_stupid_names | Members of the First Order, as we sit idly by, the rebel organization known as The Resistance grows ever stronger, which is why I, Kylo Ren, have been ordered by Supreme Leader Snoke to assemble the galaxy's best bounty hunters and destroy the Resistance once and for all. Here are the mercenaries who will be aiding our... |
cracked | why_game_of_thrones_has_a_real_timeline_problem_episode_3_the_queen_s_justice_got_recap | Hey everyone, thanks for joining us again on another episode of Winter Is Taking Forever on what I thought was the best episode this season. Yeah, I really enjoyed it.
We've been hard on the show. Yeah, I'm still gonna be hard on the show. Right, cause we have to out of love.
The first scene was Jon Snow landing at D... |
Wizards_with_Guns | what_s_underneath_a_wizard_s_robe | Sam, you've been looking strong. Have you been jerking off?
Yeah. Jerking off those weights? No. What? Right. Yeah? Alright, let's do the video, huh?
Tall bike to be sure. Tall boy.
That's the one they hate Hiroshima.
I love you, Sam. Oh, s**t. I broke my ankle, Sam.
How about we do the video? Show us how to ride ... |
CrackerMilk | sponsored_by_jeep_wrangler | Hello everyone and welcome back to the Dragon Milk Podcast! Hello! Yay! How exciting!
It's been a while, it's been a while. Anyway, welcome back. We're in a new set now as well.
And you know what? I think we're having a few problems. And I think the only way to solve that is for a trip. And I have the perfect solutio... |
TheOnion | Your_Brain_Gun_Turn_The_Safety_Off_Onion_Talks_Ep_12 | The human brain, it can reason, it keeps us alive, it's the most powerful weapon that we own. So how does it compare with this gun? This gun can shoot a 9mm bullet at 1300 feet per second, it has a muzzle energy of 475 foot pounds. If I were to fire it at any one of you in the front row it would turn your head to mush.... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_tarot_reader_jan_janby_on_the_2024_election_snl | Well, with the election less than a year away, 2024 is shaping up to be a big year. here to give us a sense of what's in store is the great British Psychic Tarot card reader, Jan Janby. it's on Snl, or was it in the cards? Oh, yeah, you read Tarot cards. Oh, yes, Michael. I'm a clairvoyant, ghost noticer, and conjurer ... |
dropout | True_Stories_From_the_CollegeHumor_Office_No_Laugh_Newsroom_Full_Episode | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm Ge... |
CrackerMilk | the_quickest_way_to_get_sent_to_prison_in_australia | Right we've had multiple reports of people at this address downloading terabytes and terabytes of pirated movies and we can do this the easy way or the hard way. I'm sorry I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah I think you've got the wrong address.
It's clearly you. Me? Why?
Because you're dressed like a fuckin... |
dropout | why_uncle_jesse_was_actually_pathetic | I feel like it's too soon to text my mom back, like I don't want to seem desperate. Oh yeah, no, you should definitely wait, that's what it says in the game. Hey guys, have mercy. Why are you wearing that vest?
So there was this full house marathon on TNT this weekend and it reminded me how cool Uncle Jesse was. Oh, y... |
Wizards_with_Guns | when_your_hotline_number_is_too_close_to_911_ | Don Cheadle tattletaled on a beetle. Dr. Spock dropped a crock pot with his socks on. I forgot my grenade in a school bus.
That's right. We're a combined 65 years of armed forces service. We're here to field your calls and provide our most sage advice for your trickiest of predicaments. That's right. It seems we're al... |
dropout | the_truth_about_the_mcdonald_s_coffee_lawsuit_adam_ruins_everything | Our justice system is way less impartial than we like to think. Adam, I'm serious. Kendra's freedom is on the line. Please stop scaring her. No, I knew it. The system is going to screw me.
They throw innocent people in jail while some old lady who spills hot coffee on herself gets a million bucks. Ah, yes, the famous ... |
dropout | oh_the_places_you_ll_actually_go | This is it. This moment right now is the youngest you'll be for the rest of your life. Just wait and see. So sit back, relax and try to have fun. You'll be even older when this cartoon is done. On this milestone, people will tell you you're great. All your friends will hear, too, of their wonderful fate.
Max dominates... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_cecily_strong_snl | President Biden, seen here begging for one more year before the midterms, warned about Republican candidates who say they will refuse to accept election results, warning they could set the nation on a path to chaos. So wait, this is just the path to chaos? I thought we'd been living in chaos for at least six years.
I ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_264_Hugh_Forrest | Petuta is looking lovely today, dry, bit of cool air out the back. Yeah, happens in June. We often get cool air in wintertime, Clancy. And today's guest comes from a very similar climate to us here in the proud Western Queensland back country.
He's from Texas. He's bigger than Texas on paper. On paper he's actually, h... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_on_jesus_part_1 | Humans craved enlightenment. To find it, they'd need a spiritual role model, an icon, an almost Christ-like figure. And as luck would have it, someone fitting that bell was about to arrive. None other than Mr. Jesus Christ. An icon, it was almost as revered back then as Beyonce is today.
Jesus's mum was this woman, th... |
SaturdayNightLive | joe_franklin_show_3_saturday_night_live | A good, good evening my friends, a good evening, I'm Joe Franklin, we are coming to you as always by our good friends and sponsors, beverages by Hoffman, Martin Paints, Martin Paints at Anxious Paints, Matzes by Stripes for the unleavened experience of a lifetime, and welcoming a new product from a celebrity superstar,... |
dropout | everybody_s_i_don_t_care_about_sports_friend_hardly_working | She knows Smith's just not cut out for the pros. Who said anything about pros?
Dude plays for the Jets, right?
I don't care about sports. Okay, what the hell is that? Oh, sorry, that's I don't care about sports, but he perfectly mimics human interaction, but just ended up being one of those guys who has to announce h... |
TheOnion | Experts_Agree_Giant_Bioengineered_Crabs_Pose_No_Threat | I'm Juliana Makanis sitting in for Clifford Banes, who was never that great of a host anyway.
Scientists at a remote laboratory in Phoenix announced this week they have bio-engineered a race of 75-foot tall, extremely strong crabs to assist with large construction projects. An op-ed in the New York Times says, quote, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | king_brothers_toyota_snl | Hey there, folks, I'm Randy King of King Brothers Toyota, and I'm Shorty King Jr. and we are overstocked with Tacoma's, Sea Innis, Colorado's, and even Highlander's all at rock bottom prices as part of our King Brothers Toyota overstocked sale-a-thons. So come on down to King Brothers Toyota off Highway 8, exit 260, be... |
SaturdayNightLive | fair_dinkum_championship_finals_saturday_night_live | How long again, everybody? Joe Fiskebow, live. blockin'' Derry, Scotland, Saturday Night Sports, Championship Finals, Ancient Scottish Sport, Fair dinkum! It's a Scottish game of manhood. the final round features the Mcfarland Ramblers and the Highland reachers who boast 13 championships, kilts, hanging from the rafter... |
cracked | what_the_kid_from_a_christmas_story_would_be_like_at_23 | Oh, hey Brian, you grab me a paper towel. Oh you bet Only I didn't say fudge I said the word the big one the f dash dash dash word Please don't tell me Though you said the word fuck you're 23 years old. You're 23 years old Yeah, which is why I have a job a girlfriend the ability to shave and I'm fine with curse words Y... |
TheOnion | Obama_Issues_Presidential_Pardon_To_Get_Biden_Out_Of_Jail_For_Third_Time_This_Year | President Obama exercised his presidential clemency powers last Friday, issuing pardons to 17 incarcerated felons, including Vice President Joe Biden, who had gotten himself locked up for the third time this year. After being arrested last week for what the vice president described as a bunch of trumped-up male fraud b... |
SaturdayNightLive | oscars_red_carpet_cold_open_snl | I'm the man inside your hotel Tv who tells you what the movies are, Mario Lopez. And I'm either Maria Menounos or Kid Hoover. they haven't told me which yet.
And you're about to watch the 95th Annual Academy Awards sponsored by Ozempic. Ozempic.
I guess everyone in Hollywood has diabetes. And we are so excited to hav... |
dropout | did_you_just_call_me_a_mudblood | From warp drives to warpstone, nerds are passionate about a lot of things, but there's something they love above all else, and that is correcting people. This is Unactualy. Joining us today, we have Brian Murphy. Hi. We have Natalie Palamides. And we have Demi Adjuibe.
So to briefly explain the game, I have here a sta... |
SaturdayNightLive | collette_at_deerfield_academy_saturday_night_live | And so, aside from pulling down six figures, I guess the best part about being a defense attorney is that I get to set the bad guys free. ha ha ha ha! Just kidding. uh, seriously, though, I am very proud of my son Banks here. he'll, uh, be following in his old man's footsteps if he knows what's good for him. ha ha ha h... |
cracked | the_terrifying_aftermath_of_disney_s_frozen | Let it go!
All rise! The door! Come in!
Sunset, my most trusted advisor. How are you on this most beautiful day? Queen Elsa, I am... whatever emotional state is most pleasing to you just now. I am just positively that. I just wanted to brief you on the goings-on of your queendom.
Oh, okay, okay, okay. Just make it q... |
TheOnion | Start_Joique_Bell_Which_Means_Now_He_ll_Probably_Get_33_Yards_And_A_Goddamn_Fumble | Owner's Box, brought to you by Lenovo. You need a computer to play fantasy football, might as well be this one. Week seven snuck right up behind us, put his hands over our eyes, kissed our neck and said, guess who, sweetheart? I'm Barry Bigwell and we're talking must-starts inside the Owner's Box.
This week I'm saying... |
TheOnion | season_1_brad_gets_matt_forte_pumped_for_a_big_match_up_brought_to_you_by_lenovo | Matt Forte, there's my guy. How you doing, buddy? You know me, coach. I'm always good. Listen, we got a big match up this week. We're playing Harris. Harris?
Oh man, I don't like that guy. Tell me about it. You won't believe what he said to me at work the other day. What'd he say? He said, you're going down, Brad.
An... |
TheOnion | Area_Man_Lacks_Star_Power_Necessary_To_Carry_Major_Motion_Picture | After vetting the 37-year-old for factors such as looks, screen presence, and film credits, Hollywood insiders unanimously agreed this week that area man Dennis Keirning lacks the sheer star power necessary to carry a major motion picture. Industry experts spoke to reporters today about the Charlottesville, Virginia re... |
SaturdayNightLive | celebrity_jeopardy_snl | Here's Celebrity Jeopardy! We've got quite a contest going on here. let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery is in second place with negative $6,500. only on account of villainy. Great. Minnie Driver is in first with a commanding score of zero. What is history? we haven't started playing yet. And finally, Jeff Gol... |
cracked | we_remade_loki_season_1_for_20 | You're taking me so much to kill me. No, I'm taking you to Arby's. Well, I don't like Arby's.
No, but you do like to fart, which you just did. Because you and I both know that you love that deep and cheddar. What does that mean?
You'll catch up. The timekeepers have built quite the circus. And I see the clowns are pl... |
dropout | This_Monster_Is_Too_Wholesome | 🎵Music🎵 🎵Music🎵 Sam! Who knows how much damage that monster's already done! I'm finished! 🎵Music🎵 Gasp! 🎵Music🎵 I was making too much noise! It's hard to stay quiet when you're building houses for homeless veterans! 🎵Music🎵 What? My name is CuddlePumpkin! But my friends call me pal! 🎵Music🎵 What the fuck is... |
SaturdayNightLive | audition_saturday_night_live | Next, for the part of Nicole, we have Lisette Barnes.
Hello. Oh, hello. hello.
And, uh, I think we've had you in here before. I'm with Classy Faces Talon Agency. you've heard of them? Nope. can't say that I have.
Well, um, here's my head picture. Okay. it's of me dressed as a sailor looking into a crystal ball, pret... |
dropout | the_swankiest_space_bugs | Nathan you smell so good today thank you I just got out of the fire shower oh I haven't taken one yet I thought it was gonna be pretty bad and it was okay it burns all of the skin off yeah it grows back and I didn't know skin growing back could hurt so much I think partially that's because you know that bar of soap in ... |
dropout | are_these_jedi_or_scientologists | This is it. You up?
This place is chaos! And it's closed!
God, they're so comfortable!
Oh yes, let's split up again. Good idea.
I'll say he is stuck in the mud.
Dora! The chosen one! I love you, Una! Wow, we get it. Una's great. Yeah, she really is, right? Ah, Una!
My wayfinder has returned! Gooby, it's wonderful... |
TheOnion | Study_Reveals_Conditions_In_Women_s_Prisons_Deplorably_Unsexy | A prison reform group issued a disturbing new study this week calling conditions in women's correctional facilities deplorably unsexy. The report contends that women's prisons are bleak, dangerous environments with shockingly few soapy showers and erotically charged pillow fights. According to the Prison Justice Initia... |
dropout | logan_paul_as_a_johnny_cash_song | I don't expect to be forgiven I don't deserve to be defended So internet please use me Crucify me, vilify me I'm gonna be the guy they think I am We're gonna take an Instagram picture of me looking like a thug Male only march we're gonna attempt to go gay for just one month Everything I do from this point on will get b... |
cracked | the_greatest_overreaction_on_youtube_since_double_rainbow_does_not_compute | Hey everybody and welcome to another dodeca-sode of does not compute where all the women are strong all of them Men are good-looking and all the children are wondering what the hell. I'm referencing I'm your host mustache suddenly and my co-host as always is clips of my favorite racing game Phoenix's white van racer go... |
cracked | the_5_most_surreal_music_genres_around_the_world_spit_take_theater | Hey, you're watching a bunch of hipsters or a herd of hipsters a pride of hipsters Huh you're watching an apathy of hipsters Which is what I would have assumed was making the music we're hearing right now in reality This is the psychedelic synth folk album fire by sister Irene O'Connor Who is an actual sister an actual... |
dropout | making_up_a_sketch_on_the_spot_hardly_working | Then, I got kicked out, because apparently you can't bring your laptop into a nightclub?
Oh, that's bullshit. I'm sorry, how is this a sketch pitch? Oh, it's not.
It's just what I did last weekend. Okay. I have a pitch, actually. So on Saturday, me and my cousin went to brunch, cuz... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, this isn'... |
cracked | the_oceans_are_heating_up_but_the_president_s_hats_are_cool_some_news | Hello, I'm a news person, and here's some news. Last week, devastation literally rained down onto Houston, Texas and surrounding areas when Hurricane Harvey ballooned from category one to category four alarmingly fast after passing over a region of warm ocean called an eddy because the intensity of a storm is determine... |
SaturdayNightLive | mccain_approves_open_saturday_night_live | Senator Mccain, thanks for stopping by. my friends, I wouldn't miss it. recording Tv ads is an essential part of the campaign. As we explained, Senator, we already have a recording of you approving ads. Well, I know, but we've been using it on so many ads. I was worried the tape spools might be scratched or warped. Wel... |
cracked | valentine_s_day_love_advice_new_guy_weekly | Hi YouTube, this is Alex with another you send in Valentine's Day questions, and I'm here to answer them. Let's go Okay, um well, I don't I don't know what you would do there, uh well Guys, I am feeling kind of creatively blocked I obviously need to get the ideas flowing gonna use a very simple trick We all use a crack... |
TheOnion | Portrayal_Of_Obama_As_Snob_Hailed_As_Step_Forward_For_Blacks | Civil rights leaders are hailing criticism that Barack Obama is a patrician snob as a breakthrough for African Americans in an op-ed in the New York Times historian, dr Robert Woodson wrote 20 years ago. It would have been inconceivable that the news would portray a black man is out of touch with the working Class, dr.... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_hunter_biden_s_federal_indictment_upenn_president_resigns_snl | It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. thank you very much. good evening, everyone. welcome to weekend Update. I'm Michael Che.
I'm Colin Jost. a Federal indictment issued this week against Hunter Biden alleges that he evaded paying over a million dollars of taxes between 2016 and 2020. and they're only ... |
SaturdayNightLive | sylvester_school_saturday_night_live | Excuse me. I'm Steve Sisler. I'm with the Internal Revenue Service. Is this the. Yes, sir! this is the Sylvester School of Speech Therapy! I'd like to speak to the owner. Oh, Mr. Simmons! they're the Steve Sisler from the Irs to see you! he'll be here until she shakes up a lamb's tail! Thank you. you must be Steve Sisl... |
TheOnion | Centers_For_Disease_Contraction_Urges_Americans_To_Suck_Doorknob | Officials for the Centers for Disease Contraction and Preservation held a press conference this week urging all Americans to suck on as many doorknobs as possible. CDC spokesman Brian Masterson talked to reporters today about his many recommendations for acquiring and spreading illnesses. This flu season, the Centers f... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_angry_birds_merch | Welcome to bleep bloop, I am Jeff Rubin. Pat Cassels is not feeling so well, but I am here with Owen Parsons and Jermaine Fowler in just over three years.
Angry Birds has become so popular that when you search Amazon for it, you find over 11,000 products. Today we're gonna test some of the more interesting ones. This ... |
TheOnion | Russia_Pledges_To_Run_Completely_Positive_Disinformation_Campaign_In_2020_The_Topical_Ep_40 | The state of American politics is toxic. We must have deception that is more civilized. That's just one of the Russian operatives taking a pledge today to run a completely positive disinformation campaign in 2020. But will it be enough to deceive voters? From the Onion and Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this... |
cracked | why_civ_vi_brings_out_the_worst_in_humanity_escort_mission | Hey, you still pretending to be China? That's Pyramid China to you, and Eiffel Tower China, and survivor of Gandhi's nuclear assault China. Wait, Gandhi nuked you? Yeah, yeah, he's a psycho warmonger, in Civilization VI, which I already love enough to have poured an entire day into on playthrough 1. Why would they make... |
TheOnion | America_s_Roommates_Launch_One_Vote_Doesn_t_Matter_Campaign | Coming up, are the poor being disenfranchised by voting places accessible only by hot air balloons? But first, we turn to Washington, D.C., where America's roommates are holding a rally as part of their new One Vote Doesn't Matter political action campaign. The rally, which drew thousands of roommates ranging from the ... |
TheOnion | reporters_blow_up_plane_expose_security_lapses | In the six years since the tragedy of 9-11, the Transportation Security Administration says it is keeping our airport safe and secure from attack. What are they? This Onion News Network Undercover Investigative Unit Special Report may surprise you. We go now to Brian Scott, live from Cedar Rapids. Thank you, Brandon. I... |
cracked | we_gender_swapped_beauty_and_the_beast_and_everybody_should_go_to_jail | We all know Beauty and the Beast, the classic tale of a hostage convincing her kidnapper that he's not such a bad guy after all. But Hollywood's got some weird assumptions about masculine and feminine roles, and to be honest, maybe we all do. So what if we gender flip this romantic tale of Stockholm Syndrome around? Be... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_anthony_crispino_on_the_royal_wedding_and_killing_oksana_baiul_snl | Once again, there's a lot of news this week, But here with the news he heard secondhand is our secondhand news correspondent, Anthony Crispino. how you doing, Seth? hey, it's good to be back, huh? Look at you. you look young every time I see you, huh? Oh, really? no, come on man, it's just a figurative speech. So Antho... |
dropout | hardly_working_zero_dark_thirty_bros | Dudes, Zero Dark Thirty was the witch's dick, yo. Oh my god, dude, and they flew into Osama's compound? It's just like Modern Warfare 2. Except that journey kid called me a homo. Okay, but the one part I didn't get is how come all those prisoners in the beginning just bitched out and gave up their Al-Qaeda homeboys lik... |
dropout | how_to_wash_a_goddamn_dish | Hi there, and welcome to How to Wash a Goddamn Dish. If your roommate sent you this video, they're concerned that you may not know how to get off your ass and wash a goddamn dish for once in your pathetic life. Don't worry, washing even one fucking dish isn't that hard. It's so easy, there's no reason not to do it, you... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_02_12_19_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're joined by myself, editor Clancy Overill and of course the Kay McGrath of the Diamantina Shire, Wendell Hussey. How are you Wendell? I'm alright, thank you Clancy. I came off the dirt bike on the weekend so I'm a little bit stiff and sore but other than that I'm a-ok.
And speaking of stiff, we've got editor-at-l... |
dropout | hardly_working_nerd_scars | Pay special attention to the head, because this actually wasn't modeled on Harrison Ford. Because at the time they made this, Kurt Russell was auditioning for the role of Han Solo. Incredible! Uh, Lando Calrissian on the other hand was on the door. Guys, how can you sit and talk about this sci-fi crap?
I mean, this is... |
CrackerMilk | taking_your_kids_to_the_factory | Welcome back to another episode of the cracker milk. Don't you let him finish. Let him finish us.
Oh Hey, I'm Tom and this is Connor and that's Elias, you know who we are my phone's ringing is it important? Yeah, it is Hello Yeah, sure goob Hey man, sorry I couldn't make it to the podcast recording Who's this? Is this... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_digital_short_boogerman_saturday_night_live | And I swore I'd never work with you again.
And now, performing the theme from the film Boogerman, Miss Katy Perry, accompanied by dancers from the Boston Ballet. Boogerman, Boogerman, Thank you. I want the Boogerman dead! I don't care what it costs me! don't you see, Mama? I know he's different, but I love him anyways... |
dropout | winter_wonderland | time to put the presents under the tree oh no that tree looks like Olympic and look at these decorations they look like crap I wish there was a place where jerks like this could get decent Christmas shit don't worry Santa it's in the northeast corner of the IKEA parking lot in Paramus, New Jersey trees you bet your ass... |
dropout | george_r_r_martin_shouldn_t_plan_your_wedding | So we are just looking for something memorable yeah, we want our friends to think wow that was a crazy wedding Well, I'll give you a wedding you won't soon forget Okay Cool. I've been weddings across the seven kingdoms including a red wedding and the wedding King draw free both of which reduced Thousands to tears.
I h... |
cracked | 4_insane_simpsons_fan_theories_that_might_be_true_after_hours | doesn't count. Simpsons did it only applies to TV show plots. Are you kidding me? It should count even more.
Season 5, episode 10, Siegfried and Roy are mauled by their own white tiger. Michael, we are aware of the episode. It's just best not to make light of something. Okay, like, look.
There's an episode of Bosburg... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_209_Celeste_Liddle_Greens_Candidate_for_Cooper | How good is Australia?
You're listening to Decode, the Batutah Advocates podcast series for those Australians who have tuned out or never tuned in to the dark arts of federal politics. It's called being, you wouldn't believe it, a goddamn bloody adult. Well, welcome back to the Decode podcast, Batutah Advocates.
I gu... |
dropout | dating_it_s_complicated_the_condom_incident | During my freshman year at college, I was dating a girl who still lived at home. One night we were messing around at her house when I realized I didn't have any condoms on me. So my girlfriend insisted that I go steal some from her dad's closet. I should have asked her why she knew her dad had condoms or just stood up ... |
dropout | i_didn_t_eat_bread_once_so_now_i_ll_look_like_gisele | It'll be like this flowy silk thing and when I fold out like this it'll look like I have wings and stuff. Hey guys, can I have everyone's attention for a second? I mean, I was just describing my dream cape, but sure, whatever. Thank you. I just wanted to prepare you guys for some physical changes that I'll be going thr... |
dropout | pray_the_gay_away | Hello everyone, how are you? Are you good? Are you driving? Are you doing laundry? Are you ignoring friends, family, your boss?
Thank you for joining us. Today, on a very special episode of Tales from the Closet, I'm joined by three friends and too many candles. For those of you listening to this podcast in its audio ... |
TheOnion | Do_Glass_Pipes_Incense_Prove_Teens_Are_Practicing_Shamanism | Gregory Dawson filling in for Clifford Banes, who is being hanged for high treason.
A new poll from the Shuttleworth Institute finds an increasing number of parents are reporting the appearance of esoteric posters, incense, and glass pipes among their teenagers' possessions. How can we keep our teens from turning to s... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_children | Adults lose the ability to see Father Christmas, so if you want to know more about him, you have to ask small adults, which are known as children. Hello, who are you? I'm Archie, who are you? Philomena. Have you ever met Father Christmas? I have. Where did you meet him? I met him next to Westfield.
And what was he doi... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_biden_meets_with_zelenskyy_in_ukraine_the_oscars_crisis_team_snl | This week, President Biden made a historic visit to Ukraine and met with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Valensky, where they greeted each other like two action figures having sex. Then, on the one-year anniversary of the war in Ukraine, if Biden and Vladimir Putin gave speeches about the conflict, there was a language b... |
dropout | the_gps_prank | Oh boy.
What is so interesting about that phone?
Rough night last night, buddy. Recalculating route. Turn right onto what did you do to get her? What is that you say, Tim? Right on. It is my first day, can you tell? Did you buy that shirt in A, the 80s, B, the 80s, or C, the 80s? Turn right, babe on board. So really,... |
dropout | Inspector_Gadget_s_Death_Sparks_Oscar_Buzz_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello, and welcome to Breaking News, the only news show where we don't know what we're about to say, and we're not allowed to smile or la... |
CrackerMilk | we_choke_him_for_your_entertainment_crackermilk_podcast | Activating oxygen. All you want is a dirty whore that you can transfer your terabytes. Talk it to the mic. I'm trying. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the cracker milk podcast and we are doing your suggestions that you have commented and we're going to do them and perform them today.
Isn't that right?... |
dropout | wait_how_were_we_left_alone_chome_alone_1_5 | All right, everybody, this is it! The College Humor Christmas party in Paris is happening! The fans are already downstairs! That's them! O'Shea, make sure everyone is here, all right? And Frankie, the tickets? Thank you very much! All right, everybody, crowd in! This is it! The big moment! We're going international, ba... |
cracked | 4_exciting_new_technologies_for_having_sex_all_by_yourself_does_not_compute | Hi, it's me, the single worthless, ambition-less, idiot, idiot, idiot, I'm sorry, my online Canadian girlfriend slash underwear model, Naomi, stopped returning my at tweets, eh? Sorry. I guess she kind of rubbed off on me. It's like, I know she or he or they was or were probably catfishing me, but she or he or they was... |
TheOnion | Kenneth_Branagh_s_Mechanical_Spider_Attacking_You_Stop_Him_Troublehacking_with_Drew_Cleary | Hey everybody, today's trouble hacking question comes from YouTube camera WindPants0. Take a look. Hey Drew, I keep getting chased by this 80 foot mechanical spider that's operated by Kenneth Branagh. It's up there like pulling the levers, so I'm like, come on, what should I do? Being chased by a huge mechanical spider... |
SaturdayNightLive | choir_practice_snl | Okay, girls, let's get started with Oh Holy Night and a one and a two and a. Oh, holy night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our Dear Savior's birth. Fall on your knees, O Hear the angels' voices. Oh Night Divine, O divine.
Yes, I felt like I was there.
Mr. David, why did Dee Dee and Dana get to do... |
TheOnion | A_V_Club_Inventory_Stellar_One_Scene_Wonders | Put that coffee down! Today on Inventory, we're going to discuss one-scene wonders. These are actors and actresses who come and conquer in the course of a single scene and then leave. To start off, we're going to talk about what I think is a quintessential one-scene wonder, which is Alec Baldwin in Glengarry and Glen R... |
dropout | skyline_fitness_core | You're a big guy. Admit it. You're not some hundred-nothin-pound scrawny little weakling the media would have you believe is sexy You're a full-bodied red-blooded American male raised on beef and pork But not exercising can lead to heart disease diabetes and tons of other bad medical things That's why I'm here to give ... |
SaturdayNightLive | monkey_trial_snl | Thanks again for taking my case. How could I not?
Your neighbor keeps a wild monkey as a pet in a residential neighborhood. you go over to say hi and get mauled. it's not right. Do you think we'll get a settlement? absolutely. unless we wind up with the wrong judge. Oye, Oye, All Rise. the honorable Judge Tango presid... |
SaturdayNightLive | fox_friends_cold_open_dominion_lawsuit_snl | You're watching Fox and Friends. Welcome to Fox and Friends, I'm Steve Ducey, here with my good friends Brian Kilmeade and Ainsley Earhart. Thank you, Steve. As always, we are coming to you Live from our studio in New York City, New York.
What a cesspool. Ooh, that's a democrat-run city for you. I know! Just today, I ... |
TheOnion | Mentally_Unstable_Man_To_Exhibit_1_Or_2_More_Warning_Signs_Before_Finally_Doing_This | Saying that he was giving his co-workers at Marley Publishing just a few more days to catch on to him, local mentally unstable man Michael Redding told reporters he planned on exhibiting one or two more warning signs this week before, quote, finally doing this. I think I'll do just a couple of disconcerting things in f... |
cracked | behind_the_scenes_facts_to_ruin_your_favorite_movies_yboc_jurassic_park | Hey there nerds, I'm Dr. Jordan Breeding, and I keep forgetting the particulars of this Dr. bit because I really didn't expect to make this many appointments. So anyway, I have your results right here is a thing that I've forgotten to say a lot recently. Anyway, you're watching another episode of your Brain on Crack, t... |
cracked | 4_teenage_movie_tropes_based_on_nothing_yboc_glee_mean_girls_superbad | This video is brought to you by NordVPN. Head over to NordVPN.com slash YVOC to get a huge discount off a two year plan and a month free. Plus, it just really helps the show.
Hey there nerds, or as the kids say, hey there you thick bunch of savage AFs, my name is Dr. Jordan Breeding. And according to one Urban Diction... |
dropout | when_a_kink_chooses_you_hardly_working | So now, count the number of times you circled each individual letter, and then you want to take those answers and use the answer key at the bottom, and then that will tell you what your language of love is. I got compliments. That's so basic. No! That's a good one. That means that you're thoughtful and articulate. Well... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Long_Term_Investment_A_Landmark_Discovery_Netball_Experts_More_October_28 | My name is Clancy Overill, I'm joined by Errol Parker and Wendell Hussey. Everyone's in high spirits.
The silly season is I guess starting. Just about to start.
When do we walk out the door? It starts at Naam Cup and goes until... It's the eve of Naam Cup isn't it? It's the Monday afternoon. I think so. Or the Friday... |
dropout | the_problem_with_frats | I can't believe it. They're shutting the frat down. I mean, we had a good run, but I guess the Dean wins this round. Hey, this isn't the five row I pledged. We're fighters. The five row I know would never take this line down. Did we give up when SqueezeBox was going to funk out? No. We banded together and now he's got ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_deion_sanders_on_coaching_at_university_of_colorado_boulder_snl | Well, one of the most exciting stories in college football is the Colorado Buffaloes who have had a remarkable turnaround thanks to their coach, two-sport legend Deion Sanders. here to comment is: Deion Sanders. what's up, man? like that black dad joke. You know what I'm saying? we just keep winning, man. every game, e... |
dropout | all_nighter_09_pissbusters | I'm going to piss so hard racist policemen are going to need you to put down riots. Oh God. I'm going to have to share. You know guys, there's something very important I forgot to tell you.
What? Don't cross the streams. Why?
It would be bad. Okay, I'm fuzzy on the whole good bad thing. What do you mean bad?
Try to ... |
CrackerMilk | choking_for_pleasure_crackermilk_podcast_episode_6 | Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of the show no one asked for, but we like doing it. Cowabunga!
You're out. Goob, you're in. Get up. You're out. You're in. And how are you today? Cowabunga! You're out. Get out.
You're back in. All right. You're back in. All right.
Elias De Wedge, Tom Griff, Gabby. And ... |
cracked | the_7_most_mind_blowing_foreign_tv_moments_cracked_tv | If you're wondering why we're jabbering nonsensical, it's because today's topic is seven clips of crazy foreigners doing god knows what. Sure, we could painstakingly translate what these people are saying. Or even do some light googling to find the perfectly reasonable explanations behind their seemingly bizarre behavi... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_really_gov_blagojevich_refusing_to_resign_snl | Despite his recent arrest on Federal corruption charges and calls from the Illinois Attorney General for him to step down, Governor Rob Legoyevich has yet to resign, which brings us to a segment we like to call Really with Seth and Amy. Really, Legoyevich?
Really. you're not gonna resign. Because you should resign. Ev... |
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