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dropout | narnia_dogs_can_t_stand | Where are we Edward? I don't know Georgie. We just stepped through the cupboard and entered a magical realm. Greetings! I am Lucius and this is Rumplefur. We've been awaiting your arrival.
What do you want from us? We need your help. The White Witch has stolen our throne. Only you three can save our kingdom.
Are you ... |
dropout | left_swiping_in_the_real_world | Dave is coming, right? I mean, what is taking him so long? Um, have you seen Dave lately?
Hey, bro! He's getting really into that dating app where you swipe left if you don't like him, swipe right if you do like him. Hey, guys. So he uses that for every girl? He uses it for every aspect of his life. How does that even... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_phrase_that_pays_snl | I'm Dan Smatter and welcome to another great round of the phrase that pays the game Where three players can be defined, the missing letters and our word puzzles for big Big pride. Yes, so this is a wheel of fortune, but with no wheel, don't do that. that's not nice. We have three great contestants: Evie, Troy, and Beth... |
TheOnion | Trump_Takes_Out_Full_Page_Newspaper_Ad_Calling_For_Death_Penalty_For_Himself | Donald Trump is taking a hard stand against crime. The former president took out a full-page newspaper ad today calling for the death penalty for himself. Trump, who was accused of 34 felony counts, called himself a crazed maniac and a dog who needs to be put down. The ad, which cost Trump over $1 million, then called ... |
dropout | we_want_dessert_full_episode | What happened? I see Plum Run. My name is Plum. I'm 12 years old. And I'm running for president! My mama, my campaign manager. Splish splosh. Plum's turned to sour grapes when it was discovered that mama was having sex with Plum's 16-year-old Manny.
What that lives in the basement? So we just moved in with a ghost?
T... |
TheOnion | Newsroom_Americans_Observing_911_By_Trying_Not_To_Masturbate | Today marks the 8th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks on this country. Across the nation, millions of Americans are showing their respect for the somber occasion by reminding themselves not to masturbate. It's a serious day, and it's in really bad taste to masturbate today. It's hard to go a whole day... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_108_Malcolm_Turnbull | We've actually had to leave our bedrooms for this one because we can't really have a margin of error on this interview. Today's interview is one we've been waiting for for a little while. It's with the 29th Prime Minister of Australia, Malcolm Turnbull. Thank you for joining us. Yeah, great to be with you both. Now Mal... |
dropout | chuggin_on_clouds_music_video | Im the king of the cloud, vaping my way through the crowd My pins and box bounce in my pods, they are all part of my squad I keep my favorite flavors handy, the mango and mint are like candy, Creme and fruit also taste great, my lungs are like two dessert plates, I like these sweet liquids they tasty, they make me feel... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_purge_but_this_time_everything_s_illegal | Oh, this sucks. Can you turn it off? Yeah, it's terrible. What's happening? This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system.
For the next 12 hours, any and all crime, including murder, is now still illegal. But also, everything that's not a crime is now illegal.
Let's call this event something original. L... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Note_To_Former_PMs_Scotty_Gets_Caught_Out_Pauline_Hanson_s_Rebrand_More_November_12 | You're joined by myself Clancy Overholt, we've got Errol Parker in the booth and we've got Wendell Hussey. The weather is getting warmer, we hope you are enjoying yourselves wherever you are right now, whether you're listening on the wireless, listening on Spotify, in the tractor, in the ute, in the boat, in the living... |
dropout | mma_all_nut_shot_edition | My name is Jay Zika Volcante. I'm a mixed martial artist. When I was fighting the cage, all I could think was how much I want to cut this shit and kick my opponent to the right of these stupid balls. That's how I joined the ABB.
The All-Balls Drawers. In other leagues, you so much as graze a guy's balls. The ref is al... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_cathy_on_retiring_snl | It was announced that after 34 years in print, the comic strip Kathy would end its run here. Now to address the sadness is the star of that comic in the apple of my eye. Kathy. So Kathy Kathy Lovely, Beautiful Kathy.
34 years. what a great run! Yeah, Seth. the only runs I know about are the ones in my pantyhose. my th... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | reg_slim_flynn_a_real_life_gran_torino_4bc_talkback_betoota_advocate | In the Batutah Advocate this morning, I read this amazing story about a guy called Reg Slim Flynn who lives in Taree and to do the story justice, I've got the editor of the Batutah Advocate on the line, G'day Clancy. Tell us the story. Well, the story goes, there's been a couple of blokes running around Taree as our re... |
dropout | your_healthy_friend_who_still_does_drugs | Yeah, it's all American. I'm glad that we all went to three different places. Hey, guys!
Hey, wow, that looks healthy. Yeah, it's kale, quinoa, and black beans. It's full of calcium, protein, and fiber for bone tissue and digestive health. That sounds great, but you should have some of these for dessert.
Ew. Honestly... |
dropout | The_Opening_Song_From_Welcome_to_Mountport_Game_Changer | Players, have you ever had that dream where you've been on stage and you haven't known your lines?
Yes. Yeah. Scott.
Lights up on a small New England town. It's spring, but winter has left a hint of dew upon the air. A local newsy shouts today's headlines. Extra, extra, read all about it.
The fish are gone. Where'd ... |
dropout | either_the_cat_goes_or_i_do_hot_date | Are you stuffed up? Yes. What do you think it is? Cold?
Seasonal allergies? It's the cat you adopted, even though I told you I was allergic. Well, this is the first time I'm hearing about this. You sent me a picture of you with him at the pet store. I said, please don't bring a cat home. I'm extremely allergic. You sa... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_253_Oscar_McMahon_Young_Henrys | You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall and Wendell Hussey. Today we're doing something a bit different. I guess you could call this Petuta's how I built this. You know, we kind of have a very, very vast array of guests on this podcast. Recently we've had Holmes of Court, the puppeteer of the Teal movement.
Doesn't li... |
dropout | should_we_make_another_contest_video_all_nighter_2014 | College Humors All Nighter! When I move, you'll move! Just like that. Give it to me, you're a wreck to ya! What's going on, man? College Humor All Nighter, you pumped? Yes, thank you so much for coming by. Contest video? Yeah.
Let's do it. Think of some funny DVDs, like right off the bat. Wayne's Roll. We'll figure it... |
dropout | getting_back_at_your_flaky_friends | I love you guys. So funny.
Is what we would be saying if our so-called friends had showed up. I'll give them five more minutes. It's been two and a half hours. I'm going to take these two chairs. I told you, we have friends coming. We have friends coming.
Why are you still here? I can't believe Stan and Holly stood u... |
TheOnion | More_Office_Workers_Switching_To_Fetal_Position_Desks | A new trend in offices across the country. More and more people are switching to fetal position desks so that they can curl up in a ball on the floor while they work. Aaron Vaughn has the story. I'm here at the offices of Slash Forward Marketing, one of the many companies where employees are throwing out their chairs i... |
TheOnion | Man_Doesn_t_Know_How_Parents_Ever_Going_To_Pay_Off_Massive_Student_Loan_Debt | After briefly reviewing several documents outlining his parents' dire financial circumstances today, 23-year-old Wesleyan University graduate Zach Wallace told reporters he had quote "...absolutely no clue how his mother and father are going to dig themselves out of the $35,000 of student loan debt they incurred to pay... |
SaturdayNightLive | super_showcase_spokesmodels_snl | You cartoonist, are you excited? I am, Carl. I can't believe I made it to the Super Showcase round. Oh, we're excited for you in our showcase models. they're excited for you, too.
Congratulations, Deborah. you're on your way. you two look lovely today. thanks, Carl. Sean does wearing Christopher Kane. and Vonda's wear... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_67_peter_stefanovic | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Well welcome back to Baxter Burt Studios in downtown Batutah. We've got a special guest today he's one of Queensland's favorite sons he's a media identity he's just coming back from from the deep north where he's been visiting his folks b... |
SaturdayNightLive | italian_waiters_snl | This place is so cute. yeah, look at all those grapes on the wall. I'm so excited. Oi buena sera, please. Welcome to Angelino's Real Italian restaurant. And this is the most beautiful table I have ever seen. you take my breath away. Vela, Vela, Vela, Vela. smarter. I'll be right back with the main news. did he say smar... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Gladys_Gladys_ICAC_Local_News_16_10_20 | Now wherever you are listening in the world today it is worth noting that as we go live on air at Desert Rock FM we are hearing that GLaDOS is gone. But it hasn't been announced officially yet so bear that in mind as we run through what were the biggest stories for us this week on the Matoota Advocate Weekly Bulletin. ... |
CrackerMilk | connor_quits_his_job | How are ya? Yeah, good. How are you? Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah? Yeah. I'm happy to be here on the Cracker Milk podcast.
Guys, I got a problem. What? What's wrong? I'm quitting Cracker Milk for good. What? Why? Yeah, I've actually... What?
I've been secretly going to university for fucking like five to six years, and I'... |
SaturdayNightLive | christine_o_donnell_cold_opening_saturday_night_live | Oh, come in. Mr. Jessup, Christine O'donnell is here. have her come in. Oh, boy. yeah. Hi. Christine, how are you? I'm Ted Jessup. this is Jim Boucher. All right, please, sit down.
So, Christine, Jim and I are handling the Rnc role in your Delaware Senate campaign. obviously, the Republican National Committee did not ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Health_Checks_A_Brutal_Upgrade_A_Big_Stretch_More_October_14 | You just pick your title. What do you want? I do. Alright sweet. Well that's a made up title so it's a made up pay grade.
Moving on, what's going on with you lot this weekend? Oh look mate, just keeping my nose clean. Trying to stay out of the mischief this weekend. Behaving yourself? How about you Effie? Oh absolutel... |
SaturdayNightLive | spanish_class_snl | Whoa, what did he say, Mr. Macintosh? si, si, Frize somewhere in there, a.k.a. nice. No, I think you mean arroz. Yes, yes, arroz, arroz, yes, arroz, of course, of course. So, Hugo likes Arroz, all right.
I am sweating a little bit. who else wants to say their favorite food? Okay, anybody else? Okay, Maria.
And to hel... |
TheOnion | Could_The_Use_Of_Flying_Death_Robots_Be_Hurting_America_s_Reputation_Worldwide | Well, in efforts to reduce the number of troops in Afghanistan, the U.S. military has increasingly relied on the use of unmanned predator drones. But after 10 years of combat in Afghanistan, is it time to take a second look at our policy of killing Afghan children with missiles shot from terrifying remote control flyin... |
dropout | it_will_never_be_cold_again | Whew! It is picture on the cover of the VHS tape of porkies hot out there. Zach, what are you mailing? Oh, it's everything I own that's made for cold weather. I'm sending it to Alaska for the people there.
With the 90 degree weather we've been experiencing, I just can't imagine it'd ever be cold again. I know what you... |
dropout | i_m_comfortable_not_soft | Oh, time to update that iOS, huh? Okay.
Oh, I forgot to mention, my friend from the East Coast is coming by for lunch today. Just a heads up, she's like pretty intensely about the East Coast. Which friend?
Matty Yankee. Yikes. Those names don't sound natural together. Yeah, it's crazy. Gweny! Hey! Oh my God. What?
O... |
TheOnion | VH1_Reality_Show_Bus_Crashes_In_California_Causing_Major_Slut_Spill | If you're just joining us, we are covering a developing story. We go back now to Southern California, where a VH1 bus crashed just a short while ago, spilling more than 2,000 pounds of slut onto Interstate 5 near Palmdale. The bus was transporting contestants for the new VH1 reality series, The Road to Knoxville, in wh... |
dropout | Like_My_Coffee_Game_Changer_Full_Episode | Get ready for a game changer, tonight's guests. I'm actually me daddy, it's a Mike Trapp.
Hey, hey, how tall is he? He'll never tell, the cheeky Grant O'Brien.
Oh, oh, the pen is mightier than the sword. Erotic novelist, Jess Ross. Ooh.
And your host me, I've been here the whole time. This is Game Changer, the only ... |
dropout | honest_family_holiday_when_you_re_an_adult | Happy holidays, girls. It's so nice that you could finally take three days out of your busy lives to come and visit the two people who cared for your every need for 18 years. Aw, we're so happy to have you guys cooking and cleaning for us again.
Look, more presents! I'm gonna need everybody to show me constantly how m... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Couple_Who_d_Happily_Elope_Guilted_Into_Spending_House_Deposit_To_Appease_Both_S_ | Hello and welcome to another weekly Battuta News Rap, my name is Errol Parker and joining me this week, same as last week, Effie Bateman, Clancy Overill, how are you two? Yeah, yeah, pretty good, how are you? Look, I'm always good, always good at the end of the week.
Effie got ghosted by a guy that sent her a message ... |
cracked | 5_movie_villains_that_would_make_great_leaders_game_of_thrones_the_dark_knight | No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want to run for office. I would never do that. I like researching about politics. I like figuring out presidential weaknesses in case I ever have to fight any of them, but I would never run for office.
I mean it. Though if I did, obviously, my bumper sticker would be, Dan, he thinks... |
TheOnion | U_S_Government_Stages_Fake_Coup_To_Wipe_Out_National_Debt | Welcome back to the financial fallout shelter with the national debt now more than $10 trillion. The White House today enacted an emergency plan to eliminate all of the United States financial obligations to foreign nations by faking a violent coup of the American government. The coup is expected to take much of the st... |
dropout | we_just_couldn_t_69 | I was desperate at this point. I'm looking everywhere, everywhere, and nobody will let me in. So, you know, I ended up right behind the Taco Bell.
No. Yeah. That's why I carry around wet wipes everywhere I go. Hey, Jeremy, you okay? You usually love Ryan's Burning Man stories.
Daria and I, we broke up. What? What hap... |
TheOnion | 24_Hour_News_Cycle_Seems_Like_It_s_Taking_Forever | Inclimate weather prevents a liar from getting to work. Thousands of athletes who will disgrace their country eagerly train for the Winter Olympics. And a lunchbox is mostly medication. Providing you with internet news summaries since 1983, this is the Onion Week in Review. Sources across the nation impatiently reporte... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_New_Scientific_Discovery_Big_Changes_At_Qantas_Pete_Davidson_Moves_On_More_August_12 | Welcome back to the Weekly News Bulletin here on the Be Two Two Advocate. Thank you for joining us. I'm Clancy Overall joined by Wendell Hussey and Effie Bateman.
How are the two of yous? Really really good. How are you? Yeah good. Good.
He's a little bit better than Errol Parker. I think he's what day eight now some... |
SaturdayNightLive | rita_on_halloween_saturday_night_live | You ready for the little ghouls and goblins? yeah, not my husband's on the couch. watch the tape from his Macgyver library. Yeah. yeah, I says to him, it's Halloween. what are you supposed to be? he says a traffic cop. Now, keep moving. I says, you bastard, you're bad. Oh, Bella, he's so great.
Trick or treat. Oh, loo... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Looks_Back_At_Classic_Horror_Movies | This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. Today, as the Halloween season draws near, I'll be looking back at some of the most beloved horror classics in cinema history.
Let's take a look at 1999's The Blair Witch Project, a film lauded for pioneering the found-footage genre with its unnerving tale of co... |
TheOnion | Brain_Dead_Teen_Only_Capable_Of_Rolling_Eyes_And_Texting_To_Be_Euthanized | Last month, the Taggart family of Cedar Mill, Oregon, set off a firestorm of controversy after petitioning the state for the right to end the life of their 13-year-old brain-dead daughter. Jean Ann Wharton takes us beyond the facts. Kaitlyn Taggart was a beautiful, lively girl who loved laughing and playing outside, bu... |
TheOnion | The_Only_Person_Who_Can_Help_Me_Get_A_Bus_To_Yonkers_Is_You | Hello. Good afternoon. If you have a minute, I would like to talk to you about something important.
I need to catch a bus to Yonkers. You see, I live in Yonkers. I want to get home.
Now, usually, I just drive my car. Unfortunately, it broke down today. It's in the shop. There's a receipt from the mechanic, concluding... |
dropout | Handshakes_For_Men_Hugs_For_Women_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Breaking News, the show where we have no idea what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile o... |
dropout | bizarre_amazon_product_reviews_live | Hello, and welcome to Bizarre Amazon Product Reviews. Amazon obviously has everything, so of course some of that stuff is gonna be very strange. And so today we're gonna look at some of that strange stuff.
Yes. I'm joined by Katie and Trapp. They're gonna help me figure this stuff out.
And we're gonna decide if it's ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_old_fashioned_cigarette_on_banning_vapes_snl | Australia is moving to ban disposable nicotine vapes as more and more countries take efforts to reduce child addiction. Here to comment on vaping is an old-fashioned cigarette.
Hey, it's great to meet you, Cigarette. Meet me? Yeah, okay. Oh, now that we're on Tv, we've never met before. my butt's been in your mouth li... |
cracked | drunken_hooligans_answer_all_of_life_s_questions_cracked_improv_3_of_4 | Hey, let me ask you something.
There's this woman on our block, right? Maybe you've seen her. She's like 78 years old. She's not working anymore, obviously. Every day I see this woman. She's got makeup on. She's got a little black hat on. She's got a coat, dresses up, walks. Well, I know this woman. Oh, I see this wom... |
dropout | the_bad_breath_chicken_challenge_sponsored | I'm Mike, and I'm Eugene, and we got six hundred and twelve likes, and hired thousands of people to watch us in the Bad Breath Chicken Challenge on this episode of Will It Kill It! Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Bad Breath Chicken Challenge. We're here in the historic Francis Hobart Theater with our four contest... |
cracked | 7_celebrities_who_have_clearly_lost_their_minds_the_spit_take | Hello, the internet, and welcome to another episode of The Spit Take, my name's Jack O'Brien, I'm the editor-in-chief of Cracked, and despite what that magazine tells you, stars, they're not just like us. They were at a certain point, but then they got so famous that people stopped telling them the truth and started te... |
wearethesundayblues | taylor_swift_bad_blood_parody_dad_bod_derick_watts_the_sunday_blues | Another YouTube comment calling me fat What did you do that for?
Never read the YouTube comments, ever Plus, I don't understand what you're worried about We've got DadBuds It's the latest thing, the ladies love it What are you talking about?
Remember that Now D-A-D-B-O-D's is where it's at Dab off the Z to the ladies... |
cracked | 4_bonkers_loki_plots_marvel_would_never_adapt_for_disney_canonball | Of all the characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Loki is the only one who gets away with trying to kill us all twice, and also dying himself three times, and then still getting his own Disney Plus show. I really don't see what all the fuss is about. Thanks to Tom Hiddleston's performance, the internet is full of... |
dropout | how_moustaches_helped_win_a_basketball_championship_feat_rob_riggle | In 1999, the Pebble College Five revolutionized the game of basketball. You have to remember, in the 90s, in college basketball, nobody ever used a mustache as a sweatband replacement. We changed the game. This was a revolution.
Yeah, growing up as a kid in Iowa, I mean, Pebble College was a hit. Guys like Joe Twinkle... |
SaturdayNightLive | nbc_promos_saturday_night_live | Mr. Trump, can you just stand behind the mic on your mark? Mr. Trump?
Hold the phone. actually, I'm holding the phones. I'm hot-syncing all the measurements of the Miss Usa contestants from my Blackbird curve to my E-phone. And we're hot-sunk.
All right, let's crank these many commercials out for Nbc. I need to get b... |
dropout | troopers_suggestion_box | I got all this space stuff and then my... Huh? Uh, yeah, okay. I need you to... Hi there! I see you've used my suggestion box. No, it's dope! Me not just walking out of the hallway! Don't worry, it's completely anonymous. Why? Any of these suggestions could be yours. Hey, let's see what we have here.
See, company mora... |
cracked | 7_psychology_lessons_you_accidentally_learn_watching_sports_today_s_topic_geek_week | Am I right? Help me get on the same page as you. If we view sports as theatrical representations of the Freudian psyche, then the minds manifested in sports sweaty cosplay are clearly dumb ones. I no longer want to be on this page with you. You're familiar with Freud's three-part construct of the human psyche, right? I... |
dropout | Comedians_Perform_Inigo_Montoya_s_Famous_Line_With_New_Direction_Make_Some_Noise_Minigame | I'm gonna give you a famous line of dialogue to repeat one at a time. In between readings, I will give you micro direction in order to affect your performance. In other words, an acting challenge.
Make sense?
Your line is, from the Princess Bride, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
Mandy... |
cracked | uvalde_cops_legally_did_nothing_wrong_cracked_explains | Good evening, today's date is insert date here and per usual there's been a mass shooting or police brutality or some other horrible thing. I'm not going to discuss that specific event because that shit another tragedy just occurred during that last sentence. It's much simpler to just change this video's headline as ne... |
SaturdayNightLive | sue_loves_surprises_saturday_night_live | Hi everyone, I know you think I called this meeting so we could pick our secret Santa's But the real reason I called you all down here today is because I've got some really big news. I decided to surprise Sandra Snell's with that promotion and she'll be getting that new corner office that's great. No one deserves it mo... |
dropout | watching_tv_is_work | Charles, come to bed. I can't. If I don't get this done tonight, I'll lose all respect at the office.
And I am so behind. So behind on all the TV I have to watch. You're always behind. You're always trying to catch up.
What about your real life? This is my life. There's more to life than the drudgery of trying to cat... |
dropout | what_s_the_best_use_of_a_time_machine | Can I ask a question about your mom's body? Absolutely not. And that is serious. I truly feel like someone just choked me.
Hello and welcome to The Rank Room. This is a debate-style show where we try to answer one of life's most important questions. Today's question is, what is the best use of a time machine? Today I'... |
cracked | 5_weirdly_similar_bad_jokes_that_show_up_in_great_comedies | Alright, comedies, here's the deal. We all loved Caddyshack, or, if you're a little younger, Harold and Kumar. That animatronic Gopher's disdain for order and penchant for Kenny Loggins basically launched Bill Murray's career, and we'll always have him to thank for that. Or if you're from the H&K Go to WC demo, replace... |
dropout | mending_your_relationship_with_star_wars_ch_shorts | Thank you both for coming in today. Why don't we start by telling me a little bit about why you're here?
Well, if I'm being totally honest, things haven't been quite the same between us lately. My relationship with Star Wars is in a rut. So what do you think changed? Well, I started to notice a difference about 15 yea... |
cracked | 7_questions_we_have_for_stranger_things_cracked_responds | Stranger Things, season two, we've all seen all of it. I have seven questions that you're gonna answer. Question the first, it's not really a question. This is immediately off the rails. Give an evocative, but still effective, tagline for Stranger Things season two. Like the thing that's gonna go in the poster that is ... |
cracked | some_news_gop_candidate_body_slams_reporter_ozone_layer_coming_back_some_good_news | Hello and welcome to some news the show that watches a week's worth of 24-hour news and gets to you know some of it Now because the world has been a real Not good lately crack just celebrated happiness week which kept focus on positive stories and good vibes Which is very easy to do if your particular job doesn't speci... |
TheOnion | Sale_Of_BET_To_White_Supremacist_Group_Results_In_No_Changes_To_Programming | The sale of BET to a white supremacist group results in no changes to programming. A man talking for 15 minutes straight thought a film was self-indulgent, and President Obama waits for the perfect moment to walk by a White House tour group, excitedly saying they're totally going to freak out. Your willpower to sit thr... |
cracked | the_floating_mcdonald_s_barge | Have you heard the story behind the floating abandoned McDonald's? So it was made for this World's Fair called Expo 86 and it was supposed to attract all these people to come to the fair because it was this big floating McDonald's. So it totally works. 22 million people come to the World's Fair. They're like, oh my god... |
cracked | why_dc_s_justice_league_might_not_suck | Guys, it's finally happening. The superhero team-up movie that DC has spent literally hours planning is here, Justice League. Three or four, right? Yeah, oh man. Multiple at least.
I like that the first frame is just ice, it's a nice tundra. Just ice league. Just ice league right off the bat to go to this tundra, like... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_256_Don_Walker | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate's weekly podcast, weekly radio show. Very excited to have today's guest on here. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall and of course Errol Parker, editor at large and today's ... |
TheOnion | For_Teacher_Appreciation_Week_Give_Your_Teacher_A_Pack_Of_Cigarettes | I really hope I get this. It definitely couldn't hurt to make a few extra bucks here and there. Marissa Klemp is a 16-year-old student at Pittsfield High School. She's applying here at Redstone Tavern in the hopes of earning a little money over the summer, a sentiment echoed by her sophomore chemistry teacher, Rebecca ... |
cracked | why_jk_rowling_is_ruining_harry_potter_cracked_responds | Potter fever? Hey, Adam. Yeah, Theresa. What's up?
Feeling sick already. Yeah, I'm feeling ill with my Potter fever.
Not me. No?
I love it. I got the fever. I know the spells. You're fine with it? I got a wand. No, I love the books and the films. Now there's Fantastic Beasts and How to Bleed Them Dry, five of them.
... |
dropout | fun_with_stock_photos_dads_on_phones_holding_babies | Hey Tevers that you yeah, this is normal. I listen I can't really talk right now I got the baby and though and the bottle in my neck. You know it's not a great It's not a great time not a great time for me either I'm I got my baby here holding it like a football every day I wake up and I look down at this little alien ... |
cracked | the_4_most_impressive_wastes_of_time_on_record_cracked_tv | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 01011 of Crack TV, where Somnambulous Wayne Scott Antidus establishmentarianism irrespective of Malapropisms. With me as always is my co-host, Clips of Stuff in Slow Motion that's made no more interesting by being in slow motion. And this time the screen is gonna fold long way down the... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_senator_marsha_blackburn_on_judge_jackson_s_confirmation_hearings_snl | Several Republican senators were criticized for asking irrelevant, sensational questions during the Supreme Court confirmation hearing of Judge Contangi Brown. Jackson. Here to comment, is one of those Senators: Marcia Blackburn? Hey, we are these confirmation hearings.
Oh, we crushed it. So many great smart questions... |
dropout | collegehumor_drawcast | I'm going to start the first date. Yeah, no. I'm starting to start the date. I'm going to start the date.
Yeah, no. No. No. No way.
This is my life. This is the path I've chosen.
Don't worry, he's glorious. You don't own me. You're right, though.
Oh, and see if you can get into the Google Hangout, and then I think ... |
SaturdayNightLive | lisa_from_temecula_snl | A toast to our birthday girl, Shayna. to Shayna! And, uh, let's not forget, uh, her baby sister, Lisa, who flew all the way from Temecula to celebrate with us. Lisa, we've heard so much about you. it's so nice to finally meet you.
Mm-hmm. that's cute. but don't think I'm giving up the butt tonight. I'm sorry, what? sh... |
cracked | a_ramadan_tribute_by_people_who_don_t_understand_ramadan | As the snow falls down on Ramadan Eve Everybody gather out in harmony and peace With gifts and love We light up the trees Everybody tap your feet Everybody sing on Ramadan Eve Well, actually, I think you're a little misinformed Because Ramadan is... Ramadan, Ramadan Giving gifts and getting drunk Playing the snow on Ra... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_milly_pounds_and_shirty_on_the_british_monarchy_snl | The United Kingdom will be crowning its new King and Queen soon, launching a new era of the British Monarchy. Here to comment: our British rappers, Millie Pounds and Shirty. So guys, what's going on with the Royal Family? I mean, can you give us an update? right? right.
Okay. listen, Mate. Okay, all the focus is on th... |
cracked | we_remade_fast_furious_9_for_20 | The world has a way of changing, and we change too. There are moments that separate us, but we always come together. I used to live my life a 24 pack at a time, but things change.
I'm a father now. Hey, you little shit. I got something for you.
It's for protection from what's coming. No matter how fast you are, no on... |
dropout | hardly_working_grampire | This is where you work every day. Oh, who's this?
I was wondering do you have any war stories? Oh plenty. There I was the Battle of Bighorn face to face with crazy horse himself 1877 134 years ago. I was 21.
So how old are you? 135. And in vampire years or regular years? Oh not regular cuz that math is wrong. How lon... |
dropout | Dropout_s_5th_Anniversary_and_What_s_Coming_Next | Hey, guys, Sam here. Hey, gang, Sam here.
Can you believe that video released five years ago today? I, uh, kept the Chomsky's. Don't eat those, Sam. These are five years old. Give me that. Gross. That makes today Dropout's five-year anniversary.
It feels like a miracle we made it this far because, frankly, we almost ... |
dropout | the_problem_with_lab_mice_adam_ruins_everything | Adam, I've seen your show.
It's about proving things wrong, but you can't do that to science. Science is how we find out the truth about the world. Yes, it is. But the way we do science is often flawed. Well, not here it isn't.
Carl and I are working on a very exciting, very solid study about how vitamin D affects hu... |
dropout | Troopers_Full_Web_Series | How long has that, um, has that light been on?
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, thank goodness! Oh, you're still here! Yeah, you have me trapped behind this force field, duh. Yes! That's right!
The force field is still up. Nothing's gone wrong, so stay right there. Wait, is the force field down?
What?! No! That is crazy! De... |
cracked | live_grammys_special_new_guy_weekly | And now here he is Welcome to my very special live Grammys late night thing in the morning featuring all kinds of huge guests and my band soon as Hey Alex, what's going on? Hey, hey, hey, there you are. I'm your host and here's the band Coney John's Thank you for coming to the office, you know so early You You okay wok... |
dropout | learning_guitar_to_get_laid_vol_2 | Welcome to learning how to play guitar well enough to get you laid, volume two, teaching a girl. First things first, we need a girl.
Life you tough, right? No. Hey, you play guitar? Are you an angel? No.
Lesson number one, give the girl your guitar. You can hold the chords while she strums.
Here, I never trust anybo... |
TheOnion | Should_Obama_Blow_The_Silver_Horn_The_Founding_Fathers_Left_In_Case_The_Country_Ever_Needed_Them | America is at a crossroads on many issues, leading many to ask, is it time for President Obama to blow the silver horn left behind by the founding fathers in case the country ever needed them? Of course, the horn, which has been sitting in the Oval Office since 1817, has never been used by a commander-in-chief, but man... |
dropout | eating_with_your_rich_friends | Oh, thank you all for joining me for an evening of conversation and viddles. Now, please let me introduce you to Diane Diamonds, the Diamond Queen of North America, professional basketball player and great man of excess, Ricky Campbell, Princess Winifred of Monaco, tech billionaire Mark Zuckerberg, the ghost of Andrew ... |
SaturdayNightLive | get_on_the_bag_brandon_snl | Nice job! Brandon, nice job! There you go Brandon!
Mike must be so proud of your son. he's having a great season. Oh thanks Kathy. But hey, your son Jason, he's got a great arm. we'll see him at Dodger Stadium soon. Yeah Mike, I mean Brandon is really stinging the ball this summer. Well, if his math scores were as hig... |
dropout | hardly_working_mr_peepers | I was just actually at that weird Korean pet store down on Canal Street. Oh, the one with the plywood and the graffiti on the walls?
No. Here, I want to introduce you to my new pet. He was just discovered in the jungle. He's a possible missing link. Wait a minute, this is kind of weird. He's weird, alright, but I love... |
dropout | dating_it_s_complicated_golf_with_grandpa | During a summer night, my friends and I decided to go to the local mini golf place in our town. While there, I spotted a girl I had a crush on at the driving range with her grandfather.
This guy was easily the scariest looking 85 year old man I have ever seen. He was only about 4 feet tall, but had extremely thick arm... |
SaturdayNightLive | old_folks_home_snl | This is Norman Baxter reporting live from Space Station Zero on a hundred miles above the earth. And that's the way it is: April 6th, the year 2040. All right, Mr. Rivers. that's enough Tv for today. I turned the television off. Okay, orderly, orderly. Come here.
Is she dead? No, I don't know. let's get her up. which ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_lost_tapes | I've killed warlocks. I've killed a sorcerer. I've killed wizards. I've killed a pianist.
I want a woman to lean on. I want a woman to support me. I want a woman who can carry me when I don't want to walk around a bunch.
Often I will close my eyes and get on my bike and just start pedaling with my eyes still closed a... |
TheOnion | Florida_To_Experiment_With_New_600_Lever_Voting_Machine | The onions election 2012 we decide not you brought to you by 711 or 7 election voting rates available at participating locations only Responding to the widespread criticism of voting procedures that has plagued the state since the 2000 election Florida officials announced today its plan to experiment with new 600 lever... |
dropout | bobby_moynihan_plays_a_drug_dealing_manatee_unmade | Hey guys, we joined up with IMDB to ask our comedy idols for their favorite ideas that never got made. Then, we did what Hollywood was too afraid to do. We actually made them. Enjoy Unmade.
Hi, I'm Bobby Moynihan. I'm an actor-comedian, and I'm here today to talk about my idea, which is called Loafy.
Loafy is about a... |
cracked | how_to_know_if_a_girl_is_really_dtf_down_to_f_ck | Haha, it's me, Cracked Writer, Performer, Female Woman, Katie Stoll. Some of you may remember that I recently released a video called, How to Know if a Girl is D**n F**k. Remember that, some of you from recently? Well, to absolutely no one's surprise, it generated a lot of debate in the comment section. Even though thi... |
SaturdayNightLive | saturday_night_live_duos_snl | You know what? if you see something, say something. If you see something, say something. You know what? If I. if I said something every time I saw something, I'd be saying stuff non-stop. you already do. you are watching Cable 10, Aurora, Illinois Community Access Channel.
I'm your excellent host, Wayne Campbell. with... |
TheOnion | Nation_s_Parents_Release_Annual_Ranking_Of_Top_50_Perfectly_Good_State_Schools | Good news for college-bound students, as the nation's parents just released their yearly list of the top 50 perfectly good state schools. The level-headed mothers and fathers rank the colleges and universities that are pretty darn good for the price, considering students can learn the same things anywhere. Choosing a c... |
dropout | there_are_no_dinosaurs_in_alien_tournament_of_champions_pt_3 | From Mad Max to Mad Mardigan, nerds like a lot of things, but there's something they love above all else that is correcting people. This is Um, Actually. And today, a very special Um, Actually Tournament of Champions, three previous winners, back for more Amy Borbo. Hi everyone, looking forward to maybe winning. Let's ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | getting_called_on_first_to_give_your_presentation | Pizza Potamus Pizza Potamus is a Pizza Potter is a hippopotamus if he's a he's a he's pizza crazy He cannot get enough of this stuff he bottom line pizza Excuse me his name is Mike Isn't his name pizza Potamus. No. He is a pizza Potamus is a pizza Potamus All the kids love pizza Potamus from his pizza hat to the free s... |
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