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My ex and I divorced three years ago. She was cheating, but at this point I don’t care about the relationship anymore. The pending lawsuit has nothing to do with her or him, but rather their actions.
My ex and I have a son 13m that we split time with 50/50. He’s a great kid that interests have changed a lot tbh as I imagine more kids/teenagers tend to do through the years.
One thing my son was heavily into at some point was legos. He use to play with them all the time, and personally I think they’re a great toy for different reasons. I use to love playing them with him, and to this day I still collect boxes that I leave unopened as a collection.
Well when my ex and I divorced she got with someone who loved legos more I guess? From what I know he loves making creations and building the sets in. I don’t care.. seems cool. He does one thing I think is very very weird.. He uses crazy glue so the sets can’t break or pieces can’t be lost. It seems so weird to me.
The issue is, I was out of town for all of three days last week for medical reasons, and my son wanted to get his ps4 so he could play it at his moms. This isn’t out of the ordinary at all and he has a key, so he let me know he would be stopping over for it. I told him to have fun when I saw him on the entry camera. My wife’s husband was with him which was a no-no. I told him via speaker to not go in and to wait on the porch.
He flinched but walked in any way. I sent my ex a text telling her to call him and tell him he’s one minute away from a cop call. He left my home with a bag in hand which I didn’t think much of because my son had his games too.
Well my son texted me later that evening and said he didn’t know it at the time but he’s pretty sure SD took some of my sets. These are all old sets and two are worth big money. When I got home I confirmed the missing sets and called my ex. She had no idea but he admired he took them but it was so son could have the sets to complete his collection... my son doesn’t even like legos anymore and told his mom he wouldn’t steal from me.
My wife asked how much it would cost to replace them and unfortunately it’s more than their savings. Actually, it would take their house down payment plus more. I told them if they didn’t pay in two weeks I was suing and pressing charges. The price in the sets makes it a felony.
My ex and her husband are saving for a house which would give my son more space when he’s there, but those sets were going help pay for his education someday or a home of his own. I filed the police report and have talked to a lawyer and we’re moving forward with the suit.
Everyone is calling me a joke because they are just toys, but I don’t get it. They are worth real money.. I’m not rich guys. I needed those to help with my sons future... but again taking this money does deny my son things at his moms house.
AITA here??
Edit* I’ve been asked to add these facts.
The sets have been opened which more than half their worth, and one was glued together. The damage was done already.
The stolen items are:
Kings Castle
Milk truck
Lego land train
Carousel
And the glued one was a Star Wars snow speeder.
Some of these are one piece of a larger set. So if you lose one of five, you lose the value of one produce plus the value of the set as a whole.
Second edit*
Ex wife and boyfriend are the same as ex boyfriend.. I’m just a bad writer.
Third/final edit for this post*
I know I haven’t been here much but I have read many of your comments and taken them to heart. I know my spelling is poor guys, and I apologize for the format. Calling me names in my private message was not called for, and I am not a scalper. I enjoy buying these sets and do not intend to sell all of them, but I want my son to go to college and not worry about debt, so I want to sell the ones that I can to help. I never had the smarts for higher education but my son is not me, and I love him and want him to do better.
Around 4:00 PM I called the local state police and met at their facility. I gave them all I had and gave my statement.
My son is with me starting tonight so when I picked him up I sent him into GameStop and called his mom. I told her I had filed charges and I asked the cop to call me when everything was done so I could give him the opportunity to turn himself in. I wanted to be better than he treated me. I’ll save her reaction for a real update btw—- can someone please tell me how to update because I don’t really understand the steps in the main notes.
I told my son when we got home what I did and why.
My son said that I did the right thing because he didn’t want his step dad to think it was ok to do it again, and if he didn’t go to jail he’d rather be her away from him so it isn’t weird.
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NTA. Looking at it from just a monetary value, I don’t believe your friends would be saying the same if he had stolen $XX amount of money. He shouldn’t have entered your house without permission and he shouldn’t have stolen the sets. He broke the law, he faces the consequences of his actions. Its about as simple as that.
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My brother died. He was an incredible, funny guy, I miss him like I lost one of my limbs. Maybe it’s stupid, but I want people to remember the person he was. My dad and aunts have been involved in planning his funeral and they have been planning a very Catholic funeral service. He wasn’t Catholic and wouldn’t like the very expensive casket, the flowers, the church with a lot of people he didn’t know there. He’d think it’s way too fancy, way too much.
He and I had morbid discussions a lot (side effect of me being a goth teenager, I guess). He told me he wanted to be cremated and his ashes thrown into a ceiling fan while “It’s Raining Men” played in the background...obviously not an option....Also, together we made up a funny funeral playlist, including songs like “Highway to Hell” and “Another One Bites the Dust.”
To remember him, I want to bring a speaker and play “Another One Bites the Dust” at his wake. I would explain it to the people at the wake and say that I wanted to preserve the person he was. Maybe I could give a speech, or tell the story and explain how he saw death with humor, not sadness. There will be a lot of extended, older family members there who weren’t very familiar with him and are Catholic, so I’ve been thinking maybe not. But I really want to preserve his memory as he was, not what people think he should have been. I think my cousins and sister would get a kick out of it.
WIBTA?
Edit: I didn’t really expect this response, but thank you. My brother would have been absolutely thrilled by all of your comments. I swear, I almost sense his hand in it. I don’t know if anyone will see this update, but here goes,
This morning, I talked to my dad about the wake. I suggested, as some of you did, that maybe I could give a eulogy and talk about my brother, and then play a instrumental cover of the song. I found a violin one that I really liked. My dad listened to the cover and looked at the list that my brother and I made. He actually smiled and laughed, and said that it seemed like a great idea. I hadn’t really been thinking about my Dad as much as I should have, I thought of him as opposition, I guess he cared way less about the Catholic stuff than I thought.
I also reached out to some of my brother’ s friends. Some of them had already been planning a party in his honor and they were happy to listen to some of my ideas. We are going to play all the songs on the list, plus a few others that apparently he told his friends about and not me, and we’re going to start working on logistics for scattering (not human!) ashes from a ceiling fan.
Thanks again.
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I was in a very similar situation with my brother a few years ago, and I would unfortunately have to say YWBTA if you did this. It's great that you want to keep your brother's memory alive in the way that you talked about, but the funeral isn't just for or even about him it's for all your family and friends, and doing this may rub some of them the wrong way. If you want to honor your brother's memory like this, maybe plan your own smaller party/service with people you know would also enjoy remembering him in that way.
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I hate having to give this verdict, because the fan full of ashes while playing "it's raining men" is one of my new favorite things.
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EDIT: Wow, not sure I've ever had a comment here blow up like this. Just to add some context: My sister in law(brothers wife) stopped talking to my family for a few months over songs that my mom insisted be played at my brothers funeral. Similar to OP, we were raised religious but drifted away from the church as we got older. My mom wanted to add songs with overt religious themes, which my SIL said my brother wouldn't like. I wasn't close enough with my brother to know one way or another what he would have wanted, so I said nothing. I just wanted to convey I think people should generally try to keep the main service as respectful of everyone in attendance as possible, you can still have your own event afterwards to honor the dead your/their way.
EDIT 2: To be clear I wouldn’t call OP an asshole, but they could very well be seen as one by people who don’t appreciate the gesture. I love the idea of an irreverent ceremony for my death, but my family is largely conservative and I wouldn’t want to make it any more difficult for them to grieve by making it all about what I want.
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This has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. There are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... I have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. The first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a Bluetooth speaker. Amazon replaced all my packages and I would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so I decided to fill a few packages with dog shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. I also taped notes that said " Dear Children, Stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. Some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. AITA or am I a diabolical genius?
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NTA, this is great. I hope they smell it and hate life in that moment but you might open your door to a burning box of shit someday.
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Throw away because some of my friends know my reddit account and I want to keep this as private as possible. Sorry if the answer seems obvious, but I've had so much backlash Im starting to question myself.
I am f25, my brother is m22. He lives with me since he moved out of our parents house, reasons are irrelevant. I came home to find him with his buddies in my home, getting wasted. I was pissed because he never asked if he could have people over ("Im an adult OP, I can do what I want"). Apparently he and his friends were throwing a "bullet dodged" party.
He had been seeing this girl for a bit. She texted him letting him know that she was pregnant, but planning to abort the baby. She asked if he could financially help her pay for the operation. He. Blocked. Her. I was *horrified*. Apparently he and his brilliant friends decided that she had lied about taking birth control, because "Its impossible for women to get pregnant if they're on the pill." ….. right.
I was livid. I was completely disgusted not only by their ignorance towards birth control and safe sex, but by the fact that he would block a girl and leave her completely on her own to handle a problem that he was at least 50% responsible for. I told him, in these exact words "pack your shit and get the fuck out" Obviously more than this has happened in the past, but this was my breaking point. I had tried so hard to bend over backwards for my baby brother. House him when he was homeless, help him get a job, give him rides... only for him to turn out like *that*? Nope. So anyways, he and his friends stood there like they didn't think I was serious. I said again, "all of you get the fuck out. I don't want to see any of you here again."
Here's where I'm possibly the asshole. I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to collect his things and leave. If he was old enough to make big-boy decisions, he was old enough to find a place on his own. He straight up said no. So I lost my temper. I grabbed as much of his stuff as I could, crammed it into a suitcase, and put/threw the suitcase outside. I shouted that if he didn't leave I would call the police. Fast forward tears and begging, he was finally out. That night I got *several* messages that I was heartless for making him homeless. They pregnancy wasn't his fault because: 1) it was an accident. 2) they weren't a serious couple so he has no reason to help her. 3) she should have been more careful. I called bull, and said I would never allow someone with that sick mindset live under my roof. I said that he is not my brother and I don't want anything to do with him. My parents, my aunts, and some cousins are with me, but that leaves about 3/4 of the family against me. They think that I should support him because he is my brother, I should have given him time (he's not on the lease btw, and he was *supposed* to pay rent but often didn't), and the punishment just didn't fit the crime.
so reddit, am I the asshole?
EDIT: so I didn’t think this would get as much traction. I’ve already seen some comments about it, and gotten some PMs, so Im gonna address this now. I only posted this to find out if I was TA for *how I handled it*. If I am TA, fine. So be it. But I don’t care what your views on abortion are, or how you don’t think he’s responsible for her pregnancy. So please do not comment if you’re just going to tell me about how abortion is sinful.
EDIT 2: I cam currently trying to track the girl down. She is an old work colleague of his, and Im trying to find his old coworkers to figure out her contact info and see if I can help in any way.
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> 1) it was an accident. 2) they weren't a serious couple so he has no reason to help her. 3) she should have been more careful.
The people who said this are bigger assholes than you brother honestly.
NTA, if that is how he wants to live his life i can see why you wouldn't want to associate with him.
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28 years ago my wife and I combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern Europe. It was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as The Castle. My wife and I decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying The Castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy.
It took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. It's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. We've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children.
Our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. It takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. A lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years.
Recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on Zoom at the weekend. When asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at The Castle.
I was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. I joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. She gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa".
My wife and I bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. But later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said I asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. My wife, children and I would have to stay elsewhere.
I slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. On Sunday I responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. Both she and my sister blew up at me telling me I was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at The Castle. My sister even said since I used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous.
ETA When we texted her on Sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. We even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. That is when we outright refused
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NTA - Do you know what your sister bought with her part of the inheritance? If so, good news, it's yours now. Be sure to let her know.
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I (F30) have been with my husband Ted (M34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. His family and I haven't really gotten along too well. They're rich and are all about image. I only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. Last Christmas Ted & I traveled to spend Xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. After we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things I've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um I wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived.
This year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to Ted to spend xmas with family. He told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. I was flabbergasted I asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". He suggested I go out, invite Regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". I was upset but hey! if they don't want me then I shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended.
Yesterday Ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. I said I don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying I knew he was going to travel to his hometown and I should've packed his bags like I always do. I admit that packing his bags is what I do but ONLY WHEN WE'RE TRAVELING TOGETHER and I figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. He lost it saying I just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because I was being bitter because I wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. We had a heated argument and he said "Look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like I'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though I'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. I'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, I don't know what it is with you anymore". Then proceeded to call me petty and say I got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel.
He packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. He's now not speaking to me. AITA?
ETA: I found out that it's not just my mother inlaw but father inlaw and Ted's brothers figured it would be best that I don't attend their xmas and instead go to my own family claiming they were giving me the options to decide and also they claimed they don't want to force me to be with them since we have some tension between us.
ETA2: Ted said this is all temprarily until his family and I get used to and adapt with each others.
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NTA - change the locks while he is at his parents and hire a divorce lawyer is what I would do if my wife did what your husband did
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I have a son (4 months old), I'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. Because of this, I've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. I'll wear them when I go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat I just go bare chested. My in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. I was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. I woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why I didn't do that sooner if I knew they'd be over today. I maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when I didn't answer the door. My boyfriend wants me to apologise, I refuse. Who's the arsehole here?
Edit: to everyone commenting about the sleeping situation as being a risk of suffocation/SIDS please know that I am fully aware of this and am taking all measures to avoid any injury/death of my child, this was a one off event after he fell asleep on top of me and we napped for less than an hour, probably closer to half an hour. I appreciate the concern but this is the only time it's happened and it won't be happening again.
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Update: I am aware of how the votes on here are shaping up but they are the only people I have close by rn. My boyfriend is mad at me for making things awkward, and my in laws are annoyed by what they saw, so I just called them and apologised. Going forward I will assume they will be early and not nap/be shirtless on days they are coming in case they arrive ahead of time.
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NTA. First off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. Second, it's your damn house. You're free to do what you want.
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My 19-year old daughter Vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. Now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever SEE each other besides a few quick weekend visits. Moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year.
I told her I was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. But I maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision.
The problem lies when Vanessa asked me for money. You see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, I decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). That combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year.
Since I gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. I told Vanessa that I was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school.
She now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. Her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in IT). She said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school.
I told her I cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. If/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, I’ll be happy to contribute the money. But it’s not just a free handout.
She’s got really mad that I rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. To her credit, her brother and I have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while Vanessa was more the troublemaker), but I do love my children equally. I told her at the end of the day, that it was an *educational* stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. That if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, I will fully support it financially.
Well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. My wife thinks that we should give her *something*, but I told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and I rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and WHEN she has to move back home. I don’t want her to think I support this decision.
She told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my Vanessa, she’s staying out of it. I, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. AITA for sticking to my guns on this?
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NTA. You said you'd give it to her if she went to go study. She's not going to study. You have been consistent in your behavior (in regards to giving money to your kids).
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So I practice BJJ for a couple of years, mostly attendings classes that require a Gi. This means that our bodies are pretty much covered (this is important).
A new dude has joined our gym recently - I saw him in a class but did not roll with him. Last week I attended a no Gi class and the coach pairs me up with new guy. New guy wears a sleeveless rash guard, lots of tattoos on both arms and legs. I look at this tattoos and there is a big black swastika on his arm. As I take a closer look there is also the SS symbol - the one that looks like thunder bolts. Some other symbols here and there as well like the Celtic Cross.
I tell my coach that I want to be paired up with someone else. Coach finds me a new partner but after the class asks me what is wrong. I tell him that the guy has lots of Nazi tattoos and I don't roll with Nazis. Now the coach is mad at me for bringing politics into the gym.
I told my coach that he is bringing politics into the gym by allowing a guy to walk around with a swastika on his arm. Some guys from the class are behind me, some think I am making a big deal out of it
AITA for refusing to roll with a Nazi?
Edit for clarification: Not in the USA. Where I come from (Europe) there are still Nazi sympathisers - a minority but a vocal minority. Also you can easily roll with a long sleeved rash guard, the climate here allows it no need for no sleeves.
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NTA. What kind of psychopath thinks swastikas and SS symbols are *politics*? Is your coach from 1930?
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[AITA For Leaving a Vacation I Planned for my GF After Her Friends Came Along? : AmItheAsshole (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10w8kxl/aita_for_leaving_a_vacation_i_planned_for_my_gf/) From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who sent me kind words and encouraging private messages.
I decided that I wanted to end this entire relationship. I packed my important belongings (Ex. Passport, clothes) and arranged with my best friend to crash at his apartment until I can find my own. Usually when small issues happen in a relationship, it ties into a bigger issue of that relationship. The main reason why I decided to break up is because I realized that her friends will always be closer to her than me. Sarah has favored her friends over me and blown off some of our plans for her friends more than once. I was lying to myself for years because I didn’t want to face reality yet. I had hoped she would change, but this trip really opened my eyes that I will always be in 3rd place to her.I expressed my feelings multiple times, and Sarah promised she would change, and she didn’t.
Sarah came home late yesterday. I said I have a lot to get off my chest and I want to get through my notes before she talks or tries to interrupt me. The first question I asked Sarah was “How she thought the trip went”. She said we all had fun and it was memorable. I shouldn’t have to feel like the 3rd wheel in my own relationship, especially on a trip that I planned.
My next question was “Why did you invite your friends in the first place? You knew this was an anniversary trip for US”. She talked about the trip with her friends since the beginning, and they never been to CO. She thought it would be a good idea to allow them to come just so they can have fun in CO with us. I followed up with my lack of knowledge of her friends coming along until days before. It’s one thing if they came and did their OWN activities. But it’s another thing that every activity became a group activity. I signed up for a monogamous, not poly relationship.
My last question was “Did you know that I was going to propose to you?”. Sarah said she didn’t know at all. The thought never occurred to Sarah that I was going to ask. She claimed that she wouldn’t have invited her friends to come along if she knew, but I responded that “it would ruin the surprise if I told you”.
Sarah begged me to stay with her and believes we can work everything out. She didn’t want me to throw 5 years away after this one bad trip. I listened to her promises to change for years regarding her friends, but nothing happened. I ultimately left Sarah with this: it’s clear that there isn’t enough room in your heart for your BF and your friends. As much as I love Sarah, I can’t stay in a relationship where I’m not respected enough. I left Sarah in the house by herself and I drove off to my friend’s place.
I’ll figure out how to get my name off the lease and I’ll plan to get the rest of my belongings. As for the ring, I will return it this weekend.
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Aside from the obvious issues of her behavior, the thing that throws me for the biggest loop is that she didn't \*immediately\* follow you home.
If my partner had become upset enough that they \*left our anniversary vacation early\*, I would've been one step behind them to get home and unfuck whatever mess had been created, even if I thought that they were being unreasonable or dramatic about the whole thing. By staying, she basically said "Your emotions and perspectives are not my priority and never will be" in her actions.
I'm sorry it came to that, but I'm glad your friend is able to help you out and you're sticking to your own guns on your decision. Hopefully she learns from it; and if not, hopefully it's a situation you only ever have to encounter once in your life.
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[First post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mf7ca8/aita_for_deactivating_my_nieces_social_media_when/) Short version is I let my 13 year old niece, who I adopted, have social media. She went against my conditions for having it, so I asked her to take an internet safety course, which she faked attending. When I realised she faked it I had her delete all of her social media. She told my mother, who called me a controlling and unreasonable arsehole, saying my niece knew what she was doing.
It's been a few days. I read through every comment on my original post, and saw all your feedback, particularly the parts about my niece being unlikely to trust me after this.
I sat my niece down one final time. I talked to her again about all the information she wanted to add, trying to explain again why it was a bad idea to put her full name, her date of birth, location, and whatever else online. She still didn't believe that it could be dangerous.
So I asked her what information she wanted to put exactly. She told me. I googled it. The entire first page of results was all about her, or my sister (her mother), or me. It showed her school website, as she's been mentioned in the newsletter. Her full name also brought up her personal phone number, and a website for details of the adoption. I then showed her what was linked with my name, despite my very careful social media presence. The results included a background check website that listed all my former names, my number, my address (where we currently live), and more behind a paywall.
She now completely understands what I was trying to tell her. We worked out a new deal. She's allowed social media, but instead of all the information she wanted to add she's only allowed her star sign and that she's a minor. She can give a location but it has to be our county, not our town. Her profile will be on private and she can only link up with people she knows IRL. I will follow her from a fake account, so her friends don't see her aunt on her friend lists. These restrictions will lessen in due time. If she does anything to screw it up, it all gets deactivated again, and we won't even revisit the topic of social media until she's 15.
As for my mother, I called her and told her to back off. I said that I have custody of my niece, so I make the decisions, and mum doesn't get to make that harder for me. That if she really thought my niece putting her full name, date of birth, location, etc, online was safe, she's an idiot, and it pisses me off that the only times I hear from her, it's so she can tell me that I'm doing something wrong, when she herself was given the chance to adopt my niece and refused. Mum essentially said that she can't believe I'd treat her like this and I shouldn't expect to hear from her for a while.
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>Mum essentially said that she can't believe I'd treat her like this and I shouldn't expect to hear from her for a while.
Honestly, sounds like a bonus.
Kudos to you on how you are handling it. Taking over responsibility for a teenager must be extra challenging. I applaud your desire to seek outside advice and being able to glean the good parts of it from the bad. lol
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My wife and I divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since I was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. I knew from many stories I've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. This may sound immature but I made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that I was her only father and to not betray me. But I have no control over what she or they do in their home. Fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. She has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me I would be the one to do it. Even though I know they're very close, I don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. I am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. I got a bit angry and told her I absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy I barely know. She told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that I'm being petty over something that happened years ago. I told her I wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but I won't be there to see it.
I was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so I wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
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YTA - It's HER day and you're already ruining shit.
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I had an accident when I was a baby and I lost my left eye. I don't have an eye socket I could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). The right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal.
I have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so I don't freak anyone out and I don't get weird looks. I've been going to the same school since I was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it.
We got a new teacher this week. He started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. When it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? It's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, I want to see your face!"
So I obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. He gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that I can let my bangs down.
Later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. She told me I was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and I should've just told him about it.
Did I do anything wrong? I just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. AITA?
-----
Update:
My mom went in to talk to the head teacher. It turned out that the new teacher made it sound like I was playing a prank on him, trying to deliberately shock him and make fun of him in front of the class. 3 of my classmates had to be called in to confirm my part of the story.
The head teacher apologized, called it an unfortunate misunderstanding and told us she will clear it up with the new teacher, I don't have to worry about it. I don't believe it was just a "misunderstanding", it sounds like the new teacher deliberately lied, but we can't do anything about it...
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NTA 1000X, you followed his orders. Not your fault you only have one eye. Plus, if you told him "Im missing an eye." we all know his Teacher Instinct would be to have you prove it anyway lmao.
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My husband (m33)s best friend (m37) Will is infertile. He got divorced 2 times because of it and because he lied and hid his infertility. And his life hasn't been the same the day he was told he can't have kids. He has always had a soft spot for children and when he found out that my husband and I are expecting, he was so thrilled and started buying us gifts and decore pieces that he made from his woodwork for the baby. My husband thinks that those are all nice gestures but I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable especially with how much he keeps mentioing the baby.
A few days ago, my husband and I found the gender of the baby. The minute we told Will, he started calling the baby a random name he picked and was going to give to his baby if he wasn't infertile. He then started begging us to use this name and my husband said it was a "done deal". I refused but my husband called me heartless and asked me to do this one small, nice gesture for his struggling friend to give him closure and honor him after all the things he has done for us. I flipped and said it's my baby not his. Will heard this and left immediately. My husband yelled at me saying it's his baby too and my behavior towards Will was abhorant. He left after him and didn't come back til the morning. He kept saying the same thing and pressuring me to agree on the name but I refused.
AITA for choosing this hill to die on?
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NTA
Is your husband also building his friend an art room in your house?
ETA: thanks for the awards!
And for those who have no idea what I'm referring to here is a link to the BORU since the original was deleted. Enjoy!
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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My fiance and I are getting married in June next year. We're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. We found a vegan caterer.
When we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. We also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. The note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for.
Soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. My uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. I asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. She said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. I said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal.
I explained to her that I wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means I'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) I don't want to pay for meat if I don't have to. Again, I'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me.
Weeks went by. The only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. My vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. Upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food.
I refused again. I told her that the food consists of things I KNOW he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. I went through a list of ingredients I knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. What's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? I told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself McDonalds and eat it at the kiddy table.
Now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. I told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food.
I understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's ONE meal, that is FREE.
AITA? I don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but I also don't want to pay for meat unless I have to. Again, it's one meal out of their whole life.
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NTA. Like you said, it is one meal and it’s FREE.
And most importantly, it is YOUR wedding.
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I was recently flying from NYC to LAX for a work trip and I had the displeasure of sitting next to a family and a little boy (9). I got on the plane in the midst of issues with my diabetes and I needed to eat within two hours so I began snacking. I immediately began receiving dirty looks from the parents and the mother said “can you not do that? Our son.” so I put my food away and figured I’d wait until the flight attendant came around so I could buy food from her and eat at an acceptable time just to show some respect for their wishes.
So the flight attendant comes by with her beverages and snacks, I start to ask for a Coke and a snack box, but before I can finish the sentence the father says “nothing for this row, we’re all set here” and she continues on. I go up to press the call light so I can get my food and my drink because I actually need it and the father says “our son has prader-willi, we’d prefer it if you didn’t eat because it causes tantrums when he doesn’t know he can’t eat and he’s always hungry”. I’m close to a tantrum myself at this point and so I look him in the eye and say “I do not care, fly private if you want to control your surroundings”.
The flight attendant comes back and I get my food and my drink, I snarf it down and chug my soda, and I sit back. As soon as I’m calmed and I’m able to open my laptop and get back to work the mother leans in and says “I feel a calling to educate you about my son’s disease” and I felt my entire body clench up. She keeps talking to me and explaining how I’d made her son feel and I said “listen lady, I don’t fucking care, I’m going to handle my T1D the way I see fit and you’re going to handle your son the way you see fit. I’m not endangering myself because you don’t want to deal with a tantrum, if you want to control other people then you book all the seats in a row or you fucking fly private.”
I recounted the story to a friend of mine once I’d gotten off the plane and she immediately told me that I was a huge AH and I should’ve given them a little bit of grace due to their son’s condition. I kind of feel bad but at the same time, I think that it’s unavoidable if you’re going into public and you’re around others.
AITA?
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NTA.
Even if you didn't have diabetes. People dont get to come into public space and dictate anyone else's acceptable behaviour.
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The title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but I’m still conflicted.
My (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (Mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) Never met them prior to that. The only thing I knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people.
And they were. I got along really well with them, before dinner. They were lovely and talkative. When it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. After praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” This is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. My understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. I wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though.
I dug in, took a bite. It was fish soup. Absolutely delicious. And y’know, like a good guest I wanted to compliment the cook. “This is delicious - is it saffron? A perfect autumn soup!” My bfs brother looked surprised. My bfs father hushed me. Big time. A really aggressive SHHH with a finger over his lips. And then he said, again, “Let the food keep us quiet.” I aplogised because I thought I had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. But a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. Super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. My bf was also unusually quiet.
After a few minutes I was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. And his mother did the hush thing? So awkward. I think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. Let the food keep us quiet. Really quiet. But this was a super awkward situation, and I couldn’t deal with that. Imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. So I laughed, it just slipped out. Ended up being told off by bfs parents that I was being disrespectful etc. and if I didn’t respect how their household worked I could eat alone in the kitchen. (We were eating in like a separate dining room.) Sooo I thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at.
My boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that I should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. I understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. I just couldn't take it anymore. Was I being an asshole though?
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NTA. He could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries.
Also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone.
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I(27M) and my wife(24F) have been married for 3 years. She is 6 months pregnant.
I have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a SAHM after the birth.
Today, I had this interview for a position at a very good IT company which would be paying triple my current salary.
There were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. I was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. The test was conducted on an online platform.
I had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation.
Just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. I ignored her because I would be disqualified from the interview if I looked anywhere else or spoke... I figured she'd get the hint that I couldn't talk. But she didn't she yelled at me calling me an AH and went on to talk to her friends on call. It didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. It was extremely distracting and I made a lot of mistakes in the exam
It was a multiple choice questions based test so I got the results immediately and as expected I had miserably failed it.
I was livid at my wife. This was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. I told her that I give up on trying to make her life easier and that I'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. I told her to start working again after the birth and that I am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter.
She said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home.
AITA?
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NTA, the 5th time? Why is she sabotaging you? Doesn’t she want you to make money?
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This is a throwaway because my friends have Reddit and I don't want them to find this.
I have a housemate (Jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. There are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep Jilian safe and avoid contamination. I have a mini fridge in my room where I store my drinks so that I don't have to go to the kitchen if I want a drink in the middle of the night.
Well last Friday my Filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic Filipino dish for lunch at work. It's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. It's in a glass container, and I saved some so I can have it for dinner.
When I got home I put it in my mini fridge but I forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. Saturday I went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. When I arrived Jilian's girlfriend (Trish) confronted me saying I almost killed Jilian. I didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. I asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said Jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because I didn't put a label on the container. I told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. Trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. She and another housemate ate it, Jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her EpiPen to stop the swelling.
Trish then demanded that I need to pay for the EpiPen. I told them that is not going to happen. If anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. They called me an asshole. She and 3 housemates said I nearly caused Jilian her life and the least I could do is apologize and pay for the EpiPen. AITA?
Edit for more info: Jilian was taken to the hospital. No, I never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. They were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. They ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. I think Jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. I didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened.
Edit/update: So I visited Jilian in the hospital today and she apologized to me for what happened. It was an accident. She said she didn't eat my kare-kare but took some rice. She didn't realize that some sauce got on the rice bowl, so there was clearly a cross contamination. It wasn't her who went in my room, it was Trish and another housemate, Ian. I will be charging them for the stolen beer and food.
I will definitely buy a lock after this incident. Thank you all for your advice, judgement and awards!
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NTA
Literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food.
Perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat.
ETA Holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖
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I got invited to my fiance's family christmas celebratory dinner. It's my first christmas with them. I have always been picky about what I eat. Can't help it and it has to do with psychological factors, childhood, and personal likes and dislikes. Before accepting their invite I let FMIL know that I wouldn't be eating the traditional food at their celebration, and showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate me. She refused and told me to bring my own dish. I said if I had to bring my own dish when I'm a guest then I better stay at home then. We went back and forth and I insisted I wouldn't come if accommodations weren't being made. I just thought it was a simple request and FMIL could've agreed if she really wanted me there. My fiance agreed that I shhould bring my own dish but I didn't.
When we arrived there and I saw that no accommodations were made I got up, go my things and walked out and went home. My FMIL and fiance were shocked. I got tons of calls and texts from them both and my fiance came home lashing out calling me selfish and spoiled to walk out like that over a dish that his mom didn't have to make for me. and, that it was my responsibilty to feed myself. How is it my responsibilty to feed myself when I'm a guest? Makes no sense to me. I told him this and he accused me of starting shit and ruining my first christmas with his family and disrespecting his mom.
Now he's continuelly saying I fucked up and should've sucked it up for the family's sake.
ETA to clear few points:
* For those saying I have no respect for my inlaws. I do, especially FMIL. I respect her but this is so far the biggest conflict we had.
* I work long hours even on holidays so not much time to cook.
* I wasn't asking for an elaborated dish or several dishes. Just one simple option.
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YTA from one picky eater to another. I went to a Christmas dinner with my mom's family. There was nothing I wanted, so I just socialized and ate when I got home. Why should she have to make a whole new dish just for you? That is pretty entitled behavior.
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Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/erfvwt/aita_for_cutting_up_and_altering_my_wedding_dress/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I posted approximately 5 months ago about my sister being mad at me for not giving her, what was supposed to be, my wedding dress.
So after being assured that I did nothing wrong I decided to try to talk it out with my sister. So I tried calling her but she had blocked my number. I was very Confused and talked to my mother. She was trying to still stay out of it and I got a little mad and said that it was not fair. That my sister was not right because she never formally asked me and how was I supposed to just guess that she wanted it. She tried to justify her but in the end also accepted that my sister was wrong. Non the less she told me to just give her space and that she will just come to terms with it herself.
I waited a few days till I met her in the supermarket. At first she tried to act like she didn't see me but I planted myself infront of her. She was just rolling her eyes saying she had places to be. And I just said "you know I hope you notice how unfair you are treating me" and then left her alone.
That night I received a call where I was berated for being selfish for about 20 minutes by her. I asked her if she was done and asked her if we could talk it out like adults. She came over the next night and we had an exhausting fight. Screaming crying and after all was said and done she actually apologized for everything. She was kind of jealous of my dress and of the wedding I almost had. And she was embarassed that she couldn't afford everything I could and that she felt like she failed as an adult and as a mother. And honestly I get it. Not because I think she is a failure, but because I get how it feels if your brain tells you you failed at life because you don't have things that other people have. She apologized also because she was trying to blame me for her problems and that everything was easier if she wasn't the one to blame. We talked a lot more time till I told her that she didn't need a fancy dress and that we could search something basic and I could help her to decorate it with something. She agreed and we actually did get to customize a very basic gown. As we didn't have much time it's not super fancy. Sadly due to the outbreak the wedding, that was supposed to happen this month, was canceled. They had a courthouse wedding where she wore one of my dresses and she is celebrating in August if it's possible.
That's everything. So even if I was not an asshole and my sister seemed like a brat... She was dealing with some heavy feelings and I still love her.
Thanks for the judgment and advice.
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I remember the original post it’s always good to read a follow up where people work it out in the end. Thanks for updating us!
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Throwaway.
So my husband comes from a 'traditional' family. Mum's a SAHM, father was sole provider. I come from the opposite - my mother pretty much forbade from ever being financially dependent on a man and drilled that into me early on.
My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home. He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner. The one thing that grinds my gears is how much weight he puts on the opinions of his family. I get that we all want our parents to be proud of us, but this is too much.
My ILs are staying with us for 2 weeks. Our usual MO is, I prep breakfast, we all eat lunch at work/school, and my husband makes dinner. We have a cleaner, but she's on holiday so in the meantime we're DIYing the cleaning where it's down to everyone to keep their space clean and common spaces we all clean. This is how we've always done it, and it works.
My ILs hate that I'm 'one of those modern women'. They hate that I work, they hate that I don't find my purpose in being a wife and mother and they hate that my husband pulls his weight at home. We spoke pretty frankly early on, where I established my boundaries and told them I won't be chastised about how I live my life in my home. When I am a guest in their home, I accommodate their ways and play the DIL they wish I was. They have for the most part respected this.
I got home yesterday after work tired and starving. I typically get home 1815/30 and we eat at 1900. I said quick hellos and ran up for a pre-dinner shower. When I came down, I went to the kitchen to help set up for dinner and found nothing ready. I asked my husband about it but he wouldn't look at me and his mother answered that he hadn't cooked anything. She told me I needed to do my duty as a wife and cook for my family. My coward of a husband still wasn't looking at me. I just walked away and ordered takeaway. I dished up for me and my kids and we sat at the table to eat. My husband and his parents served themselves and joined us.
My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn't hurt if I acted 'more like a proper woman' and 'took better care of my home and children'. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.
This is where I might be the asshole. I told him tradition won't allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I'm busting my ass to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me. AITA.
​
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Sucks the kids were there for it but he deserved worse. NTA
Should have ordered only enough food for you and the kids.
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Long story short: I (27f) started seeing 44yo "Dave" 3 years ago. I have 2 sons, 9 and 6. He has 1 daughter "Ann", 17. I booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. A road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. This is the first time I've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so I went all out. Planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. I was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. We got home 4 nights ago.
A week before leaving my Dave decides he wants to go with me and bring Ann as a "bonding" experience. We do not live together and Ann has never liked me because I'm "boring". She has said this to my face. So Dave thinks it will be good. I didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. This could be good for us. Boy was I fucking wrong. From the moment Ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. It was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out".
We get a hotel 9 hours in (PA). Its around 3pm at this point. Dave asks if he can take a drive with Ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. I told him he could if he makes it quick because I needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. Him and Ann went out to eat. So I make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" And Ann snaps back with "I dont think we asked."
After comments like this for days I finally snapped. My body are now saying they just want to go home because several times Dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. At this point I havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere AND Dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. IN MY CAR. So I snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. When he finally does, I drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. Dave and Ann both start flipping out. Ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". Dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. So I say "I dont believe I fucking asked." And take off. They were close to 800 miles from home. It took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. I'm being told I'm a selfish cunt. AITA?
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NTA
Time to stop seeing Dave.
The should have thought about their behaviour before hijacking your trip and being rude to both you and your boys.
I hope the rest of the trip was enjoyable with your boys.
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I (15F) am deaf in both ears after getting meningitis as a toddler. Luckily my parents really pushed intervention, so I can read lips, know sign language and have cochlear implants, so I’m basically like any other girl my age. I just can’t hear for shit.
My aunt (40) has been staying with my family-that’s me, my mom, my dad and my 13 year old sister- during quarantine. She is REALLY not someone I like. She critiques every little thing my sister and I do, tells us we need to eat more (or less, depending on the day, even though we’re skinny), butts in to our personal conversation and just is snoopy in general. She tries to instigate fights between us- like asking my sister if she’s mad I have something she doesn’t. It’s also important to know she’s done nothing to learn about communicating with me. I’d say about 90% of the rest of my extended family knows sign language. We’ve told our parents about it a million times, and they’ve talked to her. I don’t think they’ve given her an ultimatum, so my sister and I devised a plan.
For the past few days whenever my aunt starts talking, I just detach my hearing aids and my sister puts in her airpods and turns up the volume. We can understand each other fine. My aunt didn’t get it the first couple of times but I think today she understood we were ignoring her and got really upset. She told my dad, and from what I understand, he basically told her she needs to lay off if she’s bothering us that bad or she can leave. I was happy to hear that, tbhz
I heard (lol) her crying later though, and that made me feel like *shit*. I never meant to make someone cry and now I kinda regret the whole thing. Are my sister and I assholes for going to such extreme measures? We just wanted her to leave us alone, or at least be nice to us.
EDIT: Wow I went to sleep and look what I woke up too! Thanks for all the nice comments and stuff! Here’s a few things I wanted to point out.
I have good hearing with the implants in. Without them in, I will only hear some thing VERY loud right next to my ear (like if someone claps into it). Doctors typically rate it on a scale- I am severely deaf. Cochlear implants have two parts- external and internal. The external connects to the internal with a magnet. It comes off like you would take off a magnet on your fridge. I CAN switch it off, but I thought the message would get across better if I yanked it off my head.
I wish I could answer everyone who’s PM’d me or left comments about the implants. I think unfortunately that’s something for your doctor- everyone is different.
I agree aunt doesn’t need to learn sign language. However- because I was in early intervention and then speech therapy for most of my childhood, I have a more “normal” speaking voice and so she says I should talk. It’s a bit nasally sounding to me and I prefer to sign. Aunt likes to move out of my line of sight and that forces me to speak and makes me feel bad.
Also, yes my little sister is amazing. Thanks for all the nice comments about her. She’s my best friend and I love her so much.
We decided to be nice to aunt today and see what happens.
Talk atcha later!
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NTA and if I had a mute button for shitty people I would use it, too.
She's an adult, you are young/kids, and she should be able to deal with it. Glad to hear your dad is on your side.
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The air conditioner broke last week while I was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night.
A company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. He fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left I woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical.
Apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. She made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner.
The tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the A/C, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.”
Eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything.
I was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their Google and Yelp pages saying what had happened.
The company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife.
He asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy.
The owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating.
I told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding.
On the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. On the other hand, I feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing.
AITA?
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NTA
maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house?
not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything.
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I (f29) have been dating my boyfriend (m35) 'Ricky' for 5 months. He's divorced but hates this word and goes with the word "divorcee" instead since the first one makes it sound like he was "dumped" when it was him who initiated it.
Anyways, He always go on long rants about his exes and say stuff like "I hope you don't have this awful habit my ex has" or "hope you like XYZ cause my ex didn't" and the list goes on.
I found a 2nd job recently and he's been having me pay every time we go out. When I protest he'd say he's going through a rough patch and is seeing how much help I cam offer.
Last night he invited his family to join us for dinner. We got to the restaurant first. He asked me if I "brought" enough momey, I said why and he told me that he told his parents that I'd pay for their meals. I said why would I and he went on about his parents going through a rough patch just like him. I said "I'm sorry this can't be a coincidence!" he asked what I meant and I told him that I would not be paying. He insisted, I refused and said no. He then leaned back and said "well, you're here, so not much of a choice you have anyway" while laughing like it was funny. I silently got up, took my phone and purse and walked right out. He was shocked he started shouting after me to stop and wait but I didn't.
I went home and he called me enraged saying that I did a horrible thing walking out on him and his parents, while I could've just paid. I told him that their unfortunate financial situation isn't my problem and that I wasn't obligated to pay for their food. If they couldn't pay for their meals, then they should not go out. He got offended and said and I qoute "you're making money a priority just like my ex did" then went on about how disrespectful my attitude was and how I made him look small infront of his parents and forced him to lie about why I wasn't there when they came.
We've been going back an forth about it til now. He's mad and is refusing to speak to me til I apologize. AITA? I feel bad because his parents are lovely and I been doing my best to keep a good relationship with them.
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OMG - GIRL RUN!!!! This is NOT a man you want or need in your life! Go, go, go and don't look back - like ever!! NTA by a long shot
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My sixteen year old son and I went to a wedding. When we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. There was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but I never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. I sent in the RSVP card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it.
At the wedding, my son and I got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. The waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. The waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well.
I later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that I had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. I told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. They said I should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that I should have asked for clarification if I wasn't sure. But I wasn't unsure, I never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. Ten and under I would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up I would never think would have a kid's meal. The bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but I've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. I think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
WIBTA if I refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? I know wedding meals are expensive, but I think this was their mistake.
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NTA, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship.
>I think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
It absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well.
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My (f42) husband (m44) and I have been married for 21 years. We have two adult children (m22 and m24), one is in college out of state and the other is in the navy.
When we first got married, my husband was in navy, and we spent the first 10 years of our marriage moving from place to place, wherever his new duty station was. I found it hard to make friends, and I could not keep a job, so I made a difficult decision and decided to be a SAHM.
When he got out of the navy eleven years ago, he took a job and we moved. Three years in, he got offered a job in another part of the company, however, it was in another state, so we moved again. We stayed there for six years. I went back to college and got my degree and began looking for work. I found a job I liked in my field, and six months into working, he said he was offered a job with a new company and wanted to take it, but that would mean we would be moving almost 2,000 miles from where we were in a new state. I reluctantly agreed because the new state would have more job opportunities for me and we would be closer to our family, which is something that we have not had in many years.
Last night my husband came up to me and said that there was a job opening in his company and he wanted to apply for it. It would mean a pay raise and better hours, but the caveat would be that we have to move again. We have been living in our new state for three years. I love it here. I have an amazing job and I am making great money. I finally have friends and am able to socialize. I told him that I am not moving again. Any time we have to move, he always leaves first and I end up being responsible for selling/packing the house, and I am not doing that again. Our sons college is only 2 hours from here, we can see him twice a month. If we move, that means we would have at least a days drive and would only be able to do that once or twice a year!
Now my husband is upset with me and guilt tripping me because he claims I do not support him. I told him that was BS because I spent most of my life moving from place to place to support his career. He told me that I am selfish and he is just trying to provide for us. I told him that we are more than comfortable where we are now, and that if he truly wants to take the job, he will be going alone.
AITA for refusing to move again?
*post update*
I hope that this is allowed.
I apologize for not being able to respond to everyone. And thank you all for your kindness and replies.
To answer some questions.
1. My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and he was 17. He joined the navy right after graduation from high school when he was 18 and I was 16, but had to wait two years before we could marry.
2. He works for a company that has plants in 15 states. He is currently in middle management, but if he wants to advance his career further, he would need to go to another plant out of state.
3. Financially we are more than comfortable. We do not need anymore money.
4. My son plans to stay in the place he is after college. We have a great relationship with him and he comes home one time a month and we see him one time a month. My other son comes home on leave whenever he can and stays with us. We are very close to both of the boys.
5. I talked to my husband again tonight and told him quite firmly that moving again was not an option for me. The area he wants to moves has very little jobs in my field and specialty in that area and I would need to commute more than an hour one way for a job versus the 20 minutes I have here. We are sandwiched between two major cities, and if we move we would be an hour from the most major city. I would also have to take a massive pay cut and work a menial job to build a new network to find employment in my field.
6. My husband is disappointed in me for not wanting to leave. He left to stay with a friend because he “needs to think.” He doesn’t understand why I would force him to turn down an opportunity to advance his career further. I told him to take all the time he needs, but I am not moving again. I said I would revisit the possibility when I am ready for retirement in 15 years but no sooner.
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NTA - you gave yourself already the answer.
You supported HIS career for 21 years, you gave everything up for HIM, your social Life, your Family, even postponed your education.
And now, everything is settled, your doin finaly fine too - he accuses you of not supporting him.
He should start supporting you for a bit. You did your part, now its your time to shine!
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Edit: JFC! Thank you guys for all of those awards - my mailbox blew up!
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Hear me out please. I'm a 46 year-old father who lost a daughter (Molly) years ago to Brain Cancer. Molly's death broke me. She was my only child I'm no longer who I was before this tragedy. I married my wife when my stepdaughter (Sarah) was 15. Sarah had issues with her mom. Her mom would kick her out over small arguments. She kicked her out for getting a haircut, for failing one class and other reasons. Every time she'd bring her back home and tell her to learn her lesson or she'd be kicked out. One time her mom kicked her out over a dairy at 17 and Sarah had enough and didn't return. She started working. I remained in contact. I just couldn't let her struggle I tried to help her financially but she refused. she's incredibly independent and a hard working person. She reminded me of Molly.
I decided to help in other ways. I got her a better job opportunity by calling someone I knew at the time. This way she still had to work to earn money which is something she wanted. And also work a better job that appreciated her more than the previous job. She's an artist, she wanted to be a graphic designer
I sold my old car to pay for her courses. She started paying me back bit by bit only because she's independent. She lived with her then boyfriend now husband and paid for other things.
My wife didn't try to mend things. She disowned Sarah the day she got married but I stood firm and told her that I'm free to talk to Sarah and she should respect that.
I attend gatherings with Sarah from time to time and she calls me dad infront of other people. In the past it was just my name.
This sounds crazy but I believe this all happened just so I could meet Sarah and have a chance at being the best father that I could be.
She's now 22 and just had a babygirl a few weeks ago. I visited several times and we talked. She told me that it was unfortunate that she lost her dad but was glad she has me in her life. I cried although I'm not good at expressing emotions and it got worse after Molly's death.
My wife knew about the baby and demanded I give her the address so she could go see her granddaughter. I refused because Sarah asked me not to tell. And because she's already dealing with postpartum and will not be able to deal with her mom's behavior. My wife threw a fit and said that this is her daughter and grandbaby and I shouldn't try to stop her from seeing her. She called me selfish and cruel. The argument didn't stop. The family are agreeing with her and telling me to stay out of it. I argued with my wife about it again. And she said I had no right and that I needed to give her the address. She didn't even seem regretful or wanted to apologize. Everyone is blaming me telling I'm being cruel and demanding I give her the address.
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>I refused because Sarah asked me not to tell.
It begins and ends there. You are honoring Sarah's wishes. You would be a huge asshole to do otherwise. As it stands, you are the opposite of a huge asshole. You are a wonderful father. Congratulations on the birth of your granddaughter. May she be a light in your life that reminds you of your Molly.
**NTA**
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I am 32F. I grew up with a narcissistic mom. I have never met my dad. The first hug I have received in my life was at 10 years old when Dan (my mom's BF) hugged me when I thanked him for a gift. My mom had my sister a year later. My sister was the perfect baby sister anyone could ask for. Mom and Dan split and at first mom had major custody of my sister. Mom did the same thing to my sister she did to me, doesn't even acknowledge us in the room if she was not in the mood, not feeding us dinner if we made a mistake, made everything our fault. When Dan found out, he applied for full custody for my sister but my mother fought and somehow wrangled 50% of custody.
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Things got real bad for me and the only silver lining was my sister. Despite being only 4 years old, she would sneak in snacks from her dad for me to eat. Anything Dan bought for her, he also bought me. He wasn't wealthy by any means but it was the small things and anytime he dropped my sister, he will take his time to talk to me. He was the only father I have ever known. Dan died of cancer when I was 16 and my sister 5. He lived only 3 months from the diagnosis but settled everything financially as able as he can for my sister. He split his assets 75% for my sister and 25% for me to be given to me when I reached 18. Knowing my mom very well, he made me the executor of my sister's fund too. To say my mom was furious was an understatement. She literally made the next 2 years of my life and my sister a living hell.
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When my mom started dating Brad, he already had a daughter 3 years younger than my sister. My mom had made it absolutely clear that my sister will be allowed to go to college only if she shares her trust fund with our stepsister. Brad is a piece of work and me and my sister never really bonded with our stepsister. She refused to sign anything related to my sister's education unless I give her my word that I will give my step sister equal half of the trust fund. This is where I think I was the asshole. I held the trust fund above my mom's head to treat my sister fairly. I repeatedly told them I will give my step sister half the fund until my sister was 18 and moved to college. Once she moved out, we both cut any contact we had with our mom and blocked her. I made my sister give her the wrong college info, so our mom couldn't contact her.
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I have found out through few friends my mom didn't know I have that my step sister couldn't get into any college because she didn't want to apply any loans and she is very depressed. I know I misled them, but I honestly wanted my sister to be safe.
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AITA for causing my step sister's depression and robbing her of college
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Edit: Thank you everyone for your reassurance. I showed this post to my sister and the only thing she had to say was "Duh". We both have discussed and decided to not contact our step sister. We were never close to her and my friends back there can't safely get any message to her without dragging our mom into it which is the last thing we both want.
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All these awards, thank you all again and the kind stranger who gave me gold.
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NTA.
You did what you needed to do to protect your baby sister, and for that, you should be proud. Your mother was trying to deny her the right to an education in order to rob her. You were justified in saying whatever you needed to say to protect your sister's interests. Dan knew what he was doing when he named you executor. He knew that you would safeguard your sister's interests, and you have proven that he was right to trust you.
As for your stepsister, if she chooses not to apply for any loans, not going to college is her choice, not yours. She and your mother would have known for three years that they couldn't rely on robbing your sister to pay her way through college. If they didn't make alternative plans, that's on them, not you.
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I know the title sounds bad please hear me out
So I have severe epilepsy and have a service dog Onyx. Now Onyx does have time to cuddle and relax and be at rest and just be a dog. But when he is working he is WORKING at keeping me alive. He's saved my life multiple times
Now my friend has been coming over a lot recently to visit. I love her but have an issue with her husband. He's one of those types who harbors the believe that have a dick makes him superior to women. He also doesn't believe in invisible disabilities and because of Onyx he's never seen me have a seizure.
Last week they came over and her husband was being playful with Onyx which was fine as he was at rest. A little while later though the husband began asking if he could dogsit sometime bring Onyx to their place for a sleepover. I said no and explained AGAIN that Onyx is a service dog and I needed him to ya know...... Stay alive. Her husband got an attitude and told me Onyx wasn't a machine and I had no right to deprive him of fun. Then he pulled the I'm a man so I know more than you card by explaining that I was wrong and he was right and I could go one night without onyx and control my seizures. All this time my friend sat on the couch saying nothing.
I asked him to leave and after some huffing and puffing about how rude I am and what happened to manners and Onyx would've had fun they both did.
Now today my friend called asking if they could stop by. I explained that I would love to have her over but her husband was no longer welcome. She got upset and told me that he was just like that and it was hard to tell sometimes because he had never seen me have a full blown seizure. I got kinda mad and sarcastically asked her if I should purposely cause a seizure so her husband was comfortable. She just kept repeating that he meant no harm and wanted Onyx to have fun. I just told her again that she is welcome but he is not.
AITA. I feel awful and feel like I'm creating an issue but that man is just toxic energy and I worry that his disbelief of my need for a service animal will cause him to do something completely crazy.
Edit. I had to work with Onyx for two weeks at a training center before I could even bring him home so he knew exactly how to help me i.e read my body and triggers and so we worked together and we're completely in synch. He's extremely well trained and I feel like that might have something to do with this.
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NTA. You are totally in the right here. Your comment about “purposefully causing a seizure so her husband was comfortable” was spot on. Why is it so hard for him to believe you about your condition and your needed treatment? Your friend’s an AH for defending her husband and her husband is obviously a super-AH
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Throw away for obvious reasons. TLDR at the end.
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the relevant backstory: I have two daughters, one is 21 and in college, the other is 26 and because of a lot of factors finds herself pregnant, divorcing her husband and needing to live in our house for the foreseeable future and I am happily married to their mother. The other notable character is my cat Lieutenant (we call her Leut). I found Leut in a dumpster almost ten years ago when she was only a week old, got her to the vet and she has been my best buddy for the last decade. She is now my grumpy old little shadow whenever i'm home.
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so yesterday I came home from work and I hear my eldest daughter calling me from the kitchen. my wife and eldest then tell me that "Leut is getting old dad, and with the baby coming we didn't think it was safe to keep an old grouchy cat around an infant. So we made the decision today to send Leut to a shelter so that she can find a family that is more in line with what she needs."
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I told them both they were WAY out of line (not in so many words) and we would talk when we get back. I drive to the closest shelter, fine Leut, prove ownership, pay the $100 fee to get her back, and take her home.
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So here is the drama part: When I get home I call a family meeting and tell my eldest she doesn't get to make decisions about my pets without consulting me, Leut only wants to be left alone and even if it came to it i would rather exhaust all my options before putting Leut through life at a shelter. My eldest began arguing with me that Leut would be a liability around an infant and she is unpredictable (untrue, she is either asleep, sitting on her cat tree or eating). At that point i saw red and told her my cat is well trained, and dared her to come up with one instance of Leut even scratching someone, which she couldn't but kept insisting that old cats are inherently dangerous for kids. I then told herthat she had one month to get a new place to live as she clearly doesn't respect me or my things, and that if Leut so much as lost a whisker, I would hold her personally responsible.
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My wife and younger daughter are now begging me to change my mind as with my eldest's current financial condition i would probably be condemning her to homelessness, and that my daughter should come before a cat.
AITA for kicking my daughter out after she tried to get rid of my cat?
TLDR: eldest daughter decided to send my elderly cat to a shelter over fears she would harm her baby when the child is born. I kicked her out. AITA?
Edit to add:
As many people have brought up, no i am not being as hard on my wife as my daughter. My wife came up to me last night and basically begged for forgiveness, saying she wasn't thinking and just accepted the things my daughter was saying without checking (very out of character for her). So I have told her i will need some space for the foreseeable future but that she and I are ok.
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Leut is already microcipped and wears a collar and tag. I have also contacted all the shelters around my area and sent them Leut's picture chip ID and my contact information and an explanation that i am worried someone may surrender my cat without my permission.
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NTA. Her entitlement astounds me. She is a complete asshole for thinking she can remove a member of your family without consulting you. As far as I'm concerned, she did this to herself.
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Final Update: Thank you all for all the awards and comments. I’m known to be a huge pushover, and my friend knows this to be true and she can be pretty manipulative and caused me to second guess myself. She also still isn’t talking to me, which is fine by me. As for the package, our mutual friend found the box it was supposed to be shipped in by the trash in front of her house so I guess she’s not shipping it anymore. I don’t know what was in it, but all evidence and other context which is too long to post points to it being a “substance”. At This point, I’m hoping that it was just weed and not something more dangerous. Once again, thank you everyone!
I will soon be flying to the other side of the world, and my friend asked me to take a package with me and deliver it to her friend who lives in the country I am flying to.
Now, I trust my friend with my life, but I told her that since it’s an international flight and taking unneeded risks are unwise, I would appreciate it if I can open the package, with her present, and look through it just to make sure there’s nothing “undesirable” in it.
My friend immediately gets offended, and she even starts yelling at me, telling me how she can’t believe that I don’t trust her, and that I am invading her privacy. She told me I’m being selfish and paranoid, and that she won’t let me see inside the package because it has “sensitive content”. That ended up freaking me out more so I told her that I can’t do it if I can’t make sure it’s safe, and that I’m sorry.
She started to cry and left the room. She later left me a text saying I’m selfish and that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. While I feel bad, I have heard all kinds of stories and I don’t want to put into a position where I am responsible for whatever “sensitive content” in her package.
Reddit, AITA?
Edit1: a comment here made me want to add more context. I trust my friend a lot, but I should mention that my friend is known to cultivate weed and then store them in spice jars. I could have sworn I heard noises of glass in the package and she has joked before that she could smuggle weed disguised as a spice or herb or something and that “they wouldn’t know a thing”. I do trust her, but I just want peace of mind you know. I’m sad she’s offended but I just wish she could understand my POV
Edit2: Wow! I woke up to so much engagement in this post! Thank you all for your replies and assuring me I’m NTA! And thanks for the awards! As for updates, my friend hasn’t spoken to me since the incident and has had a message delivered to me via mutual friend saying the only way she’ll talk to me is if I take this package from her, and “trust in our friendship”. However, I heard from my other friend that the person I was supposed to deliver the package to has a reputation involving drugs, and while we didn’t get into details my friend just said “and not for using them”. I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything, rumors fly and innocent until proven guilty, but I am definitely not taking that package anymore, unless I can get a pretty good look at it.
Edit3: I just saw a comment asking me if I know a Jason who stores Olives in his fridge, I replied this to them: “Sorry for replying late! Funny enough, her boyfriends name is Jason! Fun fact to enhance this story, he loves a show called breaking bad so bad that he legally gave himself the middle name Walter! But sadly I do not know if they keep their olives refrigerated.”
I just read the story in question about Jason and his refrigerated olives, there may be a connection! But then again, most likely not. I’ll try my best to do some digging (but if I’m being honest, I’m kind of freaked out enough by the situation to avoid “investigating” anything for my own safety) and I’ll update this story as long as you guys are interested! Once again thank you all!
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NTA - major red flag. Don't fucking do it.
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So for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these Spartan races. He and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. So they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (I have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. I said no, I wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that I'd drive them and the camper to their event. We made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day.
I have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. Remember this.
Come nightfall, I went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. When I got back to the camper, the door was locked, and I was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in MY trailer. So I reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized I had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. So I called my best friend from outside and all I was told was "sorry bro, nothing I can do". So I ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which I had fortunately left unlocked by accident.
Their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. No apology, by the way.
So while they were in their race, I hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). When I saw them coming, I started the truck and drove off the property. With them chasing behind. I made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. When I finally got home, I finally took my best friend's call. He started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? We have no way home now". I just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after I did you this solid.
He told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. I think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them.
Is he right? Was there a better way to handle this? I felt justified until he said that. I am kinda doubting my decision now.
Am I the asshole?
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NTA. They’re spartan warriors, right? They should run home.
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My boyfriend grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms. The women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn't learn how to do any of that for most of his life. That is, until he moved in with me after college.
He's been good about a few things. He doesn't mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing I can't seem to get him to do is learn how to cook. The only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals. I've been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other. He still can't turn on the oven or use the stove without help. The toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. Doesn't know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. I just don't understand why he can't grasp this but is fine with other things.
Here's the part where I may be an asshole. I went on a trip two weeks ago for work. I'm in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and I realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are. Three to four dollars for each. I said screw it and bought the easiest ingredients I could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own. He doesn't like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out. Before I left, I sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove, as well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce. I also taught him how to pan fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready. In case he didn't want to cook both lunch and dinner, I also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches.
I come back a week later, and he is angry! He claims I practically left him to starve, and how I know he has trouble cooking. I retaliate, saying I showed him what to do, and I get a whole range of excuses. "Setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated" "He cut his finger chopping onions and couldn't chop any until his cut healed" "He only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced"
Apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week. He thinks I'm a major asshole for not telling him I'm not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself. On one hand, I do think it was shitty of me not to tell him I didn't buy his meals, and as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out I do feel for him, but at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, I'm left feeling partially justified in my actions. So Reddit, AITA?
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INFO why you with some guy who can't manage to use a toaster?
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I have a good job, I make good money and I work hard enough to earn it. To the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work I became the only source of income.
This worked out well and everyone was happy until COVID hit. Once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. I was a big fan of this. I work 5am to 7pm Mon to Sat typically so not having to commute meant that now I got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. The only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. I've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though I'm home now I'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why I can't get to the dishes till that evening. She will nod along to but I don't think she really believes it. This has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week.
Some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. However, on Monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in Friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. She tells me that I will need to watch our son. I respond by saying again that I can't, I have work and Monday to Friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. She gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while I just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how I should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. She's given me the cold shoulder since then.
I would love to spend the day with my son I just can't take the time off on such short notice. AITA?
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NTA but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for ANY family or marriage.
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My wife and I (both mid 30s) have been happily married for nine years. We don't have any kids and don't want kids. We had the "what if" talk before getting married; she told me she would want to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant.
Yesterday my wife told me she's nine weeks pregnant. She's on the pill, but accidents happen. She said she wants to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption. Naturally, I was surprised by the news and her change of mind. I asked her if she considered getting an abortion. She said she had, but she doesn't want to because she feels a bond to the fetus. She told me she has been researching adoption and learned that the local adoption agencies only accept birth mothers who are okay with having an open adoption. I told her I wasn't really comfortable with this and asked her if she would have an abortion. She started crying and spent the night at her sister's place. She wont answer my phone calls.
I'm uncomfortable with this for a few reasons. I was adopted a birth and my adoptive parents weren't the best. I know this isn't the case for everyone who was adopted, but I can't help but have a negative view about it. A few years ago I tried to find my biological parents to learn my medical history, but I couldn't. I was sore about it for a little while, but it doesn't bother me anymore. My wife is aware of these points.
I just don't want to pass on my genes because they're essentially a mystery to me. I also don't like kids. My wife said she actually would prefer to keep the baby, but she knows I wouldn't want to; so she said having an open adoption sounded like a reasonable compromise. I understand why she thinks that, but I still don't want to have any biological children, regardless of how much/little I would be involved in raising him or her.
AITA for asking my wife to have an abortion?
Edit: my wife takes birth control for reasons other than contraception. If she ever wanted to stop taking it, I would support her 100%. I realize that I’m an idiot for not getting a vasectomy a long time ago though. It honestly never occurred to me until now (I think because my wife has always been on birth control and said she would have an abortion). I see now that it was irresponsible of me to not get one regardless. I’m going to get snipped ASAP.
Edit #2: She and I talked; it was emotional for both of us, but no voices were raised. Here are the main takeaways:
* I apologized for putting her in this position by being an idiot and not getting a vasectomy earlier. I also apologized if she felt like I was pressuring her when I asked her to have an abortion. I didn't mean to pressure her, but I know words aren't always received as we intended. She said she felt pressured a little, but forgave me because she knows I was totally caught off guard.
* She apologized for having a change of heart regarding abortion. She said she was really surprised by her own feelings and hopes I don't feel like she tricked me (I don't).
* We mutually agreed that it would be good to spend one more night apart to really think. We've always have a strong marriage, and we're both committed to working through this - whatever that may look like.
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NAH
You aren’t TA for asking to stick with the plan. She's not TA for having a change of heart when faced with the reality of going through with it.
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6 years ago I met the best person in the world. She was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named Maggie. Maggie taught me how to knit, we watch Mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, I helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. She knitted me a hat for every holiday., I helped her install WiFi. Maggie was a nurse in WWII.
Maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. She went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. About two weeks after she died, I noticed a man walking into Maggie’s house. Maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. I went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things.
That was the end of that until yesterday. Maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that Maggie left me most everything she had in her will. Maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account I can open when I turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. Who I rescued two days after she died and kept. She wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff I would rather not share. It tore me up about Maggie even more. She was such a gentle soul and she deserved better.
I started crying, and I told my parents. They started celebrating about it immediately. I asked them to stop. And they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. To say that it made me upset is a understatement. I get that Maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but I would much rather have Maggie.
I told them to stop celebrating then I went to my room to hold blue and cry. My brother knocked on my door and told me I was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me.
AITA?
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NTA
Your parents are being insensitive. They probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. They may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up.
But regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief.
Might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support.
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Context: So a couple of girls in my college friend group have a roommate called “Jan”. I am acquainted with her and we never really had any problems, we actually made quite a good beer pong duo. I’m a tall and lanky male at 6’1 and 155lbs. Jan is a white chick on the heavier-side.
Recently, we had a watch party at Jan’s apartment for the Michigan Football Bowl Game where our friends were all having a good time getting pretty tipsy. My buddy and I were talking about whether our QB should declare for the draft or return. I said “I sure hope he comes back, Dylan (our backup QB) is still young and is still pretty scrawny.”
Jan has a huge crush on Dylan and didn’t appreciate that I called him skinny.
This caused her to go on a drunken tirade saying “what makes you think that you can call him skinny when you’re literally built of twigs?” “You would die playing football. Tbh I don’t think you could even lift a helmet!”
At first, I took it on the chin, had a chuckle about it, and poked back a bit. I usually got my leg pulled about my physique but I never took it personally. Until she started making it personal.
“Look at you, you’re like one of those starving African kids on those TV commercials” (I’m brown but not African)
“That’s why Dylan is a chick-magnet and [my ex] dumped you. You look malnourished”
She kept going and now I was beginning to boil. I wasn’t even responding at this point, just biting my tongue. But then I snapped.
Her: “Go lift some weights. It’s okay no one will judge you if you can only curl 5 pounds.”
Me: “If you could tell me what your current diet is, I’m sure I’ll put on weight in no time.”
*silence*
Her: “What are you trying to say?”
Me: “I’m saying that if I’m a malnourished African then you could be on The Biggest Loser. And I’m pretty certain you wouldn’t win.”
Her: “No wonder [ex] didn’t want you. Go fuck yourself.”
Me: “And no guy wants you. The last dick you got was Moby Dick. Fucking whale.”
At this point she was in tears, make-up running and everything. Her chick friends helped her into a bedroom to comfort her while looking back at me with a death glare.
Since this was at Jan’s place, I figured I should leave (Michigan was getting slaughtered at this point anyways). I finished my beer and left. I got a FaceTime from one of my friends who is Jan’s roommate. She urged me to apologize because she was just playing around and I went too far. I didn’t feel that way and I don’t want to apologize.
Am I the Asshole?
EDIT: grammar
INFO: we were both drunk but I’m pretty certain she had drank more than me
EDIT: woah! thanks for platinum and silver you beautiful bastards! 🤯
INFO: I was drunk so the real argument obviously had a few stumbles and slurred words. Cleaned up the text for reading purposes.
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NTA don't dish it if you can't take it.
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I’m a 19 year old F with six older siblings. My parents spent most of my childhood spending money they didn’t have on my siblings, so by the time I hit my teenage years, I realized I was probably going to have to fend for myself financially when I turn 18. I started babysitting and doing odd jobs around my neighborhood when I was 14, and eventually got part-time jobs during the school year.
By the time I was 16, I was working three jobs in the summer and two in addition to school. When my parents told me they couldn’t pay for college, I’d already earned enough (along with scholarships) to be able to put myself through college and have plenty left over. I’ve continued to work during the school year, and have been able to make money during quarantine by tutoring online.
The issue began a few months ago, when my eldest sister (29F) got married. My parents spent 30 grand on her wedding, taking out a second mortgage to do so. To make matters worse, my dad was furloughed 6 days after the wedding. They’d effectively dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t get out of.
Two weeks ago, my mom texted me for the first time since the wedding. She didn’t say hi, ask how I was, or make any small talk. She just said “Your dad and I need a favor. When can we call you?”
I’d expected this. None of my elder siblings are doing well financially, and they’ve exhausted all other loan options, both from family and the bank. I figured they would text me, ask me to loan them a few thousand, and promise to pay it back when they could figure things out. I was absolutely willing to pitch in a few thousand, and had even considered giving them some of my tutoring jobs so they could make some extra cash.
I was not, however, expecting them to demand I GIVE them all the money (close to $40,000) I’d made from the ages of 14-18.
The exact statement my mom had made was “You made that money under our roof. We were the ones who allowed you to work, so you only have it because of us anyway...We bought you food and clothes for 18 years. That money is only a fraction of what you owe us...” and so on.
I said that food, clothes, and shelter were the very minimum, it’s what they signed up for when they chose to become parents, I didn’t ask for any of it, etc. They responded by telling me that if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have the life I have today. I said they were being ridiculous, and hung up.
Since that day, both (along with two of my siblings) have continuously hounded me about giving them what is “rightfully theirs.” My siblings, who have never been asked to give them money, are still professing that it’s my job as their kid to take care of them. I told them they wouldn’t see a cent of my hard-earned money, and have no right to make such a request.
I’m torn. I feel awful for refusing to help them out, but on the other hand, this was their fault. I feel I shouldn’t be responsible for fixing their mess. AITA?
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NTA. Their poor financial choices are not your fault or problem, speaking purely based on you being a separate person.
The fact that they EXPECT this from their own CHILD is downright disgusting. I’m so sorry that you’re being put through this
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My wife and I recently found out we’re having a daughter. We hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. When we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. Her mom’s name was Karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. I told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but I can’t okay “Karen” as a first name in any case. She got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks I have a problem with that. I just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. I told her I’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on Karen.
Edit: Wow, I didn’t expect this to blow up. I thought I’d delete this since this issue is pretty much resolved now but you guys are clearly enjoying this, so I thought I’d provide an update. We had a talk about this and why she had such an emotional reaction to my veto. Ever since her mom died suddenly when she was only fourteen, she’s wanted to name her first daughter after her and she didn’t really ever consider that the meme might be a potential obstacle. By that point, I’d thought about it for a while and realized that, as many of the comments have pointed out, Karen likely won’t be a meme by the time she’s old enough to feel its impact. So I told her I’ll recant my veto but we should still reconsider it because it still has potential complications and we might just come up with a better tribute. While exchanging ideas, we realized that both our mothers very coincidentally had the exact same middle name, Elizabeth (well mine had two middle names, and Elizabeth was one of them, but still). It seemed completely perfect to both of us so we’re going with it. Thanks for all your inputs!
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NTA, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. Imagine “baby Karen”. People are gonna make jokes all her life.
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I'm getting married (yay!) and my brother "John" asked me to include his girlfriend "Sarah" as a bridesmaid as a way to get her involved with our family since he wants to propose soon. I wasn't happy (she's quite snobbish, almost in a comically villainous way. She once made fun of the fact that I get most of my groceries from the local big box super center and not somewhere with more "high quality product").
But I love John and it mattered a lot to him, so I agreed.
Onto the issue: on the final night of my bachelorette party, we decided to have one "big" meal that was really pricey and fancy that we all saved up for. Sarah said she had to take an emergency work meeting and for us to go ahead first (the restaurant was walkable from our hotel).
Guys, when Sarah showed up, I was FLOORED. She came in a white sparkly sequin number with a tulle skirt and a tiara. When we were planning the trip, my MOH made it abundantly clear that everyone was supposed to wear pink so we could get a really cute photo together at the restaurant.
I'm not even kidding, her outfit was so bridal looking the waitress actually asked if we were having a joint bachelorette party. I was so upset, that when it came time to take photos I absolutely refused to have Sarah in them.
She said it wasn't her fault because she "didn't get the memo", but I told her it was common sense to not wear a bridal looking dress to a bachelorette party if you're not the bride!Plus, she was in the group chat and even made comments about another girl's outfit when we were talking about what we wanted to wear, so I know she knew!
All of my friends were on my side and they made sure she didn't end up in the photos. When we got home, she pitched a fit to my brother saying that we bullied her at my party and deliberately left her out. She was also pissed because a lot of family and friends noticed she wasn't in the photos and I wasn't afraid to tell them exactly why.
My brother's really upset though because she's been crying and whining about it nonstop since. Apparently they're both so mad that they're going to skip father's day brunch, so the whole thing is blowing up even more.
I'm starting to feel bad because my mom told me that my brother and Sarah were fighting a lot now, so I'm not sure if I'm being the AH here. My brother called me a bridezilla, but I really feel like Sarah was trying to ruin my night.
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NTA! A TIARA and a TULLE SKIRT? All in white? Someone was clearly jealous of the attention you were getting. If the drama continues, I would reduce the size of the bridal party by one. Lord knows what kind of stunt she would pull on the wedding day.
Edit: Holy cow, y'all! I'm a baby Redditor, and the response has been amazing! AND my first-ever award! Thank you SO MUCH!
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A couple years ago, a close friend, Ashley, started a long-distance relationship with a guy, Chris. He has been really good to her and after meeting in person a few times, they decided to move in together. I was super happy for her as she had a few bad relationships over the years and it was nice to see her in a healthy one. That joy faded the last couple months before she moved a few states over to be with him.
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The issue isn't her moving, but that she repeatedly joked about having a baby from Chris. At first, I accepted it as jokes, but over time I realized Ashley was serious.
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For context, Ashley has two children from a previous previous relationship, ages 10 and 12. Chris absolutely doesn't want kids. He told her this at the start and anytime she hinted possibly wanting more, he shot it down, saying it was a deal breaker. Now, Chris is more than willing to accept her children as her own, because he loves her and after meeting her kids, them as well. He's accepted that they are a package deal with her, and since they are at an age where they are semi-independent, it's not an issue for him.
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To me, Chris is a real bro for taking on her kids without issue. Hearing Ashley say she wants a baby out of him, "one way or another", bothered me to no end. It's hard enough to find a partner that treats you well and accepts children that aren't their own. To find one that does and then talk about plotting to force a baby seems gross and manipulative.
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Before her move, I had sat down with Ashley, trying to talk sense into her. At first she resisted, but finally it seemed she understood how shitty it would be. After I felt like she had understood, I put the issue behind me and helped support her thru the hassle of moving.
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A few days after she left, I got a call from a mutual friend who delves into the Wiccan/Metaphysical realm. She was distraught and confessed to me that shortly before Ashley's move, Ashley had come to her asking for a fertility spell. This friend didn't feel comfortable about it and refused. When pushed, she said she cast a spell for a healthy and honest relationship, but told Ashley it was for fertility.
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As you can imagine, I was livid. I messaged Ashley, confronting her about what I learned and she laughed it off as she was desperate, but magic is fake anyway, so what's the harm? She then let it slip, that since Chris was planning on getting a vasectomy in a few months, she had poked holes in their condoms as a last ditch effort.
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At that point, I couldn't stay silent. I gathered up screenshots of all the conversations over the last few months and sent them to Chris. He understandably freaked out and kicked her out. Now, Ashley hates me because she was kicked out after a huge move and didn't have a job or money to make it back. She said I'm a terrible person for putting her and her kids out on the street.
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Am I the asshole here? Should I have kept quiet?
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NTA. YOURE 👏 LITERALLY 👏 SAVING 👏 SOMEONE 👏 FROM 👏 BEING 👏 BABY-TRAPPED. 👏 WE 👏 NEED 👏 MORE 👏 PEOPLE 👏 LIKE 👏 YOU 👏
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and the record-breaking 27000 upvotes! :D - 7:30 AM
Edit 2: ty for another gold and 34K upvotes - 1:53 PM
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My former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. As a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so I was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. She (now Laura) has not started HRT yet but is living fulltime as a woman. Laura and I no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10).
Ever since I moved out and Laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. She's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. Laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue.
I am fine with what Laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. Recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son".
I tried to talk about this privately to Laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. My son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. The moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. People were obviously listening and when I gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, Laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because I was jealous of her confidence. To make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that I was a piece of shit for saying what I was. My son and I left in tears but Laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention.
Ever since then I've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and I was a bad person for asking Laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. I'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if I've gotten old and out of touch. It just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. AITA for speaking to my ex this way?
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NTA
Wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a Tuesday afternoon is not appropriate.
Asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do.
You want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! However there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too.
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I’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible I may be a bit of the AH here.
I’m 29F, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35M, 37M, 40F, 42M) and their families. I’m the black sheep in that I’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. I love living alone, I don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. My family has been asking me when I’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since I was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”.
I was going to skip Thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so I went. It was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. This was fine until around the end of dinner one of the SSILs asks if I’m not anxious to have kids since I’m almost 30 and time is running out. I laughed and said “Nah, I’m good.” That led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments I didn’t appreciate. I said let’s move on, but my mom said “We’re just worried about you.”
This is where I’m possibly the AH. I know all the family dirt so I said, “Well, I’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because I have more kids than I can afford so I’m not the one to worry about.”
And that’s how I brought Thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still.
I feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it.
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NTA - Hands down the best Thanksgiving showstopper ever. They fucked around and found out! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Edit: spelling
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I F30 started working at a company recently. I get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "Morgan". Morgan from what I understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. He dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. He seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work.
He offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. It was nice but felt a bit too much so I asked that he stop and he did.
He started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. I texted him saying that I'm married and he was being inappropriate. He texted saying I was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how I'm trying to act like I don't like him to get him to try harder. I felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. Days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". I decided to let my husband deal with it. He sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". Then blocked him.
The other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when I'm married. I said I didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. He said he was trying to get close to me and I should've told him I'm married from the get go. I said I was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. He said that my husband and I were rude and offensive then rushed out. Other coworkers said Morgan was an asshole but I too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. I said I don't think I owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office.
AITA really for not wearing my wedding ring?
Edit the reason I don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.
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NTA. Immediately go to HR with this.
He is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "I wouldn't have harassed you if I knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting.
Edit: shit. My inbox.
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I have a 4 year old daughter, Emma. I am an alcoholic and I’ve been sober for 2 years. My brother was Emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday.
I had to fight for almost a year to get her back. My brother and SIL are still upset that I “took Emma from them” and have called CPS on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid.
They love Emma and Emma loves them so I try to take her to see them a couple times a month.
A couple weeks ago, Emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. I’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so I asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so I could take my test. They said they were happy to take her so I brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes.
I came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. When I asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so I could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but I never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). They also said I shouldn’t be giving her Tylenol and Motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any Motrin.
Then I asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu.
They also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting.
I left with Emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised.
I’m working on thanksgiving so I was going to drop Emma off with my parents so she could see my family but I still don’t want her to be around them without me so I’m leaving her with her babysitter instead.
Now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and SIL see Emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her.
AITA for not letting my daughter see my brother and SIL
Edit: I’m not going to do the post cards. It’ll be a lot cheaper and easier to send an email saying we moved after we get settled in.
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NTA. Your brother and SIL are sabotaging your recovery and relationship with your child. I wouldn't be surprised to see then talk negatively about you and your history as she gets older. You may need some distance to feel safer and have the mental capacity to deal with them.
EDIT: Just want to say thanks for the awards fellow humans! It's greatly appreciated.
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This might be a bit long but thanks for reading.
I’ve been a single mom to two kids since they were 6 and 4 - their dad passed away. Around that time, my son was formally diagnosed as autistic. He’s not very verbal and prone to physical outbursts when he has a meltdown. He’s been in therapies of every kind for his entire life and it’s helped somewhat.
Their dad had a life insurance policy which allowed me to stay home as my son’s main caregiver while working freelance, but money was tight and finding anyone capable of watching him has always been a challenge.
My daughter was graduating from college last year. A week before the ceremony, she had an awards ceremony for academic achievement. I was obviously incredibly proud of her. She asked me to come to it and I said I would.
Her college is two hours from here. I hired a trained sitter who specializes in autism the day of the ceremony. Right as I was about to leave, my son had a meltdown and was lashing out at the sitter. I couldn’t leave, and he wasn’t calm for hours. I’d left my daughter a voicemail saying I wasn’t going to be able to make it.
She called back that night absolutely livid. She called me a shitty mother, said I had two kids but only cared about one, that I’d missed every game and performance she’d had as a child and it clearly wasn’t going to change as adults and that she was just done. She said she knows he can’t help it, but her brother is incapable of showing empathy and it made it hard to be around him without resenting him. She hung up and that was it. I’ve barely spoken with her since. She didn’t send tickets for the graduation we were supposed to go to the next week. She hasn’t shown up for holidays and I’ve heard she’s engaged but didn’t call to tell me. She’s cut us out, and in the one of three times we’ve spoken since she said it’s easier for her to not have us around than be disappointed and that being alone at events is nothing new for her, she just doesn’t have to bother getting her hopes up I might come now.
AITA - I’ve offered family counselling and all other manner of things. I know I wasn’t a perfect mom growing up - I didn’t make it to her things, but not for lack of caring. I’m heartbroken but I don’t think me not showing up in an emergency should have lost me my daughter forever.
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YTA -- But you only have so much of a choice to be. You've missed every performance, game, and ceremony. You hired a trained sitter for this event but didn't trust them enough and stayed yourself. Your daughter has it hard enough not having a dad to come to any of her events, but she never had a mom there either.
It sounds like she's always been second hand to her brother, which is incredibly understanding at times, but you haven't made enough effort to find someone who could atleast handle him for *one* night. She's your kid too. She still needs her mom at these events, she still needs her mom to show her support, not just tell her.
Also, this wasn't the first time you didn't show up, she cut you off because you *never* showed up. You can only expect her to go through that disappointment so many times.
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I m33 lost my 27 year old brother to cancer a couple of months ago. We were so close and had a lot in common. He was a gamer and had all types of gaming gear including a gaming chair that he wanted me to have before he died. It's devastating because we were really hoping and had plans to spend Christmas 2021 together. This chair I consider special because it was my brother's favorite of all gear and it remindes me of him whenever I sit in it (I don't play anymore) It just brings me closer to him to a degree I can not explain and it brings me so much comfort.
I keep the chair in my office and days ago I found out that my fiancee who has been out of job and complaining about no longer being able to attend the gym took the chair and sold it online to be able to pay for her next month's gym membership. When I found out I flipped out hugely and had a very negative reaction. She told me that she was desperate for money and after selling all she had she had no choice but to sell the chair. I reminded her of who this chair belongs to but she said I already have tons of keepsakes from my brother and so I shouldn't act like it was the end of the world. She also vented about her past eating disorders and her anxiety when it comes to keeping fit and claimed I was dismissing that she is struggling. I yelled at her and called her inconsiderate and selfish and told her she should have never ever took and sold any of my stuff for a gym membership when she literally could-ve kept working out from home. She started crying as we argued then she went to stay with her mom who tried to give me a stern talk about my attitude and but I didn't answer that and haven't been talking to my fiancee since then. Things haven't got better and I got called overdramatic for reacting and treating my fiancee like that over a gaming chair. I feel guilty because I've never yelled at her in my life before.
AITA? Was I too hard on her?
Some said I went overboard because this is a gaming chair and it was bit childish of me to make a fuss over it but I already explained why I had this reaction aside from the fact that money is an issue we already have.
EDIT because I feel like I should add more of her side to the conflict: she told me if say I was struggling and needed money and sold some item she had then she wouldn't be mad at me but I'm not sure since I'd never do such thing but still she insisted that nomatter what I do she'll always be supportive and understanding just like I should be supportive and understanding of her struggle right now. That made me feel horrible because she had a breakdown and cried because of me.
EDIT Some asked about her age. She's 31 years old and we've been together for 7 years. I'm sorry for not including that earlier on. I'll answer any further questions when I have the time.
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NTA. Sell the engagement ring you bought her and buy back your brothers gaming chair. Proceed based on her reaction to that.
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I (17F) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. My mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where I live are settling down she let us come stay with her again.
My stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. She’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. She also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us.
Long story short, I have a diary and I keep a lot of private stuff in it. Dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when I come back. Apparently I was in trouble because of something I apparently said to stepmom.
When he told me what she said I said, I immediately recognized it because I wrote it in my diary. I realized a lot of the stuff I wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so I decided to come up with a plan to see if I was write. I wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff I would never do in a million years and set the trap.
Dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when I come back he grounds me for what I “did”. Stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell.
I told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. My dad came in and tried to talk to me and I told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me.
Now I’m with my mom, and I don’t know if what I did was fair. I felt it was the only way to prove my point and I didn’t know what else to do.
AITA?
Edit: wow thank you so much for the award! I honestly didn't expect this to blow up as much as it did, but I just want to thank all of you for your support and ideas. A lot of people have been saying to either get a licking diary or an online diary, so I'm looking into that. in the mean time I am currently staying with my mom and I am trying to as long as possible. Overall, I just want to thank you for the kind messages (and bright ideas) that you've given me. Reddit is truly magical <3
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NTA - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? What does your mom think?
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My newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. It requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans.
Enter lady with four kids: A newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). She really really should have brought an iPad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. The mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. Accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. Several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever).
Her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. She was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. Ffs at one point when I wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. My newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and I DID NOT feel like entertaining some strange kid.
I tried being polite about it "Sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "Ma'am!" -points to kid- The lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. Rinse and repeat. I told her she needed to stay with her mom. Little punk deadass says "I don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff.
Finally, I'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? Why is your baby crying! make him stop! I don't like that" And her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. So now I'm out formula, kid still screaming, and I have a huge mess that I don't have a great way to clean up.
I'm at my wits end. I raise my voice at this kid. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID. I AM NOT YOUR MOM, I AM NOT YOUR BABYSITTER. YOU ARE BOTHERING ME. GET OUT OF MY FACE!!"
People looked at me like I was the biggest bitch on earth. A lady speaking Spanish actually did call me a bitch. The little girl starts crying. I'm not apologizing. The mom confronts me, I tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill I'm prepared to die on.
So reddit, AITA?
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NTA. Some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries.
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I (F20) recently had to move back in with my dad, step-mum and 2 of my step-brothers (15 and 17).
The last time I lived here was 2-3 years ago. Back then I remember getting very pissed off when my step-mum asked me to stop using the bin in the toilet to put my waste sanitary products and use the one in my room (on the other side of the house) because she didn’t want her boys to see it.
Now it’s not like I was leaving used tampons and pads out in the open, everything was and still is, wrapped up so no blood is on show.
Anyway I never stopped using the toilet bin.
Now I’m back she’s started a new thing. Moving my small zip up bag full of my sanity products, that I keep next to the toilet, and slightly open (for easy access), when I’m on my period, to under the sink zipped up.
I personally think I absolutely should not be hiding the fact I have a vagina and it bleeds. Her boys will grow up thinking it’s gross and something that needs to be hidden. I would just feel sorry for the girls they end up with. And I just want to be comfortable in the house I’m living in.
Edit: for more info, this isn’t a random house I’ve moved back into. I’ve lived here since I was 3 before my parents got divorced when I was 7. My step mum and her kids moved in when I was 12(ish). I moved out at 17-18 for multiple reasons.
So this is just as much my house as it is hers, arguably more.
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NTA - it’s not like her boys are 8 years old (which shouldn’t really make a difference anyway) but they should 100% know what periods are at this point? This is a very odd request and your step mom is absolutely the asshole in this situation.
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Growing up every year around the holidays my mom would make fudge. The story was this amazing fudge recipe came from her grandma who snagged it from a famous candy maker. My mom didn't get the recipe until she was an adult and we were always told that we couldn't have it until we were 30.
In my late teens my mom asked me to help make the fudge with her a few times. The recipe is very simple and this was all the exposure I needed to memorize it. I've never once needed to write the recipe down.
It came out that I had the recipe early and my mom and her mom were both outraged. I was given many warnings against sharing family secrets and told they were disappointed at my sneaking around them. I've never shared the recipe with anyone besides my brother and sister. I don't have the same feelings about recipe hoarding, but I followed tradition. However even now, 15ish years later, I'll get comments about how they don't entirely trust me since I came by the recipe dishonestly.
Tonight I was reading an article about a chef doing research on secret family recipes for pickled herring. He managed to get copies of hundreds of recipes-200 of them were identical. He traced them back to a cookbook from the 1960s. This got me thinking about our family recipe.
After not much googling at all I found "our" exact recipe on the website for an evaporated milk company. They apparently have also printed the recipe on cans over the years.
This leads me to believe that either my grandma or her mother actually got the recipe from a can and lied about it's origin.
I think this is hilarious and want to share the information. We've been so secretive about a recipe that's in public domain! There's really no reason to hoard it anymore.
Would I be the asshole if I shared this knowledge with my mom?
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I say NTA - do it. Because this:
>*"It came out that I had the recipe early and my mom and her mom were both outraged.* **I was given many warnings against sharing family secrets and told they were disappointed** *at my sneaking around them*"
**What is even the point** of having a cherished family tradition, if it ceases to to be something fun and just becomes a vehicle for bullying and emotional abuse? **Fuck** em! Out their BS "secret recipe." Tell them exactly why: because they're being ASSHOLES about it.
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My mom left my dad when I was 17 (I’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. We all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. She had 2 more kids with this guy.
When my mom and dad broke up I moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. The major reason for this was because she told me to leave as I kept fighting with her new dude. I really did NOT want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and I was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. When she told me to leave...Something in me changed and I am still unable to forgive her. That solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. And my sister and mom were CLOSE so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad.
Since I was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc I like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. They gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, I majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. The profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, I’m living a life I never thought would be for a shmuck like me.
I moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. I am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and I’m grateful so much bc I was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart.
For the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. She is getting increasingly more insistent that I go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. She keeps telling me that ‘even if I don’t forgive her I should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’
AITA because day to day I have no interest in helping her or her family? IMO she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. I just can’t forgive her though.
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NTA.
>For the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her.
Your mom had no interest in a relationship with you until it would benefit her and her "new" family. If you want to set your half-siblings up with a college fund (that your mom can't touch), go for it. If not, don't, and quit feeling guilty about it. Your mom made this mess and you have no obligation to her. You have no reason to feel guilty for YOUR success.
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I(27M) have been apart of a small friend group, around 8 people total, basically since college.
For some background, 2 people from the group, Susan and Greg, are just absolute leeches. Going out for lunch? Expect them to order the most expensive on the menu then feed you some sob story about their finances and then dumb half the bill on you.
Last weekend, Dan, one of the people from the group, told me about a casual dinner . I told him how if Susan or Greg were there I wouldn't be able to come. He tells me that they would be there but I should just put my opinions aside and come just once.
This is kind of where I might be an AH. I agreed with him and told him I would be there. I show up and we all get to talking.
Everyone began putting in their orders, most of them spent about $40. There were only about 6 people there. When it gets to Susan and Greg, they both order expensive dishes, around $200. When it was my turn to order, everyone looked at me, but I just pick up the menu and point to the $4 Miller Lite and sent the waiter away. Dan asked why I hadn't ordered anything and all I said was that I lost my appetite. The other 2 friends got up as well to cancel their orders and just have drinks.
After the main courses came out, I saw Susan and Greg picking at their food. The waiter then brings over the check. Greg then grabs the waiter and asks him to split the check 6 ways. I stand up and correct him saying the check was to be split 3 ways. Greg looks at me confused and asks why since we "always" split the bill. I reminded him that 3 of us had not eaten any food so we would just be paying for our drinks. So basically at the end of the night, Dan, who probably only ate around $50 worth of food, was stuck with a $146.98 check at the end. (Yes, I remember the exact number.) I swear I saw his jaw drop when he picked that receipt up.
I slid a $10 towards the check, said goodbye everyone, and walked out.
The next morning, I found my phone full of texts from Greg and Susan telling me I was an AH for not ordering any food and forcing them to pay more than they had accounted for. I honestly laughed because the steaks alone were more than what they had paid but to each their own right?
I also got a lot of messages from Dan saying that I could have just not came instead of pulling that stunt and getting him stuck with an outrageous bill.
Edit: At this restaurant, the bar is separate so drinks are on a separate bill if that makes sense. And if anyone is concerned about leaving a tip, I live in Australia.
Edit 2: Hey guys just wanted to clarify some things:
1. 90% of restaurants where I live they don't do separate checks and might separate the bill for you if you're lucky. BTW. This post is in AUD, so if you want the amounts in USD, you have to convert it.
2. Dan could have easily asked Greg and Susan to transfer him the money if he wanted but he's always been about helping them through their "financial hardship" even though they're just using him and keeps dragging me into it. I admit what I did was immature but I'm tired of being forced to play along. It's his money and if he wants to spend it on them, that's fine, but I'm not paying for them.
3. Also Dan's a really good friend of mine, albeit blind AF. I was just trying to get him to see what kind of people he was "helping". I will admit it was a tad bit petty.
4. Thank you for the gold.
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NTA
Is it not possible to ask the waiter for separate checks—i.e., everyone gets their own check for what they ordered—ahead of time? While some people think this is a *little* tacky, it's not anywhere near as tacky as ordering a meal that costs five times as much as anyone else's, and expecting them to cover it.
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I (f50s) have 2 sons, Dan (m22) and Sam (m27). Dan started dating 'Fran' in their junior year. Towards the end of senior year, Dan came to me and said he wanted to marry Fran. At the time, Dan had multiple college options which he was going to decline to stay in our town and marry Fran. I obviously didn't support this, I wanted my son to go to college and knew he wanted that too as he'd always been ambitious. I told my son that he had his whole life ahead of him and he could get married later, but didn't need to rush it. I told him that if he went to college and waited, even just a year or two, I'd pay for his tuition. At the time I didn't know how serious their relationship was as they'd been together for a little over a year, and was scared it wouldn't work out and he'd waste this opportunity. My son happily accepted this offer and agreed with me that it would be best to wait.
​
This year my son graduated college but maintained a long distance relationship with Fran, and they announced their engagement a couple months ago. We were all ecstatic about it. Sometime between then and now, my son told Fran that I was the reason he waited until now to propose. I wasn't aware until Christmas when during dinner, Fran said she wanted to say something. She began saying I paid my son to not married her and actively tried to ruin their relationship. She then said she was blessed that 'evil hadn't won' and couldn't wait to have a long and happy marriage. Everyone was silent and didn't really know what to say. My son approached me later to apologise and said she had twisted his words but it's been constantly weighing on my mind as friends and family present all have different opinions.
​
**Edit**
If my son had married Fran out of high school, he wouldn't of gone to college. My son chose to go to a school so far away, there were closer options but he liked the school he chose. I will be showing Dan this thread and update if he responds. Fran currently works at her mothers bakery. She wants to be a SAHM once they get married and was waiting for Dan to come back home.
**Update**
Dan and Fran have talked and cleared the air around this situation. Fran feels awful about what she said and realised she should've come and talked to me privately. This situation however has brought up other issues between the two and their future, as Dan expressed the Fran he would like to go to law school. Fran wants them to start their life together and thinks it's unfair for Dan to make them wait for 4+ years. Dan is currently home and we will be dealing with this together. Thank you for all the advice, Dan has read this thread and is now feeling unsure about their relationship.
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NTA. And your son should seriously rethink this relationship. Fran doesn't sound very nice.
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I’m a 41M single dad with a 13 year old daughter Lacey. My wife died in childbirth and it’s just been me and Lacey all her life. My sister has been a big help in raising Lacey, and we do keep in contact with her maternal grandparents.
The issue started a couple of months ago when Lacey started her period. I knew this day would come so I spoke to my sister, my female best friend and my mother in law to be well prepared. I gave her the talk with her grandmother and aunt there, I buy her pads and tampons, I even have midol and heating pads ready for Lacey when she needs them.
The problem began when I began to notice a smell coming from Lacey’s room. I went in to investigate and found pads and tampons openly disposed of in her wastebasket. I checked her bathroom and it was worse. She had her bloodstained undergarments in the tub.
I took out her trash and did my best to get rid of the smell, but I didn’t know what to do with the underwear in the tub. Later, I noticed bloodstains on the couch. It took a while of cleaning but I got them out. I figured that was the end of that.
It happened again last month, when I noticed Lacey’s room was stinking again. And I saw she didn’t even wash the underwear from before. The bathroom was unbearable at this point. Then earlier this week, I saw bloodstains on the couch again.
I sat Lacey down and told her that she had to learn to properly dispose of her feminine hygiene products and wash her underwear as the smell was becoming too much. And to be careful of getting bloodstains on the couch or anywhere she sits. I also noticed her sheets had a lot of bloodstains and brought this up too. I also let her know that it was okay to get blood on things as long as she washed them, and I wouldn’t be upset if I saw her bloodstained items being washed.
Lacey immediately blew up at me saying that periods aren’t gross and that I was period shaming and that I needed to educate myself on menstruation. I then got texts from my sister and MIL scolding me for making Lacey feel ashamed of her bodily functions.
But I honestly wasn’t trying to convey that periods are gross. I was trying to convey that her hygiene needed to be addressed and that the smell was becoming unbearable. I just wanted to make sure that Lacey knew how to properly dispose of pads and tampons without it smelling, and that I wouldn’t be annoyed if she washed her bloodstained items
AITA here? Was I period shaming my daughter?
EDIT: so I’ve mentioned it in a few comments. I talked to my sister and mil and explained my side. They apologized for misunderstanding and like you guys, have given some good cleaning tips and they’ll talk to Lacey and help her out with the pads and tampons too
EDIT2: so many people here have suggested it and I’ve asked Lacey if her period pain is unbearable or just normal cramps, and left the choice to her as to whether or not she wants to see a specialist but the option is there for her!
EDIT3: We have washed the sheets with hydrogen peroxide and purchased some oxyclean for future instances should we need it. Many of you have also suggested period underwear, which again, I have asked her aunt and grandmother about and they’ll be able to give her more info about those as well as different hygiene products she can use.
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NTA.
Periods aren't gross. Getting your period blood all over the place is. She needs to learn basic period hygiene now or she will deeply regret it later in life. You're a great father, OP. But maybe consider having her see a therapist or someone more qualified to deal with why she is reacting this way.
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I (34F) have a (5M) son who attends preschool. A few hours after I picked him up from school today, I got a phone call from his teacher. She made absolutely no effort to sound kind when she, in an extremely rude and annoyed tone, told me to stop packing my son such “disgusting and inappropriate” lunches. I felt absolutely appalled when she said this, as me and the teacher have, up until now, always maintained a very friendly relationship. She added that the lunches I’m packing my son are “very distracting for the other students and have an unpleasant odor.” I told her that I understand her concerns, as the lunches I pack are definitely not the healthiest, but the lunches are according to my son’s preferences.
The usual lunch that I send him to school with is small celery sticks with blue cheese and goat cheese, kimchi and spam (we are Korean and he absolutely adores this dish), and spicy Doritos marinated in Sriracha (I know, I know, but he deserves a snack, and I don’t put that many chips in the baggy.)
I ended the call by saying that I very much appreciated her worries, but that at the end of the day, I am not going to drastically change my sons’ lunches all of a sudden, and that it’s not my fault if other students are “distracted” by his meal. It is very important to me what my son enjoys, and I want him to like my lunches.
The teacher sent an Email to me an hour ago saying that my response was “unacceptable” and that his lunches are “just too inappropriate to be sent to school any longer.” I haven’t responded yet and don’t want to. I want to maintain a healthy relationship with my son’s teachers. I am confused as to what to do. AITA?
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Report her to the principal. Her comments regarding your son’s food are “disgusting” and “have an unpleasant tone” aka *cough cough* racist tone.
*She’s* too inappropriate to be teaching at the school any longer.
NTA.
ETA: Thanks for the upvotes and awards!
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I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 3 years. We dated for 2 years before that. I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas.
My husband’s parents, his 2 brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ girlfriends/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50% of the time. I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time.
When I say I’m not invited, I mean that my husband tells me “I’m going to the family dinner. It’s probably best if you sit this one out.” When I expressed that I wanted to come, he told me that it would be for the best if I didn’t. It has caused several fights.
About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very pissed. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservations, and I left 15 minutes after him.
I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them. They were all there, including his brothers’ SOs. My husband looked completely shocked and asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I had just been dying for a steak, so I came and got one at the restaurant.
My mother in law said it was very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner. I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom. I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself.
My husband was really pissed when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an asshole I had been. I said that he was an asshole for not inviting me to his dinners when his brothers’ SOs got to go. My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it.
Anyway, with the way the word asshole was thrown around, it made me think of this sub. So I wanted to ask if I am the asshole. Am I?
Edit: I don’t know how to add an update in this sub, so there is an update posted to my profile
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be a petty asshole because I went to the restaurant where they were having dinner, where I knew they didn’t want me for some reason, and made a big deal of walking past them.
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Okay, I know how this sounds. Please hear me out at least.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, since I was 15. His mother has HATED me since the first day she met me. She hated me due to my ethnicity, (Kosovan Albanian) she hated me due to my career, I work as a model and she decided that makes me an empty headed, vain, shallow person. Then when I told her I still planned to go to university alongside my career she said I was doing it to “impress” my boyfriend. I’ve since left uni with a distinction and her new reason to hate me is… I try too hard? She has also insisted I’ve cheated on him throughout our entire relationship which is a ridiculous claim, I’ve never even kissed another man in my whole LIFE. I have zero desire to cheat and never will.
Late last year she attempted to void the insurance on my boyfriend’s motorbikes, she tried to do this under my name so, hypothetically, when he was arrested for riding with no insurance and called his insurance company, I’d get the blame. After this happened my boyfriend and I agreed to cut her out, however it hasn’t stuck, she left my boyfriend alone and respected his wishes for NC but she’s continued to contact and harass me.
This leads to the last few weeks, my boyfriend works as a motorcycle test rider and he got in an awful motorbike crash while working, as such I now need to care for him. I’m okay with that and I’m focusing on seeing it as an opportunity for us to get closer, it’s been nice honestly. However his mother has been AWFUL to me. She’s called me litany of terms. From things as tame as stupid to things as awful as a “Nasty Serbian half breed.” I’m not Serbian and she’s well aware that calling a Kosovan a Serb is offensive. I tried to block her so she started making new iMessage accounts and began to continuously harass me via those accounts.
Then came Friday night. The police turned up at our door. I was pretty confused and was quickly told they were there to do a welfare check as they’d received “multiple” claims of horrific abuse I was apparently putting my poor boyfriend under. Obviously they quickly discovered he was fine, albeit grumpy and they left. I know for a fact it was his mother, some of the details the police mentioned made that obvious.
I’m now at a point where I’ve realised I literally cannot do this. I’m going to press charges against her for the insurance and harassment (it’s a crime in the UK) and I’m likely going to sue her for damages, for the sake of my mental health I need to do this. I don’t want to be a victim and she needs to be forced to stop. I have mentioned my intentions to her if she doesn’t back off and she’s pretty much mocking me and saying I won’t. I absolutely will. I just feel like this morally may make me an awful person. She sucks, I know this, however she’s old and miserable enough as is and I feel like doing this may ruin whatever small amount of life she has left. It feels like it may be too far. I really don’t know though and I genuinely cannot be objective here.
WIBTA here if I did this?
Edit: When I say I need to care for my boyfriend, I mean he’s essentially immobile, he’s not being unsupportive, he’s just barely able to take care of himself, let alone battle his mother too.
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NTA. This is getting dangerous. Maybe a restraining order?
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For context_ I'm a sahm with 2 kids (3yrs old & 6months old) My husband is an ambulance driver, he works odd hours and comes home unexpectedly, he expects dinner or lunch ready whenever he gets home, whether I'm sleeping or busy with the kids. It's exhausting but do it because I know how hard he works.
After struggling with this for long, my mom suggested that I start pre-making meals so that dinner or lunch can be ready when he's home, all he's gotta do is just reheat it. I immediately got to it and went grocery shopping and spent an entire 2 days making meals and storing them in the fridge. His response to this idea is "whatever". I was sort of relieved cause now I could sleep properly, the kids care won't get interrupted etc.
Well, at 11pm last night, he comes home while I'm sleeping after putting the baby to sleep. I wake up to him shouting for me from the livingroom. I rush out and ask what was happening and he tells me he's hungry and wants dinner. I tell him it's in the fridge and just needs to be reheated and he didn't have to wake me up for it. He tells me I need to go reheat it for him. I say no, not happening and he needs to reheat his own dinner. He starts laughing sarcastically which got me mad. He then tells me I'm ridiculous to assume that after working no stop for an entire shift that he should be "expected" to do a chore aka reheat dinner himself, when I'm here and I can do it. I start arguing with him after he complains I'm not doing enough and refuse to reheat it then I go back inside the bedroom and shut the door.
He comes an hour later yelling about how I've basically made him almost pass out from hunger just cause I'm petty trying to prove a point, I tell him he's being unreasonable to expect me to reheat his dinner when he could do it himself. He gives me a nasty look then tells me he's going to bed hungry and I'm responsible for this then heads out. This morning he silently gets dressed and leaves while turning his phone off.
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OP
NTA
STOP 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is not about food
This is about control, this is about respect.
This is not something you're going to be able to handle on your own, you and your husband need neutral professional assistance to navigate this discussion.
The behavior your husband is demonstrating is absolutely atrocious, it is disrespectful and unloving.
What is your dynamic that he feels it's acceptable to be yelling where he could wake up children? And why does he feel it's acceptable to yell from a different room to wake you up? This is the behavior of a child not a full grown adult nor a respectful adult. If everything you said is true then I have to ask why are you in this relationship? He's yelling from another room throwing a hissy fit to wake everybody up in the house and get attention? Then he's punishing himself and won't eat in the name of being angry with you?
I do not recommend trying to have these conversations with him because you are both going to lose it, but if this is going to be a long-term permanent relationship for you you need help because this type of behavior does not improve on its own.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and the upvotes, You get enough trips around the sun and eventually you figure things out, hoping somebody else will take your advice and not have to learn the hard way.
OP... Please take strength in all of the people that are weighing in here on all of the comments to your post, they all want to help you. If you haven't realized it by now....
OP This is not about you, this is about him and his issues.
OP if you get a minute we'd love you to give us an update and let us know what you're thinking, we're here for you
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I (20f) babysit for some extra cash on the side. This just happened and it's eating me up so here we go.
So, the family ordered pizza for dinner. Mom left cash on the table for me to pay. It was me, and two boys (7 and 10) large cheese pizza and breadsticks. I have always been under the impression that the babysitter is allowed to have a reasonable amount of dinner if they're expected to serve dinner. I've babysat a few times in the past and have never encountered this.
When the parents came home to relieve me they asked how tonight went. I said fine, and said that the pizza place was really good as I had never ordered from there before. Mom looked at me puzzled, and asked why I ate the kids dinner. I said I just had two pieces of pizza and a breadstick. I feel as if this was not an inappropriate amount to eat. However, the parents disagreed. Dad said that they didn't expect to have to feed me dinner as well, and told me not to eat their family's food.
Overall, I am very uncomfortable and confused by this experience. Both boys were fed, and did not complain about being hungry for the rest of the night. I personally have always assumed, perhaps wrongly, that if I am expected to serve dinner as a sitter than I am welcome to have a serving. Is this something anyone else has experienced? AITA?
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NTA. I'm sure they had enough to eat. Were they expecting leftovers?
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My good friend Gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’.
Both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if I may say so. I liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. My family are aware I have a filthy sense of humor and I do like to laugh.
My eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family FaceTime session. It was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc.
My granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly I wouldn’t know, and I’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! So I said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée.
Everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. I told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say I was inappropriate and ruined a moment.
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NTA. You are the type of grandmother I aspire to be!
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So, right now I'm in kinda a shitty situation. I've been treating my ex-fiance pretty cold and demanding a paternity test for the child she's caring. All of my friends are saying i'm being a major asshole but I don't feel that way, heres the story.
I knew my ex for almost 10 years. We go back all the way to high school and have been friends. After we graduated I said fuck it and asked her out and we became a couple. We dated for almost 6 years before she came to me and told me she was pregnant. I won't lie, I loved her at the time and this was actually quite exciting to me so i proposed. She, however, seemed super worried. I sat down and talked with her about it. I told her that even if she did decide to terminate the pregnancy I would be by her side and still wanted to marry her. She was super awkward about it but decided to keep the child and accepted my proposal.
These past 7 months have been a roller coaster. She moved in with me and we began getting ready for our daughters birth and we were planning on getting married after she is born. That was until a few weeks ago. An old acquaintance from high school reached out to me. I was never good friends with him but he said that he felt guilty about letting an innocent man suffer for his and my ex's mistakes. This guy claimed that he was the father of my ex's child and that my ex had been lying to me. It turns out that my ex and him got reacquainted about a year ago and started having sex. around the time my ex got pregnant they began having unprotected sex. He is not lying about this. He sent me photos of them together and showed me texts between the two of them. I was able to get my ex's phone and confirmed they were real. Along with this, he sent me a string of Facebook messages of my ex admitting to lying to me because I make more money that the real father and she would rather I care for it.
Suffice to say, I was fucking pissed. I confronted her, she cried, I cried, it was a mess. In the end I broke it off then and there and evicted her from my apartment. She's in the process of moving out now but I have not said a single word to her. I have pretty much told her that I want her out of my life. I also demanded a DNA test the minute the child is born. If it is mine, i'll help her support it. If not, then I am never seeing her again.
I've been cold to her. Her and her parents has tried multiple times to "work it out" with me but I've refused any contact with them. At one point she got all of her friends together to try to talk to me and I kicked them out of the apartment with threats of calling the police. Any time she's tried to "Reconcile" i've shut it down,
My friends are saying i'm in wrong here. According to them she's pregnant and because of that I should at least be helping her till the baby is born even if it isn't mine. I disagree fully. But I could be wrong. Am I letting my own emotions hide the fact from me that i'm an asshole?
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NTA. She has friends and family apparently. They can equally "help her till the baby is born even if it isn't theirs."
Edit: thanks for the gold!
Edit 2: and my first platinum. Wow. Judging people has been so rewarding today.
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I have three fingers missing on my dominant hand. It's fine. I can type and everything and even manage to tie my shoelaces most days (and on the days I can't, that's the dyspraxia). However, I won't deny that it looks a bit odd to most people. I only have my fourth and fifth fingers so my hand looks a bit like a child's drawing of a rabbit, and not a good one.
I'm used to people asking about it, usually after staring for a good minute or two, but I still find it annoying. I really don't get why you'd think it would be an OK thing to ask someone about, but hey. I wasn't raised in a barn. Usually I nip the questioning in the bud by just explaining the truth from the get go and assuming that enough people will gossip about it that the message will spread by the end of the day (it always, always does).
Anyway, I started a new job about a month ago, and I honestly could not face going through that same cycle again. I felt like the time had come to not play into it any more and to make something out of it - and I decided to make myself laugh. When the first new coworker asked about it, I completely lied and told her that I chewed them off as a baby. I then decided to tell the next person who asked that I cut them off with a plastic knife at a picnic, and the next person that I was born with six fingers and they removed too many, and so on. All genuinely ridiculous reasons but I'm a good actor and they actually believed my stupid lies. I didn't expect them to (a plastic knife... through bone?!) but there you go. Maybe they just thought there's no way I'd lie about how I lost my fingers.
Within about 3 days, I learned that my coworkers had been arguing about the actual reason and it seems like a lot of them now actively dislike me for lying to them. I'm probably going to have to make some cupcakes over the weekend with my super cool 3D printed adaptive whisk to get back into their good books.
Anyway, I told this story to my brother today and he told me that I was an asshole because I caused tension within the office on my first day and made people feel stupid for being gullible and believing my lies. My argument is that I'm not the asshole because they were asking a rude, albeit common, question and because I didn't do it with the intention of deceiving them, I was just honestly fed up of the question and didn't think they'd think I actually severed three fingers with dental floss when I was 3. I'll accept my judgement, though.
Update: gonna check out here, I think - getting real tired of explaining why it's not cool to ask people why they lost limbs or digits just because you want to sate your morbid curiosity. A few reminders for people: I'm not a male (don't know why everyone assumed that!), don't ask people about something that could be traumatic, especially when you don't actually know them, and when making cupcakes, always cream the butter.
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NAH. This is funny and anyone offended is being way too uptight.
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I (25f) fucking hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With work from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra and got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways.
I recently started going to the gym again and started working out braless. I should note that up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra. However, in the middle of a set of squats (yes, MID SQUAT), a guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I get really irritated because why tf is this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me?
I get really annoyed, try to finish my set, but then this fucker literally grabs the bar, as I ascend and re-racks it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last rep, and that he had come over to make sure I could do it, then noticed my nipples. I'm really fucking pissed off at this point and told him I didn't need his help finishing my set and why the fuck was he looking at my chest in the first place?? He said he was going to spot me, but then noticed my chest and thought it'd be inappropriate.
I pointed out that the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn't needed. But he just insisted people at gyms look out for each other, and that going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn't get uncomfortable and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats. I'm literally the only girl at the weights section of the gym at the moment, and other guys who were squatting and failed sets never have to worry about this shit. I've seen guys fail multiple sets in a row and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause, and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I'm now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy I've never spoken to in my life thinks he's helping me and then has the audacity to tell me how to dress.
So I tell him "You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats." He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch. Honestly I'm not sure if I overreacted, but I'm still kind of pissed off so maybe that's clouding my judgment. AITA?
Edit to add: I'm not sure if people think I'm walking around and it's extremely obvious my nipples are showing. I actually really hate constricting clothes. My t-shirt size is x-small but I wear size large to the gym (and pretty much everywhere lately), and you can't tell my stomach from my chest. My nipples might've been showing a little more while squatting because I was wearing a lifting belt
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NTA. Report it to your gym, he had no right to comment on your body at all, and no right to try and assert his "help" onto you, if he can't control himself from staring at another person's body then he shouldn't be at a place where he's going to encounter all manner of bodies.
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I (16F) used to have a good relationship with my mother. That has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “Gary” six years ago. Gary treats his son “Ian” (19M) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. Anything Ian wants, Ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. Ian wanted my room when they moved it? I was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” Ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? I didn’t get braces for another year. Ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for Spring Break? I had to give up Volleyball to make it happen. Ian wanted to have his side of the family over? I was expected to find somewhere else to be, since I wasn’t family. My mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all.
My dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to FaceTime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. He’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. I’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so I told my mom I wanted to go live with my dad. She predictably freaked out and asked why I’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. I told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow Gary’s lead and give Ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. My mom tried to argue so I said, I also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”I wasn’t family” so I was going to go live with someone who was. My mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so I told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and I was old enough to be able to say where I wanted to be.
She’s been a crying mess since I told her, and Gary is being a jackass about how awful I’m being. Here’s where I might be the asshole. He was bitching at me about how terribly I’m treating them and how I’m not thinking about them at all. I asked why should I, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. I said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. He sort of went slack jawed and I walked off. My dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. Now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. Mom and Gary of course think I’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. AITA for wanting to get away from this situation?
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NTA. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support.
I hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad.
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I (f, 28) have been with my husband "Shaun" (m, 33) for 2 years, Married for 5 months. Most of his family are decent people but his mom can be a little of a passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. Shaun sees it as "her still not getting used to me being around" but IDK because she treats his ex "Julissa" good. MIL says that Julissa has been around the family for age and her past with Shaun never affected her relationship with her. Fine, I never minded her attending every holiday and being around til yesterday.
We had Thanksgiving dinner at my MIL's house. Shaun went there before me and when I arrived it was already dinner time. Everyone was seated and I saw that all chairs were taken. I asked MIL why she didn't save me a seat and she said "sorry" and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up last minute and the chair was taken. I looked at her then at Julissa who was sitting next to shaun and tried to point out how I was more deserving of her chair since I'm the DIL (I know shouldn't have said it I know..I know) MIL flatout said that Julissa is as much FAMILY as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise. Julissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. I was so upset I wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. I sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it (don't worry I'm petite, he's strong built) and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to Shaun how warm and comfortable his lap was now and then. The table went awkwardly silence. BIL would try to break the silence and change the subject but it somehow goes back to being awkward. MIL AND Julissa were barely eating and were staring at each other than at me eyes wide open.
Minutes later, Julissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did MIL. It was still awkward but I did my best to focus on dinner. Shaun was eating as well. Later, there was just so much tension and MIL was barely able to speak after Julissa left (early, like right after dinner). Shaun and I went home and MIL tried calling but then called Shaun and texted me saying what I did was inappropriate and that I ruined Thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward. She said it wasn't her fault chairs were taken and I could've dragged a chair from the kitchen but acted childishly and made Julissa (and family) uncomfortable with how inappropriate I was.
EDIT: I need to mention that even if I took a chair from the kitchen. There was not enough space at dinner table to fit the chair. Everyone was sitting next to each other.
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NTA, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done, and gave you his seat while he went to fetch another one. In fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. I can’t imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation.
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Last week was my stepdaughter's (SD) 14th birthday. She was in the hospital days prior for a medical issue and now she's better. My husband threw her a small birthday party.
Unbeknowest to me, my boys (16) & (12) decided to pull a funny prank and mess with the birthday cake that they made for her. Instead of adding icing on the cake, they added mayonnaise. It didn't go well and my SD's reaction was to cry. My husband blew up at the boys for what they did but they said they were just trying to prank her since it's the norm and they always prank each others. My husband said it was the wrong time to do this on her birthday especially after getting out of the hospital. He told the boys they ruined her birthday but I told him he exaggarated with this statement. He got upset and yelled at me for defending this behavior and being an enbler. I don't I am because the boys love her that's why they act like this but my husband was having non of it.
Both he and SD aren't speaking to me nor the boys. AITA for saying he exaggarated?
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Let me rephrase that: "AITA for telling my husband he exaggerated for calling my boys bullies who ruined his recovering daughter's birthday?"
Duh...YTA. times a million.
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Throwaway.
My girlfriend, “Rose,” and I have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. My mum seemed to really like Rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her.
She has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. She makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. I’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour.
Rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. It was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. Unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. Fortunately, my brother, “Chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where Rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. I was out of the country, so I’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her.
Chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. Obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between Rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but I hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night.
It was too late for Chris to drive Rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. An arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me)
Rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. However, they mostly avoid each other. Chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and Rose.
My mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. Rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch.
She apparently assumed wrong.
My mum gives Rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” She tells Rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth.
Rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. According to Rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch.
At 5am, Chris found Rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. He ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.”
I did the exact opposite.
I called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. She tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but I Refused to hear any of it. Chris agrees with me, but told me that I shouldn’t make it a fight. I feel like I’m losing my mind. AITA?
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NTA but I would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. She shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother.
Edited: wow I’m the top comment. Thanks for the awards you guys. I get to tell my mom I’m internet famous now lol.
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Necessary information: When my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. After a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. Except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us.
That was when my husband and I stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. When she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and I still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. Once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick.
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Now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. He's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. My daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. Since I'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. I asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. I asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. I also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it.
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He thought of asking me because I had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". I told him that no, it was not. I was 42 then and I'm 59 now, I didn't had the health issues that I do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. Also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. I would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. Now he thinks I'm playing favorites and that I'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but I think I'm just being reasonable.
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Edit: While it is nice to know that I'm not the asshole, my son has found the post and is now very mad at me for "shaming him and his wife on the internet". I disagree as it was not my intent and I never disclosed any information that could be used to identify them both. He's also very mad about being called an asshole. While he is my son, I find that he needs a wake up call since my conversation with him in private about the issue only made him behave like a spoiled child and his reaction to me looking for input as an anonymous person was to call and yell at me on the phone. I'll let this post stay up and let this be a lesson to him.
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NTA. Grandparents are not obliged to provide free daycare, and small kids are exhausting. Tell your son you love him, and you love his child, and if you were 42 again you'd be happy to help out, but at 59 it's just too much.
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Our region has done well handling COVID, so my husband and I had a small group of family over for a backyard BBQ a month ago.
We’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. We’re not going to. We prefer our lives as mountaineers. His family thinks we'll change our minds. Mind you, husband had the snip.
MIL jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. We shut the idea down with good humor. She kept pressing, and SIL chimed in with “Come on, this is the perfect time to get started!”
Husband: We’ve talked about this already. Let’s drop it.
MIL: Well, I don’t care.
Husband: Again, drop it.
MIL: I hope it happens!
Husband: Thankfully we’re very careful.
MIL: Accidents happen. It isn’t always up to you.
Husband: Yes, it is. I had a vasectomy. Like I said, discussion over. Can we move on?
We do, but MIL and SIL are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. BIL and I are laughing about something dumb on TV, seems like everything is fine.
Until SIL says, “Vasectomies can fail, you know! It’s not a 100% thing.”
It gets quiet, MIL & SIL look smug.
MIL: So there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can NEVER be sure!
Husband & I lock eyes. Party’s over.
Me: That is exactly what abortions are for.
Cue screaming and yelling, I’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. His family are all supposedly pro-choice.
Husband yells at them to GTFO, don’t talk to me like that. MIL gets up in his face and yells that I said I would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it.
Husband: And I would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what BOTH of us would want.
Party’s over. Cue FB shitstorm. MIL’s post tags us, says: “We were having a nice family get together and OP and Husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. Every mom lives to see her babies have babies. Yesterday I was told that my cruel DIL would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.”
I do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. There was no getting through to them without being direct and final. This isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. However, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that I went over the line.
Reddit, we are the assholes here?
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NTA. You both are probably going to have to block her and cut her out for a while. Life is too short for this kind of drama.
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Background: I have diagnosed bipolar disorder. I’ve been on medication over a year and it’s the best damn decision I’ve ever made. That being said, I have a tendency to go off my meds when I’m manic. It’s not fun when the meds wean out of my system and I go nuts. In order to not sabotage myself, I take my meds everyday at 11 am. It helps me settle myself for the rest of the day, and keeps me on a strict schedule.
Incident:
My workplace has shifted online fully. We had a zoom call yesterday with HR to update everybody on COVID measures going forward for the upcoming quarter and it was about 30 or so people on the call. HR has been anal retentive about people keeping their videos on throughout the meeting; nobody is allowed to move out of the screen. The meeting began at 9 am.
11 am comes around and my alarm buzzes to remind me about the medication. I moved slightly out of frame and took them while still on the call. I didn’t think anybody noticed but apparently this senior HR person we’ll call Q, did.
The meeting wraps up at 12 noon, and as we’re all getting ready to sign off, Q tells me to stay behind after everybody leaves, in front of them.
I found that unprofessional but held my tongue.
Q then launched on this long diatribe about how I’m setting a “hostile work environment” by taking my meds during work hours, that I’m being neglectful of my duties, and that I’m “ruining my body” with them.
When I finally got a chance to respond, I said that the “drugs” I’m taking are prescription medication, and that I fail to see how the five seconds it takes me to take them is creating a hostile work environment. I said that my medical history is none of their business, and since they have failed to demonstrate any real harm in the situation, I didn’t feel like this discussion was warranted.
Q looked like they’d swallowed sour milk and told me they’d be writing me up and that I was officially being warned for my behavior.
I saw red and right after the call ended, sent an email to the head of HR (R) summarizing the conversation and refuting the warning/write ups. I stated the relevant legal protections accorded to employees in such situations and that I hoped R would address this fairly.
R looked into the matter and I learned later that Q had been suspended without pay.
A bunch of my coworkers caught onto what happened, and are now making it very difficult to work with them. Apparently Q was a popular person in the office and they felt that complaining to the head of HR was taking it too far.
This entire situation feels utterly surreal and I can’t think of any reason why I’d be the asshole, but I’m facing an uncomfortable work situation and want to know if I need to apologize and smooth things over.
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If Q had behaved appropriately they would never have gotten suspended. It's probably worth noting to the higher ups that this report got spread which is creating a hostile work environment for you.
NTA
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I (45f) am currently divorced from my ex Thomas (47m) of 30years. We ended up seeing a lawyer to help with dividing stuff. Everything was pretty much wrapped up till he said he no longer wanted any part of our kids' lives (5m) and (12f). I didn't argue with him about it since I already know what it's like having a parent who doesn't want you around or wants to be in your life. I asked what he wanted me to tell the kids and he just said "whatever you think is best I don't care. I don't want to parent anymore." Everything was in agreement and signed with no fuss.
A few weeks later I get a call from my ex Mil asking if we could meet each other. When I came over she broke down crying and begging to let my ex see his kids again. I was confused about what she meant because not once did he contact me after meeting the lawyer. She went on about how my ex said "he really missed them and that I was just a petty b*tch for taking full custody." Also that he was crying for days about it. I told her my version of events and she called it bs saying her son wouldn't lie like that especially not about his kids. Then I decided to call him in front of her. He didn't know she and I were meeting that day.
I said "hey (5m) has a soccer game in a few days (which he did) and I was wondering if you wanted to go? I know he'd really love it and be happy to see you." He instantly said "No. I already said I'm not doing this anymore." I raised my voice a bit saying "well what about holidays and birthdays because we never discussed any of it and your family might want to see them." He just said " my family already thinks the kids aren't mine anyways so it doesn't matter." I asked"well how do you think this is going to effect Denise (his mom)? She is over the moon about them." He just said " She loves me more than the kids so I doubt this will be an issue for her." After a bit more talking we finally hung up. Ex Mil was straight faced and nodded at everything that just happened saying "mmm okay." She asked me to leave and said we would be in touch.
Later that day I got a call from my ex saying how it's my fault he was kicked out of his mom's house and possibly will be taken off her will. Also that none of his family members will talk to him because of what ex Mil heard. He threw a lot of insults at me before I hung up and now him and his mates keep calling and texting me. My friend is saying I shouldn't have said anything in the first place and I ruined his life.
Edition: hello thank you for your support and the gold reward. Yes, I plan to let Denise see the kids because I know she just wants to give them the world along with the rest of his family. (I was honestly confused with what op meant at first and my daughter told me overpowered like in anime but my sister clarified.)
2nd edition: hello again, I want to address something because this keeps coming up and I can't keep up with everyone. Due to actions he and I took when we were younger my Christian parents thought it would be best he and I be married at the time.
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NTA,
He had the right to sign off his rights.
He did not have the right to paint you in a bad light and make you look to be at fault and evil/manipulative.
That's defamation of character.
You had the right to set the record straight.
His mom had the right to go no contact with her son - a grown man who didn't want contact with his actual young kids.
Sounds like he's getting a taste of his own medicine aka karma.
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My wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. We were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. My wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. The procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. Emotionally, we are both still grieving. I was with her the whole time.
Yesterday, we had a family gathering. My family knew we were expecting, and I had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. My parents and sister expressed their sympathies. However, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. I was appalled when I caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over.
I yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a DUI in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how I had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. Then I ended with "If anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. Your mother probably wishes she had aborted you."
I took my wife home, furious. Then later, I got a call from my sister. She apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. I should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. I cussed her out and hung up, but now I'm wondering if I did go too far? AITA for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted?
Update: thank you all so much for the support. My sister called me a few hours ago, and we talked. It turns out she didn't know what he had actually said. He made it seem like he had just said he disagreed with abortion, which I would say is still unacceptable to tell grieving parents. But when I told her what he actually said, she was horrified. She apologized profusely and is now considering leaving him (there were a lot of other red flags in their relationship). She's now fully on our side and can't believe her husband could be so vile
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NTA
I’m so sorry about your baby. “Incompatible with life” is one of the most devastating phrases in the English language.
Your BIL brought it on himself. How unkind of him to harass a grieving mother, and your sister isn’t much better in defending him.
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My nephews both graduated from high school this morning and I wanted to sit up front so I camped out a bit in front of the entrance. I brought my folding camping chair and my headphones to listen to my show.
About 40 minutes before the school would let us inside, a pregnant woman got next to me since somebody let her in line (I assume her partner). She asked me within 5 minutes (politely admittedly) if she could have my chair as she was going to have trouble standing the whole time. I said no, sorry I need it more (bad feet/knees) and went back to my things. She asked me again within 2 minutes and the answer was the same. She however got a little mad at me and said that she was going to be struggling the whole time and asked her partner to tell me. He asked me himself (politely) and I again responded that sorry but I need it more and suggested she could wait in their car or just sit in the ground. At this point the husband directly called me an asshole but left me alone
Aita
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NTA. You refused to give up the chair you brought because you needed it due to your own health conditions. I do feel for the woman, but she and her partner should have brought their own chairs and not assumed they were entitled to yours.
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My F/33 Dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, I had it on display in my living room. but for some reason I never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend M/37 of 6 months. Maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often.
The other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. They got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. I told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up.
I then started hearing loud noise, I walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. I rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend.
I started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. I was so angry I told him to hand it over but he said I needed to kiss him first. I yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke.
I lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. He left then called in the morning asking if I was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and I said I was dead serious. He started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, I never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then I hung up upon telling him I'm expecting the 3,500 and that I wasn't afraid to take the legal route if I have to. He kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but I insisted that he pay me.
I get that I might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. AITA?
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NTA
But he is 37? And treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? You deserve better.
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I graduated from high school back in December. As a gift my parents got me a cruise. It was also for my 18th birthday. It was also a family vacation. We usually stay at all inclusive resorts but I have always wanted to go on a cruise.
I told my parents it was different and that if we went on excursions we had to follow the schedule no matter what.
Well it was a week-long cruise and they would not head back to the ship when I said it was time to go. They were busy shopping and bargaining with the locals. I finally said that I was heading back to the ship. My mom waved me off.
The missed the departure. By a lot. Like 45 minutes. They got ahold of me through WhatsApp. They wanted to know why I didn't get the boat to wait for them.
I wanted to scream that they were not going to inconvenience 3,998 people because two could not understand what a schedule was.
They ended up having to fly to the next port from there and it was expensive. They are pissed at me for leaving them behind.
I don't know what I was supposed to do. They literally told me that they knew what they were doing.
I wish I had never asked for this. They are making me miserable because I left without them.
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NTA they seriously think the ship will delay for 45 minutes, yea no. The docks and ship have a schedule to keep. They are adults and need to be responsible for getting back on time. Which is something you have figured out in less than 6 months of being an adult. At least you don’t have to go on any more vacations with them after this.
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My friend Jack and I after a long stressful week like to go to the local pizza place. It's not fine dining by any stretch of the imagination but there are booths and tables of people sitting down. I see a large table near us of like 10 people a few couples and bunch of small kids between like 4 and 8, and the kids are running around the restaurant being loud while the adults are drinking wine and eating their pizza.
I ignore the commotion for like 20 minutes when suddenly, I feel like a hand on my leg and one of the little kids is crawling under Jack and my table, I wasn't thinking and snapped at the kid, and said "Get away from our table!" and the kid ran away and burst into tears. One of the parents at the other table came over and started tearing into me about "how cranky and mean i was and how dare I yell at her kid, who was just playing" meanwhile her and the other middle aged forty something parents are letting their kids run amok and be loud and obnoxious while my friend and I are trying to enjoy a night out.
I ripped her a new one and said "How entitled do you need to be to think it's ok to let your kids just crawl under other people's tables?" She called me an asshole and walked away in a huff.
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NTA.
Her exhaustion / boundaries / parental philosophy create no obligations for you.
Your personal space was invaded, you reacted to repair that.
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I'll admit I'm biased right off the bat. I couldn't stand her.
I call her "his ex" to myself and others. He called her "his friend".
We're all in our early 40s. She died recently - aneurysm.
I've been with him 10 years now, but he'd known her for 20+.
The way he tells it: They were friends in college, decided to date, got married, then realized they weren't a great couple and decided to just be friends. All that happened years before I met him. He was clear early on that she was "important".
A couple months into dating, it came up that his *friend* was actually his *ex-wife*. He explained the above to me, saying she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic. I expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex, and he told me "That's fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I'll choose her. I like you and all, but I've known her for over 12 years and she's one of the most important people in my life. You'll have to be ok with that if you want us to be a thing."
When we were engaged I asked again. He gave me this perplexed look & asked "Why would us getting married affect my friendships?"
I sucked it up & went along. I resented every moment of knowing her, especially when we had to be social. She understood some part of him I couldn't. Her husband was friends with mine as well, so it's not like I could use him as an angle.
He'd have lunch with the ex, they'd go to their geeky movies, and whatever.
The few times I brought it up he said "We had this conversation before. You had your chance to back out."
She died after they had lunch the other day on the way to her car. He spent a bunch of time crying, but honestly I was relieved.
He was working with her husband on funeral planning. I told him "You don't think you're going, do you?"
My argument, summed up: She's dead, so she's not a factor anymore. He doesn't get to use his "she's my friend" excuse since she doesn't exist anymore. He had his cry for a couple days, he gets to be done with mourning her already. There's no need for him to go to her funeral, since I wouldn't want her at his.
He was the angriest I've ever seen him when I told him that, replying that he'll be going no matter how I feel, and that he's "willing to burn this to the fucking ground" while holding up his wedding band. "Besides you, she was the closest friend in my life."
Him, her husband & my sisters are calling me an insensitive asshole over this, all saying that there was no romantic aspect to their relationship, & that I'm heartless. Her husband went so far as calling me a "ghoul" for how I've reacted.
I never felt their relationship was appropriate, and I hid that for years because I wanted to be with my husband. Now that she's gone, I don't feel I should have to hide it anymore, and can speak freely.
AITA for just wanting him to be *done* with her, and for him to not attend the funeral?
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YTA
When he divorces you, he probably won't have to explain his friendship with you to the next woman because, seriously... who'd want to stay friends with a woman who had treated you like this?
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I’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. In her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. Now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. She asked various family members for help but none did. I was in college at the time and I had a huge student refund.
She asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. She said thank you and we never talked about it again. I didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. That was about 8 years ago. Fast forward to today and I’m now the owner of a house in the heart of Atlanta. Prime real estate If I do say so myself. I plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. Enter my cousin and her kids.
She is upset with me because I got the house. She said because I don’t have any kids I should give her the house because I’m her eyes I got the house for free. I thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. Stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. They told me I can buy a house one day because I am a able bodied young man. It will be harder for her because she has two kids. I’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. Everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe I am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. I’m I the Asshole
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NTA, where was she when granny was about to be homeless??
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My wife and I have been together for 3yr. I have a daughter from my previous marriage. She's 14. I also have a stepson who tends to be rude at times but civil enough around adults. He's 16. He and his step sister get along well. No arguing, no yelling even better than most siblings I know which is great and it's quite a relief to see them loving and respecting each other.
We have two bathrooms in the house. My daughter only uses the smaller one. Since it's always available unlike the main bathroom that me, my stepson and wife often use.
I've recently received some money and decided to renovate the small bathroom that my daughter uses since she complained about things needing to be fixed. I started the renovation 2 days ago. While my daughter uses the main bathroom as an alternative. There were no issues until my wife pulled me aside saying my daughter's been leaving period products inside the bathroom and it wasn't right cause my stepson would see them. I asked my wife for more clarification and turns out my daughter gets rid of her used pads by putting them in the trashcan inside the bathroom. I told my wife there was nothing wrong with that so what's the problem. She gave me a look. Called me an ignorant then dropped it.
This morning she looked upset and told me my stepson went inside the bathroom after my daughter got out and probably saw her used pads in the bathroom. I asked if she meant the trashcan and it was confirmed. She then proceeded to tell me to ask my daughter to stop using the main bathroom even though the small one is still in the process of being renovated. I absolutely lost my shit and told her she was making a ridiculously unreasonable demand. Told her it's my daughter's house too. Where is she supposed to go if she can't use both bathrooms?. We started arguing back and forth until she said she'd talk to her but I told her to stop it. She just kept giving me the cold shoulder for hours now even though my stepson said nothing about this "issue" as she claims it to be.
My wife said she was trying to be a parent but I treat her as an outsider to my daughter. That's not true. I might've been harsh on her but in my opinion she wasn't trying to parent she was being unreasonable. I might be wrong I just don't see her point.
AMITA Here!?
My wife is an incredibly private person but that doesn't mean she can get others to follow.
To answer your question: The trashcan we have has a lid. It's a step on trashcan that doesn't require hands.
My stepson isn't even aware of what his mom's talking about. He can barely look around he always has his phone glued to his face and he doesn't pay attention to anything.
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> My wife said she was trying to be a parent but I treat her as an outsider to my daughter.
She was trying to *parent* the wrong kid. Daughter didn't leave the used products on the toilet tank or seat. It was in the trash. Wife should use this as a good teaching moment for her son.
NTA. And good on you!
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[Original post here if you haven’t read it already](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/heoy9x/aita_for_changing_the_package_pickup_each_time/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
A few of you asked for an update so may as well.
First of all, there was a lot of questions on the last post. Sorry for not answering any of them, the post got big really quick and I guess I got overwhelmed.
So to answer a few questions, why didn’t I cancel his orders?
I would get emails from ups and from there, I can only change the location of the package. I believe if I wanted to cancel it, it would have to be from the company itself. I tried emailing them but they said that it was an honest mistake from the other guy so there was no need to cancel (it wasn’t an honest mistake, it was like the 10th time it happened)
Another question was, why 20 miles away?
That’s the furthest location it was able to give me for some reason so I figured I’d stick with it.
Ok so now for the update.
He ended up messaging me again and called me out once again saying I’m an asshole and I ruined his day by making him drive 20 miles both ways.
I just said that it’s exhausting getting emails that should be for him and that as long as he keeps using mine, I’ll be putting his packages further and further away (I can’t actually do more miles, it was just to scare him)
I also used the analogy many of you wrote in the comments. “It takes less time to correct the email then to drive 20 miles”
I think this really opened up his eyes because on the next message he sent me, he apologized and said that I was right, it shouldn’t happen again.
All in all, I think things went relatively smooth. I’m hoping that it doesn’t happen again or else I’ll just change the location once again haha
TL;DR: He apologized for using my email, says it won’t happen again
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This is awesome, excellent update! So glad the guy apologised and seems to realise he was being a twit.
Bravo. NTA. Whatever you need.
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Pretty much the title, My f22 brother m27 is currently engaged to his fiancèe f25. he bought he a new phone for valentine's and asked my boyfriend who's trained in computer and software to install a hidden tracking app on the phone so his fianceè won't see it or notice. I overheard them talking and when I entered the room they went silent. I waited til my brother left then talked to my boyfriend, he denied having this conversation with my brother first then, admitted to installing the app on the phone. I told him he and my brother were in the wrong because this is huge breach of privacy. he said he has nothing to do with it and advised me to stay out of it as well. but I said I want to tell my brother's fiancèe. my boyfriend argued with me about being nosy and intrusive and told me to stay out of it and let them deal with their own issues. But I thought that was unfair to my future sister in law since she's the one working, paying bills and rent and this is how she is treated? My boyfriend told me gtfo with this attitude and again, said I should stay of it because it does not in any way concern me. I don't know I feel horrible after hearing about what my brother did and since I have a good relationship with his fiancee I can't help but feel guilty and wanting to tell her.
AITA for wanting to tell her?
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NTA
Tell her. But also have your phone checked out, cos your BF is throwing out CRAZY red flags.
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My daughter’s English teacher refuses to pronounce her name correctly.
She has a Japanese name and we live in Japan. Her name is Kanae, pronounced Kaa-Naa-EH.
Recently, Kanae told me that her English teacher(an expat from America) at school calls her “Kah-Nye”. She told me that she told the teacher “My name Kanae. It’s three claps (syllables)”. But the English teacher told Kanae that she was incorrect, and that grammatically speaking that she , her teacher, was correct.
During my daughters sports day I “confronted” the teacher . I explained that my daughter would like the be called “Kaa-naa-eh”. But she laughed and said she was pronouncing it the way it’s “supposed to be” but will try her best to remember.
Today, my daughter told me the teacher still calls her Kah-Nye. My daughter is very very shy and it took a lot for her to correct her teacher the first time.
I’m considering going to the school in the morning. But is that an over reaction?
(For some clarity; I am not Japanese, my wife is so our kids are mixed-race. Our kids are fluent in English and Japanese. )
🧚🏿♂️🧚🏿♂️
👉🏽Not like Kanye West
But Kah. Plus Nye like Bill Nye 👈🏼
:::::oh wow! I wrote this late at night and went to sleep. I didn’t expect it to get this much attention! Thank you for all of the responses. I can’t reply to them all. But this morning we couldn’t go(son had an earache) but we are going there after school ends. We asked our daughter if she wanted us to tell. She said that she didn’t care. We don’t want the teacher fired, we just want our daughter respected in her classroom::
⛩⛩
Update: I’m not sure where else to place it:::
But my wife and I went to the school today around 3:45pm. By then the English teacher in question had gone home.
We told the principal everything that I’ve told you all and he was extremely apologetic. He did say that maybe it was a language barrier. But I reminded him that my daughter and I both told the teacher in English how to pronounce Kanae.
So then the principal called her dispatch company (Interac it turns out). The same thing happened. The company apologized but tried to pass it off as a language barrier thing.
More apologizes were issued when we told them
we spoke English.
We were told that interac would speak to the teacher, and that they would handle it.
They principal asked us to come to the school Monday morning. I’m hoping to talk to the teacher face to face on that day.
❤️💚Final (maybe) update. This morning I met with the school board, principal, the dispatch company, and the teacher in question! I honestly didn’t expect everyone there.
It was very traditional Japanese apology. Deep bows from everyone (even the American teacher). She wrote (I think it was written for her because it didn’t sound natural and she made several mistakes)
I don’t remember it word for word but it said
“ I sincerely apologize to the (our family name) and most sincerely to Kanae(she said it correctly). I now realize how important names are to the Japanese people. Please accept my dearest condolences(yes this was actually said).”
The teacher promised to treat Kanae with more respect.
She also apologized for not respecting me during the sports day.
Honestly the only “real” thing that she said is when Kanae was brought in and the teacher kneeled down and said “Kanae. I am really sorry”.
It seemed heartfelt
Kanae being Kanae made the teacher a card
I forgive her. So does my daughter. I have no idea what is going to happen career wise however. Her company seemed very very upset.
But my daughter feels better
Thank you all so much
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Usually for Thanksgiving, we head out to go see family. Someone else always hosts (we typically help "sponsor" the host by paying for clean-up, etc, our home is just too small to host the 30+ folks who typically show up through the day). This year that's obviously not happening.
Other than us talking about not doing the usual, Thanksgiving didn't come up until yesterday. My kids have the week off from online school, and I was doing a puzzle with them before dinner when my husband walks in after work and says: "So did we get a turkey?"
I looked at him and said "Well, I know I didn't. Did you?"
He stared at me blankly and said "No. What do you mean? Do we need to get one still? Is it being delivered?"
I shrugged and said "I don't know nothing about no turkey."
The kids and he looked so confused, so I helped them along and said "I didn't buy anything. I didn't plan anything. No one said anything to me about Thanksgiving. Nobody offered to help meal plan, cook anything, do anything."
He blew up yelling at me about how I should have obviously known.
I said, why? I've literally never planned or made a Thanksgiving dinner in my life. The most I've ever done was help clean up or maybe peel the potato. I asked him why didn't ***HE*** plan anything, why didn't the kids plan anything? Why is everyone waiting until the last minute and dumping it on me?
He just sputtered and yelled and stormed off to his "office" and left me with the kids. We all had dinner, the kids cleaned up, and I was relaxing with some wine and a book after they all went to bed. My husband tore into me about how he can't believe I left this all to the last minute, now there will be no Thanksgiving, how could I know be heartbroken to do this to the kids, etc.
So I just looked at him and said "Why didn't you plan? Why did you wait to the last minute to ask me?"
He told me I was being a fucking bitch for no reason and stomped off to go sleep in his office. He left without saying a word this morning. I followed up with my kids and asked them if they wanted Thanksgiving. They said they didn't care because the food isn't that good most of the time anyway.
Before you ask, yup, I work as well. We split chores but there's no hardline. I do some, he does some. We both cook, and the oldest cooks as well. I just don't get why Thanksgiving is on my plate. Why, just because I'm a woman? Lmao fuck that.
AITA?
**ETA:** Thanks for the judgments, all. A lot of people seem to think that my kids are like, toddlers or something. They're old enough to help make the menu for dinners, help with cooking, etc. It's weird how many people came up with info here, like I was "getting down on the floor playing" rather than me and the kids... sitting at the table doing a puzzle.
Anyway, I told my husband that if he wants to do some traditional Thanksgiving with all the fattening, carby, salty, beige food, he can go ahead and plan it and I'll help in the same capacity as always. If he wants me and the kids to cook something together (aka a normal, average Thursday) I'll continue with what was scheduled.
The kids genuinely do not care. Thanksgiving doesn't mean anything to them. One of them has been asking for us to stay home for years. One of them barely touches the food as it, and the other one only likes to go so she can see her cousins, and she sees them all the time anyway. The middle kid already dug out another puzzle for us and they're just happy they're off school.
Also, we don't do Christmas.
Check your biases, folks. Don't leap to conclusions based on what you *want* to have happened.
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Heavy NTA. Also the way you handled this conversation is absolutely how I would have.
I laughed out loud at “Well I know I didn’t. Did you?”
Also you all live in the same house and share the same kitchen I’m sure he would have noticed a turkey in the fridge if there was one.
I’m sorry your husband has child-like temper tantrums.
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First of, I want to start by mentioning that my wife is a cancer patient, She unfortunately started losing her hair due to chemo therapy and she's been incredibly insecure about it, her lack of hair in particular. She got a wig and started wearing it, I don't mind it, I 100% support her since she only wears it around family and friends.
My sister lost her apartment after a messy divorce and moved in with her twin daughters (16) almost a month ago. Things been going well except my nieces constant remarks about my wife's wig. They got so hung up on it and kept asking lots of questions about it. They asked to take turns to try it on, suggested they "strighten" it with the strightner and so on which was exhausting. They even pressured to see her without it but my wife was uncomfortable and refused.
Yesterday I got home and found that my wife was locking herself in the bedroom and crying. I asked what happened, She told me she woke up and didn't find her wig, then discovered my nieces took it and hid then urged her to come out so they could see her without it. My wife repeatedly asked them to give it back but they started laughing and recording , my wife got had to lock the door to keep a distance cause they didn't stop. I was fuming I went into the kitchen and confronted them, they acted confused but I was able to get the wig back. I lashed out telling them they humiliated my wife and barrassed her by taking away her wig. They said it was just lighthearted prank which made me go off on them. My sister got involved and said my wife was just being too sensitive and the girls were just curios to see her without a wig but she overreacted. I told her her daughters were recording her! She saw nothing wrong in it and said I overreacted as well. I lost it on her too and told her she and my nieces are no longer welcome to stay at my home and they needed to leave. I later let them know about the eviction since they thought I wasn't serious and they started crying begging that I let it go. But my wife is no longer comfortable around them after what they did.
My sister called our eldery dad and he begged that I let them stay and insisted my nieces were just acting like typical teenagers. He offered to speak to my wife but I declined.
They've been begging that I chang my mind but I ket refusing. aita?
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NTA. At ALL. For fuck’s sake they were recording- they were actively trying to humiliate your cancer stricken wife. You better evict them. Your poor wife. Holy shit.
Edit: don’t let your dad even approach your wife over the phone. Seriously don’t- he’ll try to convince her she’s wrong and not those horrid brats.
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My sister (35f) and her husband (37m) have been struggling with infertility since they got married 12 years ago. They've tried absolutely everything, from medical to spiritual, but unfortunately, nothing works. Now that she's approaching late 30s, they're starting to look into adoption, but it's also been a slow going, since their financial condition isn't exactly stable from multiple rounds of fertility treatments they went through. I can only imagine the struggle, and I sympathize with her, but the stress this situation is bringing her and her husband honestly puts a strain on our relationship.
My husband and I (both 30) lost our best friends, Mason and his wife, Kate, two weeks ago in a horrible car accident. They left behind their son Pete, who isn't even two yet. It was so sudden and so heart-wrenching. We're still grieving, which lowers out contact with a lot of people, including my sister and BIL. Our main concern right now is ourselves and Pete, whose custody has come to us because we're both his godparents, actively engaged in Pete's life since his birth, and because Mason and Kate have neither left a Will nor have immediate living relatives who can take him in.
We've decided to adopt Pete as soon as we can stomach the process. My husband and I never planned on having kids, and even if we did, this is absolutely not the way we want to go about it. The situation is far from ideal, but we're starting the adoption process yesterday, for Pete's safety if nothing else. We broke the news to our extended families and friends, letting them know that my husband and I won't be very available for a little longer because of this.
I know my sister and BIL will have something to say about this. I'm prepared for a few heated text messages or voice mails. However, I didn't expect them to turn up on our doorstep, crying about how "unfair" it is that we were given everything they wanted, and how we didn't deserve to be parents because we didn't go through what they had to. I've never seen my husband so angry before. He's usually very mild and gentle, but recent events have stretched our patience to the limits. We kicked them off of our porch, and I told my sister before she left that since our pain inconveniences her so much, I won't have her around me and my family at all anymore.
I know she made a fuss about it, and now everyone has something to say to us. We turned off our phones, so we don't know which ones are cursing us and which one aren't. I know some did/are. My husband and I are both in pain and grieving, and we can't trust ourselves to be objective. Did we go to far?
Edit: I originally did not want to put this information in, because I don't want everyone to point at it and say this is the reason we're not in the wrong. For the sake of disclosure: My husband and I are both men. No, this is not a case of homophobia. My sister, for all her fault, was the first person to accept me for who I love, and I will not hear a single word about this in the comment.
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***NTA***
Hey, adopted kid here. I can give you tips on how to be an AH if you want to be, because this story inflames me anyway.
Your sister and her husband, much like my parents, tried EVERYTHING ELSE before even considering adoption. That makes their future kid their very last option. They clearly would rather have their “own” child. This attitude disgusts me, personally, but whatever I guess that’s normal for society.
Pete is your FIRST option. You sacrificed the lifestyle you wanted to have for him. You chose his life BEFORE the future you envisioned, not as a last ditch effort.
Guaranteed you’ll be a better parent. YWBTA if you told her this and honestly I encourage it.
Edit: top— lots of requests to label this as NTA
Final edit: I did not even know it was possible to receive this many awards. I’m glad this insight, which is one of MANY unique perspectives on adoption and not necessarily the “right” one, has had an impact on so many people. Best of luck to OP and her situation, and my sincere condolences.
**Edit: some additional insight gathered from my replies—**
I definitely prefer being adopted to what my life would be like if I stayed with my bio parents. But if I ever have kids they will feel like my first choice.
Almost all of us humans are mistakes or last options and that makes us feel a certain way.
One time my family realized that 1. My dad was a mistake (youngest of 6) 2. My mom was a mistake (teen pregnancy) 3. I was a mistake (teen pregnancy) 4. My brother was a mistake (20 yo pregnancy). Our dogs were more planned than we were lol
My parents framed it more as “it was meant to be because we finally ended up with you!” I’m just cynical AF lmaoooo. See other comments— I’m generally grateful and happy with my childhood. There’s still room for those feelings and a bit of criticism at the same time.
They literally named me something that means “gods gift” so don’t worry I do feel wanted I just feel kinda weird about how they got there
I’m fully aware having all these awards does not make me God. I’m on this sub to judge one specific situation, which may or may not apply to other situations.
It sucks to know, as an adopted kid, that I was the last option.
No matter what, adopted kids are gonna feel some type of way, and I want to acknowledge that. I think what I know about my story is very lucky because it’s a secret for so many kids. I’m glad I know who my bio parents are because it makes me all the more grateful I didn’t end up with them. But I still had separation anxiety that colored the rest of my life, which is unavoidable because it has to do with hormones between bio mother and child. I have food allergies too, and my mom wonders if it’s because I wasn’t breast fed. Oh well.
I feel the distinction between “our own kids” and “adopted kids” is disgusting, could’ve made that clearer or worded better. This does not mean I think people having biological children is disgusting. I am someone’s biological child, after all. But I am also a REAL child to my adoptive parents. There should be no difference between “real” or “your own” and “biological”.
Obviously insurance and bureaucracy play a big role in family planning, as well as cost. I know it’s not just that simple to adopt a kid given these factors.
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Ex(31) and I(m32) had C, (F16) way too young. We're friendly co-parents. One big rule we share is if our daughter breaks something, she pays for it.
Now, sis (27) and I are the only grandkids. Aunt never married. Instead, she worked with Gma and Gpa at their seamstry store, and took it over when they retired.
Sis's girlfriend (29) proposed last year. Gpa offered to make FSIL a custom suit, which she was over the moon about. Gma had me ask Sis what her dream dress was and record the convo. Sis, thinking it was just between us, told me in great detail what her dream dress was, though said it was way too expensive, so she would get something much cheaper.
Well, a few months later Gma surprised Sis with her dream wedding dress. It fot perfectly and everyone cried.
Sadly, Gma recently passed away, which hit us all hard. Sis was devistated, but decided that the dress meant Gma would still be there with us at the wedding.
The issue comes in with C. She's very large, much larger then Sis. Three days ago, we decided to go visit Sis and see how she was doing. It was great, but then C asked if she could try on the dress. Sis politely said no. C made a face, but dropped it.
Later, we decided to go grab dinner. Sis and I went to pick up our orders, but C decided to stay and play with Sis's dog.
We got back, and the dress was destroyed. C had apparently tried to get it on, popping some seams, and got stuck. Instead of waiting for help, she cut her way out. The dress was hacked to bits.
Sis was devistated and asked us to leave. I grounded C, and called Aunt with some pictures, asking if it could be saved. She said there was no. She said she'd make a new one, but it wasnt the same. Then she dropped the bomb on me - Gma had hand sewed most of the dress, used super expensive fabric, and put almost 500 hours in making that dress, since it was the only family wedding we'd have. In total, the dress cost 12,000 dollars, give or take.
C has about 15,000 saved from various jobs, as well as winning writing competitions. This was supposed to help her in college.
I took her to the bank and set in motion transferring all the funds, since as her parent I still have control over it. $12k to Aunt to pay for the new dress. $3k to my sister's wedding, as an emotional distress tax.
I explained exactly why this was happening to C, but she sobbed the entire time, asking what was she supposed to do for college and saying it wasnt her fault. I told her she could get a job if she didnt get a scholarship, and it was her fault for trying on the dress after she'd been told no, and for not waiting until we got back. A few popped seams could have been fixed. Hacking the dress to pieces couldnt.
C told my ex, and while she agreed C was in the wrong after the full story, said I shouldnt have "ruined her future" for a "free" dress. I reminded her of our rule, and she still thinks I'm wrong.
So, am I the asshole here?
Edit - since people are mentioning they dont understand the 3k, that was to make up to my sister that C destroyed the last gift our dead grandma ever gave her. I consider that part of the price of destroying the dress, since even if Aunt remakes it, its lost a great deal of its sentinent value.
I pointed out how young we has her because I wanted to explain how a 31 year old has a 16 year old kid. I do not resent having her, she's the best thing Ive ever done. I also brought up C's size because Sis has crohn's disease, and thus is very tiny. The dress was made her for size, and C is much larger then Sis. I love C as she is, but just holding the dress up, it was clear it wouldnt fit.
The character count is very limiting.
Edit 2 - to clarify, the money was C's "have fun at college" money, not her college fund. My ex and I are paying for whatever scholarships dont. When she was asking what she would do for college, she was askong what'd she do for fun and to buy things we didnt pay for. Again, the character count is very limiting, so i had to cut details to post.
Edit 3 - So, I got off the phone with my ex about 20 minutes ago. At some of your suggestions, I sent her the pictures, and she freaked. She apparently didnt believe me when I said it had be hacked apart, and believed it was just a few torn seams. She was pretty much on my side after. She told me that she's spent the day badgering our daughter, asking her why she did what she did, and finally C cracked and said she was mad that Grandma wasnt alive to make her a dress, and that it was "unfair" my sister got a free beautiful dress as a reminder when my daughter got "nothing," despite the many things she was given after the funeral. She tried it on, took it off when the seams popped, and then in anger hacked it apart. If she couldnt have a dress from Grandma, no one could. Her own words.
Honestly, knowing she did it on purpose has just made things worse. The fact that she could be so cruel, thats not the daughter we tried to raise. She will be going to therapy, whether that's in person when local therapists start taking new clients again or on one of those apps people have mentioned. We need to talk about it more. Her punishment stands as is, though we're going to see how therapy goes.
As for all the seamsters who have reached out, please know I'm touched by your kindness. I really am. My aunt is going to see if she can incorporate at least some of the fabric from the old dress into the new one, maybe at least try to save the beading, but if there's anything usable I'll reach out. I so so appreciate all of your offers, youre incredibly kind people.
I have yet to talk to my sister, but I have talked to her fiance. Sis isnt doing well. The stress has caused a crohns flare up, so she's stuck in bed sick. Which, honestly, I'm not surprised. Crohns is often triggered by stressful events, so I was expecting it. I told fiance about Aunt making a new dress, and she promised to take the remains over to Aunt on Monday. She's thankful for us addressing the issue, but has asked for some space from Sis so she can recover and heal, and hopefully not end up in the hospital.
As for the 3k, we'll see what my sister's state is in a few days. If she has to go to the hospital, then the money is forfit for her medical bills, since it was C's selfishness that put her there, so she can pay for it. If Sis does not end up in the hospital, then I'll consider giving it back after she's gone to therapy for a few months, if she's accepted what she did was wrong and worked to make ammends.
We'll see what the next few monthd bring.
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NTA absolutely not. She “ruined” her own future. In my mind, that dress wasn’t twelve, or even fifteen thousand dollars, it was priceless. It could have and should have been passed down for generations. I’m horrified your daughter did such a thing. Most kids don’t go to college with savings, so she’s just going to have to tough it out. I hope she looks back one day and realizes the payment she made was severely short. I am so sorry this has happened to your family.
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I am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. Rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm.
My sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job.
I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff.
4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and I offered her my spare room, temporarily. I moved most of my stuff to the living room so I could fit a small bed in there. Sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. I moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable.
Then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. I told her I couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. The arguments got worse. She told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule I couldn't afford that. I tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help.
Several times I reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me.
Two weeks ago I arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. When I told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it I guess". I got so mad I told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. For a week I only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person".
When the deadline came I boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. She was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there.
The following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. She promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week I considered most of our issues at least addressed, so I drove to help her move back.
But when I was carrying the first box down, she went "I do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. I absolutely refuse to take more of that f***ing violin."
I dropped the box, wished her good luck and left.
Now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand I have no plans to allow her back here, because I feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave.
So, AITA?
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NTA- Noise canceling headphones...problem sloved. If she is unable to do the absolute bare minimum than she clearly doesn't mind being homeless.
It is absolutely absurd that she would touch a musician's instruments, in their house, and not know that there would not be a repercussions. You even gave her a second chance.
Focus on your work and she can deal with her problems.
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Tim and I met in an English literature class our junior year of college, and we’ve been together the ten years since. While he ended up going into IT, I stayed in the liberal arts track and ended up doing non-profit work after college when I realized I didn’t actually want to be a schoolteacher. Just to say that we always assumed he’d out-earn me by a considerable margin, though when he made more I always insisted we split things evenly to avoid potential resentment down the road.
I’ve had sort of a non-linear career path, but ended up switching to the corporate world. To make a long story short, my liberal arts degree and time doing non-profit work gave me a lot of skills that enable me to really excel professionally in some more niche areas. I recently started a new job as a consultant, making way more than I’d ever anticipated. When I got the offer, I told Tim that the pay was “amazing”, but he didn’t ask about the actual amount and I didn’t want to be braggy about it, especially since I was fairly sure it was above his current income.
Well we just put in an application for a new place, and in the process of having to submit our paystubs it’s become obvious that I make roughly 30% more than he does now. I expected him to think that was cool, since he’s a feminist and has always been super supportive of my career. But instead he’s started to make increasingly harsh jabs about how I “cheated the system” to get where I am, that no English lit major makes more than a cyber security professional without cheating somehow.
His major point is that I got my first job out of nepotism, which set me up to “trample” more qualified people who didn’t have the same advantages. It’s true that I got my first post-college job after being referred by a sorority sister, but it was for non-profit work making 22k/yr, not exactly at somebody’s daddy’s firm. He also points out that at my first corporate job, I snagged a big promotion after volunteering to take on starting up the company’s diversity/equity/inclusion program, and I’ll admit that were I a white *man*, it’s highly unlikely I would have been able to be the face of the eventually high-profile diversity program. Tim also notes that I was awarded a small college scholarship for being a “promising female writer”, when no such scholarship existed for males.
But all that said…I still don’t feel like I cheated the system, and it makes me angry to listen to him “joke” about it, especially since I grew up blue collar and worked fulltime while going to school fulltime to afford my degree. I reached a breaking point yesterday when he made a crack about how the new/first woman on his team is an obvious diversity hire. I told him that his jokes about women cheating the system to get ahead aren’t funny or “guy-talk ribbing” as he says, they make him sound like an insecure little boy. He told me I was being a naïve Karen and we haven’t really talked since yesterday. Did I go too far?
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NTA. Dump him. He's sexist and toxic toward women. Imagine you have kids with him someday wtf.
Using people you know to find jobs is 100% normal and called networking.
Cybersecurity is not some top dog where no one earns more than that field. His attitude toward your major is gross.
Getting a promotion because you volunteered and showed initiative on new programs and showed interest in the company is also normal.
There are plenty of scholarships out there. Winning a scholarship does not somehow mean you took advantage.
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Me and SIL, Daisy, have been friends since High School (15 years ago). I started dating her brother, Dan, when we were all in college. Daisy married Matt sometime after I married Dan 10 years ago.
Matt and Daisy wanted a baby and starting trying right after marriage but they were having a lot of trouble. I am talking multiple failed IVF's, multiple late term miscarriages (one of which was a stillbirth). The struggle went on for for 7 years.
I have helped her immensely through everything, financially and emotionally. Matt is... unsympathetic sometimes. He behaves as if it's a batch of bad cookies and immediately guilts her into trying again. So, it always was up me and Dan to take care of her. Despite many talks from me and Dan, she remained married to him and kept trying again and again. We have had many offers to leave the state/country for a better job, but didn't because we were scared to leave her alone.
3 years ago, I got pregnant. We broke the new gently to Daisy one day. She got real quiet and then asked us to leave. Later, she sent me an email saying she doesn't want to see me or Dan anymore and that this is all too much. We tried to console her but didn't work, so gave her space.
2 weeks before I was supposed to give birth, Dan passed away in an accident. I don't have any family except for Dan and Daisy. Daisy refused to attend the funeral because she will have to see me. The day before the funeral and I called her and begged her to come. I didn't think that I would be able to go through that without her. She hung up on me and didn't attend the service.
Soon after that, I gave birth and I decided to move to another state. I cut off all contact with Daisy and started fresh. Now, me and my daughter are very happy and we are enjoying a comfortable life. She attempted to contact me once I moved away but I ignored her.
2 weeks ago, she called from an unknown number and said she desperately wanted to talk to me. Turns out she finally got pregnant, had a baby boy who passed away 5 days after being born in NICU. Matt is also leaving her and screwed her over because of the prenup. She is basically broke and homeless days after losing a child. I just said "Ok". She then asked "Are you really not going to say anything? You are really not going to help?"
I pretty much said, "I don't care about you. I don't care about your life. I don't care about Matt. I don't care that your baby died. Just leave me and my daughter alone." and then hung up.
Since then she has been sending me multiple emails and vm's stating how awful I am and how heartless and how much Dan would be disappointed. I continued to just ignore everything.
So, AITA?.
Edit: Please don't DM me about leaving a person homeless during pandemic. I am already aware of the fact. I don't care. No matter what anyone says I am not going to have any sympathy or help her in any way. I am only asking for a judgement on what I said and how I said it.
Edit 2: I am getting a lot of annoying DM's because someone cross posted this somewhere else. Please stop.
Edit 3: Please stop giving me unsolicited advise regarding changing my mind about helping her. That's not going to happen. If I wanted advice, I would have posted it in relationship_advice, not here. I only asked you to judge what I said to her and how I said it. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE. So, please stop.
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It was very harsh what you said, but I'm going with NTA. I might get shit on for this, but while I think it was a very harsh comment, she deserved to receive it based on her attitude towards you. You've been helping her for years, even tried to leave her abusive relationship, but she was (stupidly) stubborn and stuck with him, and despite all of her struggles to give birth, she should've been at least 1% happy for you, but instead, she cuts you off, and I know that she had the right to feel somewhat upset and jealous, but her reaction was way uncalled for, and she even refuses to attend her own brother's funeral just because you'd be there.
After everything you did for her, she drops you because you managed to have something she couldn't, and treats you like an enemy, despite you trying as gently as possible to share your happiness with her. She saw how your life was turned upside down from your SO's death, and she refuses to even show the slightest sign of sympathy.
Now that *HER* life was turned upside down, she wants your support? She wants you to be her rock? She wants you to comfort her? Sorry, but I'll be blunt: Fuck. That! She made her bed years earlier, and while I do feel sorry for her baby's death, you were right about one thing: You cut her out of her life, and you don't need to care about her life or her baby. Note, I said CARE ABOUT IT. If had mocked or insulted her dead infant, then you'd be an even bigger AH than she ever was, but seeing as you never said anything negative, only saying you have no feelings on the matter, you were pretty straightfoward.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry you lost your SO and a friend, but don't let her guilt you into anything, and most of all, bringing your deceased SO (HER BROTHER) into the conversation to try and get to you is the lowest of blows. She can never take that back, and It's a very hard thing to forgive.
I don't really think she was ever your friend, because let me share something with you. Real friends are the ones who stick by you during your darkest days, and have the guts to call you out on negative behaviors and actions, because they want the best for you. If you have people who only hang with you during your best, but not your worst, then they're not really your friends. I don't know if there was ever any moment she stuck with you during a dark time in your life, but based on this, she abandoned you when you needed a friend the most.
Sorry for the long comment, but I got so caught up in this story, it literally made me angry. At least you have your daughter, so in a way, Dan's presence will always be with you. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck on both of your futures.
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I (23M) have a coworker (25M) who is a mooch. If you get something for lunch, he wants you to get him something too, but expects you to buy it for him because since you mentioned it, he says you offered. At first I thought maybe he had money problem, but then overheard him laughing and bragging to someone in another department about how he was able to scam lunches out of his coworkers, and he’s attempted to bully a free meal out of someone more than once. His general entitled attitude is one of the many reasons I don’t like him.
So yesterday my girlfriend and I had lunch together. He overheard me confirming before I left and asked what I was bringing him and I said nothing. He said I brought it up, and I corrected him. No, I was confirming we were still good and he was eavesdropping on my conversation. He started complaining so I had if he gave me money for his food I’d bring him something but I wasn’t going to buy him food. He started complaining about it again and I got irritated and said no money no food, and then I left.
When I got back my boss said my coworker complained I was being hostile. I told him what happened and how he’s constantly trying to weasel free food out of people, even some of the people he knows are struggling. So my boss asked around and several others collaborated what I said. My coworker got dragged into the office and now he’s pissed that I “narc’d” and how he was just kidding. Most of the office thinks he got what he deserved but a few think it wasn’t worth getting him in trouble over.
Today no one he asked told him what they were doing for lunch, and he’s whining that we’re alienating him. I said he alienated himself because of his behavior. He said I’m an asshole, but I don’t really feel bad that a mooch who thinks it’s funny to scam his coworkers thinks I’m an asshole. My little brother is on here a lot and suggested I post though, so AITA?
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Definitely NTA. He got what was long overdue.
It's not like you went out of your way to narc on him - HE is the one who narced on himself by whining to your boss about you.
Had he not brought up the issue and forced you defend your actions (what did he think was going to happen? That you were just going to roll over and let your boss bollock you for no reason?!), none of this would have happened.
Good on you for standing up for yourself and your coworkers and hopefully, giving him a life lesson.
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[original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i683wb/aita_for_saying_that_my_daughters_best_friend_has/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me advice and I apologize I couldn’t respond or post an update earlier.
We went to the doctor, he has been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I won’t go much into detail.It was really hard for everyone but he’s getting the help he needs now, he goes to physical/mental therapy and he’s slowly getting better. I’m paying for everything and money is not the problem either. He’s still staying with me, I talk to their parents regularly and they approve of everything, they’re pretty thankful. My daughter apologized for thinking I was the asshole for getting him help.
He knows we’re there for him and hopefully he’ll fully recover soon, thank you again for judgment and good wishes :)
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Glad that the kid is getting the help he needs. Good job OP
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I had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap.
He was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. I tried to be patient.
Yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. Yesterday after I came back from work I was robbed in the bus and I had all my money and cards stolen. I cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. So I had no money.
When we went to dinner with my bf and friends I told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since I have no money. He didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". As we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so I better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal.
I was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. I'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. I said this is ridiculous and I got up and left.
Our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how I should just be polite and stay there. I can't quite understand that logic but is there any way I am TA?
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NTA. You may want to consider your relationship here.
Did you tell your friends or BF that you were robbed? If yes and they acted like this then they are not your friends.
Edit typo and NTA ruling. Wow, maybe I should go study for my (fake) law degree. 😁
To individuals thinking I'm actually studying for the bar, it was a joke. I only qualify for reddit judgements, even then I could be wrong.😊
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The title sounds awful but please read all the way til the end. DO NOT SPEED READ THIS.
My (22f) sister "Anna" (21) is "special need". She has severe autism and while she is verbal most of her communication is "physical" like sign language due to her social discomfort. She does speak around family though and has pretty bad cognitive skills. She can't comprehend boundaries and lives with our parents so they can best watch her.
I am getting married in 3 months. We planned a simple wedding and reception at my fiance "Michael's" parents barn and farm. Since it's all gonna be DIY and we aren't planning anything too expensive, we can do things pretty quickly since flowers, food and decor will be provided by his family.
I sent out invites last week and I asked that Anna not come. I told my parents I understood that would mean they may not show up but it was just a heads up. Why no Anna? She has an issue with touching Michael and trying to kiss him. At times when we were at my parents house Anna would try and grab Michael's hands, try to lean in to kiss him or would have a really bad shutdowns if she wasn't allowed to be directly next to him. We've tried speaking to her but there's only so much we can do when she doesn't really understand. I told my parents I just want one day for Michael to be *my* partner and not Anna's comfort person. They called me selfish and asked how I expected them to agree to something like this. They told me Anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own and while I have Michael for probably the rest of our lives she'll have no one and that Michael and I can be a little more understanding to the reality of her life.
I feel like a total ass and what they're saying has really gotten to me and I'm starting to question my decision. AITA?
Update: My parents called me letting me know they won't be coming and that it's best I don't bring Michael around anymore since I've "chosen some man over my sister". They told me that Anna wanting to kiss Michael and hug him is normal for a women her age and that she doesn't understand what her feelings mean. I suggested they try to redirect her during the wedding but they said Michael is gonna be family to her and he needs to "get over it". I suggested they watch the wedding via web and they said that's not fair and that they deserve to see things in person. I asked if *I* could pay for someone with proper credentials to watch her that day while they attention and they asked what I would do when they died and if I'd pawn her off every time. I dropped the unfortunate truth bomb that I don't want to put any more of my life aside for Anna anymore. I did it up until I turned 18. And that Anna is not my life's responsibility and I won't be her keeper. I assured them I'd pay for her care but if she's okay doing this to Michael then I worry for if I ever do choose to have children and what she'd do to them
They said I was sick for suggesting she'd do anything to my future children and hung up on me. They sent a lengthy text telling me not to contact them until I could "do the right thing". So thts where we are right now.
PLEASE READ: This is NOT an excuse to talk badly about disabled people's nor is this an opportunity to air out your hatred for them. My sister is not a scapegoat to hate disabled people. She is a human being with feelings, she is not a statistic, she is not evil. Please stop treating my sister as if she's a malicious monster, this debacle is between me and my parents. Leave her out of it, please. I am begging you, I don't want to hear why you think my sister sucks.
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NTA. I don’t care if I get downvoted. You’re right, she is incapable of leaving your fiancé alone on the only day she needs to leave him alone. Best wishes to you and your future husband!!
ETA: since this blew up, let me clarify: she needs to leave him alone EVERY DAY and that is solely the responsibility of the parents to teach those boundaries, not OP or fiancé.
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A while ago, my doctor found a cancerous lump in my breast. Thankfully it was stage 1, but I did end up having a mastectomy. It was a stressful time, and when my friend was over a few days before my surgery, we got on the topic of the “boob-voyage” party from Jane the virgin. I asked her if she would throw me one of those parties to help me get my mind off it.
I thought she would put together just a small girls night, but she went all out. She invited all of my friends and my boyfriend and had an array of boob paraphernalia. It was funny and lighthearted and meant a lot to me to get all that support from my friends.
During my recovery, my boyfriend confronted me and said that he hated the boob party, he thought it was tacky, and he was offended that I hadn’t asked him to put something together instead. He said that we were supposed to be going through it together and I should have thought about his feelings and the fact that he doesn’t like parties and wouldn’t want to spend one of the nights leading up to my surgery like that. I told him that I’m sorry he felt that way, but it was really helpful for me and I was the one getting surgery and treatment. I told him I wanted to support him but my feelings had to take priority under those particular circumstances and the party helped me. He’s still angry at me for refusing to apologize for asking my friend to throw the party without asking how he felt about it first. It comes up now and again and he still wants me to apologize. AITA?
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So you went through a life changing experience and he made it all about himself? NTA.
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My husband just got promoted to shift manager 3 weeks ago. This meant that his 10am-6pm shift has now been switched 4am to noon. He isnt a morning person AT ALL so most mornings he will start huffing and puffing as soon as his alarm goes off and he will instantly turn on our light and very loudly start looking for his work clothes.
I have asked him several times to put clothes out the night before and he has yet to do so. I have also asked him to not turn the light on or be super loud. After all, when I worked at 5am I made sure to be respectful of him sleeping.
So yesterday morning when he got up at 3am and flipped on the light, I grabbed my stuff and went to the guest room. He came in and asked what I was doing. I told him that since he didnt respect me sleeping, at all, that I would be staying in the guest room from now on. He made a comment about "The light will only be on for 5 freaking minutes." Which is not true. He turns the light on, finds himself clothes and then goes to take a shower without turning the light off. If I turn the light off, he will come back into the room after the shower and turn it on again to grab his socks and put on his shoes. (Which also pisses me off because shoes stay in the kitchen by the door and there's no reason he cant put them on at the table).
Anyways, instead of understanding, he just got angry. Mainly because he is not a morning person and he doesnt like dealing with anything in the AM. So, while he was at work yesterday, I moved all my stuff into the guest room. Last night he practically begged me to sleep in the bedroom and promised to let me sleep. Well, this morning he flips on the fucking light again so I sit up and I'm like "Are you kidding me right now?" And he says "I'm being quiet!" As if that was the only issue. So I went into the guest room and locked the door. I told him I was staying in here from now on despite his efforts to sway me. He thinks I'm overreacting.
AITA?
EDIT FOR THE TROLLS OF REDDIT: I do in fact work. So your assumption that I dont is not only mislead but pretty ignorant. Also, the assumption that everything I have is due to my husband working, another ignorant statement.
Not that it matters for the context of this post but I work 4pm to midnight. And cute little tid-bit, I'm the bread winner. I make nearly $5 more on my hourly wage. Take that info and shove it.
Update: Thanks for all the awards and awesome feed back! I am in search of a (hopefully) light weight mask that one of you suggested. I hope it works!
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NTA He is being completely disrespectful. Honestly, if he can't get up in the middle of the night without waking his partner, _he_ should be the one sleeping in the guest room. But since he seems to be completely inconsiderate I recommend you stay there. You are not overreacting, not even a little.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebjcyh/aita_for_demanding_the_same_christmas_present_my
Here's the update some of you have been asking for.
I decided I needed a break from my dad and his family so I spent the holidays exclusively at my mom's house. I will most likely not be continuing the week on/off arrangement at my dad's house this year.
The reason I initially got from my dad is that apparently I'm better at getting rides, while my step brother keeps bugging them for rides. And also because my stepbrother is there full time and I'm only there every other week. I think that's totally bullshit. He knows how difficult it has been to get to my part time job. My stepbrother doesn't even have a job, like damn. And now the custody bs is my problem? I don't think so.
I took the gift card and told my dad not to bother with getting me a car. I'm currently "borrowing" my grandmom's 2002 Corolla and I love it. And all I have to do in exchange is drive my grandmom around whenever she wants. It's awesome. We have a blast going around town.
There were a lot of different judgements on my initial post but at least I know I'm not completely crazy.
People might think I'm being an entitled brat and that's fair. But I was legit so grateful for the gift card. I was freaking out. But I felt so stupid when I found out what my stepbrother got. It's not that I needed a car. I just wanted to be treated equally.
This is the first time ever I've been actually resentful about having my step brother in my life. Which I don't want to feel but it's the truth. They could've bought two cars for what they spent on my step brother's car.
I don't hate my dad. But I realized that I can't really expect him to do right by me without me bitching about it. He's been sending money to my mother now since I'm here full-time. Some of that money is used to pay for my insurance.
He does text me a few times a week and I reply but I don't really have long conversations with him. I know he's sorry and he wants me around. But I just need some space from him. It kinda sucks realizing that a parent might not love you as much as you thought they did. But I'm sure our relationship will improve in time.
I'm on track for college this year and I want to focus on school and put all this behind me. I'll be one of the few people from our family going to college so everyone is pretty excited.
So all in all, I think the outcome is pretty positive.
Thanks guys.
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I love that you’re enjoying time with your grandma. I grinned involuntarily at that part.
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I (15F) live with my parents (mid-40s) and my brother (9M). It’s always been a dream of my parents to adopt (me and bro are bio-kids) and they had come to the decision that they want to adopt an older kid. They got matched with ‘Jess’ who is 13. Due to the current situation, she is not living with us, but we’ve met before and she’s spent a weekend with us in January. Jess, despite sometimes being sweet and kind, is very high maintenance and has a lot of anxiety and anger problems. She can go from 0-1000 really quick. During her stay, she got triggered by something when we were in public (she and I went to a clothes shop and my parents were in a cafe nearby - some guy accidentally grabbed her by her shoulder as he thought she was his daughter, and he apologised immediately) and started screaming. I was the only person there, and I tried to calm her down but she ran off.
She was found (shaken, but safe) an hour later. I then got grounded as I had failed in being responsible for my ‘sister.’ I said I didn’t have a sister. My parents were angry about this and said that how dare I be rude about her, don’t I know how much she’s been through. She’s had other outbursts, but none so huge in public. She can be cold and untrusting and was very clingy to my parents. I do admire her, and think she’s very brave - but I don’t want to live with her.
My parents call Jess often. I often say hi, and try to be civil and supportive. But it seems like the only thing my parents can talk about is Jess, and how brave she is, and she isn’t even here yet.
We live in a 3 bedroom house, and my parents promised to move to a bigger one later this year. Recently, my parents broke the news to me that Jess will move into my room, and I can pick whether I want to share a room with bro, or Jess. I don’t want to share with either. My brother is messy, loud and is your average 9yo boy and Jess has night terrors and screams the house down, and it’s enough having to open my house to her, but I value my privacy a lot and don’t want her in my room, which is like my special place. I was crushed. I asked if we were still moving, and my parents were like, ‘We like this place and have no solid plan.’ I freaked out and was like, ‘You guys are forgetting you have another daughter and are too excited about the shiny new one to remember that the one you have has feelings and boundaries, and if you’re changing everything I’ve ever known, at least I deserve to be listened to. If this is how life’s going to be, I don’t want to have a sister.’
Good to note: my room is big enough to have a wall put in, and my parents considered it a few years back. I would be happy with that. They refuse, even though we can easily afford it, because it is ‘too much effort.’
My parents are offended that I’m ‘not being welcoming’ towards my ‘sister’, and I’m offended that the life I knew is going to be turned upside down, and I’m not going to have the thing I value most, my privacy. AITA?
Update: this blew up... enough to reach jess. she called me and we had a good heart to heart. she was unaware of the situation, and felt really uncomfortable about it. we had a family meeting via skype to explain to my parents why this was a bad idea, and showed them some of the comments in this thread. they apologised and they said they would try to improve their behaviour. we asked to put up a wall, and they agreed. my father is currently watching a video on how to do it lol.
jess also says hi to everyone - and thanks you for looking out for her.
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NTA. I bet your parents think that taking in Jess is such a kind thing to do, they can't possibly be wrong and everyone needs to just get on board. However, you are a person and your feelings also matter. They are being really heavy-handed and not making any effort to make you comfortable.
Can you ask them to attend family counseling before Jess arrives? If they refuse, do you have access to a social worker or someone as part of this process that you could talk to? Hearing from an independent professional that they need to consider your feelings might help them understand.
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