sub_id
string | title
string | Criticism
string | Intent
string | Readability
int64 | body
string | author
string | score
int64 | awards
int64 | numComms
int64 | created
string | subreddit
string | annotated_post_body
string | ES
int64 | EFS
int64 | RS
int64 | EMaskingQ
string | EMask
string | EFSMaskingQ
string | EFSMask
string | RMaskingQ
string | RMask
string | Comments
string | Annotated
bool | label_combination
int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
eibpzl
|
my fp is convinced i don’t have bpd
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
even though i KNOW i do. i was going over it with him, how i’ve always been like this and the symptoms make more sense than any other diagnoses that’s been thrown at me.... and he looked at me and said ‘do you even know what you’re saying? you don’t have that. you’re a good person, you just have depression and anxiety like everyone else’
this was after me talking about how i feel like i’m slowly becoming shittier and shittier to the people around me and other friends and family are starting to point it out... the Angry Mean Bad part that comes with BPD that i’ve held together for years is starting to come out. and he won’t believe me, he says the people i’m taking it out on deserve it.
of course he would think i’m a good person, though. i would never hurt him or do anything intentionally to make him angry at me, i mean he’s my favorite person in the whole world!! and all i want is to be around him.... but comments like that, as if he’s been around the past 10 years i’ve been in therapy.... yeah, don’t tell me i don’t have it when it helps me make sense of why i’m feeling a certain way.
anyways, new years resolution is to get back into therapy... on the plus side, though, it has been a full year since i’ve last been hospitalized!!!
|
dakota_lineman123
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-01 00:58:00
|
BPD
|
<es>my fp is convinced i don’t have bpd<ee> <es>even though i KNOW i do.<ee> <es>i was going over it with him, how i’ve always been like this and the symptoms make more sense than any other diagnoses that’s been thrown at me.... and he looked at me and said ‘do you even know what you’re saying? you don’t have that. you’re a good person, you just have depression and anxiety like everyone else’<ee> <efs>this was after me talking about how i feel like i’m slowly becoming shittier and shittier to the people around me and other friends and family are starting to point it out...<efe> <efs>the Angry Mean Bad part that comes with BPD that i’ve held together for years is starting to come out.<efe> <es>and he won’t believe me, he says the people i’m taking it out on deserve it. <ee> <es>of course he would think i’m a good person, though.<ee> <es>i would never hurt him or do anything intentionally to make him angry at me, i mean he’s my favorite person in the whole world!!<ee> <es>and all i want is to be around him.... but comments like that, as if he’s been around the past 10 years i’ve been in therapy.... yeah, don’t tell me i don’t have it when it helps me make sense of why i’m feeling a certain way. <ee> <rs>anyways, new years resolution is to get back into therapy... on the plus side, though, it has been a full year since i’ve last been hospitalized!!!<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you get back in therapy
| null | true
| 221
|
ejvi01
|
Share Your Victories! - January 04, 2020
|
0
|
chitchat
| 5
|
What are you celebrating this week? Ace a test? Manage to make a phone call? Breakthrough in therapy? Whatever it is, no matter how small you think it is, let us know!
|
AutoModerator
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-04 11:17:14
|
mentalillness
|
What are you celebrating this week? Ace a test? Manage to make a phone call? Breakthrough in therapy? Whatever it is, no matter how small you think it is, let us know!
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
f758ya
|
My brother is abusing his girlfriend
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
My brother is abusing his girlfriend.
I [F14]seriously need some help and advice. I’m not really sure where to start but my older brother who is turning 21 this year is abusing his girlfriend and she, who is 18 won’t leave him, or report it. They also have a baby girl together who is around 6 months old. This all started a few months ago, when my mum told me that when she went to visit them (they live in quite far away) he seemed quite controlling and she seemed scared of him, which I thought wasn’t normal. Anyways, she left it alone but was still very wary and kept in touch with his girlfriend. They text/call daily. One night she texted my mum saying that they were arguing and it got physical and my mum asked if he had ever hit her and she said no, but he had pushed her. Which is no surprise because he had always been controlling and violent, which I’ve experienced firsthand but never thought much of, because siblings fight right? Fast forward to tonight. My mum gets a text from his girlfriend, and she sent her pictures and videos of the marks he left on her face tonight. It looks bad. Like if she were to go out in public people may ask questions. It looked as if he had scratched and or slapped her. Naturally we were very concerned for her but to be honest I was not shocked at all. Sad to say, but thats my brother. My mum constantly told her to leave him, and report this to the police but she claims she loves him and that she does not want to lose custody of her baby. My mum was not really sure what to do because they live in a different country, about an hour away on a plane so theres not much she COULD do right then. She’s currently looking for plane tickets for next month to go visit and try sort this out, because when my she visits, his girlfriend seems to be most at ease when my mum’s around. I keep thinking about this, and how she said that she loves him so she won’t leave him but how can you love someone that clearly doesn’t love you? I just wish she could see this from an outsiders perspective, that he’s clearly manipulating her, he likes the power role, he always has. He’s not a good person. He messed up his own life at an early age, got involved with gangs and stuff, he messed up his own life and along with that he messed up mine, more than he even knows or cares to believe. He’s never changed and I really don’t think he will. I can’t even count anymore how many times we’ve tried to get him help. At this point I don’t care if he goes to jail. He’s probably better off in there anyways. He clearly doesn’t love us or her and its sad but I don’t think I do either. Please, if you have any advice on what me and my mum can do to help it would mean a lot because we are stuck right now. I’ve heard too many stories and I don’t want her to end up in a life threatening situation. Thank you so much for reading if you got this far.
|
lvdyflvcko
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-02-21 03:41:11
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>My brother is abusing his girlfriend.<ee> <es>I [F14]seriously need some help and advice.<ee> <es>I’m not really sure where to start but my older brother who is turning 21 this year is abusing his girlfriend and she, who is 18 won’t leave him, or report it.<ee> <es>They also have a baby girl together who is around 6 months old.<ee> <es>This all started a few months ago, when my mum told me that when she went to visit them (they live in quite far away) he seemed quite controlling and she seemed scared of him, which I thought wasn’t normal.<ee> <es>Anyways, she left it alone but was still very wary and kept in touch with his girlfriend.<ee> <es>They text/call daily.<ee> <es>One night she texted my mum saying that they were arguing and it got physical and my mum asked if he had ever hit her and she said no, but he had pushed her.<ee> <es>Which is no surprise because he had always been controlling and violent, which I’ve experienced firsthand but never thought much of, because siblings fight right? <ee><es>Fast forward to tonight.<ee> <es>My mum gets a text from his girlfriend, and she sent her pictures and videos of the marks he left on her face tonight.<ee> <es>It looks bad.<ee> <es>Like if she were to go out in public people may ask questions.<ee> <es>It looked as if he had scratched and or slapped her.<ee> <es>Naturally we were very concerned for her but to be honest I was not shocked at all.<ee> <es>Sad to say, but thats my brother.<ee> <es>My mum constantly told her to leave him, and report this to the police but she claims she loves him and that she does not want to lose custody of her baby.<ee> <es>My mum was not really sure what to do because they live in a different country, about an hour away on a plane so theres not much she COULD do right then.<ee> <es>She’s currently looking for plane tickets for next month to go visit and try sort this out, because when my she visits, his girlfriend seems to be most at ease when my mum’s around.<ee> <es>I keep thinking about this, and how she said that she loves him so she won’t leave him but how can you love someone that clearly doesn’t love you?<ee> <es>I just wish she could see this from an outsiders perspective, that he’s clearly manipulating her, he likes the power role, he always has.<ee> <es>He’s not a good person.<ee> <es>He messed up his own life at an early age, got involved with gangs and stuff, he messed up his own life and along with that he messed up mine, more than he even knows or cares to believe.<ee> <es>He’s never changed and I really don’t think he will.<ee> <es>I can’t even count anymore how many times we’ve tried to get him help.<ee> <efs>At this point I don’t care if he goes to jail.<efe> <efs>He’s probably better off in there anyways.<efe> <efs>He clearly doesn’t love us or her and its sad but I don’t think I do either.<efe> <rs>Please, if you have any advice on what me and my mum can do to help it would mean a lot because we are stuck right now.<re> <rs>I’ve heard too many stories and I don’t want her to end up in a life threatening situation.<re> Thank you so much for reading if you got this far.
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eir7wj
|
Chronophobia
|
1a
|
survey
| 3
|
*"Chronophobia is a specific psychological phobia which manifests itself as* ***a persistent, abnormal and unwarranted fear of time or of the passing of time.****"*
Even in the simplest things I always think about the possibility of something better that I could be doing and then, I'm constantly chasing time, just like Kate Winslet as Clementine... Anyone else?
|
ThatBloodyValentine
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 01:36:11
|
Anxiety
|
*"Chronophobia is a specific psychological phobia which manifests itself as* ***a persistent, abnormal and unwarranted fear of time or of the passing of time.****"* Even in the simplest things I always think about the possibility of something better that I could be doing and then, I'm constantly chasing time, just like Kate Winslet as Clementine... Anyone else?
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ejwuc7
|
I think I might have social anxiety, but haven’t been diagnosed
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I was always a very shy and quiet little girl. I was nervous about presentations, but I always did them with no bigger problems. I had friends and could be relaxed with them. That has all changed.
When I started 8th grade, I started getting depressed and I was later diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder). That’s when I lost my self confidence. I stayed home all my free time. Never saw any friends ourside of school. I was also bullied: left alone, people talked sh*t about me behind my back. I know that’s not much, but I became very self critical. Why did they leave me out? Was something wrong with me?
Anyway. At that time I could still do presentations and could go to the store for example. But today it is really hard for me to leave my house. I’m soon turning 18.
I started IB last fall. I have friends, but I am very careful around them. I barely talk/take part in conversations. When we decide to go to someone’s house, I get anxious and make up a reason to not go. I can’t do any presentations. My whole body shakes when I have to go in front of the class. My heart rate rises, I get cold and/or hot shivers. Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna faint.
I don’t know what to do://
|
yeetyourselfout
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-04 13:50:05
|
socialanxiety
|
I was always a very shy and quiet little girl. I was nervous about presentations, but I always did them with no bigger problems. I had friends and could be relaxed with them. That has all changed. <es>When I started 8th grade, I started getting depressed and I was later diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder).<ee> <es>That’s when I lost my self confidence.<ee> <es>I stayed home all my free time.<ee> <es>Never saw any friends ourside of school.<ee> <es>I was also bullied: left alone, people talked sh*t about me behind my back.<ee> <es>I know that’s not much, but I became very self critical.<ee> Why did they leave me out? Was something wrong with me? Anyway. At that time I could still do presentations and could go to the store for example. <es>But today it is really hard for me to leave my house.<ee> <es>I’m soon turning 18.<ee> <es>I started IB last fall.<ee> <es>I have friends, but I am very careful around them.<ee> <es>I barely talk/take part in conversations.<ee> <es>When we decide to go to someone’s house, I get anxious and make up a reason to not go.<ee> <es>I can’t do any presentations.<ee> <efs>My whole body shakes when I have to go in front of the class.<efe> <efs>My heart rate rises, I get cold and/or hot shivers.<efe> <efs>Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna faint. <efe> I don’t know what to do://
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel faint due to anxiety
| null | true
| 220
|
eiatfr
|
My job makes me feel like shit all the time yet I don't know what to do.
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
It's hard as shit getting a decent job, and it would just be the same. Just job searching is such a pain in the ass. Sifting through all the corporate mumbo jumbo. It's hard for me to discriminate between this stuff. I fucked up, coasting through life with no idea what in doing. I'm in no position to do what I want. I used to be even unhappier without a job, and no I will again after this, but fuck. The office setting stifles the shit out of me socially. Other people move around the ladder and I don't even know how. The stress, lack of sleep and caffeine make my psychosis worse. So I just go through the motions and mental turmoil. If I get let go it's only because I couldn't muster up the courage to quit and have a negative personality. I know I have a negative personality, I just honestly can't do much about it. Fucking tired as shit working like 50 hours a week. All these other people go to gym, cook meals, do great at work. I'm a piece of shit. There's nothing I want but more security. I don't care about anything.
|
Old_boy7
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2019-12-31 23:45:20
|
depression
|
<efs>My job makes me feel like shit all the time yet I don't know what to do.<efe> It's hard as shit getting a decent job, and it would just be the same. <efs>Just job searching is such a pain in the ass.<efe> Sifting through all the corporate mumbo jumbo. <efs>It's hard for me to discriminate between this stuff.<efe> <es>I fucked up, coasting through life with no idea what in doing.<ee> <es>I'm in no position to do what I want.<ee> <efs>I used to be even unhappier without a job, and no I will again after this, but fuck.<efe> <efs>The office setting stifles the shit out of me socially.<efe> Other people move around the ladder and I don't even know how. <es>The stress, lack of sleep and caffeine make my psychosis worse.<ee> <es>So I just go through the motions and mental turmoil.<ee> <es>If I get let go it's only because I couldn't muster up the courage to quit and have a negative personality.<ee> <es>I know I have a negative personality, I just honestly can't do much about it.<ee> <efs>Fucking tired as shit working like 50 hours a week.<efe> All these other people go to gym, cook meals, do great at work. I'm a piece of shit. <rs>There's nothing I want but more security.<re> I don't care about anything.
| 2
| 2
| 1
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what kind of security you want
|
title
| true
| 221
|
eiltwu
|
Day 34. New Years day
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
So I bought some nicotine patches. Haven’t smoked all day. I’m in a terrible mood. I’m thinking bought cigarettes way more than I ever did dope.
|
marduk123789
| 1
| 0
| 20
|
2020-01-01 18:40:20
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>So I bought some nicotine patches.<ee> <es>Haven’t smoked all day.<ee> <efs>I’m in a terrible mood.<efe> <es>I’m thinking bought cigarettes way more than I ever did dope.<ee>
| 1
| 1
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you were taking nicotine
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel not taking nicotine
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to control your urge to smoke
| null | true
| 110
|
em134d
|
Doctor prescribed Mirapex/Pramipexole for RLS while I jump off my taper. Anyone ever tried this? Did it do anything for your RLS??
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
So I’m working on a taper with my doctor and I was just prescribed Mirapex(pramipexole) for my restless legs (RLS) when I eventually jump off.
I quit about a year ago and used this on a recommendation from my old doctor, but only 1/2 mg at nights and I found my RLS got 10x worse when I would take them !!
My new doctor said it’s because I wasn’t taking enough? I’m scared that if 1// mg made my RLS 10x worse, 2.5mg twice per day (5mg) will make them 100x worse !!!
Does it make sense that if I take enough, the effect will go from, making RLS worse to making them go away? Has anyone tried it? How did it work for your restless legs?
|
Dembry_345
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-08 23:44:13
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>So I’m working on a taper with my doctor and I was just prescribed Mirapex(pramipexole) for my restless legs (RLS) when I eventually jump off.<ee> <es>I quit about a year ago and used this on a recommendation from my old doctor, but only 1/2 mg at nights and I found my RLS got 10x worse when I would take them !!<ee> <es>My new doctor said it’s because I wasn’t taking enough?<ee> <efs>I’m scared that if 1// mg made my RLS 10x worse, 2.5mg twice per day (5mg) will make them 100x worse !!!<efe> <rs>Does it make sense that if I take enough, the effect will go from, making RLS worse to making them go away?<re> <rs>Has anyone tried it?<re> <rs>How did it work for your restless legs?<re>
| 2
| 1
| 2
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel taking mirapex
| null | null | null | true
| 212
|
eid0nl
|
Update from yesterday
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
Summary: last night I drove to a meeting and sat in the parking lot but left without getting out of the car.
Thank you guys for your responses. Tonight I made it in to my first meeting. I sat in the back and didn’t say much other than a couple hellos and thank yous along with every one else. And made one joke about the fireworks going off. Overall I feel pretty good about one meeting under my belt. Maybe I will go to another one.
|
TooLateFor8
| 1
| 0
| 7
|
2020-01-01 02:57:07
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
Summary: last night I drove to a meeting and sat in the parking lot but left without getting out of the car. Thank you guys for your responses. Tonight I made it in to my first meeting. I sat in the back and didn’t say much other than a couple hellos and thank yous along with every one else. And made one joke about the fireworks going off. Overall I feel pretty good about one meeting under my belt. Maybe I will go to another one.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
eiw1s6
|
ouch
|
0
|
chitchat
| 3
|
u know what i mean?
|
dumdumgrl
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 09:18:22
|
BPD
|
u know what i mean?
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
eii455
|
Today I have all the tears in the world.
|
0
|
rant
| 1
|
I could flood the town. I'm in the deep sad. I don't want to be here any longer. I can't stop crying and it's both very nice and horrible.
All of the light has gone out of my life.
|
kidneycat
| 1
| 0
| 15
|
2020-01-01 13:01:06
|
BPD
|
I could flood the town. <efs>I'm in the deep sad.<efe> <efs>I don't want to be here any longer.<efe> <efs>I can't stop crying and it's both very nice and horrible. <efe> All of the light has gone out of my life.
| 0
| 2
| 0
|
What made you feel X ?
|
sad
| null | null |
What can help you overcome X ?
|
the feeling of sadness
| null | true
| 20
|
ej5geu
|
Getting blood drawn today
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
I wasn’t wearing my usual jacket because I’m trying to get used to it in preparation for summer, and when I said “sorry about my arms”, assuming it made him uncomfortable, the guy who was drawing my blood told me that it was okay and starting giving me tips on ways to help myself out. Not the usual “call a hotline” or “try rubber bands” but he talked about how drinking a lot of water (it was hard to find a vein because I don’t drink a ton of water) can raise serotonin and dopamine levels. What a guy. Much love to him.
And, I got a free comic! I’m a huge comic nerd. Apparently they realized that teenagers (I’m 18M) don’t want little kid stuff, cause they’ve got prizes like toys for little kids who get blood drawn, so they had comics! Dope lab office :D
|
iandmeagree
| 436
| 0
| 40
|
2020-01-02 22:27:14
|
selfharm
|
I wasn’t wearing my usual jacket because I’m trying to get used to it in preparation for summer, and when I said “sorry about my arms”, assuming it made him uncomfortable, the guy who was drawing my blood told me that it was okay and starting giving me tips on ways to help myself out. Not the usual “call a hotline” or “try rubber bands” but he talked about how drinking a lot of water (it was hard to find a vein because I don’t drink a ton of water) can raise serotonin and dopamine levels. What a guy. Much love to him. And, I got a free comic! I’m a huge comic nerd. Apparently they realized that teenagers (I’m 18M) don’t want little kid stuff, cause they’ve got prizes like toys for little kids who get blood drawn, so they had comics! Dope lab office :D
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
eictz5
|
I just realised how many places I've cut at
|
0
|
rant
| 1
|
It's been three years and I've cut in a while lotta places, like most of my friends houses, lots of weird public places and countless bathrooms. Sometimes I end up in those places and I just think 'huh'
|
theantfly
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-01 02:39:06
|
selfharm
|
<es>It's been three years and I've cut in a while lotta places, like most of my friends houses, lots of weird public places and countless bathrooms.<ee> <es>Sometimes I end up in those places and I just think 'huh'<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you are cutting yourself
|
How did X make you feel?
|
cutting yourself
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are cutting yourself in weird locations
| null | true
| 100
|
eovle8
|
Deaths involving meth are rising fast -- What is the "narcan" for meth?
|
0
|
survey
| 4
| null |
innofuel
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-15 02:02:51
|
addiction
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ejc57i
|
To everyone who offers to PM people in need of help...
|
1b
|
chitchat
| 1
|
... you are FUCKING AMAZING PEOPLE, seriously i love you all. I cant thank someone from this subreddit enough for all the help they've given me.
|
SadSkywalker
| 56
| 0
| 12
|
2020-01-03 07:31:34
|
selfharm
|
... you are FUCKING AMAZING PEOPLE, seriously i love you all. I cant thank someone from this subreddit enough for all the help they've given me.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
esfy6k
|
Silicone Vacuum Cupping Massage Body Facial
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4
| null |
quiver92
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-22 18:23:04
|
selfhelp
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
eibdph
|
SO ANGRY
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Sick of this crap. I cannot even kill myself, because I can't even get it together to get the stuff to do it with, because I am mentally disabled beyond belief. I truly have a learning problem, and it plus all else has destroyed me. I don't even have the option to kill myself and I am determined....but I really needed to.
|
Boopy7
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-01 00:29:57
|
depression
|
<efs>Sick of this crap.<efe> <es>I cannot even kill myself, because I can't even get it together to get the stuff to do it with, because I am mentally disabled beyond belief.<ee> <es>I truly have a learning problem, and it plus all else has destroyed me.<ee> I don't even have the option to kill myself and I am determined....but I really needed to.
| 1
| 1
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what you are sick of
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about your learning problem
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel you have a learning problem
| null | true
| 110
|
eqkouw
|
Help
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 3
|
I have a boyfriend that I have been with for almost 3 years. I’m 30 years old with 3 kids that aren’t his that he wanted to help raise. He makes 100,000 a year as an engineer (he’s 32, we went to HS together) and we live in a gorgeous $300,000 house. At 30 and 32. We drive nice cars, we have nice things, my kids play sports and we are seemingly perfect.
He is a major alcoholic.
I recently slit my arm up and had to go to the ER to get stitches because I am so lost and in pain from his choice to drink. While we were there- (we told them I was cutting an onion with a sharp knife 😑 and our baby lab who is 80 lbs jumped on my arm) he then proceeded to let the nurse know his mom and sister are in the medical field and can be watch the nurse stitch me up? Knowing I slit myself purposely. He saw my fat cells, and nerves. He cleaned up the blood I spilled all over the kitchen. He made himself important and interested in my suffering.
Back to what ACTUALLY matters, because at this point it’s not even me- I have 3 kids. 4, 8, and about to be 13.
I am deeply concerned for them. I’m ashamed and angry at myself. I had my son when I was almost 18, and the 2 others by the time I was 25. I also chose after having 3 kids to go to college like I knew I wanted to and got my Bachelor’s Degree from a desired university (we live in Oklahoma) in Environmental Health and Safety Management. It wasn’t a trade school, or community college or one of those.. a legitimate university. I pride myself on that because I’m extremely intelligent and it bothers me I make such horrible choices for my life.
My son hears everything. My girls hear everything.
Recent and relevant story:
My boyfriend got drunk last night (I usually choose to drink with him.. half the time it’s to drink so he won’t drink it all) and I chose not to. He drank almost an entire bottle of Sailor Jerry’s.. pretty normal. Usually it’s whiskey though. I hid the rest of the bottle and he got angry, of course. My son was home and I decided to take him to Sonic to do..something..anything normal. Let’s get some food at 10:00 at night.
We got there only to discover he’d taken my wallet because I hid the alcohol.
Fast forward to today: I want it to be normal, I have home decor to buy for our beautiful house.. and we are to see a movie with my son.. I get ready, everything is OK, at least.. and he can’t find my wallet he hid. He then is infuriated.. slamming things, demands I help him... I won’t.. so he throws my purse. I throw the remote at him.. and he loses it. Cussed me out, screams.. it’s all my fault.. you get it.
He’s a good guy. This is not him. I realize this is what women say. I’m extremely educated and intelligent: he’s even more so. He’s a drunk. He’s an excellent father figure to my kids when he isn’t intoxicated. He’s become mildly abusive. Mainly name calling and screaming but sometimes physically.
We bought a house in both our names. My car is in both our names. My kids have a dad.. it’s not so easy just to walk away.
Please- what do I do? I’m borderline suicidal and it seems never-ending.
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cde089
| 1
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| 8
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2020-01-18 19:04:37
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alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>I have a boyfriend that I have been with for almost 3 years.<ee> <es>I’m 30 years old with 3 kids that aren’t his that he wanted to help raise.<ee> <es>He makes 100,000 a year as an engineer (he’s 32, we went to HS together) and we live in a gorgeous $300,000 house.<ee> <es>At 30 and 32.<ee> <es>We drive nice cars, we have nice things, my kids play sports and we are seemingly perfect.<ee> <es>He is a major alcoholic.<ee> <es>I recently slit my arm up and had to go to the ER to get stitches because I am so lost and in pain from his choice to drink.<ee> <es>While we were there- (we told them I was cutting an onion with a sharp knife 😑 and our baby lab who is 80 lbs jumped on my arm) he then proceeded to let the nurse know his mom and sister are in the medical field and can be watch the nurse stitch me up?<ee> <es>Knowing I slit myself purposely.<ee> <es>He saw my fat cells, and nerves.<ee> <es>He cleaned up the blood I spilled all over the kitchen.<ee> <es>He made himself important and interested in my suffering.<ee> <es>Back to what ACTUALLY matters, because at this point it’s not even me- I have 3 kids. 4, 8, and about to be 13.<ee> <efs>I am deeply concerned for them.<efe> <efs>I’m ashamed and angry at myself.<efe> <es>I had my son when I was almost 18, and the 2 others by the time I was 25.<ee> <es>I also chose after having 3 kids to go to college like I knew I wanted to and got my Bachelor’s Degree from a desired university (we live in Oklahoma) in Environmental Health and Safety Management.<ee> <es>It wasn’t a trade school, or community college or one of those.. a legitimate university.<ee> <efs>I pride myself on that because I’m extremely intelligent and it bothers me I make such horrible choices for my life. <efe> <es>My son hears everything.<ee> <es>My girls hear everything.<ee> <es>Recent and relevant story: My boyfriend got drunk last night (I usually choose to drink with him.. half the time it’s to drink so he won’t drink it all) and I chose not to.<ee> <es>He drank almost an entire bottle of Sailor Jerry’s.. pretty normal.<ee> <es>Usually it’s whiskey though.<ee> <es>I hid the rest of the bottle and he got angry, of course.<ee> <es>My son was home and I decided to take him to Sonic to do..something..anything normal.<ee> <es>Let’s get some food at 10:00 at night.<ee> <es>We got there only to discover he’d taken my wallet because I hid the alcohol.<ee> <es>Fast forward to today: I want it to be normal, I have home decor to buy for our beautiful house.. and we are to see a movie with my son.. I get ready, everything is OK, at least.. and he can’t find my wallet he hid.<ee> <es>He then is infuriated.. slamming things, demands I help him... I won’t.. so he throws my purse.<ee> <es>I throw the remote at him.. and he loses it.<ee> <es>Cussed me out, screams.. it’s all my fault.. you get it.<ee> <es>He’s a good guy.<ee> <es>This is not him.<ee> <es>I realize this is what women say.<ee> <es>I’m extremely educated and intelligent: he’s even more so.<ee> <es>He’s a drunk.<ee> <es>He’s an excellent father figure to my kids when he isn’t intoxicated.<ee> <es>He’s become mildly abusive.<ee> <es>Mainly name calling and screaming but sometimes physically.<ee> <es>We bought a house in both our names.<ee> <es>My car is in both our names.<ee> <es>My kids have a dad.. it’s not so easy just to walk away. <ee> <rs>Please- what do I do?<re> <efs>I’m borderline suicidal and it seems never-ending.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eiaaoo
|
Dont want to live anymore
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1a
|
rant
| 1
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Im ruining everyones lives. I cant do this anymore. Curiosity killed the cat. Now im a piece of shit and its a sure thing.
Im better off not talking to anybody. Everyone tells me im shit in one way or another. That or i find out im shit. Whatever. Pt is nobody wants me here. I wanna end it but im to afraid ill be forced to live w more suffering..i cant even cry anymore
|
miab0616
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2019-12-31 23:03:29
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depression
|
<efs>Im ruining everyones lives.<efe> <efs>I cant do this anymore.<efe> Curiosity killed the cat. <es>Now im a piece of shit and its a sure thing.<ee> <efs>Im better off not talking to anybody.<efe> <es>Everyone tells me im shit in one way or another.<ee> <es>That or i find out im shit.<ee> Whatever. <es>Pt is nobody wants me here.<ee> <efs>I wanna end it but im to afraid ill be forced to live w more suffering..i cant even cry anymore<efe>
| 1
| 2
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why people tell you are bad
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
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you feel nobody wants you
| null | true
| 120
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ekgesu
|
My Rapist Gave Me Herpes
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1b
|
rant
| 2
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I was raped two days before Christmas. He lied about putting on a condom, he even left the room and pretended to put one on. After he came back I even asked if he had one on and he said yes. He then aggressively assaulted me, leaving bruises and scratches and he finished inside of me. Fast forward to two weeks later I had to go to the ER in the middle of the night because my vagina hurt so bad. I could barely walk. At the ER they testers for everything and said I most likely had herpes. I refused to believe this because I also had a really bad yeast infection and a UTI so I thought the extra pain was just from that. A couple of days later I got a call from the ER saying I had test results in. I called back and they said yes you tested positive. And it took them way to long to figure out which test was positive since there were so many done. After finally figuring it out, the lady tells me I should tell the person I slept with, which was just an extra punch in the gut.
This was not my first rape, but it is by far the worst. I feel so incredibly lost and embarrassed and I don’t know what to do now. I’m on antibiotics for pretty much everything but there is no cure for herpes. I really feel so incredibly lost.
|
smnappy
| 1
| 0
| 2
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2020-01-05 17:57:20
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rapecounseling
|
<es>I was raped two days before Christmas.<ee> <es>He lied about putting on a condom, he even left the room and pretended to put one on.<ee> <es>After he came back I even asked if he had one on and he said yes.<ee> <es>He then aggressively assaulted me, leaving bruises and scratches and he finished inside of me.<ee> <ee>Fast forward to two weeks later I had to go to the ER in the middle of the night because my vagina hurt so bad.<efe> <efe>I could barely walk.<ee> <es>At the ER they testers for everything and said I most likely had herpes.<ee> <es>I refused to believe this because I also had a really bad yeast infection and a UTI so I thought the extra pain was just from that.<ee> <es>A couple of days later I got a call from the ER saying I had test results in.<ee> <es>I called back and they said yes you tested positive.<ee> <es>And it took them way to long to figure out which test was positive since there were so many done.<ee> <es>After finally figuring it out, the lady tells me I should tell the person I slept with, which was just an extra punch in the gut.<ee> <es>This was not my first rape, but it is by far the worst.<ee> <efs>I feel so incredibly lost and embarrassed and I don’t know what to do now.<efe> <es>I’m on antibiotics for pretty much everything but there is no cure for herpes.<ee> <efs>I really feel so incredibly lost.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel lost after getting diagnosed with herpes
| null | true
| 220
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eix5pt
|
I’ve been addicted or physically dependent on Nasal Spray (oxymetazoline) for 6 years
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1a
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help-seeking
| 3
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I’m not sure if this would be the correct place to post this, so if it is not I will be happy to remove my post.
*Long story short*:
6 years ago my nose was stuffy, and so I used some nasal spray to help it. And every day sense I’ve done the exact same thing. Upon trying to stop the rebound congestion is utter hell. My nose will swell completely shut and it becomes impossible to breathe through it which makes me super anxious.
I’ve tried so many things to stop this dumbass addiction(or physical dependency) but I’ve failed every time.
—**If any of you have personal stories of how you stopped/what you’ve been through/what you are currently going through with oxymetazoline dependency I would really appreciate hearing them**—
*I’ve tried&failed all of the following methods:*
**(1)Diluting the oxymetazoline sprays with saline 50%**
-my nose barely reacted to this method at all because my tolerance is so high. I went 3 days trying this and then broke down and used the full strength because I was so uncomfortable.
**(2) the ‘only spray in one nostril method’ **
- I stuck with this method for 3 weeks which was good for me. The bad thing is the side I didn’t use the nasal spray in never became clear. After 3 weeks with no oxymetazoline spray that nasal passage was still just as blocked. I had read that most people could breathe again out of their nostril after 1-2 weeks, but after 3 full weeks with no success I felt helpless.
-I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been abusing it so long that maybe it takes longer, or I’ve possibly caused permanent damage or tf exactly is going on. I also got sick which led to me fully caving and using it in both sides.
**(3) Cold Turkey**
-attempted this method multiple times, the longest I’ve lasted is 2 days. It physically starts to hurt and I can not sleep whatsoever. I keep trying to push through but I fail this one every single time
**(4) Doctor Visit: Prednisone, saline, saline solution**
-Felt very little effects from the prednisone, lasted about 1 week until I caved because I was so tired and desperately wanted to sleep. The doctor also said my nose looked perfectly healthy upon the visit(whilst knowing my history with nasal spray) which is *surprising* to say the least after 6 years, but that my septum was significantly deviated which makes me nasal passages pretty narrow, so any sort of inflammation from sickness or in my case rebound congestion will completely close the passage.
-A septoplasty was recommended, but was out of my bush ect for the time being. I can breathe perfectly with the spray, so I hope once I become clear of it completely maybe I’ll be able to breathe normally?
I feel stupid for failing so many times. I know I need to try harder, but I don’t know what to try next. Maybe I should retry some of the previous methods but idk.
I wish I could stick tubes up my nose to stop my passages from closing when the rebound inflammation starts, but I don’t think that sort of thing exists and I’m sure there are many medical reasons why that is not a good idea lmao.
I’m not sure what exactly I’m doing to my body long term, but I know I need to stop this.
|
stickbugbitch
| 1
| 0
| 10
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2020-01-02 11:33:05
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addiction
|
I’m not sure if this would be the correct place to post this, so if it is not I will be happy to remove my post. *Long story short*: <es>6 years ago my nose was stuffy, and so I used some nasal spray to help it.<ee> <es>And every day sense I’ve done the exact same thing.<ee> <efs>Upon trying to stop the rebound congestion is utter hell.<efe> <efs>My nose will swell completely shut and it becomes impossible to breathe through it which makes me super anxious. <efe> <es>I’ve tried so many things to stop this dumbass addiction(or physical dependency) but I’ve failed every time.<ee> —**<rs>If any of you have personal stories of how you stopped/what you’ve been through/what you are currently going through with oxymetazoline dependency I would really appreciate hearing them<re>**— *I’ve tried&failed all of the following methods:* **(1)Diluting the oxymetazoline sprays with saline 50%** -my nose barely reacted to this method at all because my tolerance is so high. I went 3 days trying this and then broke down and used the full strength because I was so uncomfortable. **(2) the ‘only spray in one nostril method’ ** - I stuck with this method for 3 weeks which was good for me. The bad thing is the side I didn’t use the nasal spray in never became clear. After 3 weeks with no oxymetazoline spray that nasal passage was still just as blocked. I had read that most people could breathe again out of their nostril after 1-2 weeks, but after 3 full weeks with no success I felt helpless. -I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been abusing it so long that maybe it takes longer, or I’ve possibly caused permanent damage or tf exactly is going on. I also got sick which led to me fully caving and using it in both sides. **(3) Cold Turkey** -attempted this method multiple times, the longest I’ve lasted is 2 days. It physically starts to hurt and I can not sleep whatsoever. I keep trying to push through but I fail this one every single time **(4) Doctor Visit: Prednisone, saline, saline solution** -Felt very little effects from the prednisone, lasted about 1 week until I caved because I was so tired and desperately wanted to sleep. The doctor also said my nose looked perfectly healthy upon the visit(whilst knowing my history with nasal spray) which is *surprising* to say the least after 6 years, but that my septum was significantly deviated which makes me nasal passages pretty narrow, so any sort of inflammation from sickness or in my case rebound congestion will completely close the passage. -A septoplasty was recommended, but was out of my bush ect for the time being. I can breathe perfectly with the spray, so I hope once I become clear of it completely maybe I’ll be able to breathe normally? <efs>I feel stupid for failing so many times.<efe> I know I need to try harder, but I don’t know what to try next. Maybe I should retry some of the previous methods but idk. I wish I could stick tubes up my nose to stop my passages from closing when the rebound inflammation starts, but I don’t think that sort of thing exists and I’m sure there are many medical reasons why that is not a good idea lmao. <rs>I’m not sure what exactly I’m doing to my body long term, but I know I need to stop this.<re>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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| 222
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eicove
|
University rise my anxiety
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0
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rant
| 2
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In my country we have a period to study from 15th December to the 6th January. Then we have exam till February.
I hate this period of the year and especially this year is the worst. Missing Christmas, missing new year eve's, refusing all my relatives invitation because I know if I have to go out, I can't study all day long even if it is on the evening
I'm doing a master in computer science and the mass of work is just insane! From the start we had a lot of assignments and at the beginning of my exams I'm already tired and I feel burn out.
I have an other assignment for 5th January and I can't study and work for it.
I know I have to work half it, half other courses but my head is not good at multitasking.
If I have to go out in the evenings, I can forget working in the morning. If I have two thing to do, I can forget the other one.
I have 8 exams to study and I have studied none of it... I know I have to work all day long but I can't manage to do it. Everytime I think about it, I just want to cry and bury myself. I can't wrap my head around this idea.
A whole day in front of my work? How??
I just feel tired. I've tried to lookup on advice online but what I have found don't satisfy me at all. People talk about working from 8am to 11pm. Just reading their schedule made me want to cry. I'm feeling depressed with all this work. I don't know what to do, normies afraid me.
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Sousana9617
| 1
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| 0
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2020-01-01 02:25:34
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ADHD
|
<es>In my country we have a period to study from 15th December to the 6th January.<ee> <es>Then we have exam till February.<ee> <efs>I hate this period of the year and especially this year is the worst.<efe> <es>Missing Christmas, missing new year eve's, refusing all my relatives invitation because I know if I have to go out, I can't study all day long even if it is on the evening<ee> <es>I'm doing a master in computer science and the mass of work is just insane!<ee> <efs>From the start we had a lot of assignments and at the beginning of my exams I'm already tired and I feel burn out.<efe> <es>I have an other assignment for 5th January and I can't study and work for it.<ee> <es>I know I have to work half it, half other courses but my head is not good at multitasking.<ee> <es>If I have to go out in the evenings, I can forget working in the morning.<ee> <es>If I have two thing to do, I can forget the other one.<ee> <es>I have 8 exams to study and I have studied none of it... I know I have to work all day long but I can't manage to do it.<ee> <efs>Everytime I think about it, I just want to cry and bury myself.<efe> <es>I can't wrap my head around this idea.<ee> <es>A whole day in front of my work?<ee> <es>How??<ee> <efs>I just feel tired.<efe> <es>I've tried to lookup on advice online but what I have found don't satisfy me at all.<ee> <es>People talk about working from 8am to 11pm.<ee> <efs>Just reading their schedule made me want to cry.<Efe> <efs>I'm feeling depressed with all this work.<efe> <efs>I don't know what to do, normies afraid me.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
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you feeling tired from all the work
| null | true
| 220
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eisjch
|
No one cares about my existence.
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1b
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help-seeking
| 1
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Why does my mum makes fun of my anxiety/depression and blame my no social life on my behavior even though I get angry because she asks me so many bad/toxic questions and always doubt me for no reason? She is not nice to me as I’m a middle child.?
|
iJawadAli
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2020-01-02 03:23:49
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Anxiety
|
<es>Why does my mum makes fun of my anxiety/depression and blame my no social life on my behavior even though I get angry because she asks me so many bad/toxic questions and always doubt me for no reason?<ee> She is not nice to me as I’m a middle child.?
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| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
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your mom doubting you
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are upset about your mom doubting you
| null | true
| 200
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ekn0vn
|
Hi guys, I'm conducting a research on social anxiety, it would help me alot if you guys could answer it! (Ages 13-21) it will not take more than 10 mins to do so!
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0
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survey
| 1
| null |
C455Y
| 1
| 0
| 2
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2020-01-06 02:04:06
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socialanxiety
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
| true
| 0
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ejtt34
|
I know there is something wrong with me socially, but I don't know what.
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1a
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help-seeking
| 1
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I know that something is off with my personality. I never fit in the new groups, I can easily recognize I don't contribute much to the conversation or that I'm the odd one out; the quiet one, that one no one wants to sit next to. Do i have a mental health problem or something?
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Sad_Raisin
| 2
| 0
| 4
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2020-01-04 07:54:42
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socialanxiety
|
<es>I know that something is off with my personality.<ee> <es> I never fit in the new groups, I can easily recognize I don't contribute much to the conversation or that I'm the odd one out; the quiet one, that one no one wants to sit next to.<ee> <rs>Do i have a mental health problem or something?<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
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being the odd one out
| null | null | null | true
| 202
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emi497
|
Anyone else get nauseous/shivers when triggered?
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0
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survey
| 1
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I was run over by a car in late June 2019, and was diagnosed with PTSD a month ago. I haven't had any treatment for it, but i was already on an SSRI that my doc increased the dose on after my squishing.
Anyway, when a car rolls towards me (even if i know that bitch is gonna stop, it doesn't matter), i get a single violent shiver down my spine, and my stomach flips like i missed a stair. The feeling of nausea passes right away, thankfully. Also all the usual junk: sweaty palms, heart racing, flight response.
The weird part is the chill and stomach flip, and i've noticed these reactions getting worse over time. The shiver down my spine usually causes me to make some kind of noise, kinda like a grunt and it feels like my throat is closing up for a sec. These all subside right away, but are still weird an annoying.
Anyone else had this reaction?
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sad-but-hydrated
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-09 23:36:13
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ptsd
|
<es>I was run over by a car in late June 2019, and was diagnosed with PTSD a month ago.<ee> <es>I haven't had any treatment for it, but i was already on an SSRI that my doc increased the dose on after my squishing.<ee> <efs>Anyway, when a car rolls towards me (even if i know that bitch is gonna stop, it doesn't matter), i get a single violent shiver down my spine, and my stomach flips like i missed a stair.<efe> <efs>The feeling of nausea passes right away, thankfully.<efe> <efs>Also all the usual junk: sweaty palms, heart racing, flight response.<efe> <es> The weird part is the chill and stomach flip, and i've noticed these reactions getting worse over time.<ee> <es>The shiver down my spine usually causes me to make some kind of noise, kinda like a grunt and it feels like my throat is closing up for a sec.<ee> <efs>These all subside right away, but are still weird an annoying.<efe> <rs>Anyone else had this reaction?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you not feel the nausea around cars
| null | true
| 221
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ekfszs
|
Why do I spend 70+$ a month on medication that keeps me functioning when...
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
I could just stop taking it and I'd finally have the guts to off myself? It would really and officially make this pain go away, forever. This pain I've tried to get rid of through years of therapy, hospitals, treatment centers, groups... My parents money down the drain, what a disappointment I am. This pain that never seems to actually go away. Right when I'm feeling okay it steps backs in and reminds me of who I really am, broken. I've never been fixable, I've been containable. Me not being here would relieve so many people of the worry that I'm going to snap again...I'm going to beg for money. I act like everything is okay, but I wish that truck would swerve and hit me. I wish instead of that poor woman who wants to live, that monster would target me instead. Let me make at least one person feel happy. Cancer kills why can't this be the disease that kills me?
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Jacobcalled
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2020-01-05 17:14:36
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mentalillness
|
I could just stop taking it and I'd finally have the guts to off myself? It would really and officially make this pain go away, forever. <es>This pain I've tried to get rid of through years of therapy, hospitals, treatment centers, groups... My parents money down the drain, what a disappointment I am.<ee> <es>This pain that never seems to actually go away.<ee> <es>Right when I'm feeling okay it steps backs in and reminds me of who I really am, broken.<ee> <es>I've never been fixable, I've been containable.<ee> Me not being here would relieve so many people of the worry that I'm going to snap again...I'm going to beg for money. I act like everything is okay, but I wish that truck would swerve and hit me. I wish instead of that poor woman who wants to live, that monster would target me instead. <rs>Let me make at least one person feel happy.<re> Cancer kills why can't this be the disease that kills me?
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what kind of pain you have
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the pain
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help you relieve this pain without meds
| null | true
| 101
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ejd3k0
|
Started crushing on a guy and I'm scared Im getting too obsessed
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1a
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rant
| 2
|
This guy and I became friends recently and it's a texting relationship because we have been too busy to meet. I've met him before though and he's really nice. So we started texting after a party where he was ensuring I'm okay because I was a little tipsy. So we talk all night till the morning and it's really really nice and I feel really happy and I don't think I'm like clingy. However, he doesn't like me he likes someone else (which is sad because it really seems like he likes me) but I stupidly like him. So I've started doing all my stupid shit like I can't stop thinking about him, idealise him, obsessively check if he is online etc etc While I know it might not be the end of the world right now, i don't know him that well or like him that much !! It's just a weird obsession. Like I don't think it's pure infatuation like I actually feel a connection but I know it's taking some weird unhealthy turn. I'm okay with him liking someone else I just don't want to lose him. I can't ghost him because I don't want to lose someone else I care about (I know he will leave me this is obviously nothing for him he doesn't care). So I'm scared about the turn I'm taking but I'm also a little happy because after an awful relationship with my ex my heart just died and now I can feel things again. BUT NOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT BPD I NEED TO HANDLE THIS SHIT BEFORE I RUIN EVERYTHING
|
Soft-Future
| 3
| 0
| 0
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2020-01-03 09:23:25
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BPD
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<es>This guy and I became friends recently and it's a texting relationship because we have been too busy to meet.<ee> <es>I've met him before though and he's really nice.<ee> <es>So we started texting after a party where he was ensuring I'm okay because I was a little tipsy.<ee> <es>So we talk all night till the morning and it's really really nice and I feel really happy and I don't think I'm like clingy.<ee> <es>However, he doesn't like me he likes someone else (which is sad because it really seems like he likes me) but I stupidly like him.<ee> <es>So I've started doing all my stupid shit like I can't stop thinking about him, idealise him, obsessively check if he is online etc etc.<ee> <es>While I know it might not be the end of the world right now, i don't know him that well or like him that much !!<ee> <es>It's just a weird obsession.<ee> <efs>Like I don't think it's pure infatuation like I actually feel a connection but I know it's taking some weird unhealthy turn.<efe> <es>I'm okay with him liking someone else I just don't want to lose him.<ee> <es>I can't ghost him because I don't want to lose someone else I care about (I know he will leave me this is obviously nothing for him he doesn't care).<ee> <efs>So I'm scared about the turn I'm taking but I'm also a little happy because after an awful relationship with my ex my heart just died and now I can feel things again.<efe> <rs>BUT NOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT BPD I NEED TO HANDLE THIS SHIT BEFORE I RUIN EVERYTHING<re>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help you control you obsession
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eidnsz
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How to respond to your friends wanting to buy your meds
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0
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help-seeking
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I guess this is more of a rant, we do see these posts often enough but I'm just finding myself in the situation for the first time. Sorry if this isn't allowed, I don't post much, more of a lurker.
How do you respond when friends ask to buy some of your meds? I haven't told many friends because I'd read on here before I was diagnosed that some of you have dealt with friends wanting meds from you, and I heeded that warning! These are some close friends of mine now asking, I don't want to sell or give them away, I don't want people using the drugs that I need to function semi-normally for fun, it just bothers me. Not to mention the legality. I'm not a confrontational person so I'm currently feeling like ignoring, but I can't do that forever. Help, please?
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peacaulk
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| 31
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2020-01-01 04:01:06
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ADHD
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<rs>I guess this is more of a rant, we do see these posts often enough but I'm just finding myself in the situation for the first time.<re> Sorry if this isn't allowed, I don't post much, more of a lurker. <rs>How do you respond when friends ask to buy some of your meds?<re> <es>I haven't told many friends because I'd read on here before I was diagnosed that some of you have dealt with friends wanting meds from you, and I heeded that warning!<ee> <es>These are some close friends of mine now asking, I don't want to sell or give them away, I don't want people using the drugs that I need to function semi-normally for fun.<ee> <efs>it just bothers me.<efe> <es>Not to mention the legality.<ee> <efs>I'm not a confrontational person so I'm currently feeling like ignoring, but I can't do that forever.<efe> <rs>Help, please?<re>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you feel when your friends want to buy your meds
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eirpdq
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Intimacy affected for a long time?
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0
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help-seeking
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Hopefully not too tmi.
My partner has PTSD quite severely right now (I have mild PTSD too). We haven’t been intimate in months and it doesn’t look like we will soon.
Just wondering if other spouses/partners go through this and how to encourage it when the time is right.
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BarneyTheRubble
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| 0
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2020-01-02 02:15:47
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ptsd
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Hopefully not too tmi. <es>My partner has PTSD quite severely right now (I have mild PTSD too).<ee> <es>We haven’t been intimate in months and it doesn’t look like we will soon.<ee> <rs>Just wondering if other spouses/partners go through this and how to encourage it when the time is right.<re>
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| 2
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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more on your PTSD
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How did X make you feel?
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your PTSD
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| 102
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ej3kxs
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Accidentally showed my dad my cuts
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1b
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rant
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Accidentally showed my dad my (fresh cuts) in the heat of an arguments early this morning and he belittled me and told me it’s pretty much what I do to myself for attention (even though I’ve been self harming in various ways since I was 7 years old). I am now really regretting telling him and am feeling tempted to cut even more...
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hammymami69
| 5
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| 21
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2020-01-02 20:17:34
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selfharm
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<es>Accidentally showed my dad my (fresh cuts) in the heat of an arguments early this morning and he belittled me and told me it’s pretty much what I do to myself for attention (even though I’ve been self harming in various ways since I was 7 years old).<ee> <efs>I am now really regretting telling him and am feeling tempted to cut even more...<efe>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why did you cut yourself
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you regret showing your cuts to your dad
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f9g2y7
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I want to fix my life but I'm so overwhelmed to even start
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1a
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help-seeking
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I've been on-and-off with varying levels of depression in my life but these past five or six months have been especially bad, at an already especially involved period of anyone's life. Right around the end of September last year there was a really traumatic event that happened between my parents that was building up over several months. My life ever since has been me and my family trying to pick up the pieces and build our life from there, hopefully for the better. coincidentally, the moment that I really needed to kick it into gear and get my shit together just so happen to coincide with when my depression got the worst it ever has in maybe four years. I need to really get into applying for schools, especially since it got put off in September because of said traumatic incident Also, even though I'm terribly depressed to the point where I feel incredibly hopeless about life and think, I have dreams, big dreams, revolving around my art career that I want to work on, but I haven't even gotten started and don't know how. But I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning, let alone do everything required to get into college or vocational classes or start on a huge creative project. The few times I have gone out to see about different schools and stuff the guidance counselors gave me the run around and I'm back at square one after weeks of trying and I'm exhausted and just want to lay in bed all day and disappear. Maybe I'm overreacting but I've been getting worse and I don't know what to do. Luckily I opened up to my mom about feeling overwhelmed and she agreed to accompany me to anywhere I need to go to apply for classes, so that's awesome.
But putting school aside, I'm overwhelmed in general because my life is at a point where everything needs an overhaul. Besides not being in college, classes, or work, I have no friends at all because I moved away from all my friends back in 2018 and I'm too depressed and nervous to go talk to new people, general life skills like budgeting, daily chores, and cooking are a challenge for me, you know, basic shit that's necessary to function as a person. I just feel so overwhelmed at everything and I'm feeling more and more hopeless and I don't know how to handle it. Can any of you guys relate to what I'm talking about, and how do you try to handle it? Anyhow, thanks for listening to my ramble and stuff.
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lordbostonchrist
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| 5
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2020-02-25 19:57:08
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getting_over_it
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<es>I've been on-and-off with varying levels of depression in my life but these past five or six months have been especially bad, at an already especially involved period of anyone's life.<ee> <es>Right around the end of September last year there was a really traumatic event that happened between my parents that was building up over several months.<ee> <es>My life ever since has been me and my family trying to pick up the pieces and build our life from there, hopefully for the better.<ee> <es>coincidentally, the moment that I really needed to kick it into gear and get my shit together just so happen to coincide with when my depression got the worst it ever has in maybe four years.<ee> <es>I need to really get into applying for schools, especially since it got put off in September because of said traumatic incident.<ee> <efs>Also, even though I'm terribly depressed to the point where I feel incredibly hopeless about life and think.<efe> <es>I have dreams, big dreams, revolving around my art career that I want to work on, but I haven't even gotten started and don't know how.<ee> <es>But I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning, let alone do everything required to get into college or vocational classes or start on a huge creative project.<ee> <es>The few times I have gone out to see about different schools and stuff the guidance counselors gave me the run around and I'm back at square one after weeks of trying and I'm exhausted and just want to lay in bed all day and disappear.<ee> <es>Maybe I'm overreacting but I've been getting worse and I don't know what to do.<ee> <efs>Luckily I opened up to my mom about feeling overwhelmed and she agreed to accompany me to anywhere I need to go to apply for classes, so that's awesome.<efe> <efs>But putting school aside, I'm overwhelmed in general because my life is at a point where everything needs an overhaul.<efe> <es>Besides not being in college, classes, or work, I have no friends at all because I moved away from all my friends back in 2018 and I'm too depressed and nervous to go talk to new people, general life skills like budgeting, daily chores, and cooking are a challenge for me, you know, basic shit that's necessary to function as a person.<ee> <efs>I just feel so overwhelmed at everything and I'm feeling more and more hopeless and I don't know how to handle it.<efe> <rs>Can any of you guys relate to what I'm talking about, and how do you try to handle it?<re> Anyhow, thanks for listening to my ramble and stuff.
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eleu4s
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I need help. I am going back to my university in a day and I am anxious and worried.
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1a
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help-seeking
| 2
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i know this may not sound like much, and that there are a lot worse things going on in the world. but i just need some help and advice.
i am in my third year of school and we’ve had christmas break for about a month. i go back tomorrow. the last two days i’ve been down, anxious, worried, and upset. i don’t want to go back to school. {not to be confused with not wanting to do school, i am finishing school.} the reason i don’t want to go back is that it takes me farther away from my family. school is 2 and a half hours away and i don’t get to see my family much. it takes me away from my boyfriend. my boyfriend and i have been beyond happy the last couple weeks and i am terrified that going back to school will create distance between us because my schedule is so hectic and we are an hour away from each other. we struggled a bit before my break and i don’t want to go back to that. i want us to be okay. i don’t want to go back to the busy hectic schedule that barley leaves me enough time to eat sleep or have time for myself or my boyfriend and family. i don’t want to go back to my dorm room that honestly makes me feel depressed and alone. all i so apart from my responsibilities is sit in my room, talk to my boyfriend when i can, and play games or waste my time. i don’t know i have so many mixed feelings and i’m honestly falling apart at the thought of having to go back to a schedule that isn’t enjoyable. i don’t want to quit school. i don’t want to switch schools. i love what i’m going to school for! i just feel like there isn’t much i can do about it. i just want to be able to be happy when i go back and keep my relationship strong and have time for me and him. i’m worried. any advice? please.
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haleeyxx
| 1
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| 9
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2020-01-07 17:46:15
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selfhelp
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<es>i know this may not sound like much, and that there are a lot worse things going on in the world.<ee> <rs>but i just need some help and advice. <re> <es>i am in my third year of school and we’ve had christmas break for about a month.<ee> <efs>i go back tomorrow. the last two days i’ve been down, anxious, worried, and upset.<efe> <efs>i don’t want to go back to school.<efe> {not to be confused with not wanting to do school, i am finishing school.} <es>the reason i don’t want to go back is that it takes me farther away from my family.<ee> <es>school is 2 and a half hours away and i don’t get to see my family much.<ee> <es>it takes me away from my boyfriend.<ee> <es>my boyfriend and i have been beyond happy the last couple weeks and i am terrified that going back to school will create distance between us because my schedule is so hectic and we are an hour away from each other.<ee> <es>we struggled a bit before my break and i don’t want to go back to that.<ee> <rs>i want us to be okay.<re> <rs>i don’t want to go back to the busy hectic schedule that barley leaves me enough time to eat sleep or have time for myself or my boyfriend and family.<re> <efs>i don’t want to go back to my dorm room that honestly makes me feel depressed and alone.<efe> <rs>all i so apart from my responsibilities is sit in my room, talk to my boyfriend when i can, and play games or waste my time.<re> <efs>i don’t know i have so many mixed feelings and i’m honestly falling apart at the thought of having to go back to a schedule that isn’t enjoyable.<efe> <rs>i don’t want to quit school.<re> <rs>i don’t want to switch schools.<re> i love what i’m going to school for! <efs>i just feel like there isn’t much i can do about it.<efe> <rs>i just want to be able to be happy when i go back and keep my relationship strong and have time for me and him.<re> <efs>i’m worried.<efe> <rs>any advice?<re> please.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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ej6px9
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Does anyone else have trouble reading?
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1a
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help-seeking
| 1
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No matter what I do I can't focus. I read things over and over again but the words don't mean anything, I look at them, I understand them, but only as individual words, they don't make sense together.
There's also issues of not being able to focus at all with background noise which contributes, and frustrates me.
Is there anything I can do to help myself
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altaccbruh
| 30
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| 86
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2020-01-02 23:57:34
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ptsd
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<es>No matter what I do I can't focus.<ee> <es>I read things over and over again but the words don't mean anything, I look at them, I understand them, but only as individual words, they don't make sense together.<ee> <efs>There's also issues of not being able to focus at all with background noise which contributes, and frustrates me.<efe> <rs>Is there anything I can do to help myself<re>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how losing focus makes you feel
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help improve your concentration
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| 211
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ei9ls9
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new year’s eve and i feel so fucking alone
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1a
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rant
| 2
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i’ve been at work all day, the same job i’ve been at for the past year. i have two friends here but they’re better friends with each other than with me. i feel so small and alone. all i do is work for other people and i firmly believe no one here cares about me, not even my “friends.” i do favors and overwork myself because i think it’ll make me likable, when really it makes me a doormat. i feel fucking awful. all day. every day. the worst part is i have a loving boyfriend, a sweet kitty, and two close friends that i know love me.
all i can think about is the past. 6 months ago my friend group fell apart because i chose to stay friends with someone they didn’t want to associate with. i lost 3 people at once and i had absolutely no control over it. 1 month prior i lost a senior cat i has adopted and only had for two weeks. i had to put her down at the vet, alone, sobbing. i haven’t been the same since.
my childhood is riddled with trauma. both grandparents dead (one i found at age 6drug addicted mother who passed away when i was 15. absent father who i’ve never met, so half my identity is a mystery to me. i have the last name of a man i don’t even know. my aunt raised me and psychologically abused me to the point i don’t know who i am anymore. i started therapy in october, and it’s helping, but the holidays are so hard.
i want this to be the year i change, but i also want to end it.
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screaminginmiear
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2019-12-31 22:07:41
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depression
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<efs>new year’s eve and i feel so fucking alone<efe> i’ve been at work all day, the same job i’ve been at for the past year. <es>i have two friends here but they’re better friends with each other than with me.<ee> <efs>i feel so small and alone.<efe> <efs>all i do is work for other people and i firmly believe no one here cares about me, not even my “friends.”<efe> <efs>i do favors and overwork myself because i think it’ll make me likable, when really it makes me a doormat.<efe> <efs>i feel fucking awful.<efe> <efs>all day.<efe> <efs>every day.<efe> the worst part is i have a loving boyfriend, a sweet kitty, and two close friends that i know love me. <efs>all i can think about is the past.<efe> <es>6 months ago my friend group fell apart because i chose to stay friends with someone they didn’t want to associate with.<ee> <es>i lost 3 people at once and i had absolutely no control over it.<ee> <es>1 month prior i lost a senior cat i has adopted and only had for two weeks.<ee> <es>i had to put her down at the vet, alone, sobbing.<ee> <es>i haven’t been the same since.<ee> <es>my childhood is riddled with trauma.<ee> <es>both grandparents dead (one i found at age 6drug addicted mother who passed away when i was 15.<ee> <es>absent father who i’ve never met, so half my identity is a mystery to me.<ee> i have the last name of a man i don’t even know. <es>my aunt raised me and psychologically abused me to the point i don’t know who i am anymore.<ee> i started therapy in october, and it’s helping, but the holidays are so hard. <rs>i want this to be the year i change, but i also want to end it.<re>
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| 2
| 1
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you want to change yourself this year
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title,suicidal
| true
| 221
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eircjt
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Ways to combat separation anxiety?
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0
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help-seeking
| 1
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When my wife stays a couple nights with her girlfriend (we are in an open relationship) I have a hard time going to sleep, and depressive episodes are way more likely to happen, and I'm just on EDGE. Distracting myself with Netflix etc only works so long
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AuraSprite
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2020-01-02 01:46:36
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BPD
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<rs>Ways to combat separation anxiety?<re> <es>When my wife stays a couple nights with her girlfriend (we are in an open relationship) I have a hard time going to sleep, and depressive episodes are way more likely to happen, and I'm just on EDGE.<ee> <es>Distracting myself with Netflix etc only works so long<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
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you wife staying with her girlfriend
| null | null | null | true
| 202
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ejk27z
|
NY resolution : I decided to tackle my SA the hard way by going to a foreign country by myself (England) and its going smoothly!
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1a
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chitchat
| 2
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So it's the end of my first day in London, UK. I've been suffering from social anxiety for 5 years now, having trouble talking to strangers even when it's just asking for informations like directions and stuff and in mid December I had enough and decided to book a one week trip to London to tackle my SA the hard way (I'm French so English isn't my native language and I'm not very good at speaking it especially orally). But my first day has been a total success (I landed yesterday), last night I was able to talk to strangers in a pub without needing to get drunk! Today I was able to ask for informations on how the subway works and asking for directions, I was able to order stuff at the restaurant and politely correct the waiter when he brought me the wrong order (something I would have never done in France, I would have just eaten the wrong order..).. Only downside is that I had booked my week in an Inn, it was a shared dorm with 15 other people, none of whom spoke English or French, it wasnt fitting and it was smelling terrible inside the dorm and it was very loud during the night but I had the courage of asking to check out early, went smoothly and to order an Airbnb stay in a total stranger's flat! I got a little anxious arriving at the flat but everything went smoothly with the host and I was able to hold a conversation with him and ask him some questions about his personal life and general informations about London! So first day went great and I'm pretty proud of myself, I find it easier to talk to people in a foreign language than talking to people in French.. I wanted to try and get out of my comfort zone and it's working so far, no need for alcohol, opioids or Xanax, it's only the first day and there are six more to go but I really wanted to share my success story with someone as it's my first time travelling alone in a foreign country! Hope you all have a great day! (Sorry for formating and English mistakes, I'm on mobile).
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Moop2j
| 18
| 0
| 11
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2020-01-03 19:10:10
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socialanxiety
|
So it's the end of my first day in London, UK. I've been suffering from social anxiety for 5 years now, having trouble talking to strangers even when it's just asking for informations like directions and stuff and in mid December I had enough and decided to book a one week trip to London to tackle my SA the hard way (I'm French so English isn't my native language and I'm not very good at speaking it especially orally). But my first day has been a total success (I landed yesterday), last night I was able to talk to strangers in a pub without needing to get drunk! Today I was able to ask for informations on how the subway works and asking for directions, I was able to order stuff at the restaurant and politely correct the waiter when he brought me the wrong order (something I would have never done in France, I would have just eaten the wrong order..).. Only downside is that I had booked my week in an Inn, it was a shared dorm with 15 other people, none of whom spoke English or French, it wasnt fitting and it was smelling terrible inside the dorm and it was very loud during the night but I had the courage of asking to check out early, went smoothly and to order an Airbnb stay in a total stranger's flat! I got a little anxious arriving at the flat but everything went smoothly with the host and I was able to hold a conversation with him and ask him some questions about his personal life and general informations about London! So first day went great and I'm pretty proud of myself, I find it easier to talk to people in a foreign language than talking to people in French.. I wanted to try and get out of my comfort zone and it's working so far, no need for alcohol, opioids or Xanax, it's only the first day and there are six more to go but I really wanted to share my success story with someone as it's my first time travelling alone in a foreign country! Hope you all have a great day! (Sorry for formating and English mistakes, I'm on mobile).
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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positive
| true
| 0
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evwlsk
|
Angry and irritable every day. Hurting my family.. can't stand myself anymore
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1a
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rant
| 2
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This has been going on since I was a younger teenager and it's gotten progressively worse. I generally just feel irritated all the time and I get easily irritable when I'm having a depressive episode. Little inconveniences will piss me off. Other peoples voices will annoy the shit out of me and so will certain sounds like dishes clanking or someone chewing or talking loudly.
I live with my parents and I have no friends. I'm currently not working and not going to school, so I'm home all day every day. I know how unhealthy it is and I need to do something with my life and stop being a drain on my family. I feel stressed out about the progress in my life I'm not making and so that leaves me ruminating constantly. I snap at others all the time and I argue with my mom and the arguing will turn into full-blown fights. Im totally aware of when I'm starting to get too mad but I can't stop myself from losing control. Afterwards I always apologize and say it won't happen again but I always do. I become horribly abusive with my words and sometimes physically violent. there's holes all over the house on the walls and in my room on my door and and shit from violent past outbursts and throwing and breaking things. I'm so fucking ashamed of this. I've been in therapy for years and even went to an eight week long DBT program to learn how to cope with my mental health problems and anger and still I can't keep myself under fucking control. I just feel like I'd be better off dead.
There's A LOT more I could share but I'm honestly just exhausted and can't piece my thoughts together. I know I need serious help and medication and I'm in the process of getting shit taken care of and getting a new therapist. I just need to know if anyone has been in this situation before and have never gone back to have such bad habits. I don't know how anyone could be as bad as I am with how I treat people. I don't need sympathy but I hope I just need to know I'm not alone I guess. If you've read this far thanks for taking the time to!
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whacked_dude44
| 1
| 0
| 6
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2020-01-30 00:48:19
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Anger
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<es>This has been going on since I was a younger teenager and it's gotten progressively worse.<ee> <es>I generally just feel irritated all the time and I get easily irritable when I'm having a depressive episode.<ee> <es>Little inconveniences will piss me off.<ee> <es>Other peoples voices will annoy the shit out of me and so will certain sounds like dishes clanking or someone chewing or talking loudly.<ee> <es>I live with my parents and I have no friends.<ee> I'm currently not working and not going to school, so I'm home all day every day. <rs>I know how unhealthy it is and I need to do something with my life and stop being a drain on my family.<re> <efs>I feel stressed out about the progress in my life I'm not making and so that leaves me ruminating constantly.<efe> <efs>I snap at others all the time and I argue with my mom and the arguing will turn into full-blown fights.<efe> <es>Im totally aware of when I'm starting to get too mad but I can't stop myself from losing control.<ee> Afterwards I always apologize and say it won't happen again but I always do. <es>I become horribly abusive with my words and sometimes physically violent.<ee> <es>there's holes all over the house on the walls and in my room on my door and and shit from violent past outbursts and throwing and breaking things.<ee> <efs>I'm so fucking ashamed of this.<efe> <es>I've been in therapy for years and even went to an eight week long DBT program to learn how to cope with my mental health problems and anger and still I can't keep myself under fucking control.<ee> I just feel like I'd be better off dead. There's A LOT more I could share but I'm honestly just exhausted and can't piece my thoughts together. I know I need serious help and medication and I'm in the process of getting shit taken care of and getting a new therapist. I just need to know if anyone has been in this situation before and have never gone back to have such bad habits. I don't know how anyone could be as bad as I am with how I treat people. I don't need sympathy but I hope I just need to know I'm not alone I guess. If you've read this far thanks for taking the time to!
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your anger is hurting your family
| null | true
| 220
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eic4py
|
Wanting to ask ADHD community for support in my journey
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0
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help-seeking
| 2
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I have been working on a rather large project that I want to start unveiling to the world and due to life factors such as poorly managed ADHD, homelessness, addiction, and toxic family members I am in a bad spot at the moment. I'd really like to request that some of the other members on here send some much needed support in a way that's not burdensome to them, but I am hesitant go post links to anything I'm working on due to the rule against self-promotion.
If anyone is interested in knowing more or interested in seeing what I have ready for the public to see so far, please comment or PM me.
I'm trying hard to not break the rules
Which I recognize now is a very adhd thing to be worried about haha.
My project has ADHD as a huge motivation and however successful it is, I intend for it to help the world in any small way. I will never give up on seeing a healthier society and I am willing to die in that pursuit.
Blessings all, and happy new year! Or happy Tuesday jd you dont care about new years.
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cscheibel
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2020-01-01 01:33:54
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ADHD
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I have been working on a rather large project that I want to start unveiling to the world and due to life factors such as poorly managed ADHD, homelessness, addiction, and toxic family members I am in a bad spot at the moment. I'd really like to request that some of the other members on here send some much needed support in a way that's not burdensome to them, but I am hesitant go post links to anything I'm working on due to the rule against self-promotion. If anyone is interested in knowing more or interested in seeing what I have ready for the public to see so far, please comment or PM me. I'm trying hard to not break the rules Which I recognize now is a very adhd thing to be worried about haha. My project has ADHD as a huge motivation and however successful it is, I intend for it to help the world in any small way. I will never give up on seeing a healthier society and I am willing to die in that pursuit. Blessings all, and happy new year! Or happy Tuesday jd you dont care about new years.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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em348z
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My BF's sex addition caused him to cheat one for three years
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1b
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help-seeking
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I recently found out my (27F) boyfriend (27M) of five years has been cheating on me (sex, kissing, dancing, flirting, requesting nudes) on me for the last three years. Some of his actions I found out by looking through his phone while other things he confessed recently after taking a three-day personal growth course called Landmark.
Furthermore, he has an addiction to porn which I didn't understand the severity of until recently as well.
After some serious discussions and reflection, my boyfriend admitted to me (and to himself) that he thinks he may have a sex addiction. He suspects it may stem from his adolescence and watching his dad and brother objectify women as well as the general objectification of women in traditional and social media. He goes further to say that it's difficult for a straight male in this day and age when sex and sexuality are thrown in your face (which is fair).
Anyway, for the time being we have separated for obvious reasons but also to take time to heal. I have trust and self esteem issues I need to work through, and he has his addiction which he has to address and treat.
For both selfish and selfless reasons, I want to help him, but I don't know what the right approach is nor do I know what options for treatment are available. What is the best way to move forward?
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weirdfunny
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| 4
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2020-01-09 02:24:33
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addiction
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<es>I recently found out my (27F) boyfriend (27M) of five years has been cheating on me (sex, kissing, dancing, flirting, requesting nudes) on me for the last three years.<ee> <es> Some of his actions I found out by looking through his phone while other things he confessed recently after taking a three-day personal growth course called Landmark.<ee> <es>Furthermore, he has an addiction to porn which I didn't understand the severity of until recently as well.<ee> <es>After some serious discussions and reflection, my boyfriend admitted to me (and to himself) that he thinks he may have a sex addiction.<ee> <es> He suspects it may stem from his adolescence and watching his dad and brother objectify women as well as the general objectification of women in traditional and social media.<ee> <es>He goes further to say that it's difficult for a straight male in this day and age when sex and sexuality are thrown in your face (which is fair).<ee> <es>Anyway, for the time being we have separated for obvious reasons but also to take time to heal.<ee> <rs>I have trust and self esteem issues I need to work through, and he has his addiction which he has to address and treat.<re> <rs>For both selfish and selfless reasons, I want to help him, but I don't know what the right approach is nor do I know what options for treatment are available.<re> <rs>What is the best way to move forward?<re>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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How did X make you feel?
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finding your boyfriend's addiction
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ekej18
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Big npc energy
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0
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chitchat
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minesdk99
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| 50
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2020-01-05 15:41:54
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socialanxiety
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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eq5qzv
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My dad is 7 months clean from heroin, and i want to know what i can do to help him as his only support
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1b
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help-seeking
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Hi there!
My dad recently has decided to get clean again, and now stands at the longest he's ever gone at 7 months. Im so proud of him, but hes a stubborn man whos always quit cold turkey, won't attend any meetings and has a longstanding distrust of therapists. As much as i love my grandparents they aren't very much help either, as he hasn't started making up for the things he's done to my gran especially. I don't blame her, but that leaves me as the person he sees the most as the one who's cheering him on. He's doing so well but i can tell sometimes it drags him down. He's going through a self discovery as well, as he started using at 15 and hasn't stopped since then until now. I want to support him in any way i can while also having a healthy distance as im not capable of taking on everything, and it's not my job as his daughter as much as i would do it anyway. All i feel i can do is cheer him on and i feel like i could be doing a little more for him, but i don't know what that is. Im open to all suggestions! Especially from those who are recovering, as i would love to know what you would've wanted from the people around you that i can provide for him. I love him and i want him to keep going.
Tldr; my dad is in recovery and i feel like i can do more for him besides cheering from the sidelines as his sole source of support. What can i do?
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candlewaxxy
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2020-01-17 20:14:11
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OpiatesRecovery
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Hi there! <es>My dad recently has decided to get clean again, and now stands at the longest he's ever gone at 7 months. Im so proud of him, but hes a stubborn man whos always quit cold turkey, won't attend any meetings and has a longstanding distrust of therapists.<ee> <es>As much as i love my grandparents they aren't very much help either, as he hasn't started making up for the things he's done to my gran especially.<ee> <es>I don't blame her, but that leaves me as the person he sees the most as the one who's cheering him on.<ee> <es>He's doing so well but i can tell sometimes it drags him down.<ee> <es>He's going through a self discovery as well, as he started using at 15 and hasn't stopped since then until now.<ee> <rs>I want to support him in any way i can while also having a healthy distance as im not capable of taking on everything, and it's not my job as his daughter as much as i would do it anyway.<re> <efs>All i feel i can do is cheer him on and i feel like i could be doing a little more for him, but i don't know what that is.<efe> <rs>Im open to all suggestions!<re> <rs>Especially from those who are recovering, as i would love to know what you would've wanted from the people around you that i can provide for him.<re> <efs>I love him and i want him to keep going. <efe> <efs>Tldr; my dad is in recovery and i feel like i can do more for him besides cheering from the sidelines as his sole source of support.<efe> <rs>What can i do?<re>
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ejgmpv
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Man who SH
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0
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survey
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Yo. What do you guys wear in sport class ?
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Mr-TimTim
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2020-01-03 15:10:03
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selfharm
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<es>Man who SH<ee> Yo. <rs>What do you guys wear in sport class ?<re>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why you do self harm
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How did X make you feel?
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the cuts
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f8gr7l
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I’m a toxic person because of my anger issues
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1a
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help-seeking
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Sometimes when I get angry, like really angry, I feel like a completely different person. It’s like there’s a haze around me that I can’t get out of. I’ve been to therapy but it wasn’t very affective, she just told me that when I’m angry like that I should try “grounding” myself which I practiced in the office with her but when a situation rolled around where I was legitimately angry “grounding” myself proved to be highly ineffective. I’ve been in a relationship with someone for three years and he’s seen my ugly side a handful of times and every time I feel foolish afterwards because when I look back on it I know that my actions and the things I said were completely out of line. He always forgives me but I know that the things I said or did were pretty toxic and he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way but in the moment it’s happening I don’t feel in control. I’ve talked about ending the relationship for his own well being but he always says “it’s in the past, todays a new day, let’s move on.” These bouts of rage where I feel out of control don’t happen very often but when they do I even scare myself. Does anyone else ever feel this way? If you do how do you handle it so that you’re not hurting the people around you?
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beanstein-bear
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2020-02-23 22:04:39
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Anger
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<es>Sometimes when I get angry, like really angry, I feel like a completely different person.<ee> <es>It’s like there’s a haze around me that I can’t get out of.<ee> <es>I’ve been to therapy but it wasn’t very affective, she just told me that when I’m angry like that I should try “grounding” myself which I practiced in the office with her but when a situation rolled around where I was legitimately angry “grounding” myself proved to be highly ineffective.<ee> <es>I’ve been in a relationship with someone for three years and he’s seen my ugly side a handful of times and every time I feel foolish afterwards because when I look back on it I know that my actions and the things I said were completely out of line.<ee> <es>He always forgives me but I know that the things I said or did were pretty toxic and he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way but in the moment it’s happening I don’t feel in control.<ee> <es>I’ve talked about ending the relationship for his own well being but he always says “it’s in the past, todays a new day, let’s move on.”<ee> <efs>These bouts of rage where I feel out of control don’t happen very often but when they do I even scare myself.<efe> <rs>Does anyone else ever feel this way?<re> <rs>If you do how do you handle it so that you’re not hurting the people around you?<re>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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eibvb3
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Day 3: Happy that I don't feel so down when I wake up now cos I'm seeing some morning messages from a special friend. I hope the down feeling wont appear this New Year.
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0
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chitchat
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re: I decided to do post my journal here after I was diagnosed with depression. Writing this everytime I wake up.
The down feeling goes on and off but I realized how helpful your social circle are...most of the time. Not making today's post long just wish that I'll be busy enough to divert the negative feeling for the rest of the day.
Happy New Year! 😊
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geecalla
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2020-01-01 01:10:49
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depression
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<efs>Day 3: Happy that I don't feel so down when I wake up now cos I'm seeing some morning messages from a special friend.<efe> <rs>I hope the down feeling wont appear this New Year.<re> <es>re: I decided to do post my journal here after I was diagnosed with depression.<ee> Writing this everytime I wake up. The down feeling goes on and off but I realized how helpful your social circle are...most of the time. <rs>Not making today's post long just wish that I'll be busy enough to divert the negative feeling for the rest of the day.<re> Happy New Year! 😊
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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eti2q8
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Im so moody/bitchy help!
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1b
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help-seeking
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Hey i am a female, i’ve had three relationships and it was ALWAYS the same in the end: i still liked the guys character and objectively knew that’s he’s nice but i’m SO bitchy. like when he did something that hurt me (simple things like not asking me how i feel, not giving me a hug to say goodbye etc.) i’ll be sooo pissed and he has to put so much effort into making me happy again. i feel like this is very unhealthy and nobody benefits from my behavior. i always expect something and i am very picky with apologies. like one wrong word or question and i’ll continue being mad. i’m like that with every person though. it’s enough for me to see someone and before something even happens. i get into a very tense mood where i don’t even laugh at jokes anymore (as i usually would do) because i start feeling like i’m going to argue. i can be a very fun, caring and loving person but it doesn’t take a lot and i’m going to turn to the exact opposite. with female friends it doesn’t happen as much but it was the case with ALL of my boyfriends. probably because i also spent way more time with them. but still. what the heck can i do against this behavior????? i cant even tell the guys what they have to do when i’m mad, like some kind of rule because i ALWAYS want something different when i’m mad. i want him to leave me alone but at the same time i need attention and love. HELP me out please!:( i don’t wanna continue living like this anymore
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floebd
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2020-01-24 22:53:30
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selfhelp
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<es>Hey i am a female, i’ve had three relationships and it was ALWAYS the same in the end: i still liked the guys character and objectively knew that’s he’s nice but i’m SO bitchy.<ee> <es>like when he did something that hurt me (simple things like not asking me how i feel, not giving me a hug to say goodbye etc.)<ee> <es>i’ll be sooo pissed and he has to put so much effort into making me happy again.<ee> <efs>i feel like this is very unhealthy and nobody benefits from my behavior.<efe> <es>i always expect something and i am very picky with apologies.<ee> <es>like one wrong word or question and i’ll continue being mad.<ee> <es>i’m like that with every person though.<ee> <es>it’s enough for me to see someone and before something even happens.<ee> <es>i get into a very tense mood where i don’t even laugh at jokes anymore (as i usually would do) because i start feeling like i’m going to argue.<ee> <es>i can be a very fun, caring and loving person but it doesn’t take a lot and i’m going to turn to the exact opposite.<ee> <es>with female friends it doesn’t happen as much but it was the case with ALL of my boyfriends.<ee> <es>probably because i also spent way more time with them.<ee> <es>but still.<ee> <rs>what the heck can i do against this behavior?????<re> <es>i cant even tell the guys what they have to do when i’m mad, like some kind of rule because i ALWAYS want something different when i’m mad.<ee> <es>i want him to leave me alone but at the same time i need attention and love.<ee> <rs>HELP me out please!:( i don’t wanna continue living like this anymore<re>
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eid9vi
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Love and pain then love again
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0
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chitchat
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How can love and pain
Be different and all the same
Two separate worlds
Exist on the same plane
One without the other
Isn't true or worth a bother
You think your all alone
Until you find another
Going back and forth
With far to many lovers
To much pain of course
A feeling like no other
Searching for the one
To make you feel complete
Then you will have won
The pain cannot compete
Love and pain, then love again.
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collateraldamage007
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2020-01-01 03:22:15
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BPD
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How can love and pain Be different and all the same Two separate worlds Exist on the same plane One without the other Isn't true or worth a bother You think your all alone Until you find another Going back and forth With far to many lovers To much pain of course A feeling like no other Searching for the one To make you feel complete Then you will have won The pain cannot compete Love and pain, then love again.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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eq3mpm
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Hi all, weaning off Oxycodone
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0
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help-seeking
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I’ve had a chronic pain condition for several years and still suffering
Initially started on Tramadol, then 2 years ago graduated to Morphine sulfate, 20 mg per day
It helped for a while but lost effectiveness
Graduated to hydrocodone...same dosage but it worked better....but eventually became less effective
So 6 months ago put on Oxycodone max 25mg per day...meh not better than the Hydrocodone
Bottom line is I’ve agreed to wean off. Doctor doesn’t want to increase the dosage.
He prescribed me some Ativan to help with side effects
He told me to take half the dose for 2 weeks, then half again and so on.
I’m kinda scared but my doctor said I’ll be fine.
What am I in for?
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Huskies935
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2020-01-17 17:41:25
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OpiatesRecovery
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<es>I’ve had a chronic pain condition for several years and still suffering <ee> <es>Initially started on Tramadol, then 2 years ago graduated to Morphine sulfate, 20 mg per day <ee> <es>It helped for a while but lost effectiveness<ee> <es>Graduated to hydrocodone...same dosage but it worked better....but eventually became less effective <eE> <es>So 6 months ago put on Oxycodone max 25mg per day...meh not better than the Hydrocodone<ee> <es>Bottom line is I’ve agreed to wean off.<ee> <es>Doctor doesn’t want to increase the dosage.<ee> <es>He prescribed me some Ativan to help with side effects <ee> <es>He told me to take half the dose for 2 weeks, then half again and so on.<ee> <efs>I’m kinda scared but my doctor said I’ll be fine.<efe> <rs>What am I in for?<re>
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eiqxjm
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Tension headaches
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0
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help-seeking
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Hey! I have tension headaches almost every day. It doesn't hurt that much and it goes away after a while, when I don't really pay attention to it. What do you do to cope with it? It gets very annoying at times and it worsen up the anxiety.
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SmallDemon
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| 6
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2020-01-02 01:13:12
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Anxiety
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Hey! <es>I have tension headaches almost every day.<ee> <es>It doesn't hurt that much and it goes away after a while, when I don't really pay attention to it.<ee> <rs>What do you do to cope with it?<re> <efs>It gets very annoying at times and it worsen up the anxiety.<efe>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what cause the tension
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how the headaches make you feel
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emr3wt
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As Bill Sees It, 1.10
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0
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chitchat
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Loving Advisers, p. 303
Had I not been blessed with wise and loving advisers, I might have cracked up long ago. A doctor once saved me from death by alcoholism because he obliged me to face up to the deadlines of that malady. Another doctor, a psychiatrist, later on helped me save my sanity because he led me to ferret out some of my deep-lying defects. From a clergyman I acquired the truthful principles by which we A.A.'s now try to live.
But these precious friends did far more than supply me with their professional skills. I learned that I could go to them with any problem whatever. Their wisdom and their integrity were mine for the asking.
Many of my dearest A.A. friends have stood with me in exactly this same relation. Oftentimes they could help where others could not, simply because they were A.A.'s.
Grapevine, August 1961
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Whtsox
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2020-01-10 13:45:35
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alcoholicsanonymous
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Loving Advisers, p. 303 Had I not been blessed with wise and loving advisers, I might have cracked up long ago. A doctor once saved me from death by alcoholism because he obliged me to face up to the deadlines of that malady. Another doctor, a psychiatrist, later on helped me save my sanity because he led me to ferret out some of my deep-lying defects. From a clergyman I acquired the truthful principles by which we A.A.'s now try to live. But these precious friends did far more than supply me with their professional skills. I learned that I could go to them with any problem whatever. Their wisdom and their integrity were mine for the asking. Many of my dearest A.A. friends have stood with me in exactly this same relation. Oftentimes they could help where others could not, simply because they were A.A.'s. Grapevine, August 1961
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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elnwg6
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How to Prevent Misdiagnosis?
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1a
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help-seeking
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Hello...!
I got a psychological evaluation about three weeks ago, and I was told that they would be finished with the results by the end of this week. There has been a bit of a concern internally for me... I feel as if I will receive an improper diagnosis. I feel like professionals will hesitate/not think to look into things that are a bit more rare, and therefore my symptoms may be overlooked and will be diagnosed as something where some of the same symptoms tend to easily overlap (like depression or anxiety).
I may be a bit of an annoying patient to have. I do my own research. *Obsessively*. If I think that something is wrong, I will analyze everything until I come to my own conclusions. I am open to professional ones, of course, and that's why I am getting a diagnosis - but I have a general idea of what the problem may be and have had an idea for quite a while. My symptoms generally seem to fit closely and overlap between schizoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder (more so the second one). I am an adult (18), so I do "qualify" to be diagnosed with a PD. I just have a bit of a doubt that anyone would think about it when those two aren't very common at all - even if they are a professional who does testing and diagnoses for a living.
I may be going on a bit too long here, but... will my psychologist really be able to tell what my problem is with accuracy from a 2.5 hour cognitive test and then 30 minutes of true or false questions related to personality (which I may have answered inaccurately, since it was at the very end. I still remember some answers I should have marked differently)? My general symptoms were never really even addressed except for a little bit in the beginning... and I was a bit uncomfortable talking about them, since for some reason my mother had to be in the room with me.
If I feel that the diagnosis doesn't line up, would it be wise to converse and talk about it with my psychologist in order to settle on something that I agree actually matches? Is that even a thing you can do? I want any diagnosis to feel like a bit of a relief - like "ah, this feels like what's been happening to me for all those years! This is clear and makes perfect sense!" Instead of an "oh, some of the symptoms fit, I suppose, but it doesn't seem entirely right..." I don't want all my time and money and effort wasted with a diagnosis that doesn't even seem to be accurate.
To anyone who has been through this process - do you have any advice on what I should do? I'm going to hope that my diagnosis is accurate, but I have my doubts.
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zero_vii
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| 8
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2020-01-08 04:49:33
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mentalillness
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Hello...! <es>I got a psychological evaluation about three weeks ago, and I was told that they would be finished with the results by the end of this week.<ee> <efs>There has been a bit of a concern internally for me... I feel as if I will receive an improper diagnosis.<efe> <efs>I feel like professionals will hesitate/not think to look into things that are a bit more rare, and therefore my symptoms may be overlooked and will be diagnosed as something where some of the same symptoms tend to easily overlap (like depression or anxiety).<efe> <es>I may be a bit of an annoying patient to have.<ee> <es>I do my own research.<ee> <es>*Obsessively*.<ee> <es>If I think that something is wrong, I will analyze everything until I come to my own conclusions.<ee> I am open to professional ones, of course, and that's why I am getting a diagnosis - but I have a general idea of what the problem may be and have had an idea for quite a while. <es>My symptoms generally seem to fit closely and overlap between schizoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder (more so the second one).<ee> I am an adult (18), so I do "qualify" to be diagnosed with a PD. I just have a bit of a doubt that anyone would think about it when those two aren't very common at all - even if they are a professional who does testing and diagnoses for a living. I may be going on a bit too long here, but... will my psychologist really be able to tell what my problem is with accuracy from a 2.5 hour cognitive test and then 30 minutes of true or false questions related to personality (which I may have answered inaccurately, since it was at the very end. I still remember some answers I should have marked differently)? My general symptoms were never really even addressed except for a little bit in the beginning... and I was a bit uncomfortable talking about them, since for some reason my mother had to be in the room with me. <rs>If I feel that the diagnosis doesn't line up, would it be wise to converse and talk about it with my psychologist in order to settle on something that I agree actually matches?<re> Is that even a thing you can do? <rs>I want any diagnosis to feel like a bit of a relief - like "ah, this feels like what's been happening to me for all those years!<re> <rs>This is clear and makes perfect sense!" Instead of an "oh, some of the symptoms fit, I suppose, but it doesn't seem entirely right..." I don't want all my time and money and effort wasted with a diagnosis that doesn't even seem to be accurate. <re> <rs>To anyone who has been through this process - do you have any advice on what I should do?<re> I'm going to hope that my diagnosis is accurate, but I have my doubts.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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eijnap
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I sometimes feel like there’ nothing to live for.
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1c
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rant
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oliviapham
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2020-01-01 15:46:05
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Anxiety
|
<efs>I sometimes feel like there’ nothing to live for.<efe> nan
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What made you feel X ?
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that there is nothing to live for
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you are feeling
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What can help you overcome X ?
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this upsetting feeling
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| 10
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eiu4zr
|
I want to get sober
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1a
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rant
| 2
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I don’t know if the New Year is why I’m feeling reflective but I want to finally quit. I have been drinking for almost 4 years. I have fallen down an escalator, got stitches on my foot from breaking into my own apartment, have been sexual assaulted, almost got a concussion from falling, lost a modelling contract, ruined sooooo many great friendships and relationships, gotten arrested, ruined my car driving drunk.. that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I feel like in many of the situations I’ve gotten myself into whilst black out drunk I should’ve either died or gotten an injury So bad couldn’t recover. God has really been allowing me to dodge bullets that should have took me out. There’s nothing specific that wants me to sober but I just feel like a lot of people aren’t as lucky as I am. I feel like if I lose anymore people I’m truly going to be alone which is terrifying. It’s just so scary I feel like I really can’t imagine a sober life. It’s weird every sign is pointing toward sobriety but I’m not sure if I want it which is fucking ridiculous considering that fact that liquor has brought me nothing but pain and heartache.
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alcoholicbarbie-
| 1
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| 8
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2020-01-02 05:45:19
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alcoholicsanonymous
|
<rs>I want to get sober<re> <es>I don’t know if the New Year is why I’m feeling reflective but I want to finally quit.<ee> <es>I have been drinking for almost 4 years.<ee> <es>I have fallen down an escalator, got stitches on my foot from breaking into my own apartment, have been sexual assaulted, almost got a concussion from falling, lost a modelling contract, ruined sooooo many great friendships and relationships, gotten arrested, ruined my car driving drunk.. that’s just the tip of the iceberg.<ee> <efs>I feel like in many of the situations I’ve gotten myself into whilst black out drunk I should’ve either died or gotten an injury So bad couldn’t recover.<efe> <es>God has really been allowing me to dodge bullets that should have took me out.<ee> <efs>There’s nothing specific that wants me to sober but I just feel like a lot of people aren’t as lucky as I am.<efe> <efs>I feel like if I lose anymore people I’m truly going to be alone which is terrifying.<efe> <efs>It’s just so scary I feel like I really can’t imagine a sober life.<efe> <es>It’s weird every sign is pointing toward sobriety but I’m not sure if I want it which is fucking ridiculous considering that fact that liquor has brought me nothing but pain and heartache.<ee>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help you get sober
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| 221
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ei8g44
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Concerta Overdose
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0
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help-seeking
| 2
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Hey I’m (17M-63.5kg) relatively new to concerta, I used to be on 30mg Vyvanse for a year, but a couple weeks ago I got put on concerta - 54mg because vyvanse made me way too fidgety and experience insomnia. I accidentally took one in the morning (taht I forgot) and took a second one a few hours later. I feel relatively fine, just some difficulty breathing and some chest tightness (I usually get this on concerta but it’s a bit more noticeable rn). Can anyone tell me what a serious concerta od feels like and how worried I should be? And I’d be grateful if anyone can give any links to people’s personal stories of how they felt when the overdosed on concerta. Unless I get nauseous I don’t think I’m gonna go to the ER, but ima eat a lot and drink lots of water just to ig to “stabilize” myself.
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sad_sumo
| 1
| 0
| 3
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2019-12-31 20:35:14
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ADHD
|
<es>Hey I’m (17M-63.5kg) relatively new to concerta, I used to be on 30mg Vyvanse for a year, but a couple weeks ago I got put on concerta - 54mg because vyvanse made me way too fidgety and experience insomnia.<ee> <es>I accidentally took one in the morning (taht I forgot) and took a second one a few hours later.<ee> <efs>I feel relatively fine, just some difficulty breathing and some chest tightness (I usually get this on concerta but it’s a bit more noticeable rn).<efe> <rs>Can anyone tell me what a serious concerta od feels like and how worried I should be?<re> <rs>And I’d be grateful if anyone can give any links to people’s personal stories of how they felt when the overdosed on concerta.<re> <es>Unless I get nauseous I don’t think I’m gonna go to the ER, but ima eat a lot and drink lots of water just to ig to “stabilize” myself.<ee>
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f1ejvm
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What happened after you filed for someone’s arrest for domestic violence?
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0
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help-seeking
| 1
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Needing advice.
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throwawayhelppllz
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-02-09 20:29:45
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domesticviolence
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<rs>What happened after you filed for someone’s arrest for domestic violence?<re> <rs>Needing advice.<re>
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| 0
| 2
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What happened that you want X ?
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file for someone's arrest
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Why are you wanting X ?
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to file report for domestic violence
| null | null | null | true
| 2
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eizyt2
|
Can someone explain this post?
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1b
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survey
| 1
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&#x200B;
https://preview.redd.it/rvrmu7b41e841.jpg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4213d446856fc66bbb2c0efa993fdd19c54e0615
A friend of mine recently sent me this post from someone. As I read through it, the person makes BPD out to be more of a physical disease that shortens one's life rather than a mental disorder that affects one's outlook on life. I've never heard of anyone having seizures directly due to BPD or having to result to a sober lifestyle to prevent them.
&#x200B;
I'm not saying the person is lying, but it just seems a little too stretched out from what I've learned and experienced about having BPD. I'd love your input.
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-zai
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-02 15:58:00
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BPD
|
&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/rvrmu7b41e841.jpg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4213d446856fc66bbb2c0efa993fdd19c54e0615 A friend of mine recently sent me this post from someone. As I read through it, the person makes BPD out to be more of a physical disease that shortens one's life rather than a mental disorder that affects one's outlook on life. I've never heard of anyone having seizures directly due to BPD or having to result to a sober lifestyle to prevent them. &#x200B; I'm not saying the person is lying, but it just seems a little too stretched out from what I've learned and experienced about having BPD. I'd love your input.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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| 0
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eivl5t
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Scarring
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1a
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help-seeking
| 1
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Is there any way to reduce scarring? I stupidly yeeted up my thighs, forgetting I have a fucking swimming carnival soon which I might have to wear a one piece to. I'm also just sick of seeing 300 scars covering my legs and arms so, anyway to reduce the scarring of healing/healed cuts? Thanks
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the_salt_
| 1
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| 2
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2020-01-02 08:20:21
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selfharm
|
<rs>Is there any way to reduce scarring?<re> <es>I stupidly yeeted up my thighs, forgetting I have a fucking swimming carnival soon which I might have to wear a one piece to.<ee> <efs>I'm also just sick of seeing 300 scars covering my legs and arms so, anyway to reduce the scarring of healing/healed cuts?<efe> Thanks
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| 2
| 2
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why you yeeted up your thighs
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| 122
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eibjac
|
The end-of-decade celebrations are really getting to me
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1a
|
rant
| 2
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I’m 23 and I’ve been depressed since I was at least 11 years old. I’ve struggled making friends pretty much my entire life (except for when I was young and basically everyone was friends with everyone else). I’ve been on suicide watch for over a week twice in the last 10 years and attempted suicide nearly successfully in September.
Things in my personal life have been absolute hell for the last year and a half and since starting my new career (which is freelance and work-from-home) I’m more lonely and isolated than ever. I have friends, but they all have friends they’re closer to and/or friend groups that I’m not apart of, which really makes me feel like I have no friends at all.
Seeing everyone celebrate the joy in the last 10 years of their lives is making me feel like an absolute failure at life itself. My social skills have developed tremendously in the last 3 years but essentially having no friends right now is really killing me inside. I want to be able to reflect on everything that’s happened in the past 10 years (especially the last two) for the purposes of personal growth but all I feel is pain inside for everything that’s happened, the opportunities I’ve missed, and the feeling that I’m wasting my life away being constantly depressed.
I don’t know what’s going to become of me if things don’t get better really, really soon.
|
thatstickytackstuff
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-01 00:41:59
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depression
|
<es>I’m 23 and I’ve been depressed since I was at least 11 years old.<ee> <es>I’ve struggled making friends pretty much my entire life (except for when I was young and basically everyone was friends with everyone else).<ee> <es>I’ve been on suicide watch for over a week twice in the last 10 years and attempted suicide nearly successfully in September.<ee> <es>Things in my personal life have been absolute hell for the last year and a half and since starting my new career (which is freelance and work-from-home) I’m more lonely and isolated than ever.<ee> <efs>I have friends, but they all have friends they’re closer to and/or friend groups that I’m not apart of, which really makes me feel like I have no friends at all.<efe> <efs>Seeing everyone celebrate the joy in the last 10 years of their lives is making me feel like an absolute failure at life itself.<efe> <efs>My social skills have developed tremendously in the last 3 years but essentially having no friends right now is really killing me inside.<efe> <efs><rs>I want to be able to reflect on everything that’s happened in the past 10 years (especially the last two) for the purposes of personal growth but all I feel is pain inside for everything that’s happened, the opportunities I’ve missed, and the feeling that I’m wasting my life away being constantly depressed.<re><efe> I don’t know what’s going to become of me if things don’t get better really, really soon.
| 2
| 2
| 1
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help you overcome depression
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suicidal
| true
| 221
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eoxlxt
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"Your anniversary?! I've never even seen you drink!"
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0
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chitchat
| 1
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https://imgur.com/a/JhXKmUi
Having a nice homemade bone broth in celebration. Here's to 24 more hours. Cheers!
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grief_and_balm
| 1
| 0
| 6
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2020-01-15 04:47:20
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alcoholicsanonymous
|
https://imgur.com/a/JhXKmUi Having a nice homemade bone broth in celebration. Here's to 24 more hours. Cheers!
| 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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eim728
|
Low executive functioning food ideas (healthy ish)
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0
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chitchat
| 2
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A while back I saw a post about low executive function meals involving hotdogs etc. and I spose I wanted to start a new one with healthier ideas! I'll get us started.
• Make salsa chicken (quintessential recipe for the lazy) in a slow cooker, divide into portions, freeze. Make rice, freeze. Buy frozen vegetables. Microwave. Add hot sauce, cheese etc. It's not gourmet but it's reasonably tasty and healthy. No joke if I retire, I would have an army of slowcookers and cook like 3 times a year.
• Steam a sweet potato in the microwave: poke 1-20 holes in potato. Wrap in paper towel, wet it thoroughly (like 1/8 inch water at the bottom). Place in ceramic/glass bowl (don't use plastic, you'll end up with a sad melted cancer mess), if you have another bowl of similar size place on top. Microwave for ~5 minutes depending on size of potato. Forget about it for ~10 minutes, rotate potato 180, microwave another ~1 minute. Forget again for 10 minutes, and it should be cooked through! Ok maybe this isn't totally low exec. function but it takes minimal prep and tools. I hope these are helpful for someone!
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IAMAPally
| 1
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| 11
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2020-01-01 19:07:40
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ADHD
|
A while back I saw a post about low executive function meals involving hotdogs etc. and I spose I wanted to start a new one with healthier ideas! I'll get us started. • Make salsa chicken (quintessential recipe for the lazy) in a slow cooker, divide into portions, freeze. Make rice, freeze. Buy frozen vegetables. Microwave. Add hot sauce, cheese etc. It's not gourmet but it's reasonably tasty and healthy. No joke if I retire, I would have an army of slowcookers and cook like 3 times a year. • Steam a sweet potato in the microwave: poke 1-20 holes in potato. Wrap in paper towel, wet it thoroughly (like 1/8 inch water at the bottom). Place in ceramic/glass bowl (don't use plastic, you'll end up with a sad melted cancer mess), if you have another bowl of similar size place on top. Microwave for ~5 minutes depending on size of potato. Forget about it for ~10 minutes, rotate potato 180, microwave another ~1 minute. Forget again for 10 minutes, and it should be cooked through! Ok maybe this isn't totally low exec. function but it takes minimal prep and tools. I hope these are helpful for someone!
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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ej0lnv
|
My year so far
|
1a
|
rant
| 3
|
Spent yesterday at home. Continued cleaning up kitchen from Christmas and ambitious organizing of holiday stuff for next year. I expect this will take me another week.
Performed respectable grooming/self-care before bed - showered, brushed teeth, washed & sort of styled hair, full skincare routine. Feeling good. Successfully prepped breakfast for following day, as this is one of my weakest links getting out of the house on workdays.
This morning, successfully did NOT self-sabotage myself over the "extra" time available from having prepped lunch, as phantom "extra" time is ANOTHER thing that ruins my attempts to leave the house on schedule. I did allow myself to use some of this "extra" time to open up a present from my brother (that had arrived a few days before Christmas . . .) It was lovely . . . I started mentally composing a thank you message, and headed out the door TWO MINUTES EARLY, GO ME.
. . . To find my car battery dead because I had left the interior light on. Fine. This is why I have a trickle charger, which I bring back into the house so I can read the directions carefully. First I email work that I will be late. I have to do this from my backup personal laptop because my work phone is not charged and I am locked out of it anyway, and even though I have a new laptop, I haven't migrated my email to it yet. Anyway, charger instructions! Right, find glasses, no, a magnifying glass, because the print is so small. Ok, got it. I can do this without messing up my nice work clothes, right? Pop hood on car, lose five minutes not sure how to access battery terminals, verify with car manual. Ok. Huh, battery terminals are cruddy . . . google how to clean battery terminals and take care of that. Then wait a few minutes for terminals to dry before attaching charger. Good to go! Wait, unplug charger so I can make sure that the indicator means what I hope it means . . . yes, charging!
Now I really do have extra time. I dash off a quick email to my brother, promising him a nice catch-up email later. Hm, I can get some items glued for my craft project . . . I won't mess up my clothes, right? Right. Then I swing by the kitchen and decide to clean a few things. This is where I accidentally squirt liquid castile soap into my eye. It burns, a lot. Good thing I am already at the sink with water running. I flush enough to not feel like my eye is on fire, then finish what I was doing. THEN decide maybe I should google "castile soap in eye," to find it can cause serious chemical burns and should be flushed for 15 minutes. Return to sink, flush for about forty-five seconds, then start puttering with other stuff, flushing briefly a few more times. Check charger. Check mirror - eye doesn't look bad, not even like having pinkeye. I'm sure it's fine.
It's two hours later, I am missing a meeting, and not sure if the charger is working despite what the indicator light says. Might have to call friend for a jumpstart. I also own a set of *very* long jumper cables, for occasions like this.
This is worse that the last time I managed to get out of the house early, by maybe ten minutes, but forgot my badge, and had to wait thirty minutes for security to issue me a temporary one.
I do need to get out of the house sometime today to get to a particular store so I can use my bonus points/credit I have there because they expire tomorrow.
Looks like another perfectly normal year!
|
RedQueenWhiteQueen
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 16:46:32
|
ADHD
|
Spent yesterday at home. Continued cleaning up kitchen from Christmas and ambitious organizing of holiday stuff for next year. I expect this will take me another week. Performed respectable grooming/self-care before bed - showered, brushed teeth, washed & sort of styled hair, full skincare routine. Feeling good. Successfully prepped breakfast for following day, as this is one of my weakest links getting out of the house on workdays. This morning, successfully did NOT self-sabotage myself over the "extra" time available from having prepped lunch, as phantom "extra" time is ANOTHER thing that ruins my attempts to leave the house on schedule. I did allow myself to use some of this "extra" time to open up a present from my brother (that had arrived a few days before Christmas . . .) It was lovely . . . I started mentally composing a thank you message, and headed out the door TWO MINUTES EARLY, GO ME. . . . To find my car battery dead because I had left the interior light on. Fine. This is why I have a trickle charger, which I bring back into the house so I can read the directions carefully. First I email work that I will be late. I have to do this from my backup personal laptop because my work phone is not charged and I am locked out of it anyway, and even though I have a new laptop, I haven't migrated my email to it yet. Anyway, charger instructions! Right, find glasses, no, a magnifying glass, because the print is so small. Ok, got it. I can do this without messing up my nice work clothes, right? Pop hood on car, lose five minutes not sure how to access battery terminals, verify with car manual. Ok. Huh, battery terminals are cruddy . . . google how to clean battery terminals and take care of that. Then wait a few minutes for terminals to dry before attaching charger. Good to go! Wait, unplug charger so I can make sure that the indicator means what I hope it means . . . yes, charging! Now I really do have extra time. I dash off a quick email to my brother, promising him a nice catch-up email later. Hm, I can get some items glued for my craft project . . . I won't mess up my clothes, right? Right. Then I swing by the kitchen and decide to clean a few things. This is where I accidentally squirt liquid castile soap into my eye. It burns, a lot. Good thing I am already at the sink with water running. I flush enough to not feel like my eye is on fire, then finish what I was doing. THEN decide maybe I should google "castile soap in eye," to find it can cause serious chemical burns and should be flushed for 15 minutes. Return to sink, flush for about forty-five seconds, then start puttering with other stuff, flushing briefly a few more times. Check charger. Check mirror - eye doesn't look bad, not even like having pinkeye. I'm sure it's fine. It's two hours later, I am missing a meeting, and not sure if the charger is working despite what the indicator light says. Might have to call friend for a jumpstart. I also own a set of *very* long jumper cables, for occasions like this. This is worse that the last time I managed to get out of the house early, by maybe ten minutes, but forgot my badge, and had to wait thirty minutes for security to issue me a temporary one. I do need to get out of the house sometime today to get to a particular store so I can use my bonus points/credit I have there because they expire tomorrow. Looks like another perfectly normal year!
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
er0pkn
|
Practicing gratitude
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1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I have immense trouble being grateful and I feel super guilty about it. When I take a moment and try to list things I’m grateful for in my life it always turns into unhealthy comparison at both ends of the spectrum. Me: “At least I’m not that loser, sucks to be him/her” to “I am a loser because I don’t have xyz.” A lot of it is rooted in self-esteem issues and fearing that if I don’t start being grateful now, the universe will take the things I don’t appreciate enough away because that’s just how life works; no one can be “up” forever, shit can, does and always will happen. Cue familiar downward spiral into anxiety. So tldr, what are some healthy everyday ways to practice gratitude for an extremely negative, fearful person?
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Sneaky__C
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-19 19:14:40
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>I have immense trouble being grateful<ee> <efs>I feel super guilty about it.<efe> <es>When I take a moment and try to list things I’m grateful for in my life it always turns into unhealthy comparison at both ends of the spectrum. Me: “At least I’m not that loser, sucks to be him/her” to “I am a loser because I don’t have xyz.”<ee> <es> A lot of it is rooted in self-esteem issues and fearing that if I don’t start being grateful now, the universe will take the things I don’t appreciate enough away because that’s just how life works; no one can be “up” forever, shit can, does and always will happen.<ee> <efs>Cue familiar downward spiral into anxiety.<efe> <rs>So tldr, what are some healthy everyday ways to practice gratitude for an extremely negative, fearful person?<re>
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| 222
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elucow
|
Needing advice
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Hi I live in Richmond TX . I wanted to know if there are any good mental health inpaitent retreats or places you recommend for someone suffering with depression, aniexty, mood swings and anger management . I really need help ASAP . My appointment with a new doctor is next week but I'm struggling with money and can't afford to wait that long. I'm not suicidal but I have been having suicidal thoughts very often, lashing out at others and not been sleeping or eating . I don't know what illness I truly have and my medication is helping me but I feel like I need something stronger or just somesort of DBT or Tramua based therapy. I don't know where do really turn to . If all else fails I can just go to a inpaitent treatment by me but I have been to one and they're very poorly ran . Thanks for reading this.
|
sociallyawakward4996
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-08 15:42:27
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mentalillness
|
Hi I live in Richmond TX . <es><rs>I wanted to know if there are any good mental health inpaitent retreats or places you recommend for someone suffering with depression, aniexty, mood swings and anger management .<re><ee> <rs>I really need help ASAP .<re> <es>My appointment with a new doctor is next week but I'm struggling with money and can't afford to wait that long.<ee> <efs>I'm not suicidal but I have been having suicidal thoughts very often, lashing out at others and not been sleeping or eating .<efe> <efs>I don't know what illness I truly have and my medication is helping me but I feel like I need something stronger or just somesort of DBT or Tramua based therapy.<efe> I don't know where do really turn to . If all else fails I can just go to a inpaitent treatment by me but I have been to one and they're very poorly ran . Thanks for reading this.
| 2
| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eiamyg
|
Why is it so hard for me to write about myself
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Like I don’t even know what to put in my Tinder profile, lol. This should be easy...
|
Annallve
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2019-12-31 23:30:48
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BPD
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Like I don’t even know what to put in my Tinder profile, lol. This should be easy...
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
eixc5e
|
Does anyone else regress in their age?
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0
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survey
| 1
|
I’m 21 and but I very often seem to regress into a 6-8 yer old. I can be very childish in what I like, how I speak and act and I’m just wondering if others are like this?
|
WhatsThePoint138
| 1
| 0
| 76
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2020-01-02 11:53:43
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BPD
|
<es>I’m 21 and but I very often seem to regress into a 6-8 yer old.<ee> <es>I can be very childish in what I like, how I speak and act and I’m just wondering if others are like this?<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 0
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
being childish
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you often become very childish
| null | true
| 200
|
ejo4w8
|
I passed out
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I was cutting and didn't realize my blade was so sharp and cut my thigh. It was my first cut that reached fat and I was kind of in a shock. I ran to get my bandages and got back to my bed, and started taking care of my cut. Then I woke up on the floor. I felt really bad after. My head still hurts. Idk if I passed out from the shock or what ever but that was kind of scary..
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averagedancer
| 10
| 0
| 2
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2020-01-03 23:57:00
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selfharm
|
<es>I was cutting and didn't realize my blade was so sharp and cut my thigh.<ee> <efs>It was my first cut that reached fat and I was kind of in a shock.<efe> <es>I ran to get my bandages and got back to my bed, and started taking care of my cut.<ee> <es>Then I woke up on the floor.<ee> <efs>I felt really bad after.<efe> <efs>My head still hurts.<efe> <efs>Idk if I passed out from the shock or what ever but that was kind of scary..<efe>
| 1
| 2
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why did you cut your thigh
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you felt bad after cutting yourself
| null | true
| 120
|
f3j5tz
|
My GF recurring trauma
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I am sharing this story, not as a victim, but as someone who wants to find better ways to support the one they care for.
So I have been dating this girl for 7 mo or so now and everything has gone more or less perfect. She brought it up to me toward the beginning of our relationship that she used to be in a 3yr abusive relationship some time ago where she had been raped. I could tell then at the glimpse just how much it has affected her and her relationships. I was glad she felt safe to tell me and i assured her i would be supportive in any way i could. Up until just recently we haven’t had any problems with intimacy or showing affection with each other. Little habits would come up - like sitting on the opposite side of the room in groups from me- not because of the way she felt about me but she quickly realized what she was doing, we talked, and i understood. She hasn’t had a strong sex drive throughout are relationship either but i could certainly understand why and is not something that ever bothered me because we’ve had such a positive relationship otherwise.
Fast forward to just recently, work has ramped up for her, i can tell she’s feeling down, she tells me it’s just stress and a bit of anxiety. A few days go by and i can tell it’s something more. She tells me it’s recurring trauma from her past and she can’t shake it - it makes her depressed, and anxious, and on edge. She tells me there was no real trigger it just came about again.
After i was out of town with work, i come back and what seems out of nowhere she tells me that she has to end things - not for anything wrong with myself or how she feels about me, but because of this trauma is weighing down and she hasn’t ever taken many steps to try and relieve some of it. She has since seeked therapy for the first time and is going tomorrow.
I care a lot about her and just want to be supportive, it hurts me to no end to see her live with this. I’m curious about ways that are positive and safe communication as a BF/F to be supportive and maintain a romantic relationship? Also curious as to triggers for trauma and if more open communication between a romantic partner is found helpful or more stressful?
Appreciate the responses. Thanks.
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gscheetz2
| 1
| 0
| 4
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2020-02-13 23:40:26
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rapecounseling
|
<rs>I am sharing this story, not as a victim, but as someone who wants to find better ways to support the one they care for.<re> <es>So I have been dating this girl for 7 mo or so now and everything has gone more or less perfect.<ee> <es>She brought it up to me toward the beginning of our relationship that she used to be in a 3yr abusive relationship some time ago where she had been raped.<ee> <es>I could tell then at the glimpse just how much it has affected her and her relationships.<ee> <es>I was glad she felt safe to tell me and i assured her i would be supportive in any way i could.<ee> <es>Up until just recently we haven’t had any problems with intimacy or showing affection with each other.<ee> <es>Little habits would come up - like sitting on the opposite side of the room in groups from me- not because of the way she felt about me but she quickly realized what she was doing, we talked, and i understood.<ee> <es>She hasn’t had a strong sex drive throughout are relationship either but i could certainly understand why and is not something that ever bothered me because we’ve had such a positive relationship otherwise. <ee> <es>Fast forward to just recently, work has ramped up for her, i can tell she’s feeling down, she tells me it’s just stress and a bit of anxiety.<ee> <es>A few days go by and i can tell it’s something more.<ee> <es>She tells me it’s recurring trauma from her past and she can’t shake it - it makes her depressed, and anxious, and on edge.<ee> <es>She tells me there was no real trigger it just came about again.<ee> <es>After i was out of town with work, i come back and what seems out of nowhere she tells me that she has to end things - not for anything wrong with myself or how she feels about me, but because of this trauma is weighing down and she hasn’t ever taken many steps to try and relieve some of it.<ee> <es>She has since seeked therapy for the first time and is going tomorrow. <ee> <efs>I care a lot about her and just want to be supportive, it hurts me to no end to see her live with this.<efe> <rs>I’m curious about ways that are positive and safe communication as a BF/F to be supportive and maintain a romantic relationship?<re> <rs>Also curious as to triggers for trauma and if more open communication between a romantic partner is found helpful or more stressful?<re> Appreciate the responses. Thanks.
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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ej48u6
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Anyone else watching someone they have a crush on, fall in love with someone else?
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0
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survey
| 1
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Just me? This hurts a lot.
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MasterOfTheWaters63
| 9
| 0
| 771
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2020-01-02 21:03:00
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sad
|
<es>Anyone else watching someone they have a crush on, fall in love with someone else?<ee> Just me? <efs>This hurts a lot.<efe>
| 2
| 1
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you feel about your crush loving someone else
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you feel hurt about your crush loving someone else
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title
| true
| 210
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ejqyog
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Ever feel so down, that a simple kind word or smile might make you cry?
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0
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survey
| 1
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I think I've been going after the wrong things.
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cheese_monkey_92
| 3
| 0
| 10
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2020-01-04 03:31:42
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mentalillness
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I think I've been going after the wrong things.
| 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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eise8u
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Relapse
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1a
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help-seeking
| 1
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I relapsed... it had to be really intentional too bc my tool is too dull it takes forever. I just sorta zone out and stuff until I decide to stop... what is my mind :(
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mmb123_
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 03:11:53
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selfharm
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<es>I relapsed... it had to be really intentional too bc my tool is too dull it takes forever.<ee> <es>I just sorta zone out and stuff until I decide to stop...<ee> what is my mind :(
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why did you relapse
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How did X make you feel?
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the relapse
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you relapsed again
| null | true
| 100
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eiyblv
|
Post Drinking Anxiety?
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1a
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rant
| 1
|
In new years night I got drunk for the first time with some friends and now I cant stop feeling extremely anxious about it, even though it was lots of fun. I feel like I did something wrong and I think that might have to do with the fact that the person I like doesnt like drinking and stuff. Even though rationally, there's no reason to feel this way, i cant shake the feeling that i'm a bad person and shouldnt have done it and im also scared that people's view of me will change, even though im pretty sure I was being rather... entertaining and funny.
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Esnemon
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-02 13:37:30
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socialanxiety
|
In new years night I got drunk for the first time with some friends and now I cant stop feeling extremely anxious about it, even though it was lots of fun. I feel like I did something wrong and I think that might have to do with the fact that the person I like doesnt like drinking and stuff. Even though rationally, there's no reason to feel this way, i cant shake the feeling that i'm a bad person and shouldnt have done it and im also scared that people's view of me will change, even though im pretty sure I was being rather... entertaining and funny.
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
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you are feeling scared after drinking
| null | true
| 220
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ek2zzq
|
Night One approaching, Broken promises weighing heavy on my mind.
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1a
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rant
| 1
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I don't know how many times I have told my partner and children I will give up and fail. The look on their faces today when I had to give them my 'For what it's worth I'm so sorry' speech. But this HAS to be it this time, they have all said they will leave. I was diagnosed with ptsd 7 years ago and I have been struggling since. I hate the person I have become
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chelator79
| 6
| 0
| 21
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2020-01-04 21:43:31
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alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>I don't know how many times I have told my partner and children I will give up and fail.<ee> <es>The look on their faces today when I had to give them my 'For what it's worth I'm so sorry' speech.<ee> <es>But this HAS to be it this time, they have all said they will leave.<ee> <es>I was diagnosed with ptsd 7 years ago and I have been struggling since.<ee> <efs>I hate the person I have become<efe>
| 2
| 1
| 0
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how ptsd makes you feel
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What do you need help with now that X?
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your partner and children have threatened to leave
| null | true
| 210
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eie12z
|
15 hours into 2020 and I’m already hysterically upset
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1b
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rant
| 1
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Great start to the year.
Ditched by my friends on NYE, then ditched this morning by my own brother when they all went to breakfast and didn’t invite me.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m really thinking I’m not going to see the end of this year.
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itsavava
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-01 04:39:15
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BPD
|
<efs>15 hours into 2020 and I’m already hysterically upset<efe> Great start to the year. <es>Ditched by my friends on NYE, then ditched this morning by my own brother when they all went to breakfast and didn’t invite me. <ee> <es>I don’t want to do this anymore.<ee> <efs>I’m really thinking I’m not going to see the end of this year.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your friends and brother ditched you
| null | true
| 220
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el197b
|
I’m just sad// Rant
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1b
|
rant
| 2
|
Right now i’m in my bed and i’m just crying and feeling sad. I’m back at boarding school and i hate it. I miss my family and i miss the comfort and safety of home. I just hate boarding school, i’m super shy so i barely have any friends and before when i had friends i was toxic and rude and did shady shit and although i’ve learned from it, my ex friends have not moved on and still continue to hate on me and talk shit about me. This has made me become really wary of others around me and what they think, most people don’t like me due to my old friends and what they said about me and i just feel alone and always scared for the next day of school because nearly every lesson i have a class with my old friends or one of their acquaintances. They gossip about me and say stuff loud enough so i can hear and although i pretend like idc and ignore it, deep down it really hurts and i do feel very embarrassed and ashamed of myself and for the horrible stuff i did before. I’m also very insecure about my body and my uniform and whenever someone attempts to talk to me i grow very anxious and i end up feeling disgusting and again embarrassed. I hate school because of the fact that i’m a loner and i just dread it. What’s worse is i’m at school 24/7. I have asked my parents to move but i never told them the reason why but they really won’t let me. Even if i did tell them the reason, they would blame me for becoming like this. I just feel so depressed at school and i really can’t handle it, my parents would never understand. I don’t know what to do! I’m stressing so much rn and feeling super sad. Thank god tomorrow isn’t pe either because PE is on thursday but i’m still dreading Thursday as my PE kit is too small and makes me look fat and i feel so insecure.
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L0ner_101
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-06 22:10:19
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sad
|
<efs>Right now i’m in my bed and i’m just crying and feeling sad.<efe> <es>I’m back at boarding school and i hate it.<ee> <es>I miss my family and i miss the comfort and safety of home.<ee> <es>I just hate boarding school, i’m super shy so i barely have any friends and before when i had friends i was toxic and rude and did shady shit and although i’ve learned from it, my ex friends have not moved on and still continue to hate on me and talk shit about me.<ee> <efs>This has made me become really wary of others around me and what they think, most people don’t like me due to my old friends and what they said about me and i just feel alone and always scared for the next day of school because nearly every lesson i have a class with my old friends or one of their acquaintances.<efe> <efs>They gossip about me and say stuff loud enough so i can hear and although i pretend like idc and ignore it, deep down it really hurts and i do feel very embarrassed and ashamed of myself and for the horrible stuff i did before.<efe> <es>I’m also very insecure about my body and my uniform and whenever someone attempts to talk to me i grow very anxious and i end up feeling disgusting and again embarrassed.<ee> <es>I hate school because of the fact that i’m a loner and i just dread it.<ee> <es>What’s worse is i’m at school 24/7.<ee> <es>I have asked my parents to move but i never told them the reason why but they really won’t let me.<ee> <es>Even if i did tell them the reason, they would blame me for becoming like this.<ee> <efs>I just feel so depressed at school and i really can’t handle it, my parents would never understand.<efe> I don’t know what to do! <efs>I’m stressing so much rn and feeling super sad.<efe> <efs>Thank god tomorrow isn’t pe either because PE is on thursday but i’m still dreading Thursday as my PE kit is too small and makes me look fat and i feel so insecure.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel so depressed at boarding school
| null | true
| 220
|
eio4wo
|
Anxiety help
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I've been dealing with a sinus infection the last few days. Miserable stuffy nose, runny nose, cough - the works. We have a navage nasal care machine at my house and decided to use it for some relief. I read to use distilled water but only had purified drinking water, and I boiled it for a few minuted and cooled it before I used it. Now I'm paranoid because online I saw stories of people having infections and dying because of the water they used, to only use distilled water and I'm slightly panicked. Anyone have any advice or anything about it?
|
LilPeechz
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 21:32:40
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Anxiety
|
<es>I've been dealing with a sinus infection the last few days.<ee> <es>Miserable stuffy nose, runny nose, cough - the works.<ee> <es>We have a navage nasal care machine at my house and decided to use it for some relief.<ee> <es>I read to use distilled water but only had purified drinking water, and I boiled it for a few minuted and cooled it before I used it.<ee> <efs>Now I'm paranoid because online I saw stories of people having infections and dying because of the water they used, to only use distilled water and I'm slightly panicked.<efe> <rs>Anyone have any advice or anything about it?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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f46h46
|
How to stop enjoying the anger?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 3
|
I'm generally a very nervous/anxious person, and was diagnosed with severe anxiety/depression a while back. I'm on antidepressants and went to therapy, and it has definitely helped. However, I've recently been noticing an increase in the regularity and volume of my angry outbursts (within the last 6 months to a year). I've gotten in all-out yelling fights with my mother, calling her names and even once having her threaten to call the police (I was able to get a hold of myself, but I'm disappointed that it got so far). I also ride public transport every day and see completely random people every day. I've noticed that as of recently, it's very easy for me to get angry at someone like a complete stranger on the subway. All it takes is behavior I find annoying, talking to me when I don't feel like being bothered, or worse, confronting me verbally; if anything like this happens, I go from not particularly angry to (almost immediately) sheer rage and thoughts of physical violence (I've never acted on them towards another person, although I have broken plenty of inanimate objects). Here's a more concrete example: This evening, I was picked up by a friend and we drove to his place to drink and relax. As we are pulling into his apartment parking lot, he decides to squeal his tires and then stop on a dime. Probably not the best thing to do, but nobody got hurt or anything. However, the noise/erratic movement of the car caused a female tenant (probably about late 40s/early 50s) to start yelling at us as we park, and she began to approach us as we stepped out. Keep in mind that I wasn't the one driving and could have easily kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately, I felt the intense rage come on in an instant, and before I was all the way out of the car I had decided I was ready to fight. I should probably also mention at this point that I'm about 6'3", 220lbs and fairly fit, so this lady is obviously no physical threat to me. Anyway, back to the story. My friend was the one who made "initial contact" and he was trying to calm her down as she approached. I, on the other hand, started yelling as soon as I got out of the passenger side. I made visible contact with the woman, who's probably about \~15 feet away at this point, and I told her in my most rage-infused and fairly loud voice "You take a step closer to me and I will beat the shit out of you. Get the fuck out of here." That stopped her right in her tracks, and she instantly threatened to call the cops. This escalated to a shouting match between myself and her, while my friend was trying to calm us down. Eventually it got to the point where a neighbor came out and separated us, but not before quite the altercation. I realize that I was in the wrong, but in the moment I gave no shits. All I wanted was for her to try and make physical contact so I could retaliate. I had vivid thoughts of punching her in the throat, curb stomping her, kicking her repeatedly after that and basically, well, beating the shit out of her. And the scary part is that it felt SO good to be that angry. And currently, that's normal for me. I can get that enraged at basically anyone I think has crossed me, and it's hard to stop once it starts, especially because it makes me feel so powerful and like nobody can hurt me. I suppose I feel safer when I'm angry, because people give other angry people a wide berth. Basically, these last few months I've seen myself becoming far more angry and losing control much more easily. It's been eye-opening, and I certainly don't like this version of myself. I'd like to start working on the issue, but I'm at a loss as to how/where to start, what to do, etc. I do get exercise, I have hobbies, good friends and other things in my life that I enjoy, so I'm not sure what else there is to do. I'd like this post to serve as a reminder to myself, as well as to maybe get some recommendations on what has worked for other people. My hope is to learn how to manage it correctly, and (probably most important) learn how to stop enjoying the rage trips. Any comments or recommendations are appreciated!
&#x200B;
TLDR; I've noticed a significant increase in the amount of anger/rage I have in the last 6 months, to the point where I have a desire to take physical action based on my anger. I've realized that I enjoy being this angry, and I recognize that this isn't a normal or good state of mind to have. I'd like to learn how to stop enjoying the anger and manage it better than I currently am.
|
intoxicatedMobyDick
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-02-15 07:58:40
|
Anger
|
<es>I'm generally a very nervous/anxious person, and was diagnosed with severe anxiety/depression a while back.<ee> <es>I'm on antidepressants and went to therapy, and it has definitely helped.<ee> <es>However, I've recently been noticing an increase in the regularity and volume of my angry outbursts (within the last 6 months to a year).<ee> <efs>I've gotten in all-out yelling fights with my mother, calling her names and even once having her threaten to call the police (I was able to get a hold of myself, but I'm disappointed that it got so far).<efe> I also ride public transport every day and see completely random people every day. <es>I've noticed that as of recently, it's very easy for me to get angry at someone like a complete stranger on the subway.<ee> <es>All it takes is behavior I find annoying, talking to me when I don't feel like being bothered, or worse, confronting me verbally; if anything like this happens, I go from not particularly angry to (almost immediately) sheer rage and thoughts of physical violence (I've never acted on them towards another person, although I have broken plenty of inanimate objects).<ee> <es>Here's a more concrete example: This evening, I was picked up by a friend and we drove to his place to drink and relax.<ee> <es>As we are pulling into his apartment parking lot, he decides to squeal his tires and then stop on a dime.<ee> <es>Probably not the best thing to do, but nobody got hurt or anything.<ee> <es>However, the noise/erratic movement of the car caused a female tenant (probably about late 40s/early 50s) to start yelling at us as we park, and she began to approach us as we stepped out.<ee> Keep in mind that I wasn't the one driving and could have easily kept my mouth shut. <es>Unfortunately, I felt the intense rage come on in an instant, and before I was all the way out of the car I had decided I was ready to fight.<ee> I should probably also mention at this point that I'm about 6'3", 220lbs and fairly fit, so this lady is obviously no physical threat to me. Anyway, back to the story. My friend was the one who made "initial contact" and he was trying to calm her down as she approached. <es>I, on the other hand, started yelling as soon as I got out of the passenger side.<ee> <es>I made visible contact with the woman, who's probably about \~15 feet away at this point, and I told her in my most rage-infused and fairly loud voice "You take a step closer to me and I will beat the shit out of you. Get the fuck out of here."<ee> <es>That stopped her right in her tracks, and she instantly threatened to call the cops.<ee> <es>This escalated to a shouting match between myself and her, while my friend was trying to calm us down.<ee> <es>Eventually it got to the point where a neighbor came out and separated us, but not before quite the altercation.<ee> I realize that I was in the wrong, but in the moment I gave no shits. All I wanted was for her to try and make physical contact so I could retaliate. <es>I had vivid thoughts of punching her in the throat, curb stomping her, kicking her repeatedly after that and basically, well, beating the shit out of her.<ee> <efs>And the scary part is that it felt SO good to be that angry.<efe> And currently, that's normal for me. <es>I can get that enraged at basically anyone I think has crossed me, and it's hard to stop once it starts, especially because it makes me feel so powerful and like nobody can hurt me.<ee> <efs>I suppose I feel safer when I'm angry, because people give other angry people a wide berth.<efe> <es>Basically, these last few months I've seen myself becoming far more angry and losing control much more easily.<ee> <efs>It's been eye-opening, and I certainly don't like this version of myself.<efe> I'd like to start working on the issue, but I'm at a loss as to how/where to start, what to do, etc. I do get exercise, I have hobbies, good friends and other things in my life that I enjoy, so I'm not sure what else there is to do. <rs>I'd like this post to serve as a reminder to myself, as well as to maybe get some recommendations on what has worked for other people.<re> <rs>My hope is to learn how to manage it correctly, and (probably most important) learn how to stop enjoying the rage trips.<re> <rs>Any comments or recommendations are appreciated!<re> &#x200B; <es>TLDR; I've noticed a significant increase in the amount of anger/rage I have in the last 6 months, to the point where I have a desire to take physical action based on my anger.<ee> <es>I've realized that I enjoy being this angry, and I recognize that this isn't a normal or good state of mind to have.<ee> <rs>I'd like to learn how to stop enjoying the anger and manage it better than I currently am.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eshtu9
|
I think I’m free
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
After about two years of being with my absuive ex I broke up with him, but we were still “friends” because I was scared he was going to kill himself. Anyway I told my boss about it and he that I needed to just block him on everything and if he comes after you then get a restraining order. So today my boss and I were talking and he kept looking at me like I was a dumbass because I was still texting him once a day. There is no one more I respect in the world than my boss, so when we got done talking I realized ‘wow what the hell have I been doing all this time’ He’s physically, sexuality, and verbally abused me and yet I still somewhat cared about him. So I just right then and there blocked him on everything and it’s only been half a day, but I think he might actually get it this time that I don’t want him around.
|
Space_Cat51
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-22 20:40:23
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>After about two years of being with my absuive ex I broke up with him, but we were still “friends” because I was scared he was going to kill himself.<ee> <es>Anyway I told my boss about it and he that I needed to just block him on everything and if he comes after you then get a restraining order.<ee> <es>So today my boss and I were talking and he kept looking at me like I was a dumbass because I was still texting him once a day.<ee> <es>There is no one more I respect in the world than my boss, so when we got done talking I realized ‘wow what the hell have I been doing all this time’ He’s physically, sexuality, and verbally abused me and yet I still somewhat cared about him.<ee> <es>So I just right then and there blocked him on everything and it’s only been half a day, but I think he might actually get it this time that I don’t want him around.<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 0
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your ex's abuse
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you blocked your ex
| null | true
| 200
|
ephhks
|
Suboxone withdrawal after 12 years
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
minutes ago by athrowawaythingetc
Hi. I've been on Suboxone at a low dose (2mg) for almost 12 years now. Well, I started at a higher dose but that only lasted a month or two after I stopped the heroin. I've lived a mostly "normal" life since then.
Today I found out my pharmacy won't fill my prescription anymore. I called another pharmacy, they didn't want to fill it because the other pharmacy didn't want to fill it... I won't get into that whole mess but I think this is the end of the line for me and I'm terrified.
I have mental health issues. I'm afraid I won't be able to cope with my depression and anxiety. I don't have many friends and they're far away anyway, and my family's not supportive. I feel so alone, and I'm starting to feel awful everywhere.
I'm sorry, I don't know exactly what I want here. Just to share. Thanks for reading.
|
athrowawaythingetc
| 1
| 0
| 42
|
2020-01-16 10:16:06
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
minutes ago by athrowawaythingetc Hi. <es>I've been on Suboxone at a low dose (2mg) for almost 12 years now.<ee> <es>Well, I started at a higher dose but that only lasted a month or two after I stopped the heroin.<ee> <es>I've lived a mostly "normal" life since then.<ee> <es>Today I found out my pharmacy won't fill my prescription anymore.<ee> <es>I called another pharmacy, they didn't want to fill it because the other pharmacy didn't want to fill it...<ee> <efs>I won't get into that whole mess but I think this is the end of the line for me and I'm terrified.<efe> <es>I have mental health issues.<ee> <es>I'm afraid I won't be able to cope with my depression and anxiety.<ee> <es>I don't have many friends and they're far away anyway, and my family's not supportive.<ee> <efs>I feel so alone, and I'm starting to feel awful everywhere.<efe> I'm sorry, I don't know exactly what I want here. Just to share. Thanks for reading.
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your pharmacy won't fill your presciption anymore
| null | true
| 220
|
elkhsv
|
Hi, All. New to this.
|
0
|
rant
| 2
|
obligatory sorry for the format because mobile.
I’ve been hospitalized twice now in the last year because of my alcoholism. Just got release today so that only makes me five days sober. Not a lot i know but i really want to get this shit right this time.
I don’t want to almost kill myself again, i don’t want to relapse again and mostly i don’t want this to ruin my relationship with my partner because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s been SOO supportive and understanding the last couple years but he isn’t and addict and as much i can confide in him i feel like i need to find something somewhere else that can really help me fight my own thoughts.
My biggest dilemma is that i don’t believe in God. I didn’t before i was an alcoholic and I know for a fact that’s not going to change even now. I just want to find some resources/books/support system that i can confide in that doesn’t have those holy undertones to them cause i can’t imagine myself taking it seriously enough...
If anybody has anything to share or would like to pm me i’d appreciate anything at this point.
Also sorry if this was all over the place this is my first time posting and i’m a bit overwhelmed today. <3
|
AAR_ReadytoRecover_
| 1
| 0
| 11
|
2020-01-08 00:21:04
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
obligatory sorry for the format because mobile. <es>I’ve been hospitalized twice now in the last year because of my alcoholism.<ee> <es>Just got release today so that only makes me five days sober.<ee> <rs>Not a lot i know but i really want to get this shit right this time.<re> <rs>I don’t want to almost kill myself again, i don’t want to relapse again and mostly i don’t want this to ruin my relationship with my partner because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.<re> <rs>He’s been SOO supportive and understanding the last couple years but he isn’t and addict and as much i can confide in him i feel like i need to find something somewhere else that can really help me fight my own thoughts. <re> <es>My biggest dilemma is that i don’t believe in God.<ee> <es>I didn’t before i was an alcoholic and I know for a fact that’s not going to change even now.<ee> <rs>I just want to find some resources/books/support system that i can confide in that doesn’t have those holy undertones to them cause i can’t imagine myself taking it seriously enough... <re> <rs>If anybody has anything to share or would like to pm me i’d appreciate anything at this point. <re> Also sorry if this was all over the place this is my first time posting and i’m a bit overwhelmed today. <3
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How did X make you feel?
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not drinking alcohol
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| 202
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eonsrg
|
I will be writing a book about my experience with being raped at 14 and then years later successfully winning the case against my perpetrator. What would you like me to talk about in my writing?
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0
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survey
| 1
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I was raped when I was 14 and then around my 20's I testified in a trial against my perpetrator. I'm happy to say he was found guilty. Now that some time has passed I feel good enough to start working on writing about my experiences.
Are there any subjects, questions, or any ideas of what you would want to personally read in a book like mine?
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machinegunwife
| 1
| 0
| 28
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2020-01-14 16:48:35
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rapecounseling
|
I was raped when I was 14 and then around my 20's I testified in a trial against my perpetrator. I'm happy to say he was found guilty. Now that some time has passed I feel good enough to start working on writing about my experiences. Are there any subjects, questions, or any ideas of what you would want to personally read in a book like mine?
| 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
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f7zu87
|
I'm out of options, and I feel myself giving up.
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0
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help-seeking
| 2
|
tl;dr--the title.
In dealing with depression, I've tried nearly everything. Therapy, psychiatry, better exercise and nutrition, being more social, meditating, and all of it combined. I've tried for years now.
I've cycled through enough meds to say with reasonable confidence that they're not going to help. I've been in therapy for years and, while it's seriously helped my social anxiety, my depression has only gone down hill. I think it's just biological.
I was looking to ketamine as a last effort to shake me out of it, but it's so expensive, and I'm a part-time worker/grad student. I asked my family for a loan but, even though they have the money, they're not comfortable with drugs (they don't even like me taking anti-depressants).
The only options left are
* MAOI's (no doctors want to prescribe, plus they scare me),
* TMS (prohibitively expensive, worrying side-effects), and
* growing magic mushrooms (decriminialized, but scary, plus I'm too depressed to put the effort in).
**In conclusion,** I'm out of options. I've gotten noticeably more depressed since my family said no to the loan. I've just given up. I don't feel like I can fight my depression anymore; I'm just going where it takes me. I'm a lot more passive in life, and watching things fall apart.
Any ideas for alternatives?
|
jar-jar-kinks
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-02-22 22:16:33
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getting_over_it
|
tl;dr--the title. <es>In dealing with depression, I've tried nearly everything.<ee> <es>Therapy, psychiatry, better exercise and nutrition, being more social, meditating, and all of it combined.<ee> I've tried for years now.<ee> <es>I've cycled through enough meds to say with reasonable confidence that they're not going to help.<ee> <es>I've been in therapy for years and, while it's seriously helped my social anxiety, my depression has only gone down hill.<ee> <es>I think it's just biological.<ee> <es>I was looking to ketamine as a last effort to shake me out of it, but it's so expensive, and I'm a part-time worker/grad student. <ee><Es>I asked my family for a loan but, even though they have the money, they're not comfortable with drugs (they don't even like me taking anti-depressants).<ee> <es>The only options left are * MAOI's (no doctors want to prescribe, plus they scare me), * TMS (prohibitively expensive, worrying side-effects), and * growing magic mushrooms (decriminialized, but scary, plus I'm too depressed to put the effort in).<ee> <es>**In conclusion,** I'm out of options.<ee> <es>I've gotten noticeably more depressed since my family said no to the loan.<ee> <efs>I've just given up.<efe> <efs>I don't feel like I can fight my depression anymore; I'm just going where it takes me.<efe> <efs>I'm a lot more passive in life, and watching things fall apart.<efe> <rs>Any ideas for alternatives?<re>
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eibn47
|
If you cant do it
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0
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chitchat
| 1
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Please be careful tonight. You're much better off spending money on an uber than paying for a dui.
|
danieltigerx
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-01 00:51:11
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addiction
|
Please be careful tonight. You're much better off spending money on an uber than paying for a dui.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
er4hsr
|
Being cheated on
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1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
My ex cheated on me. Even typing that makes me feel bad. I don’t let people know.
How do you regain that sense of self worth? I’m not really sure I ever will. I still remember it, so clearly. What she wore, how she acted, what she said when she told me. It haunts me.
I think about it daily and it’s sad. I’m in a better place now but I still find my mind wandering back to that moment I found out and wondering why. I blame myself. I could have been better; I could have avoided it; My actions deserved it.
It changed me as a person. I lost confidence in myself. I lost trust in others. It has been 18 months and only now have I started to talk to females again.
I know that everyone will say it’s not me its them. Don’t blame yourself. They weren’t right for you. But this isn’t the first time this has happened.
What do I lack?
How do you deal with somebody ripping apart your whole sense of self worth? I thought time would make me feel better and it has but the doubt still lingers.
I am not sure it will ever fade. I wish she never told me. They say ignorance is bliss.
Does anybody have any advice on how to accept this and learn to love yourself again?
|
MedicalTriage
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-19 23:43:31
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selfhelp
|
<es>My ex cheated on me.<ee> <efs>Even typing that makes me feel bad.<efe> I don’t let people know. <rs>How do you regain that sense of self worth?<re> <es>I’m not really sure I ever will.<ee> <es>I still remember it, so clearly.<ee> <es>What she wore, how she acted, what she said when she told me.<ee> <efs>It haunts me. <efe> <efs>I think about it daily and it’s sad.<efe> <es>I’m in a better place now but I still find my mind wandering back to that moment I found out and wondering why.<ee> <es>I blame myself.<ee> <es>I could have been better; I could have avoided it; My actions deserved it. <ee> <es>It changed me as a person.<ee> <efs>I lost confidence in myself.<efe> <efs>I lost trust in others.<efe> <es>It has been 18 months and only now have I started to talk to females again. <ee> <es>I know that everyone will say it’s not me its them.<ee> <es>Don’t blame yourself.<ee> <es>They weren’t right for you.<ee> <es>But this isn’t the first time this has happened. <ee> <rs>What do I lack?<re> <rs>How do you deal with somebody ripping apart your whole sense of self worth?<re> <es>I thought time would make me feel better and it has but the doubt still lingers. <ee> <es>I am not sure it will ever fade.<ee> <rs>I wish she never told me.<re> <es>They say ignorance is bliss.<ee> Does anybody have any advice on how to accept this and learn to love yourself again?
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| 2
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| 222
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eihbmi
|
Swallowing your pride with social anxiety.
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1a
|
rant
| 1
|
. I was at a New Years Party on my dads side of the family and had talked to more people in there than I have in the entire 7 months of online classes I did at home. Messed up handshakes, saying the wrong things, awkward silences. There’s not enough space to have your dignity by the end of the night. It’s one of those things you’ll have in the back of your head in years and think “fuck why did I do that” and even though I embarrassed myself infront of my cousins and uncles/aunts.. I know it’s for the better. And they will probably forget about it.
|
Cidroin
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 11:12:52
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Anxiety
|
. <es>I was at a New Years Party on my dads side of the family and had talked to more people in there than I have in the entire 7 months of online classes I did at home.<ee> <es>Messed up handshakes, saying the wrong things, awkward silences.<ee> <es>There’s not enough space to have your dignity by the end of the night.<ee> <efs>It’s one of those things you’ll have in the back of your head in years and think “fuck why did I do that” and even though I embarrassed myself infront of my cousins and uncles/aunts..<efe> I know it’s for the better. And they will probably forget about it.
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
social anxiety made you embarrassed at the party
| null | true
| 220
|
ejajoz
|
Scared
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I'm so shitty at myself for ruining the best relationship I've ever had because I am terrified of being close to another person just because my mother was so abusive and was murdered I love my mother yet I realized that what she did was wrong
|
317gofurself
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-03 04:59:07
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mentalillness
|
<efs><es>I'm so shitty at myself for ruining the best relationship I've ever had because I am terrified of being close to another person just because my mother was so abusive and was murdered I love my mother yet I realized that what she did was wrong<ee><efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel terrified of getting close to someone
| null | true
| 220
|
ejbfww
|
A thing
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
This is really a vent but a trigger warning was needed as well.
I’ve realized that I’ve pushed everyone away. I have no I trust enough to talk to. Fuck I wanna call my bf rn and cry to him, but he’s going though his own shit and I keep telling him I’m fine bc I don’t want him to worry. I really wanna die or sh, but I’m 27 days clean and I don’t wanna ruin it. I’m just laying in bed fighting the urges and sobbing into my pillow.
I’ll be okay. I’m always okay. I’ve never not been okay.
|
ewwhoisluke
| 2
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-03 06:20:21
|
mentalillness
|
This is really a vent but a trigger warning was needed as well. <es>I’ve realized that I’ve pushed everyone away.<ee> <es>I have no I trust enough to talk to.<ee> <efs>Fuck I wanna call my bf rn and cry to him, but he’s going though his own shit and I keep telling him I’m fine bc I don’t want him to worry.<efe> I really wanna die or sh, but I’m 27 days clean and I don’t wanna ruin it. <es>I’m just laying in bed fighting the urges and sobbing into my pillow. <ee> I’ll be okay. I’m always okay. I’ve never not been okay.
| 1
| 1
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you pushed everyone away
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are upset and have no one you can trust to talk to
| null | true
| 110
|
f5wgzf
|
How to report domestic abuse happening in my house?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
There is domestic abuse between two people in my household however I am not the one being abused. Can I report this to the police? What can they do if the abused party will cover up and likely deny everything? But I know it's happening and have evidence.
|
Johnishere2
| 1
| 0
| 13
|
2020-02-18 18:41:34
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>There is domestic abuse between two people in my household however I am not the one being abused.<ee> <rs>Can I report this to the police?<re> <rs>What can they do if the abused party will cover up and likely deny everything?<re> <es>But I know it's happening and have evidence.<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the domestic abuse between the two people
| null | null | null | true
| 202
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ei9lz9
|
Unfortunately made it through another year so happy new years I guess
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
| null |
strugglingbitch
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2019-12-31 22:08:09
|
depression
|
Unfortunately made it through another year so happy new years I guess nan
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
title,suicidal
| true
| 0
|
el0iu4
|
Nervous about sub induction.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
So I’ve been on and off opiates for my entire adult life. Ever since having brain surgery at 15 and being prescribed tab 10s, to a crazy stint with opana 40s that nearly killed me a few times, to my most recent relapse that had me using upwards of a ball a day of H. I’ve tapered down to about a g a day of the H and I’ve had the subs for about a week while I’ve been tapering and the anticipation is killing me inside. I’ve tried subs before a couple times, only once with a habit this bad and I had a bad reaction to them mentally and immediately went and copped some fent dope to break thru them. My addiction is running my life and marriage. I need to take the subs but I’m worried about the bad reaction again and of course PWD. Any advice for me as far as how to know when to take them to avoid PWD, and also how much to take to keep from getting sick when coming off a gram a day habit? Anything would be helpful, I’m trying to make today my lady day using and I only picked up a half g today to try to ease the pain a bit more instead of coming off a g a day habit.
|
dopierthanthou
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-06 21:19:59
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>So I’ve been on and off opiates for my entire adult life.<ee> <es> Ever since having brain surgery at 15 and being prescribed tab 10s, to a crazy stint with opana 40s that nearly killed me a few times, to my most recent relapse that had me using upwards of a ball a day of H.<ee> <es> I’ve tapered down to about a g a day of the H and I’ve had the subs for about a week while I’ve been tapering and the anticipation is killing me inside.<ee> <efs> I’ve tried subs before a couple times, only once with a habit this bad and I had a bad reaction to them mentally and immediately went and copped some fent dope to break thru them.<efe> <efs> My addiction is running my life and marriage.<efe> <efs>I need to take the subs but I’m worried about the bad reaction again and of course PWD.<efe> <rs> Any advice for me as far as how to know when to take them to avoid PWD, and also how much to take to keep from getting sick when coming off a gram a day habit?<re> <es> Anything would be helpful, I’m trying to make today my lady day using and I only picked up a half g today to try to ease the pain a bit more instead of coming off a g a day habit.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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en69nl
|
Share Your Victories! - January 11, 2020
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0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
What are you celebrating this week? Ace a test? Manage to make a phone call? Breakthrough in therapy? Whatever it is, no matter how small you think it is, let us know!
|
AutoModerator
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-11 11:17:14
|
mentalillness
|
What are you celebrating this week? Ace a test? Manage to make a phone call? Breakthrough in therapy? Whatever it is, no matter how small you think it is, let us know!
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
ei9ty8
|
I hate my life and family even though I feel like I should be grateful for it
|
1b
|
rant
| 3
|
I come from a relatively stable family, I'm probably going to be off to university next year and at the moment I'm a straight A\* student. Everyone thinks my life is going great and that I'm a kind, funny and stable person but I've been on the edge of a complete meltdown for the last year, I'm completely starved of any kind of human contact or genuine connection/affection, and I'm in a completely toxic household. The thing that makes it worse is that I feel I should be thankful for this. I know this will sound like an angsty teen complaining about how unfair life is but I feel so lonely at the moment that this is the only way I feel I can get it off my chest.
Every angle of my life at the moment is stressful and filled with people who I only stick around with as tools to pass the time. At my college I'm managing to maintain high grades across the board which I have to as I'm applying for medicine, possibly the most cut-throat and competitive application process outside some of the most competitive business courses. I'm doing this whilst almost single-handedly maintaining my college's student bodies such as the student union, debating, and 'academic council', where if I don't run the meetings no one will, even the people who have been elected for those positions won't turn up unless I prompt them. As well as this I'm volunteering at two different places to maintain a competitive application. My level of workload I have at my college stresses the shit out of me but I would be fine with this if people ever appreciated what I did, I know it sounds selfish and I hate typing it, but just feeling appreciated for keeping good grades, running most things that wouldn't exist if I didn't run them would make it so much more bearable to do so.
Even though my family is technically stable, I have married parents who are financially secure (which I am thankful for), the household is constantly toxic and fake because everyone is always playing happy families. On one side of my family, I've always been the least favourite grandchild because until I was about 15 I had so much social anxiety I couldn't talk to strangers almost at all and had zero social skills, I was given the least at every birthday or Christmas and was always told how great my cousins and sister was who would always be taken out places. On the other side, my grandma has been the best figure I've had in my life, who always treated me and my sister fairly, who was firm in setting down obvious rules I was too young to appreciate at the time and taught me manners. I am so thankful that she has been in my life and I do my best to show that to her but she is also quite difficult to talk to especially about personal stuff, and has never been an openly loving person.
My household is where most of the toxicity lies, as soon as someone is out of earshot there is always bitching about that person, everyone seems to pretend to like the others even when two minutes earlier they are ranting about how annoying or rude or ungrateful they are. It's horrible. My Dad has always put zero effort into me, I can count on one had the amount of times I've done something with him and the only time he has hugged me in the last year is when our cat of 15 years died. My Mum treats me like an object to get happiness, where she can brag about me to friends and if anything goes wrong in my life, it's always about how it stresses her out. My exams last year was all about how stressed she was about them, not me who was actually taking them. I've been pretty consistently ill for the last year where I've been getting constant infections no one can explain, I've lost a lot of weight and my throat is currently inflamed and painful whilst writing this. Once I finally got referred to a department after battling I've been put on a 9 month waiting list and recently found out I've been removed from it after seeing one person and them telling me to just sleep and eat better. Through this whole period it has been all about the inconvenience to my Mum for having to take me to an appointment or how me being ill and having about 50% attendance in one of my terms at college was stressing her out. My sister only uses me for entertainment, finding my reactions entertaining and if she doesn't get them she annoys me until I do react so I've learnt to just give her an eye roll and sarcastic comment and she'll leave me be. She is older than me and employed at the moment being the most frustrating thing.
My friendship group is also filled with toxic people and arseholes but as my college isn't that big I have no choice but to be friendly with them so I'm not completely alone. I have only one genuine friend but I don't get to see them very often and it's tough to hold a conversation with them so I have to find comfort from people I meet over the internet, which my parents would kill me if they ever knew. I'm gonna end this post here before I go through my entire life story.
TLDR: My family and friends are toxic, I'm permanently ill and the stress from college and applying to medicine combined with my cat dying this year has made 2019 a living hell for me.
|
throwaway1271589
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2019-12-31 22:26:10
|
depression
|
I come from a relatively stable family, I'm probably going to be off to university next year and at the moment I'm a straight A\* student. <es>Everyone thinks my life is going great and that I'm a kind, funny and stable person but I've been on the edge of a complete meltdown for the last year, I'm completely starved of any kind of human contact or genuine connection/affection, and I'm in a completely toxic household.<ee> <efs>The thing that makes it worse is that I feel I should be thankful for this.<efe> <efs>I know this will sound like an angsty teen complaining about how unfair life is but I feel so lonely at the moment that this is the only way I feel I can get it off my chest.<efe> <es>Every angle of my life at the moment is stressful and filled with people who I only stick around with as tools to pass the time.<ee> At my college I'm managing to maintain high grades across the board which I have to as I'm applying for medicine, possibly the most cut-throat and competitive application process outside some of the most competitive business courses. I'm doing this whilst almost single-handedly maintaining my college's student bodies such as the student union, debating, and 'academic council', where if I don't run the meetings no one will, even the people who have been elected for those positions won't turn up unless I prompt them. As well as this I'm volunteering at two different places to maintain a competitive application. <rs>My level of workload I have at my college stresses the shit out of me but I would be fine with this if people ever appreciated what I did, I know it sounds selfish and I hate typing it, but just feeling appreciated for keeping good grades, running most things that wouldn't exist if I didn't run them would make it so much more bearable to do so.<re> <es>Even though my family is technically stable, I have married parents who are financially secure (which I am thankful for), the household is constantly toxic and fake because everyone is always playing happy families.<ee> <es>On one side of my family, I've always been the least favourite grandchild because until I was about 15 I had so much social anxiety I couldn't talk to strangers almost at all and had zero social skills, I was given the least at every birthday or Christmas and was always told how great my cousins and sister was who would always be taken out places.<ee> On the other side, my grandma has been the best figure I've had in my life, who always treated me and my sister fairly, who was firm in setting down obvious rules I was too young to appreciate at the time and taught me manners. I am so thankful that she has been in my life and I do my best to show that to her but she is also quite difficult to talk to especially about personal stuff, and has never been an openly loving person. <es>My household is where most of the toxicity lies, as soon as someone is out of earshot there is always bitching about that person, everyone seems to pretend to like the others even when two minutes earlier they are ranting about how annoying or rude or ungrateful they are.<ee> It's horrible. <es>My Dad has always put zero effort into me, I can count on one had the amount of times I've done something with him and the only time he has hugged me in the last year is when our cat of 15 years died.<ee> <es>My Mum treats me like an object to get happiness, where she can brag about me to friends and if anything goes wrong in my life, it's always about how it stresses her out.<ee> My exams last year was all about how stressed she was about them, not me who was actually taking them. <es>I've been pretty consistently ill for the last year where I've been getting constant infections no one can explain, I've lost a lot of weight and my throat is currently inflamed and painful whilst writing this.<ee> <es>Once I finally got referred to a department after battling I've been put on a 9 month waiting list and recently found out I've been removed from it after seeing one person and them telling me to just sleep and eat better.<ee> Through this whole period it has been all about the inconvenience to my Mum for having to take me to an appointment or how me being ill and having about 50% attendance in one of my terms at college was stressing her out. <es>My sister only uses me for entertainment, finding my reactions entertaining and if she doesn't get them she annoys me until I do react so I've learnt to just give her an eye roll and sarcastic comment and she'll leave me be.<ee> She is older than me and employed at the moment being the most frustrating thing. <es>My friendship group is also filled with toxic people and arseholes but as my college isn't that big I have no choice but to be friendly with them so I'm not completely alone.<ee> <es>I have only one genuine friend but I don't get to see them very often and it's tough to hold a conversation with them so I have to find comfort from people I meet over the internet, which my parents would kill me if they ever knew.<ee> I'm gonna end this post here before I go through my entire life story. TLDR: <es>My family and friends are toxic, I'm permanently ill and the stress from college and applying to medicine combined with my cat dying this year has made 2019 a living hell for me.<ee>
| 2
| 1
| 1
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how all the stress has made you feel
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would make your life more bearable
| null | true
| 211
|
eitn04
|
I need to get a job and I'm terrified. Any tips on being a waitress?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
Does anybody have any tips for being a waitress in a busy restaurant with severe anxiety? It's kinda like an old-timey diner. I live in a very small town and it's the only entry-level job that is hiring right now. How did you get through waiting on tables?
I do have social anxiety but my anxiety is more about messing up the job than actually talking to people. I'm afraid I'll get orders wrong and drop things. I tend to freeze and forget things when I'm very nervous and I'll probably forget small stuff like taking the menus back after people order or forget to lay down silverware when everybody sits down. (In other words, I'm a total spaz). And I have a lot of trouble with dissociation. Sometimes I straight up can't hear what people are saying to me. It feels like I'm trying to hear a conversation underwater.
Also, this is probably dumb, but I shake. A LOT. Will I drop platters of food and drinks? How can I carry them so that I won't drop them when I inevitably start shaking?
I've been in that restaurant a million times every since I was a small child. I know how it all works, but I'm so afraid of screwing everything up.
I'm in therapy and I've come a long way. I went from barely being able to leave the house or speak to people without having panic attacks to applying for various jobs. I'm really excited to actually possibly be able to have a job, but I'm also SO scared.
Sorry if I sound a little scatterbrained, just typing about it made me nervous and I'm kinda panicking. I appreciate any advice!
|
Slythelephanic
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-02 05:00:02
|
Anxiety
|
<rs>Does anybody have any tips for being a waitress in a busy restaurant with severe anxiety?<re> <es>It's kinda like an old-timey diner.<ee> <es>I live in a very small town and it's the only entry-level job that is hiring right now.<ee> <rs>How did you get through waiting on tables?<re> <es>I do have social anxiety but my anxiety is more about messing up the job than actually talking to people.<ee <efs>I'm afraid I'll get orders wrong and drop things.<efe> <efs>I tend to freeze and forget things when I'm very nervous and I'll probably forget small stuff like taking the menus back after people order or forget to lay down silverware when everybody sits down.<efe> (In other words, I'm a total spaz). <es>And I have a lot of trouble with dissociation.<ee> <es>Sometimes I straight up can't hear what people are saying to me.<ee> <efs>It feels like I'm trying to hear a conversation underwater.<efe> <es>Also, this is probably dumb, but I shake.<ee> <es>A LOT.<ee> <rs>Will I drop platters of food and drinks?<re> <rs>How can I carry them so that I won't drop them when I inevitably start shaking?<re> <es>I've been in that restaurant a million times every since I was a small child.<ee> <efs>I know how it all works, but I'm so afraid of screwing everything up.<efe> <es>I'm in therapy and I've come a long way.<ee> <es>I went from barely being able to leave the house or speak to people without having panic attacks to applying for various jobs.<ee> <efs>I'm really excited to actually possibly be able to have a job, but I'm also SO scared.<efe> <efs>Sorry if I sound a little scatterbrained, just typing about it made me nervous and I'm kinda panicking.<efe> I appreciate any advice!
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| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eihr5q
|
Wednesday Wins - January 01, 2020
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0
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chitchat
| 1
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What have you accomplished this week? Share your wins here!
|
AutoModerator
| 1
| 0
| 5
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2020-01-01 12:12:34
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Anxiety
|
What have you accomplished this week? Share your wins here!
| 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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emrlnb
|
Is The US Finally Waking Up To Work Realted Trauma And PTSD?
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0
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survey
| 1
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#**Bills countrywide seek to address PTSD in comp**
>Several bills were introduced Wednesday addressing post-traumatic stress disorder claims in workers compensation, according to drafts of legislation filed in four states.
[Jan 20, 2020: Business Insurance is the authoritative news and information source for executives concerned about risk and the impact on their business ](https://www.businessinsurance.com/article/20200109/NEWS08/912332503/Bills-countrywide-seek-to-address-PTSD-in-comp)
Funny how the Business Insurance Community has headlines on this issue, but the general media are silent. How many Journalist and Anchors have work-related PTSD?
|
BlueAzzure
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-10 14:25:32
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ptsd
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#**Bills countrywide seek to address PTSD in comp** >Several bills were introduced Wednesday addressing post-traumatic stress disorder claims in workers compensation, according to drafts of legislation filed in four states. [Jan 20, 2020: Business Insurance is the authoritative news and information source for executives concerned about risk and the impact on their business ](https://www.businessinsurance.com/article/20200109/NEWS08/912332503/Bills-countrywide-seek-to-address-PTSD-in-comp) Funny how the Business Insurance Community has headlines on this issue, but the general media are silent. How many Journalist and Anchors have work-related PTSD?
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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ejcert
|
Has anyone been able to let go of FPs altogether?
|
1a
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help-seeking
| 2
|
I’m working through some of my BPD traits after a recent relapse, and, well, having an FP sucks. I have one of the best ones I could ever ask for right now. Kind, present, supportive, patient, optimistic, understanding. But you know, I always want more. I love him so much, but I want to love him in a more healthy, non-grasping way. I often just want to melt into him... and I’ve felt this way about all of my previous FPs. I want to dissolve into them to obliterate myself. And that makes me super needy, clingy, and fearful. I go to them for regulation and support and it’s overwhelming because they’re often either the only person, or among the only few who see what I’m actually going through.
I would love to be able to have a nice solid support network without taxing a single person. I would love to not have to lay awake at night thinking about what the hell I would do if my FP moved away, got into a romantic relationship, (it for sure doesn’t help that he’s my ex and I still love him) and didn’t have space for me. I want to be close friends — we have a deep bond from before and beyond the romantic relationship — but I don’t want to need him the way a child needs a parent.
Has anyone freed themselves of FPs— just, not having any or needing any, while maintaining a few close/intimate relationships with people? Can it be done without cutting a person out and moving on to the next one? I just want to be free. I’m tired of obsessing over someone and asking for the impossible while also feeling helpless and sleeping on my whole life from being so preoccupied. What have you done that’s worked for you? Thanks for reading and for your input!
|
le_rougarou
| 12
| 0
| 21
|
2020-01-03 08:01:19
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BPD
|
<es>I’m working through some of my BPD traits after a recent relapse, and, well, having an FP sucks.<ee> <es>I have one of the best ones I could ever ask for right now.<ee> <es>Kind, present, supportive, patient, optimistic, understanding.<ee> <es>But you know, I always want more.<ee> <es>I love him so much, but I want to love him in a more healthy, non-grasping way.<ee> <efs>I often just want to melt into him... and I’ve felt this way about all of my previous FPs.<efe> <efs>I want to dissolve into them to obliterate myself.<efe> <efs>And that makes me super needy, clingy, and fearful.<efe> <efs>I go to them for regulation and support and it’s overwhelming because they’re often either the only person, or among the only few who see what I’m actually going through. <efe> <rs>I would love to be able to have a nice solid support network without taxing a single person.<re> <rs>I would love to not have to lay awake at night thinking about what the hell I would do if my FP moved away, got into a romantic relationship, (it for sure doesn’t help that he’s my ex and I still love him) and didn’t have space for me.<re> <rs>I want to be close friends — we have a deep bond from before and beyond the romantic relationship — but I don’t want to need him the way a child needs a parent. <re> <rs>Has anyone freed themselves of FPs— just, not having any or needing any, while maintaining a few close/intimate relationships with people?<re> <rs>Can it be done without cutting a person out and moving on to the next one?<re> <rs>I just want to be free.<re> <efs>I’m tired of obsessing over someone and asking for the impossible while also feeling helpless and sleeping on my whole life from being so preoccupied.<efe> <rs>What have you done that’s worked for you?<re> Thanks for reading and for your input!
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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ek6fgp
|
sort of assaulted by a friend and it still messes with me
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
This was about two years ago, i’m not gonna get into details but to put it shortly, it was a night out with some friends, crashed at a friend’s place with another friend, drunk, a little high, had a couple benzodiazepines for anxiety which in hindsight was a terrible choice. We slept in the same bed, some stuff happened that was consensual first and then it wasn’t, but a lot of it is just bits and pieces in my memory because i basically passed out.
Afterwards i felt like shit, he’d already left in the morning when i woke up, i got myself checked out but everything seemed fine physically. I talked to a couple friends about it, he somehow heard and accused me of making shit up.
A couple weeks later i saw him at a party and talked to him about it. It didn’t go too well, i didn’t really wanna make a scene and i hate confrontation, so he basically tried to convince me it was all consensual and it was just a misunderstanding, and i basically ended up apologizing for overreacting.
We were sort of friends again after that i guess, although being around him or just in same group chats with him made me a bit uncomfortable, but i kinda just tried to deal with it. Then a friend in the same group started dating him, she knew about what happened but it didn’t really affect her i guess, and she also talked about their relationship a lot (including a pic in our smaller group chat about some marks he’d left on her in bed and i wanted to throw up) and i’m still not sure if my feelings were justified in any way, especially since we weren’t like super close friends, but i still felt betrayed because of the whole thing.
Then that summer he sent me a friend request on facebook which really took me off guard because it kinda proved how little what happened meant to him since he assumed we like, really were still friends, like nothing ever happened. The next few weeks are kind of a blur, i basically just remember being constantly in sort of a fight or flight mode, like having a panic attack that lasted for like a month. I eventually deleted his friend request and pretty much started avoiding all of my friends.
About a year ago i went to a christmas party at a friend’s house, still this same group of friends because i hadn’t actually cut them off or anything. He was there, like i kind of assumed he would, but i tried to deal with it, kinda just drinking and talking to other people and avoiding him while still pretending everything was fine. I ended up feeling really sick and idk if it was all that stress and anxiety or just drinking or something else, but then i just ended up going home after a couple hours
I haven’t seen him since, i haven’t really talked to him since although i don’t think he even realized why that is or that my distance has anything to do with him. I’m still in a couple same group chats with these friends but we barely talk, and i saw them just a couple times last year. It’s so hard, not really being friends with them but not really being not-friends with them either? And the main reason is still him, he’s kinda just always around and i can’t be around him and i can’t talk to him so there isn’t really any kind of closure.
What kinda makes it harder is that one of my best friends died last year. She was the only one in this group who really got me and had my back through this whole thing, and for a long while she was really the only reason i stuck around. And partly why i still haven’t actually cut them out of my life, because losing them feels like losing another part of her.
And i guess it’s not really fair either, but part of me blames and resents him even more because by avoiding him so much i feel like i missed out on a lot of opportunities to spend more time with her.
I don’t really talk about any of this to anyone. A while back i mentioned to my then psych nurse that i think i might have ptsd, but then i started seeing the new one and that remains the only time i’ve talked about it to any kind of mental health professional. And it’s so hard to bring it up again to someone else so i kinda just keep it to myself while i feel like it’s slowly killing me inside.
And this whole thing feels stupid because it feels like nothing really happened, nothing worth getting this worked up about, and maybe whatever did happened was my fault anyway?
Also i hate that it’s messing with my orientation too, because i already sorta thought i was ace before and i actually mentioned it to him that night and his reaction was not great, so since then i’ve been struggling even more to accept it and accept myself. It just kinda feels like the whole term is ruined for me now because all i can think of is what he said and what he did and if it was because of the ace thing.
Sorry i kinda went off there a bit, i didn’t mean to make this post this long and i don’t know if any of it even makes sense. I guess it’s actually messing with me a lot more than i realized at first and the whole thing feels so complicated and i hate it.
|
bIueandyellow
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-05 02:11:09
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>This was about two years ago, i’m not gonna get into details but to put it shortly, it was a night out with some friends, crashed at a friend’s place with another friend, drunk, a little high, had a couple benzodiazepines for anxiety which in hindsight was a terrible choice.<ee> <es>We slept in the same bed, some stuff happened that was consensual first and then it wasn’t, but a lot of it is just bits and pieces in my memory because i basically passed out.<ee> <es>Afterwards i felt like shit, he’d already left in the morning when i woke up, i got myself checked out but everything seemed fine physically.<ee> <es>I talked to a couple friends about it, he somehow heard and accused me of making shit up.<ee> <es>A couple weeks later i saw him at a party and talked to him about it.<ee> <es>It didn’t go too well, i didn’t really wanna make a scene and i hate confrontation, so he basically tried to convince me it was all consensual and it was just a misunderstanding, and i basically ended up apologizing for overreacting.<ee> <efs>We were sort of friends again after that i guess, although being around him or just in same group chats with him made me a bit uncomfortable, but i kinda just tried to deal with it.<efe> <es>Then a friend in the same group started dating him, she knew about what happened but it didn’t really affect her i guess, and she also talked about their relationship a lot (including a pic in our smaller group chat about some marks he’d left on her in bed and i wanted to throw up).<ee> <efs>i’m still not sure if my feelings were justified in any way, especially since we weren’t like super close friends, but i still felt betrayed because of the whole thing.<efe> <es>Then that summer he sent me a friend request on facebook which really took me off guard because it kinda proved how little what happened meant to him since he assumed we like, really were still friends, like nothing ever happened.<ee> <es>The next few weeks are kind of a blur, i basically just remember being constantly in sort of a fight or flight mode, like having a panic attack that lasted for like a month.<ee> <es>I eventually deleted his friend request and pretty much started avoiding all of my friends.<ee> <es>About a year ago i went to a christmas party at a friend’s house, still this same group of friends because i hadn’t actually cut them off or anything.<ee> <es>He was there, like i kind of assumed he would, but i tried to deal with it, kinda just drinking and talking to other people and avoiding him while still pretending everything was fine.<ee> <efs>I ended up feeling really sick and idk if it was all that stress and anxiety or just drinking or something else, but then i just ended up going home after a couple hours<efe> <es>I haven’t seen him since, i haven’t really talked to him since although i don’t think he even realized why that is or that my distance has anything to do with him.<ee> <es>I’m still in a couple same group chats with these friends but we barely talk, and i saw them just a couple times last year.<ee> <es>It’s so hard, not really being friends with them but not really being not-friends with them either?<ee> <es>And the main reason is still him, he’s kinda just always around and i can’t be around him and i can’t talk to him so there isn’t really any kind of closure.<ee> <es>What kinda makes it harder is that one of my best friends died last year.<ee> <es>She was the only one in this group who really got me and had my back through this whole thing, and for a long while she was really the only reason i stuck around.<ee> <efs>And partly why i still haven’t actually cut them out of my life, because losing them feels like losing another part of her.<efe> <efs>And i guess it’s not really fair either, but part of me blames and resents him even more because by avoiding him so much i feel like i missed out on a lot of opportunities to spend more time with her.<efe> <es>I don’t really talk about any of this to anyone.<ee> <es>A while back i mentioned to my then psych nurse that i think i might have ptsd, but then i started seeing the new one and that remains the only time i’ve talked about it to any kind of mental health professional.<ee> <efs>And it’s so hard to bring it up again to someone else so i kinda just keep it to myself while i feel like it’s slowly killing me inside.<efe> <efs>And this whole thing feels stupid because it feels like nothing really happened, nothing worth getting this worked up about, and maybe whatever did happened was my fault anyway?<efe> <efs>Also i hate that it’s messing with my orientation too, because i already sorta thought i was ace before and i actually mentioned it to him that night and his reaction was not great, so since then i’ve been struggling even more to accept it and accept myself.<efe> <efs>It just kinda feels like the whole term is ruined for me now because all i can think of is what he said and what he did and if it was because of the ace thing.<efe> Sorry i kinda went off there a bit, i didn’t mean to make this post this long and i don’t know if any of it even makes sense. <efs>I guess it’s actually messing with me a lot more than i realized at first and the whole thing feels so complicated and i hate it.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to deal with your ptsd
| null | true
| 220
|
f04psh
|
Had a bad anger moment, after doing alright for two months, and really disappointed.
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
My sister just kept complaining and picking at me after I told her to stop and she didn't. So I said really rude shit to her and my nephew becuase I was so upset and couldn't calmly think. I feel like a major ass, mainly because I was mean to my nephew. I just wish I wouldn't get so heated but I can't stand it when she just keeps insulting me :(.
|
BUSTOFHELIOS
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-02-07 03:45:18
|
Anger
|
<es>Had a bad anger moment, after doing alright for two months, and really disappointed.<ee> <es>My sister just kept complaining and picking at me after I told her to stop and she didn't.<ee> <es>So I said really rude shit to her and my nephew becuase I was so upset and couldn't calmly think.<ee> <efs>I feel like a major ass, mainly because I was mean to my nephew.<efe> <es>I just wish I wouldn't get so heated but I can't stand it when she just keeps insulting me :(.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel disappointed with being to rude to your nephew
| null | true
| 220
|
epecut
|
24 hour mark
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2
|
Hit my 24 hour mark...
|
Cali_mother_runner
| 1
| 0
| 14
|
2020-01-16 04:37:42
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
Hit my 24 hour mark...
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
ek3fw8
|
Stop being a sad idiot and do something with your life I just was here to post a meme and then I scrol down and some are actualy fny some are just from depresing people thinking upvote wil mke them hapy godo something godo somthing with friends life is short and reality is just a soup a amazing soup
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0
|
rant
| 1
|
Sorry that some words don't make sense I want to put everything on the title so everyone can see :D
|
Koekiez
| 0
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-04 22:15:55
|
sad
|
Sorry that some words don't make sense I want to put everything on the title so everyone can see :D
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
ei8q8k
|
ADHD be like:
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0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
I have so many songs stuck in my head that one cancels out the other.
|
North_Wynd33
| 1
| 0
| 10
|
2019-12-31 20:57:13
|
ADHD
|
I have so many songs stuck in my head that one cancels out the other.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
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