id
large_string
author
large_string
title
large_string
selftext
large_string
score
int64
log_score
float64
num_comments
int64
created_at
timestamp[us]
num_tokens
int64
14u1x5f
autistic_developer
Yo Mama So Heavy ...
... that dark matter no longer consists of 26.8% of all mass-energy in the Lambda-CDM model of cosmology.
1
0
5
2023-07-08T11:39:52
34
175enia
Imaginary_Chart774
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen off my horse and i can’t giddyup!
1
0
1
2023-10-11T13:58:04
26
10sr3bv
LadybugAndChatNoir
Why can't you tell pirate jokes to kids?
Because they're all ARRRRR rated!
23
3.135494
3
2023-02-03T18:15:25
19
1dt8waa
9spaceking
Why was the trigonometry teacher so open to sharing a rent with his friend?
He already was familiar with the concept of cosign
4
1.386294
6
2024-07-02T00:41:54
28
xt0u12
bria9509
Why are The Smashing Pumpkins afraid of the game Wordle?
Because the Wordle is a vampire
4
1.386294
0
2022-10-01T17:16:05
21
1dqgknj
Ms_Kratos
Two friends are at a party, sitting by a table.
A woman approaches one of them, calls him "my dear" and kisses him. His friend then asks, *"Let me guess... This is your new girlfriend?"* The boy smiles, a little disconcerted, and nods. Then another woman approaches him, calls him a scoundrel and slaps him. His friend then asks, *"Let me guess... This is your...
1
0
0
2024-06-28T10:36:34
98
1dl5y1r
Rupertredloh
Thanks for calling "Large Predator Animal Support"
Please hold the lion... Please hold the lion
15
2.70805
4
2024-06-21T14:54:35
18
wgu7p3
stillnotking
I saw on the news that ignorance and apathy are sweeping the country
I didn't know that, but I don't really care.
98
4.584967
9
2022-08-05T12:27:47
27
zskr57
gary6043
Kids
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don’t worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I’ve been bad or ...
7
1.94591
3
2022-12-22T12:14:58
93
wmj4p5
thegroutguys
Prince Charles decides to visit Perth
The future King has not been getting a great reception in the United Kingdom so decides to go somewhere more remote. Not long after his arrival in Perth, he is walking down the Hay Street Mall with an interesting choice of head wear. A Davy Crocket style hat, real fox fur with the tail at the back, reminscent of front...
9
2.197225
4
2022-08-12T11:39:35
170
y06aq9
Ding-Dong-Dipshit
My friend asked me where I found the lindt chocolate I gave him earlier.
I said I found it in my pocket.
0
0
0
2022-10-10T05:17:12
26
rmlb4a
galactus_thunder
Biology
Two sister cells were separating during cell division. In the process, one of the cell steps on the other's foot. The other cell yells.... Mitosis!
4
1.386294
2
2021-12-23T02:33:26
35
100b2gs
Dinobrothers
Gary asks his coworker how he likes town...
His buddy replied, "I actually like it a lot, but me and my wife were driving in the rain when we seen this poor old homeless man on the side of the road frantically begging for a ride, He was carrying a cloth bag so she didn't want him to be soaked. So as we're driving my wife casually asked the man what what was in h...
0
0
0
2023-01-01T03:41:55
241
vlyyhx
nurdle
I finally measured my penis today...
Apparently my college girlfriend read the "9" on the ruler upside down.
6
1.791759
11
2022-06-27T16:05:07
22
1hqgnhi
EmbarrassedRisk2109
I am good at ccreating jokes.
Everyone says I'm a joke.
1
0
2
2024-12-31T15:12:57
16
13fxqym
YZXFILE
A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.
She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him. Having now been divorced three times she decid...
337
5.820083
42
2023-05-12T21:31:23
277
170ogqu
achtunging
Now I ain’t saying she’s a golddigger
But she does have several shovels, picks and panning sleuces strapped to her burrow.
1
0
33
2023-10-05T17:52:08
32
10wyojg
Bunister
Today's joke...
I tried to open a haunted theme park in Columbia... I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those Medellín kids.
11
2.397895
1
2023-02-08T14:53:36
35
19cu7y9
Major_Independence82
A blonde goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You don’t dye your hair, do you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." “I...
1,569
7.358194
69
2024-01-22T12:09:38
109
18h8ak9
A_Mirabeau_702
Someone commented a few days ago saying that humans were the only species that gave themselves their name.
But honestly, I think they're cuckoo.
1
0
0
2023-12-13T04:14:46
29
1dcqyvl
Bobfish64
Okay so there’s a guy named Jerry…
Jerry works as a hit man and works contract to contract. He doesn’t know who hires him, it’s all confidential. One day Jerry gets this really odd contract for a hit on these three senior citizens in an old folks home. He’s not sure why someone would want three elders dead, but he accepts the job. He figures he could p...
487
6.188264
29
2024-06-10T17:18:57
210
1h6xub9
DocMcCall
I'm no longer allowed to go Christmas caroling in the psych ward
In retrospect, "Do You Hear What I Hear" was a bad song choice
385
5.953243
21
2024-12-05T01:58:16
31
s2i8ff
Workmen
The difference between an impoverished nation and a wealthy nation:
In an impoverished nation, the shelves are empty and people starve. In a wealthy nation, the shelves are overflowing and people starve.
7
1.94591
1
2022-01-12T22:01:09
39
rggzgc
gooddavid99
I got in trouble because of a commercial
I went to the store because I needed some milk. I got my milk, a pizza, french fries and a candy bar. I went to the self checkout , paid for my milk and started to leave. A cashier stopped me and told me I hadn't paid for all my stuff. I calmly pulled out my insurance card and told her " I only PAY for what I NEED."...
6
1.791759
1
2021-12-14T20:51:04
91
velnl2
Firegoat1
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I took a urine test at the hospital today," he tells the bartender. "My kleptomania is really getting out of hand."
18
2.890372
0
2022-06-17T17:42:30
47
xmxi69
Sufficient_Ticket237
A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.
They walk up to God and ask to be married. God says give me some time and I'll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married. A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divo...
4,602
8.434246
106
2022-09-24T16:38:09
121
183jggw
incredibleinkpen
"My sexual fantasy is for us to have sex on a plane," said my wife.
"The thought of having sex 45,000 feet in the sky arouses me," she continued. "Planes only fly around 35,000 feet," I corrected. "Yes," she added, "but I'm on top..."
1
0
7
2023-11-25T13:11:38
71
uj098b
greedydita
Have you read the nutritional information on a box of Fruit Loops?
You're better off eating the toucan.
5
1.609438
0
2022-05-05T15:41:24
23
16rzxkk
Captain_Darlington
How can you tell if a guy likes Moosehead?
From the antler marks in his thighs.
1
0
22
2023-09-25T18:31:02
20
y41134
circlejerkingdiva
The neighbourhood kids just invited me to a waterfight!
I'm just submitting this post while the kettle boils.
17
2.833213
0
2022-10-14T18:10:05
22
169v8b2
Jokeminder42
An obese man is standing naked in front of his doctor.
The doctor says, "I'm sure you are aware that you have a serious weight problem. The man says, "Doc, I know. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years." The doctor asks, "Then why don't you diet?" And the fat man says, "Why? What color is it now?"
1
0
46
2023-09-04T15:37:18
79
1d8s1dm
Pretend-Affect9161
Help me win a bet by finding a joke / skit
A friend of mine and I (both late 30s) were having a couple beers and playing a good game of “remember some guys”. After we went through obscure NBA talent (Rasho Nesterovic, Cedric Ceballos, Alonzo Gee) we got into some old comedy classics. Anyways, I can’t remember the exact skit / scene but I swear Chris Farley i...
7
1.94591
6
2024-06-05T14:59:27
185
xmhjqv
Outrageous-River3744
Life is like toilet paper
I'm either on a roll or taking crap from somebody
3
1.098612
3
2022-09-24T03:17:10
16
s06jr6
Nancy-he
A little joke to make you laugh!
A: I only know 25 letters. B: Why? A: I don't know why (Y). A: What is a bee from America? B: What? C: A USB.
5
1.609438
6
2022-01-10T00:49:44
50
x861n9
ironchefluke
The server joke
So a group of 4 sits down at their favorite restarant and starts chatting. The server arrives at the table and greets them and starts his normal spiel. The table is all listening but he sees the gentleman on his left just staring at his server apron. Her looks at him and asked if there was something wrong. He said, ...
9
2.197225
2
2022-09-07T14:07:03
440
t1az4w
Valuable-Cry575
Funny
Someone once told me I'd never make it a deaf comedian, haven't heard from him since
12
2.484907
0
2022-02-25T18:32:47
21
tg753m
KeithTC
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to se...
9,281
9.135725
318
2022-03-17T10:30:48
148
usq704
ChickenSandwich56
What is an AnCap's favourite vehicle?
An off-roader. ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ JK it's actually an Ice Cream Van.
1
0
1
2022-05-18T23:50:20
194
ta3rwb
iivvoo
I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced...
I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
77
4.343805
8
2022-03-09T09:02:08
31
126iu7t
Risperdali
My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues...
Oh wait. She's back. She just went to get some milk.
12,708
9.449987
182
2023-03-30T10:36:59
25
s291pf
ncalder17
What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?
The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.
1,299
7.16935
12
2022-01-12T15:33:21
30
rqtoak
Dissastronaut
Every day I walk past a homeless man and his dog...
Today he was by himself, I asked where the dog was and he said she's was at home.
3
1.098612
0
2021-12-29T00:03:52
33
13iguwl
NDodma01
What golf club should I use?
A golfer said to his caddy, “do you think I can get to the green using my 5 iron?” The caddy sighs and replies “Eventually, sir.”
5
1.609438
3
2023-05-15T18:56:07
45
sn4da5
Barber606
You know why you should never date a tennis player?
Love means nothing to them.
138
4.927254
13
2022-02-07T23:24:46
17
vj5mzq
HowIsThisNameTaken6
What did the lawyer do when someone went into cardiac arrest?
He slipped a piece of paper that had his phone number on it and said “ring me when they give you one phone call.”
0
0
0
2022-06-23T19:58:50
38
wofcoy
RainyDay2001
My mum said that if I don't get off Reddit now, she'll slam my head into the keyboard.
She wohdjdbwjqoksmdhdjdjdnksskpwldlk
14
2.639057
2
2022-08-14T20:05:06
41
u3seli
luckprecludes
Pants
A man approaches a woman and says, "I'd really like to get into your pants." The woman replies, "No thanks, there's an ass in there already."
10
2.302585
3
2022-04-14T21:52:53
37
15ko6vq
OskarTheRed
Jesus returns to Earth, but hadn't picked the best place to land.
He finds himself in the middle of the wilderness, with no roads or people in sight. That's a bummer; after all, he's supposed to convince people about his divinity. So he asks God the Father: "Could you point me towards where there are people?" "No need," says the father. "Just introduce yourself out loud, and some...
1
0
8
2023-08-07T15:38:20
101
173izsy
Logamer1012
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now everytime I speak, I have a weird Axe scent
1
0
43
2023-10-09T04:23:35
20
rqlphu
vicarofvintage
Two blonds walk into a tanning salon…
The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?” One replies, “No silly, we’re not even Catholic”.
12
2.484907
3
2021-12-28T18:04:18
34
1fkgboy
Berkamin
And old German farmer visited the factory which used to supply him with his favorite scythes, but he was told that their factory now only makes lawn mower blades.
"Lawn mower blades?! but that doesn't make any Sense."
1
0
3
2024-09-19T08:57:35
47
16t3rdj
IkNOwNUTTINGck
Unlike past US Elections, the 2024 election is shaping up to be a feisty contest between the GOP and Dems.
The Geriatric Old People's Party and the Dementia Party.
3
1.098612
6
2023-09-26T23:24:59
40
sr1a25
Russian_lover1
Yo momma so slutty...
She got fired for drinking on the job at the sperm bank.
15
2.70805
11
2022-02-12T21:07:09
20
xli99o
Cobra2147
What’s the difference between Jesus and a panting of Jesus?
The painting only takes one nail to hang up.
87
4.465908
96
2022-09-23T00:28:15
23
1cs1yjn
SoNowYouTellMe101
If I win the lottery, everyone in my neighborhood is gonna be rich!
I'll be moving to Beverly Hills.
495
6.204558
33
2024-05-14T20:15:16
23
18qyqhl
fancypig0603
11 yr old nephew told me this.
A bus full of 50 ugly people crashed and everyone died and went to heaven. Saint Peter decided that since their deaths were so violent, he would grant them all one wish before going to heaven. The first person wished to finally be attractive, and the last person on line started to giggle. The second person wanted to be...
1,297
7.167809
118
2023-12-26T03:37:25
133
1blxte1
DoctorBoh
Give a man a fish and he will eat for one day
Give a man a fisherman and he can eat for a week, easily
34
3.526361
10
2024-03-23T17:33:19
27
119vay6
jflipside
Customer:
What do you have with no fat and no sugar? Waitress: Napkins..
104
4.644391
13
2023-02-23T11:19:22
19
tffcdv
TigerBrawlz3
You can use defence for offence.
Just grab de fence and smack someone on the head with it and you get offence.
1
0
0
2022-03-16T11:20:17
24
1eou68w
MoonInHisHands
The Fertile 70yr old man
An 70-year-old married a 20-year-old. A year after the wedding the couple arrives at the delivery room. A male boy weighing 3.5 kg was born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man "Yours?" "Yes," the old man replies proudly. "Congratulations," the nurse replies. "Well…" says the old man, "the old engine s...
714
6.570883
22
2024-08-10T14:20:26
258
161d5dx
Freeknifeexu
I used to live between some trees and it had a hollow where i could put my drink bottle
Idk if this counts as a joke sry
1
0
1
2023-08-25T22:21:41
29
tg6h6u
Knever
Have you heard about the new Broadway act based on the dictionary?
It's a play on words.
16
2.772589
2
2022-03-17T09:45:53
20
xxqkzh
UrNemisis
If Government can print money
Then why are we paying taxes?!?
5
1.609438
5
2022-10-07T05:23:36
13
r63li5
somestupidquestionnn
Why are there necrophiliacs?
Because it's the only person that doesn't say no.
2
0.693147
8
2021-12-01T02:02:23
20
w6rccw
Neferpizza2
There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age.
Small children and 39 year old's.
8,422
9.038603
482
2022-07-24T09:04:32
25
11fqpzl
newyorkcitydude
Why did the chicken join a seance?
To talk to the other side of the road.
6
1.791759
6
2023-03-02T02:51:48
19
16zguxu
consultant_in
Why do people not like travelling to China , Hong Kong , Vietnam, Turkey or Denmark?
Because they have major red flags 🇨🇳🇭🇰🇻🇳🇹🇷🇩🇰
1
0
0
2023-10-04T07:36:16
36
yr2pop
Starmom4
What kind of tree is it?
There are two trees in the forest, a beech and a birch and one day, they notice a small tree has sprouted up in between them. The birch says, "Man, that really looks like a son of a beech!" The beech retorts, "No way! That's gotta be a son of a birch!" So, they start arguing back and forth. "Son of a beech!" "Son of a ...
46
3.828641
7
2022-11-10T02:20:22
334
18ac84j
Lynette-Sakura
Why did the traitor cross the road?
Because he was never on your side!
7
1.94591
1
2023-12-04T04:25:08
17
1d4zk3s
digyourmum
It's almost pride month, you know what that means... What do you call a gay plumber?
Plumber. Come on guys.
1
0
0
2024-05-31T16:20:40
27
1dl99s4
Different-Tie-1085
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because he put on the wrong sock this morning.
1
0
5
2024-06-21T17:16:09
18
1gv4tu0
Lazy-Fisherman-6881
How did Alec Baldwin bag so many baddies in the 90s?
He just always knew how to shoot his shot.
1
0
0
2024-11-19T18:55:07
27
wvmcgo
Unique-Leading5489
My online lizard has stopped working...
I've got e-reptile dysfunction.
15
2.70805
5
2022-08-23T11:29:53
16
rist24
Bqnonumbers
Did you know James Gunn was in talks to direct Knives Out?
He pulled out because you can't bring a Gunn to a knife fight.
0
0
0
2021-12-17T22:41:37
29
12byrxf
SmellMyFingerMel
Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
To get to the other side…but on the third day it returns.
0
0
0
2023-04-04T22:20:39
23
ukad47
chrispy137
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran wrap.
The shrink looks at him and says "well I can clearly see you're nuts.."
32
3.465736
3
2022-05-07T10:19:54
32
rfv24d
DennySmith62
Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart...
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?" "It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. "John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white si...
164
5.099866
16
2021-12-14T00:57:38
283
1dumm36
sighbrother
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus, but there was one symptom that puzzled everyone... Leave your guess in the comments!
3
1.098612
24
2024-07-03T19:13:35
30
wwy8ex
Mr_Monty_Burns
I circumcise elephants for the circus, the pay is lousy.....
But the tips are enormous.
142
4.955827
11
2022-08-24T23:30:06
21
1h5218v
MarcoDanielRebelo
Me: "I've been exploring my sexuality a lot more lately."
My therapist: "For the last time, it's not a threesome when you use both hands to masturbate."
420
6.040255
26
2024-12-02T18:33:37
37
136wljo
RapidActionBattalion
We can thank the Arabs for 9/11.
Without them, it would still be IX/XI.
111
4.70953
17
2023-05-03T19:15:56
23
1hdt7dc
yougolplex
A new monk joined a monastery
A new monk joined a monastery and was put to work copying ancient texts by hand. Pretty soon, he noticed something odd: they were copying from copies, not the originals. So, he asked the head monk, “If there’s a mistake in the first copy, wouldn’t that mistake just keep getting passed down?” The head monk paused, stro...
114
4.736198
14
2024-12-14T02:46:34
188
wamnwv
incredibleinkpen
"We're looking for a drug dealer," said the police officer, "and you fit the description we've been given."
I said, "That was easy then. What can I get you fellas?"
2,498
7.823246
72
2022-07-28T21:59:55
41
zwv1h1
Healthy_Ladder_6198
A Nasty Divorce
On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shri...
235
5.459586
21
2022-12-28T00:23:29
517
1ct4fvr
Disillusioned_Emu
How do you recognize a flying rabbit?
From the eagle on its back
1
0
0
2024-05-16T04:13:06
14
whtytw
NertsMcGee
Why was the dancing cow unavailable to be in this joke?
Because she was too busy practicing in a kick line to be in the punch line.
0
0
0
2022-08-06T17:45:58
29
srpbdl
OneBigBoi509
Why do people bleach their buttholes?
They want to change their ring tone
22
3.091042
3
2022-02-13T18:27:56
16
uge2xy
ImWasil
A Muslim walks into a bar..
..and orders water, coz he can drink now. *Eid Mubarak*
27
3.295837
5
2022-05-02T01:07:11
25
15fp1ck
Boochin451
"Relationships are like a fart"
If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
1
0
1
2023-08-01T21:14:27
20
zkgy7u
porichoygupto
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble….with emotional attachments.
38
3.637586
2
2022-12-13T00:31:12
27
xzkvjt
porichoygupto
My wife keeps telling me that I have no sense of empathy.
I have no idea why she feels that way.
45
3.806662
3
2022-10-09T12:48:57
23
t9e9m8
Lava_Wolf_68
A blonde got a new job in an office.
At the end of the day, the boss asks her, "So, what did you do all day?" The blonde replies, "Keyboard was not in order, so I put it right."
5
1.609438
0
2022-03-08T10:53:34
49
10qczo9
Arkvoodle42
A nearsighted whale followed a submarine across the ocean
Every time it fired off a torpedo, the whale passed out cigars.
2
0.693147
1
2023-01-31T22:46:27
25
tsoeqn
YZXFILE
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
11
2.397895
7
2022-03-31T01:22:31
20
rje93q
lagflag
WHO issued a list of the top 10 COVID-19 scams to help avoiding them
It only costs $200 bucks
1
0
1
2021-12-18T19:10:12
27
1ak7upp
pepprish
Did you hear the joke about the fella with a big shlong??
It's a real Knee Slapper
18
2.890372
1
2024-02-06T11:43:45
22
xl0j1i
Few_Owl_3481
Proof! Person who sleeps with itchy bumb
wakes with smelly finger. Here, smell my finger!
0
0
4
2022-09-22T12:51:24
22
uosbds
Hamunaptrahh
The next fast and furious film comes out soon.
Fast 10: Your seat belts.
18
2.890372
0
2022-05-13T13:56:04
19
15bcrtj
u24fun
Republicans in the US remind me of British peoples teeth....
Some are sharp, most are white, and all are crooked.
2
0.693147
1
2023-07-27T20:37:57
25
1ha7qm8
Ozdad
Fifteen!
A man was walking past a mental asylum, when he heard the inmates chanting "15! 15! 15!" Curious, he stared through a hole in the timber fence, and was poked in the eye. "16! 16! 16!"
182
5.204007
13
2024-12-09T11:34:04
64