id
large_string
author
large_string
title
large_string
selftext
large_string
score
int64
log_score
float64
num_comments
int64
created_at
timestamp[us]
num_tokens
int64
w0p0h4
NuggetFail
If you are what you eat,
Then I'm an innocent man
48
3.871201
16
2022-07-16T19:58:11
13
xx2e1x
Profacundo
left my gf because she got fat
"but I'm pregnant" there is always an excuse
6
1.791759
3
2022-10-06T10:59:51
18
10lo9qf
cromario
What do you call a swindler full of himself who is walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
10
2.302585
3
2023-01-26T09:48:23
23
r6cg57
Firegoat1
What are you looking for in a woman?
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and lets out a heavy sigh. "I just don't know what I'm looking for in a woman anymore," he laments to the bartender. "I suppose it's time I give up my practice as an OB-GYN."
16
2.772589
11
2021-12-01T11:13:49
67
v97doc
wetlettuce42
Did you know protons have mass?
Me neither i didn’t know they were Catholic
13
2.564949
2
2022-06-10T13:07:16
17
r8kh79
woodsciguy
My 10 y/o son told me this.
Him: Why did the chicken cross the road? Me: Why? Him: To find the idiot. Him: Knock knock Me: Who's there? Him: The chicken... I saw it coming with the knock knock joke but it made me laugh.
560
6.327937
16
2021-12-04T07:36:15
66
t4p7x0
stickpoker
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have AIDS."
8
2.079442
8
2022-03-02T02:24:18
26
12zdp7i
raysqman
I just heard Harry Belafonte died.
Wait, that's Day-o news. (Before the onslaught of downvotes for disrespecting Mr. Belafonte, he was a truly talented and charismatic guy who made the world a better place. I just thought we needed a new joke once in a while.)
5
1.609438
9
2023-04-26T10:48:21
62
zn05fk
KW-DadJoker
Having touble getting into my computer...
Enter Password: "FootLoose" ... Wrong, Try again: "DangerZone" ... Wrong, you are locked out! You are only allowed 2 incorrect Loggins.
48
3.871201
10
2022-12-15T23:39:29
47
rw67kp
nerdpower69
What’s worse than a shark-nado?
A coronado. —————— (Fun fact, it was the result of autocorrect)
0
0
1
2022-01-04T22:10:39
29
1f47zsj
marycartlizer
What's the last thing you want to hear when seeing your favorite tribute band?
"We're gonna play some songs off our new album"
13
2.564949
2
2024-08-29T17:18:03
28
1f8p7zt
StreetMonk574
On first night of weeding, Husband asked the wife whether she'll accept his inner child?
She replied that she has the same insecurity.
1
0
6
2024-09-04T09:48:07
28
scdwi9
porichoygupto
Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours of ordering.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
10
2.302585
3
2022-01-25T13:36:07
27
175rgmg
EarthMarsUranus
Why is it so difficult to hold a conversation with an asexual?
They're not interested in fucking anything!
1
0
8
2023-10-11T22:53:12
22
v8o7ys
rossdabose
My late grandpa used to hate looking in the mirror
Humble man, terrible driver
15
2.70805
0
2022-06-09T19:05:53
17
1cgcvl0
Rolodoggy
I went to a fundraising event and I said to the waiter "Could I have one of those canapés?"
He replied "Fuck you, there's none left." I said "Well, that's just out of hors d'oeuvres."
1
0
1
2024-04-29T22:42:59
51
ru2v9v
SickoSeaMan
There’s this running joke in my family.
That’s what my mom said when I became a runner
22
3.091042
1
2022-01-02T05:44:29
20
vqit1z
[deleted]
Not many people are interested in philosophy.
It's a nietzsche area
13
2.564949
3
2022-07-03T14:27:21
14
1dmjuyu
porichoygupto
I just finished a book about a middle aged dude having trouble with computer coding.
The Old Man and the C.
76
4.330733
10
2024-06-23T11:14:38
23
ra6xhr
jorenryckaert
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
47
3.850148
1
2021-12-06T13:09:42
24
18azhs4
firstpc13
A Holocaust survivor passed away and went to Heaven
A Holocaust survivor passed away and went to Heaven, God greeted him at the gates. The first thing the Holocaust survivor says is a joke about the Holocaust. God replies, "That isn't funny." The Holocaust survivor says back, "Guess you had to be there".
1
0
0
2023-12-05T00:54:01
63
16f77bi
Jokeminder42
My second-favorite golf joke
So a twosome tees off. Bob hits his ball right into a lake. Fred says, "You're out of bounds; better hit another." Bob says, "don't worry. Look." Fred watches, astonished, as the ball pops to the surface and rows to shore. The ball hops out of the lake and rolls onto the grass. So Bob hits his second shot, and ...
1
0
9
2023-09-10T18:12:04
229
xk7xfs
NezukoisLife
Do you know why the sea is salty?
It's because land never waved back
74
4.304065
6
2022-09-21T15:24:27
16
ua9e55
xfiles81
Did you hear about Mario traveling to Paris with his brother? Mario found visiting places named after traditional occult items to be exciting, ...
.... however le ouija bored.
0
0
0
2022-04-23T16:39:25
33
16h05a3
incredibleinkpen
"You're not paid to be liked," my boss said patronisingly.
"Very well then," I smiled, punching him under the chin.
1
0
1
2023-09-12T19:12:43
29
11j2m8l
MuadDib2001
Women are like Nitrogen
I'm surrounded by women, But I can't attract any of them.
5
1.609438
5
2023-03-05T17:08:29
21
172udcb
notyourregularninja
Why do Bulls were bells?
Because their horns don’t work!!
1
0
27
2023-10-08T08:52:23
13
1atkclo
gunninggriller5995
Who won?
Q: Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee got into a fight, who won? A: Chuck Norris
1
0
1
2024-02-18T03:22:09
22
xsdee6
Shady_Lines
How do you make your wife scream during sex?
Call her up and tell her about it
308
5.7301
68
2022-09-30T21:38:58
18
12kp1ou
E_B_Jamisen
What does Harry Potter and your Soulmate have in common?
They're both fictional Characters.
35
3.555348
13
2023-04-13T13:22:34
19
r8sb9t
fivethousandsheep
It's tough looking for a rental that allows pets
No one seems to have the right claws in the contract.
5
1.609438
0
2021-12-04T15:45:37
22
w4legr
wthreye
I've got an idea how I can talk my girlfriend into a DP with my best friend.
It's a two-pronged approach.
0
0
0
2022-07-21T16:45:01
28
17xi8p8
Chemical_Minute_5677
How is tight rope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT look down.
1
0
1
2023-11-17T15:59:59
30
15ad02n
DaviHitton
How do we know Bill Gates is a grower?
Cause word on the street is he's got a Microsoft
1
0
1
2023-07-26T18:03:59
22
1f5uoty
zyngawfian
The First POTUS Swearing In . . .
. . . Took place on the steps of the Trinity Church in lower Manhattan on Wall Street. George Washington declared to a rousing crowd, upon his installation as the first president: URINATION!
1
0
2
2024-08-31T18:58:46
51
1gl6mf6
TheHerbHiker
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 upvotes, we can do anal!
PLEASE, STOP UPVOTING HER COCK IS HUGE!
1
0
1
2024-11-06T19:21:16
31
tu5i44
GreenlightProduction
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms...
0
0
5
2022-04-02T00:07:38
15
16intuj
perrydolia
A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm
She orders a martini and sits at the bar. The bartender leans over and says, "I just gotta ask, what are you doing in here the that pig?" The lady replies, "That is not a pig, it's a duck." To which the bartender replies, "Who's talkin' to you, lady?"
1
0
4
2023-09-14T17:05:18
79
u81eus
Bootlebat
How can a flea jump higher than the Empire State Building?
The Empire State Building can't jump.
21
3.044522
6
2022-04-20T17:12:48
20
zmhwej
mangotheultimate
a child asks his father what an alcoholic is
the dad replies, "see those 4 cars? an alcoholic would see 8" the child says, "but dad, there are 2 cars over there"
1,923
7.561642
73
2022-12-15T10:27:13
43
u6bjd8
Memedestroyer10199
A guy hit another guy at a science bar.
"That HURTS!" - Guy 1 "You know what else hurts??" - Guy 2 "No" - Guy 1 "HERTZ" - Guy 2
0
0
1
2022-04-18T12:04:33
48
uhawba
brokedownpalace10
Lately, I've been getting into a kinky combination of sadism, bestiality, and necrophilia.
But, maybe I'm just beating a dead horse.
21
3.044522
0
2022-05-03T07:44:36
35
xzlzgi
StrtOvr8689
Nowadays, you don’t run into many guys named Lance.
But in the Middle Ages, people used to be named Lancelot.
2,330
7.753624
111
2022-10-09T13:42:27
28
s4650a
PensadorDispensado
Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!”
His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
11
2.397895
0
2022-01-14T23:43:04
49
rbrdzz
_tanc
How can you tell a crypto speculator from an outdoorsman?
From the way they pronounce "rugged".
2
0.693147
4
2021-12-08T13:29:54
22
tq04e5
TheyCallMeDrAsshole
What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith?
Chris Rock can take a hit
198
5.288267
23
2022-03-28T03:24:13
17
176fhes
Merrader
A pharmacist shows up to work one day
and he sees a guy standing by an endcap, holding onto it, and looks in pretty bad shape. Just then the stock boy comes by so the pharmacist asks him what's with the guy. Stock boy says that he came in for a cough but he didn't know where the cough medicine was so he gave him laxative. The pharmacist shouts "you can't g...
1
0
11
2023-10-12T19:39:51
114
syhqy3
sphingo
Canibal: am I late for dinner?
Cook: I'm afraid you are. Everybody's eaten!
12
2.484907
3
2022-02-22T07:41:23
21
15fikbg
gagga_hai
Why is doggie style illegal in Alabama?
because you never turn your back on family !
2
0.693147
0
2023-08-01T17:12:53
18
1bfws90
douglerner
A Jewish mother gives her son two shirts for his birthday, a red one and a blue one. The next morning the son wears the red shirt to breakfast.
The mother looks at him and says, “So, you didn’t like the blue one?”
100
4.60517
17
2024-03-16T03:31:00
52
18cbhv5
__-_-_-__-
So i guess Taylor Swift is Time Magazine’s person of the year
For dating a Football player
1
0
3
2023-12-06T19:08:25
18
s36an9
MostDownVotesPlz
She told me to giver her 10 inches and make it rough
So I gave her 2 inches 5 times and kicked her in the knee.
0
0
8
2022-01-13T18:37:42
31
15pmywh
IGR777
A women cheats on her husband
A women was cheating her husband and was doing it in their bedroom when suddenly she hears her husbands car. She says “quick pretend your statue to the boyfriend” and he does the she runs downstairs to the husband and greets him and alls good. Night times comes and their both ready for bed the husband asks what is thi...
1
0
1
2023-08-13T02:32:07
145
vpvhkp
PrickleAndGoo
People say I'm just an old drunk who can't stand up straight, let alone pay my debts.
But, joke is on them! My bank just notified me that I have "Outstanding Balance".
14
2.639057
1
2022-07-02T16:28:43
43
wl3yjs
The_MouP
Two men are drinking at a bar...
\- Today I saved a man's life - one says \- Oh. What happened? What did you do? - asks the other \- I shot him and missed!
0
0
3
2022-08-10T17:52:57
44
u18qlc
Psyck66
Why did the chicken cross the road, has been one of the most famous & long running joke and we all wonder why.
Well, because it has legs.
4
1.386294
4
2022-04-11T14:14:10
34
srhnf7
MDFMKanic
Did you hear about The Incredible Hulk taking Viagra!?
NSFW: I figure, since the same jokes are on repeat in this Reddit, again and again, I would throw out a freshly created one. Apparently, now that the Hulk has been taking Viagra, his catch phrase has become: "Don't make me horny. You wouldn't like me when I'm horny", when in his Dr. David Bruce Banner person...
5
1.609438
14
2022-02-13T12:31:05
255
wzn529
Erres_
Why are genderqueer people bad with computers?
Because they’re non-binary.
2
0.693147
0
2022-08-28T05:06:08
16
1dba5qq
Delivery-Plus
Having healthy well-formed turds isn’t the most important thing in life.
But it’s a solid *number 2*.
182
5.204007
27
2024-06-08T19:03:22
25
zla04h
KarmicComic12334
Two old jews are talking in Odessa.
-What's the news? -Have you not heard? There is a war! -who is fighting? -Russia says it is at war with NATO. -How's is it going? -70,000 Russians are dead, they have lost thousands of tanks, used up most of their missiles, and their economy is collapsing. -and NATO? -NATO hasn't shown up yet. Credit: Volodymi...
2,427
7.794411
193
2022-12-13T23:03:29
102
1erzorh
RibaldPancake
How many Swiss does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. We are efficient and have no sense of humor.
1,174
7.068172
147
2024-08-14T11:56:52
27
1gpt6gf
Basic_Split6593
A blind man is waiting for the bus to arrive
When suddenly, a man, his wife, and their 10 children arrive at the bus stop. After what feels like forever, the bus finally comes, but they see it’s already very crowded. There’s only enough room for the wife and the children, so the father says to the blind man, “Is it okay if we walk to your destination? I’ll help y...
595
6.388561
5
2024-11-12T19:31:01
174
rmvius
WaterFriendsIV
How is Viagra like Disney World?
In both cases, you have to wait an hour for a three minute ride.
12
2.484907
2
2021-12-23T13:18:41
23
uwayez
bebobbaloola
You know what they say about family - blood is thicker than water.
But maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically pancakes are more important than family.
142
4.955827
27
2022-05-23T21:32:09
31
180qh1o
Holden_place
I‘m traveling in Germany
But I don‘t like the food. It really is the wurst!
3
1.098612
6
2023-11-21T20:24:27
23
1dhqxgq
ponyservice
It's not something I usually do
But my wife was not around, and I was home alone with this little girl, so I put her on my bed, undressed her and changed her diaper.
1
0
1
2024-06-17T05:49:03
40
ymbslb
james_s_docherty
Manufacturing of the first coin to enter circulation carrying the image of King Charles is underway at the Royal Mint. As is tradition, Charles faces left on the new 50p
As when it comes to things involving her children, the Queen always looked the other way.
6
1.791759
0
2022-11-04T22:01:42
54
x93g0b
misterphuzz
So a Polish airliner is coming in for a landing...
...when the pilot touches down he slams on the brakes but quickly sees he isn't going to make it before the end of the runway, so he pushes the throttles forward and takes off again just before the end. Three times he goes around and does this. On the fourth try he gets the plane stopped right before it runs off into ...
3
1.098612
3
2022-09-08T15:29:20
125
1ettd0p
Riegel_Haribo
I got a knock on the door, he was asking for donations towards the Policeman's ball
So I kicked him square in the crotch, and said "I've got more for the other ball, also"
1
0
3
2024-08-16T16:32:01
43
14r4e52
First-Ad9578
Why do communists hate dark humour?
Because not everybody gets it.
1
0
0
2023-07-05T08:24:15
14
1evgctp
omgwinner1234
"Dad, why is my sister called Rose?"
"Because your mother loves roses" "Ahh, thanks dad" "No problem, Dick"
1
0
1
2024-08-18T18:34:32
28
178le0v
pinkglitterlicious
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take meds on an empty stomach
1
0
0
2023-10-15T18:17:09
18
11bl87z
c0dyw0dy27
I struggle with Roman numerals...
Until I get to 159. Then it just CLIX
141
4.94876
20
2023-02-25T13:38:55
21
t7hw6r
antithica
My grandfather used to sleep around a lot
That must be how he got hearing AIDS
0
0
0
2022-03-05T20:18:26
16
17s7hhj
resUemiTtsriF
Two Priests
Two priests are driving and end up at a police road stop. An officer knocks on the window, the driver rolls down the window. The officer says, sorry for stopping you, we are looking for two pedophiles. The priests look at each other and then turn to the officer and say, "We will do it".
17
2.833213
1
2023-11-10T16:17:31
72
17kijb7
VolensEtValens
Did you hear about the mathematics prof who had a problem with constipation?
He worked out his problem. With a number 2 pencil.
1
0
1
2023-10-31T11:11:24
29
ys05qd
RabbitsAteMySnowpeas
Q: Did you hear that Quasimodo is on strike?
A: Doesn’t ring a bell!
13
2.564949
2
2022-11-11T03:37:19
22
19bt36t
LadeeAlana
A clown opened the door for me the other day.
It was a nice jester.
41
3.713572
1
2024-01-21T02:42:02
18
1arn3l5
ggfchl
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Alex Trebek. Alex Trebek who? I’m sorry. But your answer wasn’t formatted correctly. It should be “Who is Alex Trebek?”
1
0
1
2024-02-15T18:58:50
39
y1d0tb
MisterMister1964
Kerfuffle in a Train
Two friends were arguing about the best joke they knew that happened in a train. While challenged, one of them started: There was a very tired man that walked along a corridor, trying to find an empty compartment to rest his feet. Finally, he found one, already occupied by a lonely man that was playing his ukule...
2
0.693147
1
2022-10-11T16:10:54
609
s5eo5q
Beachy-vikingpirate
How many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb and thousands to follow the old dead lightbulb around.
1
0
5
2022-01-16T15:55:12
31
sbv0cy
daverapp
There are 2.00000001 types of programmers in the world
Those who experience off-by-one errors, and those who experience rounding errors.
14
2.639057
3
2022-01-24T20:01:24
34
zuyaeb
Animeking1108
Security Guards are perfect casting for cop movies
They already have experience pretending to be cops.
0
0
1
2022-12-25T13:38:56
17
xf5v6s
djheru
Did you hear about the crow that got arrested for trying to throw a party where nobody came?
He got charged with attempted murder
76
4.330733
13
2022-09-15T19:40:41
25
vz5796
VERBERD
All men think they are marrying nymphom@niacs....
The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
15
2.70805
14
2022-07-14T20:14:08
31
ws2n09
Lo5an
What is it called when baristas try to unionize?
Grounds for termination
15
2.70805
0
2022-08-19T02:56:06
16
rq5398
necrobus_1999
Dirty ernie pt. 1
The teacher knows that dirty ernie has a habit of swearing, so she's apprehensive about her lesson bit decides to proceed anyway. She asks the class to give her a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet. She says, "ok, the first letter is A" Immediately ernie raises his hand. The teacher thinks, no he's go...
6
1.791759
6
2021-12-28T03:09:06
263
1gnmt9v
MemeTroubadour
When I was fishing the other day, I got so frustrated that nothing was biting that I threw my rod into the lake.
I'm starting to think I have angler issues.
76
4.330733
4
2024-11-09T23:19:37
36
12u0xdg
Bentup85
Happy 420!
What do you mean “yesterday”?
0
0
2
2023-04-21T12:58:35
14
12dkq3v
tycho_the_cat
The Pope announces he's kicking all the Jews out of Rome...
Outraged, the Jewish community call for a chance to debate the Pope and fight to stay. They elect their best Rabbi and he travels to the Vatican to sit down with the Pope and plead for the Jews right to stay in Rome. Since the Pope only speaks Latin and the Rabbi only speaks Yiddish, they sit across from a ...
1,532
7.334329
100
2023-04-06T13:40:32
556
ui7gnk
MrBrianWeldon
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
32
3.465736
10
2022-05-04T14:10:01
15
y0rqlx
NowOnYourFridge
A home inspector who takes everything literally (LONG)
A home inspector who takes everything literally walks into a house. The inspector and his business partner walk to the dining room, where they see the chair’s legs have been cut down for firewood. “Low,” says the partner. The inspector is confused. “What’s low? The ceiling?” They walk to the living room, where they ...
2
0.693147
7
2022-10-10T22:14:31
145
wz8ycc
aeron171
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a ...
220
5.393628
26
2022-08-27T17:49:11
279
1ewbr4m
PluckPubes
My neighbor has a smoking hot 18 year old daughter. But she has a tattoo of a butterfly on her chest. Doesn't she understand how dumb that's going to look some day, all stretched out...
... over my lamp? .. #anthonyjeselnik
1
0
0
2024-08-19T20:09:53
55
156rhaz
tomorrow509
Knock Knock
Who's there? Shamp. Shamp Who? No thanks, I had one this morning.
1
0
5
2023-07-22T18:28:53
26
1210nn5
SkywalkersDad
I don’t do anything half a**ed
Except share a chair with someone
5
1.609438
1
2023-03-24T22:13:46
15
sp2wim
CryptographerFar3282
How many Texans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. 1 to hold the light bulb. And 2 to turn the ladder!
11
2.397895
8
2022-02-10T09:46:49
29
1cs9t57
A_Mirabeau_702
The most annoying creatures in the mythic realms are the ones that constantly say the others aren’t really mythic - merely legendary, rare, or elusive.
That’s right, no one can stand the Semanticores
22
3.091042
1
2024-05-15T02:10:06
44
1fvix3v
Unlikely-Friend-5108
What's the definition of irony?
*The Neverending Story* coming to an end and *Final Fantasy* having more sequels than anyone seems able to count.
2
0.693147
0
2024-10-03T21:33:53
33
vib2p4
PensadorDispensado
Johnny lives in a society...
Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnny, are the average c...
41
3.713572
3
2022-06-22T17:51:40
218