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So how to begin with this...I realize that on paper I am totally the asshole but when you dig deeper into my motivations I'm hoping its more of a grey area that anything else and maybe even I did the right thing.
When I was a teenager my dad bought me a classic 1972 Ford Bronco. It was my true passion and I don't recall a memory from high school that somehow doesn't involve that truck. Plus my dad and I would spend hours and hours working on it together and we went through that especially father/son rough patch when I was teenager it was always that Bronco that brought us back together. I made a huge mistake and sold the truck when I turned 19 and my dad died of a heart attack two months later so while not logical, I've always felt a karmic connection between the two events.
We had a baby in early February. she is our first and the light of my life. My wife is doing well but she's back at work and she's realized that she hates all the day cares we've tried and really wants to be a stay at home mom and plus she's still very hormonal from delivery, lack of sleep and breastfeeding so she's having a rough time and is angry a lot. I guess I need to say this.
Two weeks ago I was driving through our town's warehouse district and saw a Bronco that was pretty beat up but resembled mine. I stopped just for nostalgias sake and the owner came out and let me take a look inside. My dad and I had glued a wheat penny under the dash as sort of security measure so I just sort of checked and goddamned if it wasn't MY BRONCO!
I asked him if he'd ever consider selling it, he said actually someone was on I-25 as we spoke from Colorado to buy it for $21000. I freaked out and asked him if I could buy it right then and there for $23000. He said if I could come up with the cash, yes. I had been procrastinating setting up a 529 so I had $12000 in savings that my wife's parents had given us, I maxed out my credit card to Venmo and my mom bought down a check for $4000 and I fucking drove away in my old car. It was like a dream come true. Like a literal dream come true. It needs a lot of work I can't afford right now but it's mine. Like in my driveway mine. Again. I can't even describe what a joy this is.
My wife and her parents are furious with me. They feel I was deceptive, that a "real" man would have sacrificed anything and everything so my wife could go stay at home with his kids and that's setting aside that they gave us the money for a college fund. My point is my daughter is only 6 months old, we have 18 years to set up a college fund of her. But this Bronco means everything to me and if I wouldn't have acted it would have been gone forever. Now it can be that same connection between me and my kids. To me it's the literal meaning of happiness.
Like I said on paper--asshole...whole story--grey area. How do you guys see it?
Edit: had no idea this would go so one way. I guess I messed up. I talked with my mom and she is basically going to buy the bronco from me in order to refill the college fund and pay off the credit card. The $4k will be a gift and she’s going to give me whatever I need to restore it. She’s always been awesome to me and she’s rather the money be spent now than wait for me and my sisters inheritance. Sorry to get everyone so mad at me, I was thinking with my emotions and acted badly
edit2: are the “mommy bailed you out” comments really necessary ? I found a solution and it’s coming from me and my sisters inheritance so it’s not like I’m not paying for it on my own eventually.
Edit 3: my inbox is so buried I have no idea what those icons are that are where gold used to be. Does anyone know what those are ?
Edit4: I’m getting a 403 error whenever I try to respond, not sure what that means but I’m still reading because honestly I’m afraid to go home even with the great news I know my wife is going to be upset for one reason or another
Edit5: does anyone know what 403 error means? I messaged the moderators but they must be busy /u/SnausageFest since you’re a mod, do you know? I can’t respond to any posts and get the “status 403” whenever I try. Thanks!
Edit in the morning: I couldn’t figure out why I was getting so many private’s but I guess this must be locked now. I didn’t tell my wife that my mom bailed me out and lied and Said I found a buyer for the bronco. I’ll figure out how to cross that bridge when I get there but my wife was so relieved that I “had come to your senses” I don’t want to disappoint her. It’s going to take all my lying skills to pull this one off over the next few years.
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Jesus dude, yes, YTA.
Who spends $23K without so much as speaking to their spouse first? Assholes do.
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I’m 40M, my wife is 39F, son in 15.
Yesterday when it was dinner time I called him to come downstairs few times. He didn’t answer me so I assumed that he didn’t hear me. I went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. After 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so I walked in his room. I knocked first. He was obviously crying. I asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so I didn’t push him more.
I went downstairs and told my wife about it. She went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. She came back and brought him food upstairs. When I asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. I got kind of upset because I want to know what was wrong and I’m his parent as well.
I haven’t been fully ignoring them but I’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. My wife got mad at said that I was acting extremely immature.
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YTA. I'm willing to bet that your attitude - as I doubt this is an isolated incident - is at least part of the reason your kid didn't want to talk to you.
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My husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. He doesn't have enough money. I'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. Every month he and his friends go on a road trip. His car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. He asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. I told him I need the car since I have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. And I can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. He begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere.
The trip was last week. I had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. I had several things to do. I stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. I arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam.
After I finished. I spent few minutes with my friends then I left. I got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, I started freaking out. Thinking I might've left the door open or something. I called my husband but he didn't pick up. My friends immediately told me to call The Police. I ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. The Officer said I needed to come to the station to give my statement.
I stayed there for 4 hours then I was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. I was shocked. And mad. It never occured to me that he was the one who took it. I went home and waited til he got back. He was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. The argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure I arrived for my exam. I yelled at him and told him it was not okay. He caused me to stress out and worry about the car. He told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but I had no idea he took the car. He said he wanted to text me but forgot. Said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. He still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was I supposed to do.
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NTA and DUMP HIM.
He stole your car, let you worry, and can afford to go on a trip with his friends but not to fix his own car ?
You deserve better, hun. Go get it.
Edit : wow thanks for the awards, kind strangers ! Also please don't forget to give some strength to OP !
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I’m on mobile and my grammar will probably be bad because after today I needed to to get drunk
Backstory my cousin (33f) who I’ll call mary lost her husband (32m) and two of her three children (3f) and (9months male) in a car accident last week. Her and her daughter (5) are as you would expect it’s just heartbreaking
Well today was the funeral my brother’s wife (26) announced her pregnancy the second the arrived at our house this morning we were like “ok congratulations but please keep it on the down low for today”
Well when we arrived at the church she kept making gagging sounds and robbing her stomach saying “I as a mom can’t imagine what she is going through” they have no kids so people would look at her and she’d tell them she was pregnant
Afterwards at my aunts house my sil kept making everything about her like someone’s in the bathroom sil would loudly say “pregnant lady needs to pee”
She literally told my cousins sister give her, her seat so “the lady with a baby could rest her feet”
I ignored her till she came to Mary stuck out her flat belly and said “me and Issac just found out I was pregnant and honestly we are beside ourselves it could happen to us” Mary broke down
I snapped like who says that to a woman who just literally lost two babies?? I said loudly to my sil “no gives a fuck you’re pregnant look around it’s not just one but two babies funerals not to mention the love of Mary’s life like I knew you were an attention seeker but for fuck sake you took the test four days ago just leave”
she left did in tears and my bother called me a fat bitter bitch
I’ve gotten phone calls form my bother and sil family calling me the world of name because I made a pregnant woman cry
If I’m being honest even tho Mary and my aunt thanked me because it was all making her upset I feel worse about making a scene
Please put me in my place if I’m wrong
So little update I found out this morning brother and sil harassed my cousin with phone calls for her to talk to me about yesterday. My aunt gave both of them an ear full than made my cousin turned off her phone my brother and sil were at my parents house trying to get their side in (parents are on my side) when I arrived . They both came at me screaming and yelling about sil feelings and she could miscarry from the stress I caused her again i told them a Funeral especially one for two children isn’t the time to announce a pregnancy and get the fuck out of my face . Sil said if I didn’t lose my attitude and apologise I’d never be in their child’s Life. i told her I didn’t care and if she was gonna use the kid as weapon i didn’t want to be in it’s life things got heated and my father ended up kicking out my brother and sil so yeah all this drama at a time we should be there for one another
And to the people asking in the comments and dms you can use this story I want my bother to find it and read the comments
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This is one of those where I read the title and went "I can't imagine how you could not be the asshole" and then read the post and went "....oh."
NTA. I am not normally a scene-making person, but this is the kind of thing that making a scene is *for*. I am not normally one for publicly shaming someone but this is what public shame is *for*. Sometimes someone's behavior is so far beyond the pale that the kindest and most righteous act for everyone else involved is to *make a goddamn scene*.
Which you did. I'm so glad you were there to stand up for your cousin.
Your poor cousin, your poor cousin's daughter, reading this made me feel just absolutely sick for them. I'll be lighting a candle for them (and the rest of your family) today.
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Original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hryyi6/aita_for_threatening_to_ban_my_brother_from_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Firstly, thank you all so much for the crazy response on my original post. Totally unexpected, but very much appreciated by my fiancé and I.
As I mentioned a couple times in the comments of my original post, my fiancé and I wrote up a Facebook post to explain the situation to our families (mostly mine), including screenshots of texts with my brother (I decided I didn't want to link the post here as it feels a little too personal to be slapping on Reddit. Sorry!)
As expected, once the family heard our side of the story and put everything together, many of them changed their tune. Most of the family members who had been calling me an asshole ended up apologizing and siding with me and my fiancé.
My brother was livid. He called me about an hour after the post went up and demanded that I take it down because it "made him look bad". He said he was being unfairly attacked, and even blamed me for his girlfriend breaking up with him.
My brother has formally been banned from the entire wedding, and we've asked any family members who continue to side with him to RSVP that they will not be attending. Our parents aren't happy with the turnout, and my mother has decided she won't be attending my wedding because of how I'm "alienating" my brother during an important event. I don't mind; I've never been very close with her, and while it is a bit sad that she's choosing my hardheaded brother over my wedding, I still have my father's full support.
My brother's (now ex) girlfriend is still invited and got promoted to bridesmaid because of how helpful and supportive she's been to my fiancé. Hopefully this is the last issue we'll run into during wedding planning!
I hope this update lives up to any expectations. I never expected I'd be in this situation, but I'm glad so many people on this sub got a kick out of it, and very grateful for the advice and support I received.
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>He called me about an hour after the post went up and demanded that I take it down because it "made him look bad".
Well, yeah, it certainly did make him look bad because he *was* behaving badly. But narcissists don't like their perfect image spoiled in public. Same for your mother. You've ruined the whole Happy Families & Perfect Mother fantasy she insists you all play along with. Have a lovely wedding.
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The title basically sums it up, I suppose. My husband and I have been married for three years now, I have a daughter (15F) and he has a son (24M). I am friendly with my stepson, but we aren't close. He has a biological mother who is a perfectly fine woman, I'm not here to take the role of his mom.
My late husband (my daughter's father) died when my daughter was 6, we both contributed to her college fund. My daughter's paternal grandparents have also contributed a large amount. Right now, the fund has about $180,000. My daughter is extremely bright, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom. I truly believe she has the capacity to go to an Ivy league school, and her teachers have said she has the potential as well, and I don't want costs to hold her back. Our income would be too high to get any meaningful financial aid, and while there are a few merit based scholarships out there that she will be applying too, we don't want to put all our eggs in one basket and hope she gets it when it's so competitive. My current husband and I have separate finances, he doesn't contribute at all to my daughter's fund.
My stepson is struggling with a heroin addiction, and has stolen money, jewelry, hierlooms, and electronics from us for drug money. I understand that addiction is a disease, and I personally paid for an outpatient detox for him, which cost $1000, which failed. His father then paid for an outpatient rehab program, which cost $6500, which also didn't work because he barely showed up. He promised us he'd do better next time and he needed another chance, so I split the cost of another $6500 outpatient rehab program with my husband, which seemed to work during program, but he relapsed as soon as he got out of it. I have spent so much money, time, and energy and it hasn't helped at all.
My husband and my stepson want to try a 60-day inpatient rehab program, which will cost $30,000. I had absolutely no idea where they were supposed to get the money for that, considering the thousands and thousands of dollars that were already spent, and the fact that we no longer had anything of value in our house. They want to use my daughter's college fund, which to me is absolutely off-limits. I feel like it's completely unfair to my daughter to punish her for my stepson's addiction, unfair to my late husband and his parents, but frankly, I don't think spending $30,000 will work. My husband thinks I'm an asshole because I'm prioritizing my daughter's education over his son's life, and he believes medical needs come first.
He then asked my daughter if she'd be willing to use $30,000 from her fund to pay for her stepbrother's rehab, and she got very quiet and did not answer. He then got very upset with her and said she was being selfish. My daughter later told me that she didn't want to give her stepbrother the money, but she felt so guilty, and I am furious at my husband for emotionally guiltripping my daughter like that.
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NTA.
>They want to use my daughter's college fund, which to me is absolutely off-limits.
That's not up to you, them or anyone.
That's your daughters money in all-but-name. Your husband paid in to it. Your daughters grandparents paid in to it. YOU paid in to it. FOR HER. Not for some kid that half these people don't know.
>He then got very upset with her and said she was being selfish
Why did you allow this? Why are you allowing this to be your daughters concern? Why is she being put in this position? I get that you're furious, but this is WAY over the line. This shouldn't be "AITA for refusing", this should be "So I left this guy because he crossed a line and made my daughter feel accountable for an addict because she wouldn't give 30k designated for her future".
Addiction is a serious problem and I'm sorry for your stepson and his dad, but not sorry enough to excuse what they're trying to pull here.
Your daughter is not a cash-cow for them to raid when it suits. This kid has stolen your money and your property - he's trying to steal your daughters future.
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My wife and her younger sister are best friends. As a result, when our middle daughter and her cousin were born around the same time, my wife really expected them to also be best friends. With sixteen years of hindsight, I can say with certainty that the expectation was misplaced.
Nothing happened in particular. My daughter just doesn't like her cousin. My wife keeps pushing the relationship. This includes making my daughter spend time with her cousin during family gatherings, inviting her cousin on trips, forcing my daughter to call her.
We're pretty sure I'm the favorite parent (a fact that keeps my ego well-inflated), and, therefore, my apathy towards the situation is not well-received by my wife. From my perspective, this isn't important, and I do not possess the ability to make two teenagers become friends. I'm also pretty sure that trying to push this kind of knuckleheaded stuff makes kids not want to speak to you.
This is where I'm probably an asshole. Yesterday, my wife forced my daughter to video call her cousin. My daughter rejected to request, and my wife told her: "Unless you have a valid reason for disliking your cousin, you will do this because we're family". The call occurred. This morning, we awoke to a PowerPoint presentation titled *Valid Reasons to Dislike \[Cousin\].* Using clips from the zoom call, segments included *Why is \[Cousin's\] Voice so Grating? A Music Theory Approach, A Case Study: Conversations That Provide No Value*, *Rethinking the Idea That There Are No Dumb Questions*, ect. With the benefit of a couple of hours of hindsight, it was a very cruel takedown of her cousin's entire personality.
My wife was furious. My eldest daughter and I lost our shit laughing. My wife is demanding I support her in punishing my daughter for bullying her cousin. I have refused because I feel this is whole situation wouldn't have occurred if she didn't push the relationship, but I'm starting to have second thoughts because it was very mean. AITA?
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NTA. Your wife is TA for forcing a 16 year old to spend time with someone she doesn't like, the 16-year old's response to your wife (she didn't tell the cousin this, I presume), is as hilarious as it is the fault of the adults' forcing their relationship.
I'm also not convinced that the cousin is down with this either, considering that the daughter is so clearly unhappy with spending time with her.
ETA: I replied and judged the original story as posted. In this original OP, he stated the cousin didn't see the presentation and clarified he made the daughter delete it. I have my suspicions if that other one claiming the inverse is even real, given that popular AITA posts often see copycat fakes and "other side stories" in the days after a post is on the front page of AITA. Whether you choose to believe the OP here that he had her delete and didn't show the presentation to the cousin, or whether you believe that the inverse is true according to a post that appeared shortly after this was #1 in one of most popular subreddits is your prerogative.
For fairness, the other post in question so you can make your own judgment(s): https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k82xg6/my_daughter_15f_was_shown_a_hurtful_video_made_by/
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Link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gw6m86/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_we_should_call_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The original post has been removed and I’m not sure why, I didn’t have any messages about it. The TLDR is I have a friend, Kate, and I wanted her to be my best man. My fiancée disapproved and we got into a fight about it.
My fiancée and I ended up making up and reconciling a few days later. We were talking compromises and it was still a touchy subject but I thought it was going good and we’d recover. I wish I could leave it at that.
She’s now my ex-fiancée. A little over two weeks after our fight a friend of Jas contacted me. She told me Jasmin had been venting to her friends over the Kate situation and she couldn’t keep quiet any longer because it wasn’t fair to me. This friend sent me messages between Jasmin and them where Jasmin is essentially talking about not trusting me and Kate and saying some pretty derogatory things about her. If that was it I’d be angry but not furious. Long story short, the conversation turns into some confusing conversation I didn’t have much context for, but I got the gist. The friend that sent me the messages filled me in with what she knew.
Basically Jas had an affair before we got engaged. It had allegedly been just one time with some guy she doesn’t talk to anymore, but I don’t know what to believe. Based on the messages it seems like that was the case. Apparently all of her friends knew about this and I was being played the whole time.
I talked to Jas and she denied it but I told her I didn’t care, she needed to leave. She was throwing a fit and refused to, so I left my own home again because of her. Told her I’d tell everyone what she did if she didn’t pack up her shit and go by the time I returned. It worked, two days later I came back and she was gone. She’s tried contacting me to “set things right” but I’m not interested. She can keep the ring for all I care at this point, I just don’t want to see her yet.
I felt so stupid and worthless and embarrassed. I didn’t tell anyone the reason we broke it off. No idea what Jas is telling people, and I don’t care. The past month and a half has been a nightmare, but I’ve been slowly recovering my pride, and I’m trying to convince myself what she did was her own fault, not mine. It works about half the time.
And because I know some of you are going to ask because you think this is some shitty fucking romcom, I didn’t go running to Kate. I’ve hardly spoken to her or anyone else for a while now. I’ve been enjoying quarantine and being left alone.
That’s my final update on the situation, those of you who said Jas was being paranoid because she had something to hide can go pat yourselves on the back.
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Sorry to hear that man. It seems like she was totally projecting onto you and Kate bc she cheated, which happens quite a lot with cheaters. You did the right thing and will be better off for it even though it sucks rn.
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I will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. About six months or so ago my grandpa died. For simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. In his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. His estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in California. Basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. M
I got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. For the last six months I’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but I just got my first tax bill and I either have to sell it or start making some income off it. After talking to the real estate agent I’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on Airbnb. That way I can still use it if I like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time.
My sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all I know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. But she’s also telling me that I basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. She has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. She also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but I still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house I could stay there any time I want. She’s my older sister and I’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and I’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. Am I the asshole here?
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NTA.
She's welcome to either rent it or buy it off you with that 500k she now has.
She even had the option to pick it and she herself thinks money is more important.
Of course you're feeling guilty, that's what a GUILT TRIP is supposed to do to it's victim!
Your sister is 100000000000000000000000% in the wrong here.
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My fiance (28M) and I (30F) have been together for 3 years, I used to live close to work and used public transportation but after I moved in to his house which is hours away from work I bought myself a car since I'm a nurse and also since there isn't any hospitals close to where we live that I could transfer to.
My fiance's car hasn't been working for close to 2 months now, It requires so much money to get it fixed and he refused my fiancial help when I offered it.
Instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then and I agreed as long as it's when I'm not working and also, since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket etc.
On new years eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate but I declined because I had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work. He insisted and even suggested I take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse but I couldn't do that last minute.
I thought he dropped it then but when I went into the shower and got out I couldn't find him nor my car, I freaked out and started calling for half an hour but he didn't answer me, I tried again til one of his friends picked up, I demanded he give the phone to my fiance but he said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and told me that my fiance said that it's better that I skip my shift and he'll be back with my car later. I couldn't take it I felt so enraged I had my fiance on the phone telling him I did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with friends and said I'd call the police to get it back if he refused to come back with it, but he didn't take me seriously so I ended up calling the police and he and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then were taken to the police department.
I got my car from there and still went to my shift, my fiance was let go hours after I left and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how I was out of my mind to call the police on him and put him in this situation. I did not respond but when I got off work the next day we got into an argument and he said he couldn't believe I'd do this to him but I told him he made me do this to which he responded that I was petty and callous because not only did I ruin his new years celebration, but all his friends aren't speaking to him after I put them in this situation as well and he then kept giving me silence about it.
I did consider this a form of theft especially since he went behind my back after getting a "NO" from me, but he was shocked that I'd even imply that he was a thief and said what's yours is mine and vice versa so I shouldn't be using the terms "theft and stealing".
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NTA. Girl why are you with a man who cannot take care of his own basic needs and insists that you call off work so he can go party? He is using you and you can do way better. Do not offer financial help to people like this either. He has money to go out with his friends then he has money for a car.
ETA his friends put themselves in to this situation by getting in to a stolen car. Do you really think they weren’t all sitting around laughing at you before this happened?
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Okay, let me just get right into this. I [27M] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37F] outed me to my parents as gay. They completely cut off all contact with me and I didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and Mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. When I was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. For the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now.
A couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and I ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. He asked me why I wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. I asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. I told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until I eventually confessed I was cut off for being gay. He made a face and asked how my parents even found out. I told him I was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that I don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. He got a bit quiet and changed the subject.
I got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that I'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". I explained to her that I didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and I think he's old enough to deserve honesty. She just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. I'm crushed because obviously I love the kid. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?
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NTA, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences.
Edit: wrong word chosen
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Back in March his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. For starters they never asked. His mother called and TOLD me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. I was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been EXTREMELY rude to me. They are overly critical of everything I say and do. They are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. So right off the bat things are miserable. They verbally abuse me daily, tell me what I can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the WORST.
Out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. Where I live it has been 85-90 almost every day. I normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, I turned the air up to 75. This is already a little toasty for me, but I was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. This was not good enough for them. They don't want the air on. Period. They want the HEAT on. And they turn it on every single opportunity they get. I wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. I have told them to stop COUNTLESS times. Yesterday I finally cracked. I put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "Do NOT touch the thermostat while I am at work". 6pm I walk into my apartment and am automatically HIT by a hotter and more humid heat than it is OUTSIDE. Duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees.
I go into the guest room and say "Why could you not follow the simple instruction of DO NOT TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT. This is my home. I am tired of you saying rude things to me. I am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for MY apartment. You either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." His mother said and I disdainfully quote, "You have no right to barge in here without knocking. That was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. I've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." She went on for 30 minutes and I just tuned her out. When she was done talking I told her to get out.
Now my boyfriend is angry with me because I couldn't just let them have their way. He wants me to call his mom and apologize but I don't think I should have to. I may have been rude to her, but it was only because I have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. I got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which I was letting them live in for free. I also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. I am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. If Reddit determines I am the asshole, I will call and apologize.
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NTA. And I would seriously consider a future with him if he's not willing to support you now, it will only be worse in the future when it comes to his parents.
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I had a boss who was a real turd. He labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. He also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. He was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. I had to stay until I could find a better job because I enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless I had something else. I got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than I made with him.
I turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” I said I absolutely am leaving. He got the smuggest look on his face and said “Well, I’m not accepting this, sugar. Guess you’re here to stay.” I got so furious and decided that was it. I said “well screw this then, I quit. Effective immediately.” Called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. I packed my stuff and left.
A former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. My new boss says he deserved it and I’m not the asshole for quitting like I did. My boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like I was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how I’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. So just because I’m curious, I thought I’d ask here. AITA?
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NTA. 2 weeks notice is a courtesy that your former boss did not deserve.
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I bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. The previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. Just to be clear I put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and I am not sure if that counts as disabled.
Now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. What I am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario.
Obviously I was unaware of this so I was surprised to see a large SUV parked in my driveway when I moved in. I ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. I figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. I told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, I told her he moved out, I moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. She begrudgingly did, I ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat.
Now a few days later I went back to work and lo and behold, the SUV is parked in my driveway again. I go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. I tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. She protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims I can easily walk, I tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and I want to park there myself. Again she moves her car, again I spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home.
Well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, I got tired of it and had her SUV towed. She of course came to my house to scream at me, I told her to get the hell of off my property. A few days later I had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again.
I have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when I told my mom she told me I should be nicer to people. I do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all.
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NTA. Plain and simple. She should get a handicapped spot designated for her if it really is that much of an issue.
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Yes I'm aware that my cousin posted here and oh the irony as i showed her this sub last year, but I really don't care if she sees this, maybe it'll hammer the point home.
And I doubt she will see it as they are currently on their pre wedding honeymoon, legit didn't even know those were a thing.
So Amy is getting married, she has a blue and green and purple theme for the wedding.
People are supposed to wear these colours including the moh and the bridesmaids.
What irked me about that post was that my hair is NOT FLAMING MERIDA RED.
maybe slightly more [ginger] (https://ibb.co/w4yrCCk) in low light
This whole thing is completely insane to me and I have no idea where it has come from.
My [hair](https://ibb.co/y4dKsCZ) [2]
(https://ibb.co/3BVPgBf) [3](https://ibb.co/MD1V7NH) is what i would describe as strawberry blonde, maybe ginger blonde.
Those are actual picture's of my hair not some poor stranger's instagram.
Things have been awkward from the start with Amy demanding that everyone has to stick to this dress code or they will be barred by security at the damn door.
She has also asked anyone with hair past their waist to cut it in a Facebook post but it got no replies and I can't think of anyone except me and maybe my sister with suoer long hair.
My mum and dad are both way more ginger than me and my sister who is 8 months pregnants hair is not much shorter than mine and is super ginger, and Amy never asked her to touch her hair? if anything I got the dull hair geane.
At first Amy called up to tell me she had made a post here, I took a look and had to laugh to be honest, She linked me early on clealry thinking people would agree with her but she said she was worried because it blew up.
After things went south she decided to try and "negotiate" with me, still completely bizzare as my hair is not merida red.
My mum and dad called round a few days back to talk about it but got absolutely nowhere with her as she's still insisting i dye my hair a dark brown for the day or get a wig.
My aunt, Amy's mom called to apologise to me and asked me to please come but I don't feel welcome, can you imagine attending a wedding where the bride stares daggers at you the whole time? and what if the security refuse to let me in.
[these](https://www.frenchnovelty.com/sean-couture-peacock-corset-back-ball-gown-prom-dress-70567) are extremely similar to the gowns the bridesmaids are going to wear, I've tired mine on and it absolutely dose not clash at all.
I brought and paid for my dress so I don't owe her anything but our families are so upset that I'm dropping out.
But if I go I have no choice except to dye my hair as there never was a compromise or middle ground, it was dye it, buy a short brown bob wig or don't come.
She specified it has to be a short brown bob wig for some reason.
WIBTA if I just say fuck it and stay home.
EDIT also to be fair i dyed a small strand underneath to test how it washed out 4 weeks ago, it is STILL DARK BROWN
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NTA. I love it, LOVE IT when we get to hear both sides of an AITA thread, I kinda live for that sort of drama lol! Everyone made it clear to your cousin that she was a bridezilla, don't bother to go if she hasn't realized how insane her expectations are!
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We are doing some house renovations and so workers are in the house. Today two guys were putting up drywall in the living room while our babysitter is playing with our daughter in the family room while I’m working in my downstairs office.
I hear the drywall guy asking personal questions to my babysitter until her answers started getting short and her tone changes.
IE:
Guy: So where do you live ?
Her: North of here
Guy: Yeah but where?
Her: It’s kind of a weird spot
That’s when I finally walked upstairs and told him, “What is this? The census? She’s watching my kid. Let her be. “ I thought I did it in a joking manner but I guess it came off harsher than I intended. My wife promptly informed me I was an asshole to the guy and the babysitter had it under control.
I get that white knighting is a thing and that I may be out of touch with where I should be putting my foot down so I leave the verdict all of you.
Am I the A-hole?
Update: We spoke about the situation at just before she left. I apologized to her for the weirdo and let her know he won’t be back. To quote her, “The thirsty ones never get the hint.”
The most eye opening take away from this was when she told my wife and I, “If you think that was bad you should check out my DM’s”. Her instagram messages are from people who should be put on the sex offender registry. Guys offering her $700 a week to hold them, guys she has never met offering to buy her plane tickets, and straight up dick pics. How are dick pic people not out on the sex offender registry? It’s just street flashing with less effort. It’s insane and it’s apparently just a norm with the way she brushed it off.
My wife is deflecting from whether I’m still the a-hole but I’ll take what I can get. In her defense, even the babysitter noted that while my comment was funny, my tone was actually straight up yelling at the guy. It’s a give and take like anything in this world.
Anyway, thank you all for your input and here is to hoping the “thirsty” ones get a job which has them work from home and off social media.
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NTA and big blessings to you. Your babysitter probably felt obligated to remain polite while working. You the real MVP.
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We can all agree 2020 was a shit year. Particularly for my (29m) family. We lost our dad beginning of the year after he had a heart attack and my little brother (12) had no one to take care of him. Our mom died when he was 3 so our dad was all we had left.
I fought for custody and was appointed his legal guardian.
Honestly it hasn’t been easy. We’re still adjusting to these life changes and my brother is taking it the hardest. For months he was just not himself. Bad attitude, lashing out. I got him in therapy because I knew he was just hurting, plus stress of pandemic.
His behavior has improved so much since then, even if sometimes there’s days where he’s withdrawn.
Days before Christmas he was feeling sad since it was our first holiday w/o dad. That day, he asked to be left alone. We had a talk to discuss his feelings and I gave him his space after that.
My girlfriend was over that day and I went out to buy groceries. When I got back my brother was out of his room and helping out. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
Yesterday my brother and I were out having some guy time before going back home to get ready for NYE.
My brother opened up about how grateful he is for everything and he hopes that I don’t change my mind about taking care of him. I asked why he’d think that and he told me what happened.
That day when I was out my GF went to his room to tell him he needs to change his attitude and stop moping (her exact words)because he should be grateful I’m taking care of him at all. And that we can still hand him over to the state if we wanted to.
I was furious about this and had to reassure him that was never gonna happen because he really was worried about it. We went home, I confronted my GF and she didn’t deny it.
She told me it’s true and there was nothing wrong with telling him to stop acting like that when he should be grateful I “gave up my life” to take care of him.
And the thing about giving him up isn’t that big of a deal to her because it’s not like I’ll actually do it.
I said she still scared him with that threat and told her to leave my apartment because honestly, I was far too mad and because I didn’t want her to be near him right now. She started crying, there was more fighting but she left in the end. It was just me and my brother for New Years.
Since last night I’ve been bombarded with calls from all our friends for kicking her out knowing she has no family and nobody else to spend the holiday with. Everyone has sided with her and even my best friend says I may have overreacted by making her leave when she probably thought she was helping.
They’ve heard my side of the story but still think I was an ass for making her cry and spending the new year alone. I’m having trouble seeing how I could be so here I am looking for internet strangers to weigh in on this.
UPDATE: OK wow this has gotten a TON of feedback. Thanks everyone for your kind and encouraging words. I might not have replied to a lot of the comments that made me smile but just know that I read an appreciate them!
I know I only posted this a few hours ago but I’ve had a day to clear my head and really think about this. I talked to my brother because I wanted to know if she’s said anything else to him. Thankfully she hasn’t and we had another serious chat to remind him everything she told him is completely false. I would never in a million years give him up and that shouldn’t have been put in his head.
Another thing I told him was that I’m grateful he’s here with me. Without him I wouldn’t have made it through the year and I thanked him for giving me that strength to keep going. Someone who DM’d me suggested reassuring him that he’s not somehow “ruining” my life incase he feels any guilt for what she told him. Thank you for that suggestion!
Now, I know you were all waiting on this news. Yes, I did break up with her. Thinking about what a lot of you said, talking to my brother about how this made him feel, and my own thoughts about how badly she acted, I decided that’s not someone I want around me or him. I can’t risk her doing something like this again and ruining any progress he makes in therapy.
I know many of you think I should’ve done it on the spot, but I wanted to make this decision with a clear head and not when my emotions were extremely high.
She came by my place earlier and we talked outside. Her reaction was as bad as you’d expect and she STILL believed she did nothing wrong, even after I explained it all to her. There was just no making her understand and I told her it was over. I gave her a couple of her things that were lying around my apartment and she left.
My phone started going off like an hour later so I had to put it on Do Not Disturb. That’s all the drama I could handle for one night. I’ll deal with my friends some other time.
Honestly, I’m exhausted. Mentally and emotionally drained right now.
I think this weekend we’ll do something to get our minds off this. I definitely need it after everything and I know my brother does too. It’s been a hard year already without all this extra drama.
Anyways sorry for the really long update you guys but I didn’t want to leave anyone hanging.
I’m sure more comments will keep coming. I probably won’t be sleeping much tonight so I’ll keep my mind busy by reading and replying to more of you. Thanks again for the support! What a shitty way to start the new year but here’s hoping for better things :)
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In what world are you the arse in this scenario? Time to get new friends to go along with a new girlfriend cuz none of the current ones sound up to snuff.
NTA at all, you were protecting Your brother, a vulnerable child whose only stability is you now.
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My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, about the time covid started my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting, my dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life.
I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van, covid was hard in the beginning but we have bounced back, my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I’m on tools now as I’m doing everything to run the business.
well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO, this upset me iv been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and iv been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it.
I spoke to my dad and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni , a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go.
I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoke to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month Iv had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA???
EDIT I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder.
In the morning I will contact the large clients iv worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me iv saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet.
Update I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to iv spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much.
I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them.
I will update after the events of later today.
Upvoted 2: as I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did.
This morning when I arrived at my parents house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast, he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived, when on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first tile I saw my dad cry, I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working.
I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told me father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more then I could explain, he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful, he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again, my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was, but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fun a business, so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for my self.
My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.
Update 3: as I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash that was one of the main things I was worried about, 3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under there own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 - 10 year more experience in the industry, at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them.
Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there, I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist, my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning, I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what dose he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother), my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave, I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that i will not sit there and be treated like that, I told my brother to f**k off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out iv been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.
Update 4: sorry it’s been a while iv had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I’ll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that.
me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier then I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything.
Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me, my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us.
My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said.
Myself and my fiancé are set to have are wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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A feel I’m the asshole for leaving the business and refusing to talk to my dad or brother because my father gave my brother the business even though I’ve worked for for 12 years and run it for two and my brother has only been in the company for one
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So I have a younger brother (13) who is a child prodigy. I won’t give too many details but he’s well known in the academic circles of our country and attends an institute of higher education. Naturally people are impressed with his intelligence and he’s quite popular and makes friends easily. Our parents dote on him and have never told him “no”. As a result he has become very arrogant, condescending and disrespectful to people he deems below him...that’s just about everyone.
Lately he’s been openly talking about a girl he’s crushing on and much to his dismay she’s quite unimpressed with him. He often complains to my parents and I about his failed attempts to befriend her.
I understand why she dislikes him. On one occasion he invited her over for a school project and I overheard their interaction. He was constantly talking over her, dismissing her ideas and even calling them stupid. 99% of the time he was talking about himself and his accomplishments, being in news articles, his future plans are etc. The poor girl obviously seemed uncomfortable. He quizzed her about her career aspirations and when she answered he proceeded to point out it’s a bad career path.
Today he was once again complaining about her and said that she’s obviously intimidated by his superior intellect. He claimed that all girls only like “stupid guys” and that “women are emotional”. Sadly my parents agreed and kept assuring him that this girl is obviously uncomfortable with the fact he’s so accomplished and awesome.
After hearing this nonsense many times, I finally told him that his crush dislikes him because he behaves like an obnoxious, know-it-all asshole.
I explained that he’d probably have a chance if he showed some modesty instead of talking down on this girl so much.
So my parents obviously think I’m an asshole for saying this. They said that it was horrible of me to say this to a 13 year old and that he’s just a child. I told them that he needs to realise that his personality is becoming a problem and that his crush dislikes him because he’s an AH, not because he’s “too smart”. AITA?
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NTA- you actually are doing him a favor for him to learn this lesson now. Your parent's are setting him up for failure. Regardless of intelligence and ability, a huge part of success is also likeability and the ability to get along with others. I have seen several brilliant people get nowhere because of their complete lack of emotional intelligence.
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My mother passed away 3 years ago. The family home, where I and my sister grew up, was willed to me. It was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. The other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister.
Our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. My sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. She has removed our mom's pictures as well. Now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room.
Recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. My sister didn't take it well. She's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement.
The night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning.
My dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. Our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected.
His wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. She said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. She then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's.
I was furious when I got to know about it. I showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. She's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. I know I shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but I don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore.
My father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. He can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case.
AITA?
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NTA, it kind of sounds like your dad's new wife just wanted your sister out of the way for her new perfect little family.
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Every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. When opening up our gifts this year, I noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and I received $500. I handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene.
My family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. They refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle.
I defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. I think there’s been a mistake”. Conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and I leaving shortly after.
My family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. My fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and I rejected her in front of everyone. AITA?
UPDATE: Cousin is taking us out to NYE dinner with their $200!
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NTA. Your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent's homophobia. Good for you. Your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture.
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My wife and I live far away from both of our sets of parents. We visit them a couple of times a year and they visit us about the same.
My mom and dad love food. They will buy pounds of garlic and leave it in a rice maker for a month to make black garlic. They plan their vacations around amazing restaurants.
My in-laws are lovely people but boiling chicken drumsticks is fancy for them. And they refuse to eat steak that isn't well done.
I discovered this the first time I went to their home for dinner. I wasn't even asked how I like my steak. Everyone got a well done steak.
It took me years to convince my wife to try a medium rare steak. Now she loves them.
I bought some beautiful prime steak for them when they came over when we moved in together. I made theirs medium well, and I died a little inside. Her dad took it back to the grill and destroyed them. So now I buy Select grade meat.
I've been buying some excellent quality Wagyu for when my parents visit. Not every single time. Maybe once a year.
My wife says I'm being an asshole by not treating both families the same.
I don't think I should waste money on great food for them when I know how they will treat it.
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I might get down voted but honestly I do not see the point in paying for really expensive steak for someone who is going to want it served as burnt offerings. They certainly won't understand the difference. NTA
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So I had an overwhelming response to my post about asking if I was TA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party for being sensitive about dresses, and I got a lot of NTA/ESH, and I could see both sides, understood that I could have handled it better, and I was glad to see that a lot of people also believed that Joy was being “a lot to handle”. Anyways, I decided to take your advice, and here’s an update on the situation, for anyone that’s interested!
So after reading a ton of your comments, I decided to call Joy and invite her over to talk. Luckily, she said yes (by the way, before this, she didn’t say she didn’t want to be at my wedding, so she was still planning on becoming a guest), and I apologized for kicking her out with no warning, but I laid out my frustrations. She apologized for being really picky about the dress and realized that the attention wasn’t going to be on her and it wasn’t her day, so it wasn’t really appropriate for her to get upset over fine details on a dress. She also revealed to me that this was going to be her first time being a bridesmaid (she doesn’t usually wear dresses, she’s more of a leggings and sweatshirt type of girl). I took some of your guys’ advice again and asked Joy to show me a couple of dresses online she would be comfortable with (didn’t matter what color, I just wanted to see her style), and she searched for about 10 minutes and couldn’t find one that she “loved”. She kind of looked bummed and a little apologetic, so I came up with a plan. The official dress shopping day for the bridesmaids was the next day, and I invited Joy to go with us, to get a feel for the dresses, to see if she would be comfortable. She agreed.
So the next day, my girls and I met up at a dress place, tried on a couple of dresses, and Joy didn’t really like them, even though my other bridesmaids did. Finally, we tried on the 4th dress, which was THE one. The girls fell in LOVE with it, and I looked at joy and she was staring at herself in the mirror, but she had a smile on her face! :) I came up to her and told her again I didn’t mind if she wore a shawl or cover up for some moments, and she nodded and smiled again. Actually one of my bridesmaids (who didn’t really know about the situation) came up to joy and told her how gorgeous she looked in the dress. I’m not gonna lie, I shed a couple of tears because they all looked so beautiful.
So we found a dress that was matching and all the girls were happy with, and Joy is back in the bridal party. Hope that this was a happy ending that everyone enjoyed :) Now for me, I have to go to plan other parts of the wedding with my fiancé:)
Edit: I couldn’t find the actual dress, but I did find something very similar online.
https://www.kleinfeldbridalparty.com/shop/dresses/viewitem-KL2160586?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn8nqwo-q5wIVWgOzAB3N9wO6EAkYASABEgJuE_D_Bw
Edit 2: and thank you guys for all the rewards!! <3. I just wanted to say that a little bit of communication can go a long way. I will admit that I was very stressed when helping my bridesmaids with the dresses, but having a simple conversation saved my friendship and my bridal party! I’m so happy :)
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Glad to know that you and your friend handled this situation so maturely. I hope your wedding is everything you want it to be!
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I worked at a retail store in the mall. The store is divided into men’s, women’s and children’s clothes. I always worked women’s and on the weekdays I was always the only employee in that entire section.
Yesterday myself and two other employees clocked into ours shifts. My manager Lisa pulled my aside and told me “Your dads called the store five times asking for your schedule please tell him to stop”. I got extremely confused because that didn’t sound like something my dad would do. I even texted him and he said he never called the store once. I had a bad feeling and asked Lisa if she gave “my dad” my schedule and she did she did. I then told her that wasn’t my dad and she had no right telling a strange man my schedule. She got annoyed and told me that it wasn’t a big deal and I was being dramatic.
I then quit on the spot which only left her and two other employee to watch the entire store. She kept apologizing and even burst into tears because they were understaffed.
AITA?
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Uh. Yeah no. Nta. That’s horrifying.
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I'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. Like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. The prize was some scholarship money for college.
Our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. I know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, I saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier.
It was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. It was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? Like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite??
It was my turn but I'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! Not paying attention. I felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. And that frustrated me, I'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, I knew she wouldn't even be listening.
So I went up and said "Look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? I'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking."
She sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. My teacher sent me to the principal's office.
The girl I expected to win, won... No surprise there. But I felt good I'd at least said something. A bunch of my friends in class said I was totally right when I called out that BS, and we all knew it, I wasn't saying anything we didn't all see.
My principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like I was taking my college apps seriously and I said that I didn't think I'd be going to college, I got stuck with debt already and I'm gonna need a job right away this spring. Anyway I got detention
AITA for saying what I did instead of doing my final presentation for the project?
Edit - I just found out that the girl who got the scholarship money decided to decline it and give it to the student who had the best grade in the class. I don't know if it was because I called stuff out and she felt guilty, but I think it might be.
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NTA. This judge was not impartial and should not have been a judge in the first place. The fact that the school did not address that is an issue.
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Update on my last post. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6r1oi/aita\_for\_refusing\_to\_put\_my\_bf\_on\_the\_title\_of\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6r1oi/aita_for_refusing_to_put_my_bf_on_the_title_of_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I listened to a lot of your feedback and talked to my BF after my post. He seemed weird in our talk. (He's been weird a lot lately, but I have been excusing it.) He told me that he said to put him on as an insurance beneficiary partially as a joke but then when I "went off" on my tangent (including offering up that he'll never go on my house title either even though he never mentioned it) that he got offended and reacted poorly. He said he really did think I was going off about all that in retaliation for his "no to marriage" talks so he was left with a bitter taste. Which...I get. I can be more forceful than I realize and I am naturally passive aggressive. He said I didn't have to put him on anything but he needs me to understand that I am it for him. He wants to makes his life with me. Things seemed to be better after this.
That weekend he asked if I wanted to go on a hike. It was peak season for the leaves changing and there is this waterfall he suggested we go to. We get to the waterfall and he pulls an envelope out of his jacket with a tiny bow on it and says it's a present for me. I open it and it's a receipt from a jewelry store. I was confused but I see he had the date of purchase highlighted and circled with a heart - it was early August (before the talks we had where he said he never wanted to get married). I turn and there he is with a ring. I said yes.
He said he knew I would never believe that he had the ring before all this without the receipt. That his attitude and comments when I started asking about marriage was to fool me so I didn't get suspicious because this was the plan all along - he wanted an autumn proposal in a beautiful location since it's my favorite season.
Money he has been saving after moving in with me (since I charge him a much smaller amount than he was previously paying) went to the ring. He saved money for over a year because he knew when he moved in with me that he was going to eventually ask me to marry him.
So honestly this is the best case scenario! We talked after too. When we get married we will add each other as beneficiaries on our insurance policies. And we decided there's no need to put him on my title even after we get married.
I really appreciate everyone's comments on that last post! I read all of them and most people were genuinely concerned and offered wonderful advice and support.
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Oh man, what a bumbling way to hide a proposal. This will make a great story down the line though and I bet you two will laugh about it quite a bit. Glad it worked out.
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[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/giww2y/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_friend_who_constantly/?utm_source=share&amp;amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;amp;utm_name=iossmf)
I took into account the advice offered and I thank you guys for your help.
HR meeting call with supervisor went well. The main incident in my original post wasn’t recorded but all six colleagues wrote a statement confirming what Sarah had said and how inappropriate it was. I didn’t realise but John had also asked others who work with us if they, at any point, heard Sarah attack my character or physical appearance in a cruel or improper manner and if they did, would they be willing to write a statement. Apparently, she has been saying quite a few outrageous things behind my back and it seems that a lot of the hurtful office gossip about me did originate from her. I submitted a few examples of messages and emails, sent by Sarah during work hours, taking jokes about my appearance too far. I also included the messages where I asked her to stop causing attention at work as I’m extremely uncomfortable with others regarding me in that way. Her claims of my bullying her and calling her flat chested and ugly at work were dismissed as she couldn’t specify dates or find anyone to corroborate her story or even provide any examples of me ever being hostile or unprofessional. The phone call we had after the video team meeting where she claims I used threatening language against her was also disregarded as no recording was made and it was her word against mine; Luckily, I don’t think they believed her on this point as I’ve never displayed anything near the type of agressive behaviour she was accusing me of and my character references had me down as the quiet sort who gets on with work.
While things were being reviewed, Sarah decided to quit. She’s still adamant that I bullied and threatened her and felt no choice but to leave the toxic environment I created. I’ve been reassured that there was no wrongdoing on my part except that I should’ve reported things much sooner when inappropriate comments first started. From what I gather, Sarah’s general behaviour at work has raised concerns for a while and I wasn’t the first to complain about her.
Some people were confused as to why I had considered her a friend in the beginning. When I joined the team 3 years ago, it was my first job out of uni and I was incredibly nervous but Sarah was the first to ask me questions and offer to hang out. She was a bit overbearing and rambunctious but I appreciated her efforts to get to know me and coax me out of my shell. We often did have a good laugh despite her sometimes making a joke at my expense but I tried not to take it to heart and occasionally reminded her to wind it in and be more considerate of my feelings. It’s only been during the past 8 or so months where she’s become especially rude and callous. I still referred to her as a friend of sorts but I never thought she would take things as far as she did.
**Edit:** Thanks to everyone for the kind words, advice and encouragement, it’s really blown me away. I stepped away to talk to John for a while and let him know what a great guy a lot of people think he is. His little smile was adorable.
Despite the misery at work I had to go through for a while, everything has turned out pretty amazing. I do love my job now that I can actually get on with it without the office drama. Finding out how my other coworkers feel about me has been incredibly reassuring and we’ve now set up a weekly virtual pub night. My outlook has improved massively and I’m taking steps to manage my anxieties and put aside past negativity.
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I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that. I’m so glad everyone was able to see Sarah was spitting lies and hope work is better now you don’t have to deal with her
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I'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. I mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'Anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. She embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. Personally, I have nothing against this at all. I am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. However, I do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. I don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors.
However, despite being a "supporter," Anna regularly comments on my body type. For example, I always bring food for my shifts since I personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). Anna will often say things like, "You should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "You look skinnier than last week. I told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." She'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if I was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that I look "way too skinny to be healthy." One time I was changing into my work shirt in the back and Anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." I have no idea what that even means but I doubt it was a compliment.
These hypocritical comments have pissed me off. I enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and I enjoy working out and staying toned. Anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. I don't think this is healthy.
Finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy I kinda like came in to get some food and I was super excited to see him. He turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. Oh well. Anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "Maybe he's into curvier girls." I basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. I asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. Then I told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (I called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit.
She called me insecure and told me I was being a rude bitch. It was reaching the end of our shift so I clocked out early and left so I didn't have to argue with her more. I was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. She said that I was right and all but that I was insensitive in the way I brought it up and suggested that I apologize. I'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.
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NTA For someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. If she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours.
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This happened a while back. My wife and I still talk about it every once in a while. She's on my side and most of our friends and family are. However when it happened it was like WW3 between us and her co-workers and others.
Here we go...I've been playing the guitar for 22 years. I know guitar values and whatnot very well. I'm very into the guitar market. At my wife's old company she was hanging out with co-workers one day after work and she mentioned that I play guitar. A co-worker who I guess is very popular at work said that his dad passed away and he was selling his dads things. His dad had a guitar and asked my wife if I'd be interested in it. My wife texted me and I said to have him send me the info on the guitar and the price. The next day he texted me the pics and price. It was a 1952 Telecaster in mint condition. He had the original receipts which was crazy! (That's how I knew the date). I asked what he wanted for it and he said he "looked up Telecasters online and he thinks $4,000 is fair". I texted back, "I'll take it for $4,000" and went to pick it up. The guitar had no sentimental value to him at all.
Here's the issue at hand. The guitar was/is worth approximately $50,000 depending on the buyer and I knew it. When I got the guitar I told my wife the price and what it was worth. She was floored. Fast forward two weeks her co-worker tells my wife he just found out what the guitar was actually worth from a family friend and wanted it back. She said, "well he really likes the guitar and he knew it was worth $50,000 which is why he was floored you offered it to him for $4,000. He really likes it and I doubt he will sell it back, but you can ask." (Probably not the smartest thing for her to say, but she was caught off guard and it's not her fault or problem). He contacted me and asked to buy it back. I said that it's not for sale. He then said I scammed him and he was going to "sue me and take my wife to HR for being a part of the scam." Which was nuts, but he actually did contact HR. They were cool about it and said it's not their problem. It's between him and me. Over the next few months he made things very uncomfortable for my wife at work. He would bug her constantly about it. She eventually had to go to HR for harassment and they actually let him go (She complained twice and he was warned and didn't stop). He's contacted me several times about it so I got a restraining order for harassment too. I blocked him too. I haven't heard from him in about a year.
AITA?
UPDATE:
Well this post blew up way beyond what I was expecting. It looks like I was voted Not The Asshole. There's over 5000 comments. I couldn't read them all, but I did read a lot. Just to clear up some things. I left somethings out because I didn't want it to influence opinions and really wanted it to be about me buying a guitar at significantly lower market value vs the people in the story. I did include the fact that the guy was harassing my wife at work not to make the guy sound bad, but because I thought it was relevant to the story. Here's some specific details I chose not to include:
The guy and his dad were not close at all. So those people saying he was grieving and I took advantage of him, that is 100% not the case. When I went to get the guitar he was telling me he hadn't talked to his dad in six years and was actually annoyed he had to deal with a funeral.
The dad bought the guitar new and never played it. Luckily it was stored in a closet and not in a basement or attic. There's no issue with the wood or electronics. It plays like a dream and I couldn't be happier. I am not selling the guitar to the son or anyone. It will be with me for a long time. I'm in my 30's so maybe in 30 years it will find a new home.
I would have MAYBE considered giving the guy more money or giving him one of my guitars to sell on his own, but I decided not to do that after he left a terrible voicemail on my phone the day he found out the real value. He demanded it back like he was entitled to an object he sold fair and square, called me a POS, called my wife a POS and said he would "do bad things" if I didn't sell him the guitar back.
And to those people who say they would have told the guy the real value. That's a load of horse shit. If you went to a garage sale/estate sale and saw an item worth $5000 priced at $50 there's not a snowballs chance in hell you would walk up to the homeowner and tell them they mis-priced it. You'd buy the item and then tell all your friends and family what a great score you got! Don't even kid yourself like you wouldn't do that. I don't feel bad about buying an awesome guitar at a steal of a price. I was curios what others would think and it looks like I'm not the asshole so thank you reddit. I can play the guitar with zero guilt now. Not like I felt guilty before, but now my feelings are justified.
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Nta. When you sell something it is your responsibility to know or determine what its worth not the person you are selling to.
Edit- to your edit I absolutely agree.
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35F and my SIL is 46F. I have 3 children, the oldest being 16M. For my birthday last week my son went out and bought me this swinging hammock chair that I had been wanting for 2 years and it cost him quite a bit of his saved money (which I fully intend to put back in to his bank account so he can continue saving). He was so excited to see me open this gift and couldnt wait to help me set it up. I told him he shouldnt have, that it was a lot of money and his response was "You never get anything nice. I wanted you to have it." And it was true. I usually dont get anything for my birthday or Christmases outside of Tupperware or soaps. So it might sound stupid but I have cherished this swing ever since he got it for me, especially where I finally have something nice that's mine.
My SIL comes over once a week to see all of us and she immediately headed straight for my swing (which my son hooked up on our deck). I told her to please not sit on it and she said "Is there a weight limit?" So I told her yes, 250lbs and I even showed her the box to confirm. She was not upset about this. She just said "That's a bummer, they need to make something capable of holding us big girls". I simply agreed with her and went about my business. At this point my husband shows up from work.
When I went inside to grab us some drinks her and my husband are talking on the porch and not even 5 minutes later I hear a loud crash and my husband say "Fuck, are you alright?" I go out and sure enough she had sat in my swing and the crochet netting around the hook snapped on one side, causing her to fall right on her ass. She is sitting there laughing, gets up and says "I guess i need to learn to listen." So I lost it. As I said above, I literally never get anything nice. Never. This is the one thing that I had that was mine and it didnt even take someone a freaking week before they ruined it for me. So I said "I literally just fucking told you not even 20 minutes ago that it would not hold you and to please not fucking sit in it." She makes some comment about "Usually the weight limit is a lie. I thought it would hold." So I said "The weight limit probably would have held if you were only 50lbs heavier than it, not 150." (She is 420ish lbs because she is one of those girls who eat food on camera for money and she absolutely loves her weight). But regardless, instead of apologizing or offering to compensate me for my destroyed item, she has resorted to saying I'm a shit bag for making her feel like her weight is a problem and my husband is on her side. "Its just a fucking swing". AITA?
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NTA tell your husband that he can buy you a new one because if it’s “just a fucking swing”
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Hey everyone. I am 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s.
For as long as I can remember, I have been allergic to several things:
* Dairy
* Wheat/Flour/Gluten
* Legumes
Since I was a young child, my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house. While other kids ate breakfast cereals, I ate fish and assorted pickled vegetables for breakfast. While other kids had Lunchables, I had grilled chicken or fish with, again, assorted vegetables (usually sweet potatoes). While other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, I had an apple.
I never questioned this until a couple of months ago. I was at my aunt's house for my birthday party, and she made brownies for everyone. For me, she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies. I started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and, in a panicked way, asked which plate I took the brownies from. I pointed from the one where I got my brownies, and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my EpiPen. She raced to ask my mother for it, and I sat there scared out of my mind because I had never mistakenly eaten flour before.
I noticed my mother had calmed her down, and then she said that we don't have to worry because she had switched the plates of brownies, and after all I had eaten the ones made with almond flour. I found this incredibly odd because, really, why would she swap the plates? That doesn't even make sense. But for the time being I let the issue rest.
It didn't sit well with me for about a week and I finally went to get an allergy test. The doctor started with a skin prick test, and lo and behold, I didn't react to any of the above substances. Then he ordered a blood test, and when the results came in, they said that I had absolutely no intolerance to any of the foods I'm supposed to be allergic to.
I was furious and called my mother. She eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a paleolithic diet, and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations. She raised me with a lie about her own health, but she keeps insisting that I try to see it from her perspective. She spams my phone with messages about how healthy I am--that I never had acne, that I have been in great shape my whole life, that I have strong teeth and bones, and even that I got onto a D1 college tennis team.
She has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that I really should be glad I never got "carb addicted." I don't know what to think. I carried around an EpiPen for all those years--one that I suspect may be fake seeing as my mother never got me to replace it--and I don't even know anymore.
Am I the asshole and an ungrateful son for losing it over this?
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NTA- You spent your entire life thinking that you could easily die because your mom wanted you on a special diet??? Allergies are incredibly serious and while you can grow out of them, to be lied to is unnecessary. What your mom did was manipulative and poor parenting. She easily could have had you on a diet like that without lying and making you fear for your life.
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I have 2 kids, 2f, 4f. I fucking hate how everyone thinks of me as being just a mommy now. I don’t get to be my own person. I’m just mommy.
Husband doesn’t face this. He gets gifts from everyone that have to do with his hobbies. Me? I get a bunch of mommy shit. Tee hee, mommy needs wine!
And like matching outfits. I don’t mean like, one of those cutesy matching pajama sets that the nurses and horse girls wear in their staged Christmas insta pics. I mean like, people actually think I’m going to go out in public wearing some cutesy matching outfits with my toddlers. As though I think they’re mini versions of myself? Or dolls?
From the time we got to the in-laws, it was “mama” this and “mama” that. At some point, my SIL said it and I said “You know my name is (Carmen), right?” she just looked at me funny and said “Of course, silly?” I said “So why do you keep calling me “mama”? You aren’t going around calling (husband) papa?” SIL just looked at me like I had 2 heads and was like “Um, okay.”
This went on all over Christmas. Here you go, mama. Want another slice, mama?
At that point I was just like “Do you guys mind calling me by my name instead of calling me mama?”
The same SIL as before did the whole golly-gee doe eyed thing and said “But you’re such a good mama!”
I said that I’m not JUST a mom. I gestured to the things that husband got for Christmas from them, and said “Why didn’t you guys get him anything that says “papa”? Everything you gave me is somehow related to me being a mom. Why does HE get to be his own person?”
MIL grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said that she was sorry that she made me feel like this. She was just “so excited” about being a grandma and she never really thought of things like that.
I was feeling a little better until SIL2 and SIL3 started going after me. One of them did that whole “Are you okay? Do you need to talk someone? You sound so angry, it isn’t healthy” faux concern thing that’s meant to shame you for having any emotional response.
The other one was angry and saying that “is being a mom somehow beneath you” and “do you think you’re better than the rest of us?” and all that.
When we finally left, he asked me why I’d kept it in for so long, and I said that I haven’t. No one listened to me before. I’ve said these things plenty of times. I’ve always asked them to call me by my name and not some disgusting nickname that boils me down to giving birth. He nodded, but said that I’d put a big pallor on the weekend and that I need to apologize for the outburst at some point.
I said sure, as soon as SILs apologize to me for dehumanizing me for years.
We’re at a stalemate. AITA?
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No. Your SILs owe you an apology and you owe them…..
Fucking nothing. Even after.
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I M32 have a brother M30 (Kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, Kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends.
Kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. So far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. It bothered me because I have work commitments (I'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first.
Last week he did it again, He came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while I was showering and left the house immediately. I got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. I asked where his dad was and he said he just left. I knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, I called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. I was so mad and almost freaking out because I was getting late for my shift. I sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or I'd call cops on him for child abandonment. He texted back begging that I suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. I told him that I was serious and I'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home.
He got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because I couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. I told him I never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. He said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. Long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend.
It's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding I make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but I said I won't do that.
AITA?
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NTA.
>he had an important date...He said tha[t it was] an emergency...
Were they defusing a bomb together or something?
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So my asshole scumbag parents named me Qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. I have always told people to just spell it as Chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly.
My mom even grounded me once because I told people to just make save my name as Chrystal in their contacts. Now that I'm a legal adult i got my named changed to Chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. Having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think I'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. Your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good.
My mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. She said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. Im pretty sure I'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. I told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. My mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.
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NTA. It's your name and your right to change it if you wish.
Honestly, if I may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. It sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. Cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can.
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For the last year I’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons.
About a week ago I went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if I wanted a receipt. At this point I figured I had just used a deal I don’t know about, but the next time I went the same thing happened. So the next several times I’ve gone I’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free.
I’m thinking something is wrong and I should tell someone, but I kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. AITA?
Update: Hi guys
I thought I had the golden ticket, I really did.
I thought I had the coveted, all expenses paid, lifetime gas station experience moving forward. The rewards card that wouldn’t stop rewarding. Last night I dreamed about all the bags of mixed nuts, the hardest of the boiled eggs, the bottles of old orange juice, the not-so-hot dogs that have been rolling right next to the hispanic egg rolls for the last 6 hours, that were just sitting there waiting for me to get my grubby, stinky little paws on them.
I wanted to ask you fine people if I was the asshole real quick before I went balls deep and pilfered my way through a Midwest convenience store chain. I’ll be honest I didn’t care what people said though. I was high on the fact that I had, more or less, the most power in the entire world.
After I made the post I made my daily trip to indulge in my kingdom, not caring that like 15 people on my post had just been like, “I mean you kinda suck as a person overall like a 0/10 also your ugly and your posture is bad you need to fix that it’s good for your spinal health and overall makes you feel better and more confident, but yeah you shouldn’t steal”
I made my way around the store picking up every possible box of hard boiled eggs, and also grabbed an energy drink cause I was sleepy. And then I went to perform the maneuver. I strode passionately, arms filled to the brim with eggness, to the front counter.
It was a gift card.
I had completely forgotten my giver of birth had given it to me like 2 months ago, and it had stayed hidden in my wallet until last week in a frantic, anxiety filled search for the rewards card, I found it and my dumb little brain couldn’t read the text that said “gift card” on the bottom.
I’m not going to lie a tear or two fell when the cashier was like “alright weirdo, there was $5.29 left on that, now you owe $43.82.” But I sucked it up and paid, and now all I have is sadness and a fair amount of protein and amino acids at only 77 calories per portion.
TL;DR I thought I had it all but now I just have a lot of eggs.
Update 2: to everyone saying this is a made up story, I can tell you unfortunately it is not. I wouldn’t be able to eggzagerate something like this.
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NAH - I wouldn't call you an ass hole. You're doing the process they required for the rewards program. It's not your fault it's flawed and no one has caught on.
For reference, I used to work for a call center for a large cable company. A guy called in every single month to find out what his bill was for the previous month. For 3 years, his apartment complex paid this bill without billing him for it. So he just stored the money in a savings account, just in case.
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So my girlfriend (her 27 me 28) wants to go to this fancy new restaurant in the city that she’s heard good things about. We get there and it seems like one of those hipster places but whatever, I’m hungry.
I look at the menu and this place is crazy expensive - like every dish is more than $15-$20 and half the ingredients I’ve never heard of. I order the bison steak ($26) and my girlfriend orders some weird pasta, noki I think ($18). Very important, these were listed as ENTREES on the menu. Mind you with drinks plus tip this is going to come out to over $60 which is already ridiculous for dinner for two people.
So anyway we order as we are starving. My steak arrives and I am shocked, it’s like 6 small pieces of sliced steak with some weird sauce on the side and a small handful of salad. I joke to the waiter “where’s the rest of my steak?” and he explains they serve smaller portions at this restaurant because they focus on getting the highest quality ingredients. I don’t care if this bison was blessed by the pope himself it’s absurd to charge that much for such a small bit of steak, it’s highway robbery. When I go to restaurants I expect an entree to fill me up and be enough for leftovers.
I’m complaining to my girlfriend and she’s getting annoyed with me. Similar situation with her pasta it was like maybe 12 pieces of noki dressed up with some frou frou bullshit. Granted the food was pretty good but I can not get over how tiny these portions are. I’m a big guy and I like to eat, what can I say.
When the waiter comes back I inform him we will not be paying for our meal, and that they are falsely advertising entrees that barely qualify as a light snack. My girlfriend is begging me to stop but that’s where we’re different, I don’t let businesses push me around and rip me off.
A manager comes and apologizes but asks us to leave. I don’t end up paying as they realized I called them out on their bullshit. My girlfriend is silent the entire time on the way back. Im still hungry so I drive through McDonald’s and get a burger, and when I did that she asked to be dropped off at her place. It’s now the next day and I’m starting to think I didn’t handle the situation as well as I could have (I could have probably just asked for a discount). My girlfriend hasn’t responded to my texts so now I’m starting to think I’m an asshole.
Am I the asshole?
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Those prices are not even expensive...
It seems you are not suited to fine dining.
YTA
​
EDIT: What makes you think you even deserve a discount?
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Disclaimer: we are all vaccinated.
So, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: HIS friends. I am not close with them) for barbecue parties. He prides himself on his BBQ skills. The thing is... I always end up doing everything! He buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his BBQ skills). I have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). I prepare the sides and veggies, I refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since I find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. It’s just nonstop work for me.
He just told me last week that he invited his friends for Saturday (so yesterday). Just announced it, didn’t ask me. I said well okay, do I know anyone? Nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. My husband called it a “guys’ night”. I said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, I will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. He said he will handle it.
Spoiler alert, he did not handle it. He got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and I was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, I just do stuff...) so I didn’t do anything. The patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. His friends arrived, I welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. Cue the messages.
He started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did I not buy it? Where are the sides? I just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (EDIT: this is also where I fee I might have been the asshole, it would have taken me just minutes to at least tell him where the stuff is)
I checked on the guys a few hours later and it was a disaster. Table all cluttered, they ordered some takeout as sides, there weren’t enough dishes and silverware, someone had to go drive for drinks.
On Sunday (today) he was all grumpy and actually told me that he is disappointed that I didn’t pull my weight and that I made our family look sloppy and bad. I told him that I am not his little housewife and that he is a big guy and if he embarrassed himself in front of his work mates, that’s all on him. And that I’m glad that he can see at least a tiny bit of work that I do around the house. He got upset and went for a run to let off some steam.
Oh and the patio is full of dishes, he didn’t even clean the grill. I’m not touching anything.
Edit/update: thank you for the comments, this made me realize I am at fault as well - for tolerating this for so long. I went out to clear my head (my husband came back from his run and is pointedly not speaking to me) and reconsider many things in our marriage.
Edit/update2: maybe a similar story was posted before, apparently more husbands are assholes. Feel free to post the link to the supposedly identical post I copied this from, go ahead.
And please don’t give this awards, this is a throwaway account that I plan to abandon in a few days at most.
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NTA. In fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my HERO. Your husband can kick rocks. If he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror.
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Hi, This is S's husband and she passed away after 5 weeks of posting this. I just looked into this account/phone before 2 days. She never told me about A herself. But we live in a small town and everyone knows about everyone's business including rumors. So i kind of knew about this vaguely. A did come to see her as a courtesy once her illness became known to people in our place.
She was a very nice human being, a dutiful wife and daughter and i really miss her. She was also my best friend and confidante. She was a genuinely nice and kind person and she deteriorated quite quickly post her diagnosis.
I just saw this account in her phone and am planning to have a chat with A to see if he would be willing to organise a scholarship (paid by me with her inheritance) in her memory to sponsor the higher education of few kids every year and making them self-sufficient. This is something she wanted to do. I am still not sure if i should tell A that i know their history. But thats a different discussion for a different day.
I wish she had been one of those miraculous recoveries where doctors aren't even sure how something happened. She was a very warm and loving person and thanks to everyone who had messaged her asking for updates, checking on her. Thanks again.
The original post is here - https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hj96l8/aita_i_am_dying_and_want_to_have_a_catchup_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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Thank you for updating us... I am very sorry about your loss. We only got her for a couple paragraphs and could sense her warmth and kindness through her words. I am glad you got to live in that sunlight with her.
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My roommate (24f) is a big Game of Thrones fan. She’s pregnant with her first child right now. She decided to name her baby, ‘Arya’. When she asked my opinion of this name, I said I it was a good name with a good meaning (Arya means noble in Sanskrit), but a lot of people have named their kids Arya/Khaleesi/Sansa because of the popularity of GoT and it might be a little too common, not that it is a bad thing.
The next day, which was yesterday, she said she’s found a way to name her baby ‘Arya’ and not have it be associated with other Aryas running around or the show. How? She said she wanted to spell it as *Aughreighyah*. I did a double take reading that word too, but apparently people are supposed to read it as Augh-reigh-ya or Arya.
She asked me how I felt about it and I told her that, frankly, Aughreighyah looks ridiculously stupid and she should just go with Arya. She got kinda upset and said that she and her partner came up with this only because I told them that the name is very common. I said that having a common name is better than having a confusing name.
AITA?
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Ask her 'Arya being stupid?' ... I'll be here all night
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Its been over a week since I [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnpygp/aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_parents_open/). Thank you guys for your Judgments and advice. I have blocked my parents on everything and have gone no contact. After just over a week I already feel like a new person without them in my lives. My boyfriend has been my rock through all this, I was a mess of tears and anger the first few days and he's the one who got me through it. Im currently staying with him (renting) but we have been looking for our own place together since the lease on the current place runs out soon. I went to my gp and got a mental health plan done up so I should be seeing a therapist soon, free of charge. Its not a huge update but Im doing a lot better in so little time from just cutting them out of my life, Im looking forward to the future.
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I'm really happy to hear its working out for you and that you are out of that toxic situation. Well done.
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Ok, so I work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. My job is dangerous and I need to stay focused while at work. This part is important. So, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. His friend calls at odd hours every night. (Usually between 1am and 4am.) My husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. I have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. He refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. I understand wanting to help a friend, but I do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. So, for the last week, I have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when I have a shift scheduled. Now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that I am no longer sleeping next to him every night. AITA?
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NTA
He's upset at a problem HE IS CREATING.
He's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs.
The mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive.
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I've been a lurker on this subreddit for a while, and as its been getting bigger, I've been noticing a trend in what's being posted. OP was wronged, probably unintentionally, and had a poor reaction. Their friends are saying it was over the top, mom is mad, the bystanders are upset, etc... are they the asshole? And there is a resounding chorus of NTA! You don't owe anyone anything! Or someone was mean to OP, and they were mean back, and their friends say they shouldn't have been. AITA? No! They were rude so you get to be as well!
I dont think either of these really reflect how people should be engaging with others. Sometimes we do things in the moment when we're upset or hurt we wouldn't do otherwise. These reactions are understandable. But just because its understandable doesn't mean OP can't be the asshole.
Being wronged doesnt give you a free pass to do whatever you want without apology. People make mistakes, and people can be thoughtless or unkind. It is possible to react to that in a way that is unnecessarily cruel or overblown. "They started it" didn't work in kindergarten and it shouldn't now.
This sub isn't "was this person in the wrong to do this to me" its "am I the asshole." ESH exists. NAH exists. "NTA, but you should still apologize/try better next time" exists. Let's all try and be a little more nuanced&empathetic.
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It’s like “two wrongs don’t make a right”, except the point is better phrased as
*you can be somewhat justified, but still be an asshole*.
I also think there are a lot of people on here who just don’t see shades of gray.
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My wife and I have a 2 month old daughter. For the past month she’s been feeding our baby mashed potatoes, applesauce, sweet tea, assorted fruit juices and other things.
The last time we went to the doctor, our pediatrician told us to not give her anything but formula until she was between 4-6 months old. My wife does not care and says she knows best for our child and our doctor isn’t the parent.
Our daughter is always constipated and screams for hours at night that my wife says Is “colic” I’ve asked her numerous times to stop feeding our infant table food and go back to giving her formula. She is only feeding her one or two bottles of formula while I’m at work.
The other morning she was cooking scrambled eggs and oatmeal and I was off work so I started to make our daughter a bottle and feed her and she stopped me and told me not to fill her up with that and she wanted her to eat her oatmeal first. I fed her the bottle anyway after a huge argument.
Well baby had a doctors appointment and my wife was talking about the colic and screaming fits and when the doctor asked what she was feeding her she only said “formula” nothing else. I was angry because she lied and told her the pediatrician every single thing that she had been giving her and the doctor strongly recommended her to stop and that she was causing stomach upset and more than likely the reason for all her stomach issues.
Instead of being apologetic for this, my wife is mad at me and told me I “ratted” her out to the doctor and that she doesn’t have to listen to her and that it’s only a recommendation and that I made her look like a bad parent. I tell her what a selfish little twat she was being and now she wants me to go stay with my parents until she forgives me and asks me to come home. AITA here? I maybe I shouldn’t have flew mad at her and said some things I did. Maybe I should apologize to my wife.
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NTA. What your wife is doing to your daughter can cause long term damage to her digestive system. Not giving her formula can also contribute to her loosing weight and not growing. I would suggest you talk to your pediatrician away from your wife for her to get a full picture. Its abuse.
Edit: Because this is at the top, OP I urge you to supervise every feeding. Your daughter can choke to death having food, she’s not ready for anything but milk. This is extremely serious.
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I (14M) recently took my sister (4F) to a park close to my house, she was pretty excited to go because her dad bought her a bicycle and she wanted to try it out
When we arrived there was a lady with her 2 sons and a daughter, I made eye contact with the lady and just smiled and waved at her to be nice. After 15 minutes or so my sister was playing on the swings because she got scared and didn't want to ride the bicycle anymore
I looked away for a second to say hello to my uncle since he lives close to us and he was passing by and when I turned my head around to check on my sister I saw she was crying and the lady's sons were using my sisters bike, I approached the kids and politely asked them to please leave the bike alone and use theirs (the 3 kids had brought their own bikes) they ignored me and continued to play with the bike. I decided to go up to the lady and ask her if she could talk to her sons, she responded with "My kids are having fun and yours isn't using the bike so I don't see a problem" I then responded with "I'm aware that she isn't using it, but it's her bike and your kids have their bikes so I don't see a reason for them to use hers" she then started going on about how I have no reason to talk to her like that if I was going around getting girls pregnant, insinuating that my sister was my daughter, at this point I was pissed and didn't want to deal with this lady so I angrily said "Lady, she's my sister, and I believe I have the right to talk considering I'm not being a little bitch, so I'm going to ask again, are you going to tell your little rats to get off my sisters bike or not", she then got up and told her kids to get in the car
Later when I got home I told my mom about it thinking she would see it as a funny story, boy was I wrong, she started going on about how I was so rude to that lady and that I need to learn to respect my elders
Am I the asshole?
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NTA at all, and your mother is wrong (and you can just go ahead and *tell* her that some old man on the internet told you so, too. That should settle it for her).
I totally disagree with everyone who said it was partly your fault. I think you handled it splendidly. You were perfectly polite and reasonable when you first approached Crazy Lady, and the first time she was rude to you, you were again polite and reasonable. When she started yapping at you about being your sister's babydaddy, she crossed the line, and you were well within your rights (and within reasonable boundaries) to let her have it. Why are you supposed to still be respectful to her? Screw her. She didn't earn any respect.
Good for you. If you were my son and you came home and told me that story, I'd have loaded you into the car and taken you to your favorite fast food place to pig out.
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Saw another post that reminded me of this situation.
A few years ago, my close childhood friend gave birth to triplets. Her husband is a light black man. Of the three, two were the same skin tone as her husband, and the third was much darker. The skin tones made me a little suspicious that her husband might not be the father.
I pulled her aside privately and asked her seriously if her husband was the father. She didn’t even listen or answer rationally, she just freaked out at me and acted super insulted and kicked me out. I reached out to her husband and told him about her reaction and told him he should get a paternity test and he called me an asshole and blocked me. Neither has spoken to me since.
I’ve always thought that they dramatically over reacted and were probably hiding something because of their responses, but they’re still married and sometimes I feel bad about what happened. I just felt a lot of empathy for her husband because I would be devastated if I wasn’t confident that I was the father of my future children. Was I an asshole for asking privately?
Edit- okay I get it I’m an asshole. I want to make it clear that I didn’t think the triplets had different fathers. I’m not an idiot. I thought it was possible, given the skin tone of the third triplet, that all three were fathered by a darker man and the first two were a bit lighter because my friend was very fair
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Dude. Genetics. One of his parents likely has a darker skin tone, and that came through in the grandchild. Not uncommon, super normal. You are a *FLAMING* asshole for this. I cannot give a bigger YTA.
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So I F(18) was recently invited up to my aunt and uncle’s (I’ll call them aunt and uncle B) ranch house for the 4th of July, and told I could bring a friend. Now, this aunt and uncle have a pretty big house. Their ranch house has four bedrooms with queen beds, the master bedroom, and the “kids room” which is a massive room with about ~6 beds (some bunked), and a loft. They’ve got a lot of land around the house too, so I was excited to get some time to goof off and run around with my friend (also F18). I know that other cousins are going to be there, and assume that my aunt B and uncle B thought beds through and everything like that.
The other people invited up to the house were Aunt G and Uncle G and their son M16 who I’ll call F, my Uncle P, and my Aunt and Uncle H.
H’s are baby cannons. They have four kids under the age of 5, none of whom sleep through the night (I’ve been to their house before, it’s horrible).
Anyway, my friend and I get up to the house and learn that WE are expected to share the big bunk room with the kids under five, while their parents get their own room. Uncle P, cousin F, and Aunt and Uncle G, are also in their own rooms (G’s shared one).
I was upset. But, wanting to stay up there, I said okay, my friend and I can sleep on the couch.
Cue a MASSIVE explosion.
The baby cannons are pissed that I don’t want to sleep in the same room as their children. Their kids are horrible at night, and someone needs to watch them, so it should be me and my friend because I got to invite a friend. I said that if they wanted someone to, cousin F could, but cousin F apparently needed his sleep because he’s a “growing boy” and he “doesn’t know how to take care of kids”.
None of the other people in the house wanted to get involved. The aunt and uncle who own the house didn’t care much and just told us to figure it out. So I ignore the baby cannons and set up on the couch with my friend.
Cue the baby cannons mother. She throws all of our stuff off of the couches and tells me and my friend that we HAVE to sleep with her kids or we can’t stay. At this point, I’m mortified by her behavior because I have a friend. My friend is embarrassed and doesn’t know what to do.
So I tell them I’m leaving.
Cue more screaming.
I drove up my father’s boat, if I leave, there’s nobody with a truck to drive the boat around, the world is ending.
I say that either my friend and I are sleeping on the couch, without the small children, or we’re leaving.
Well, baby cannons weren’t okay with that. So, I packed up my stuff, reattached the trailer for the boat, and left.
Now I’m getting texts from relatives that I was rude and could have handled it better, and that the baby cannons need a break from their kids and I’m young so I can be a nice family member and deal with it for them.
AITA here?
UPDATE 7/1; My father has banned the baby cannon from ever going on the boat again. Aunt B is getting involved and is considering asking the baby cannon family to leave for the weekend and to not come back until they can be more considerate of relatives. Uncle B is offering to pay for me and my friend to go on a backpacking trip (my friend and I go a lot), and says that he feels bad for how the baby cannons acted.
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NTA. They should be sharing the room with their own children. They shouldn't be expecting you and your friend (who is presumably a stranger to them) to do it.
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I (28 F) was with my ex-husband for about 6 years. During this time, we were trying for a baby but had no success.
About 4 years into our marriage, our marriage had a rough patch. My ex had stress had work and slept with his coworker to ‘relieve’ it. He confessed to me rather quick and a week later, they sat me down and told me they were expecting a child.
I was an idiot back then and so I felt like I should forgive him because I truly believed he loved me and I thought I had no one.
It wasn’t. My ex’s family treated me like their own, but my ex’s supposed daughter was the apple of their eye. As a result of that, my exs coworker was frequent presence in our lives. They felt like they had to include the mom of their grandchild for everything too and she made her way in every family picture and memory. It didn’t help that I suspected that the coworker had feelings for my ex and flirted with him when she can.
People thought that she was my exs wife constantly and I finally had enough when during the baby girls first birthday party when I was told to take a picture of my ex, his mistress, his daughter, and his parents and it didn’t include me. It hit me that I was now treated as the other woman and I realized that I deserved more than this bullshit. I filed for divorce a few months later and left. It was the hardest time of my life but I ended up getting a promotion at work and met this sweet, wonderful guy.
Fast forward to now, me and my boyfriend are madly in love and I gave birth to an adorable baby girl that I considered a miracle baby. I got pregnant with my boyfriend like 3 months after dating him and I thought that it was strange that this could happen since my previous failed attempts with ex and had thought that I was the infertile one. It crossed my mind then that maybe he was the infertile one and he only believed mistress was pregnant with his child because they were having an affair. I didn’t say anything though because it was not my place anymore.
However, my boyfriend was so happy about my daughters birth and posted it on Facebook and tagged me in the post. I was still friends with my ex SIL on FB and she saw the post. She called me up and said that she was hurt that I didn’t let her know that I could actually get pregnant and the lack of child during my first marriage could be my ex’s fault. He took a paternity test.
The poor baby girl was NEVER my ex’s. The coworker apparently was dating this ‘terrible’ guy during the time she slept with my ex and didn’t know who the child’s father was so she just strung my ex along cause she had feelings for him and thought he’d be the best father for her child.
Now my ex blames me for not telling him that I was pregnant way before and him having to father this girl. He’s doing pretty bad now and I can’t help but feel guilty like I should’ve told him.
EDIT: I didn’t realize that I could edit my post even after the 3000 character limit.
Okay so first of all, I keep seeing that people have seen other posts like mine and some youtube video (??). If so, I’m upset that others have had similar situations as me and that some people find the situation so hilarious that they make a video out of it. I’ve also never posted on reddit before (I had a previous account for browsing not posting).
I don’t think I have to prove my story and I honestly posted this not to seek validation that my ex supposedly is the worst ever, but to gain perspective since my ex and his family were MY family and close confidantes for a large period of my life. We were pretty close and I had promised to keep in touch after the divorce (which they were super upset about), but I really couldn’t after everything that happened between us. They’re now super pissed at me for the divorce and for being complicit in my ex taking on the expenses of his not-daughter and forming a paternal connection with her for longer than he should’ve.
EDIT: So here’s what’s been happening right now, I haven’t spoken to them after this and have been avoiding my ex’s calls. He texted me saying that he is sorry and overreacted and felt guilty about prioritizing ‘people who were never really family’ over me. I only replied with asking how his daughter is because even though she isn’t biologically his, she’s still his girl. She seems like an adorable kiddo and adores her dad :(. My ex‘s mistress is able to support the girl financially so my ex won’t contribute to that but he says that he’s still going to see her every month because he feels morally obligated to. I feel bad for the girl so much because she seems to have lost her family unit (dad, grandparents, cousins).
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NTA - first of all, what the fuck - your ex cheats on you and blames you for him taking on fatherhood for a child that is not his?
What a - I am not going to say it, because this comment will be removed.
sorry - no rough patch justifies cheating, he should have taken up counselling. He fucked her, he cheated, he should have considered the possibility, that she is fucking other guys, too.
The only one he can blame is the woman who forced that child onto him and himself.
Don't feel bad, you don't need to be mad at your ex, but you sure as hell need to grow up and be mad at the audacity, that he is trying to make you the bad one here.
It's great you still get along with your Ex's family, but ma dude, he made his bed, cheating with his coworker - who was already in bed with another man - now he can lie in it and take care of alimony suits or whatever his plan is.
I hope he can figure out something, because that child considers him her dad already - but hell, that woman stole years from him.
EDIT: Wow - thanks kind stranger, for the gold, I am a sporadic user on reddit so I haven't quite figured out the awards yet - but I did NOT expect this to go through the roof like it did.I try to comment, like I would comment on a friend's problem they confide in me. Thanks again.
And also want to make clear, yeah the last sentence was a bit hard to understand - I do still think it was entirely EXs fault and he got all he deserved and more; however I also see another issue here, the fact of slipping another human being a fast one; in this case a baby and playing on their good faith, suggesting it is their child.EX was at least '!decent!' enough to take on responsibility for the child he thought was his. He played OP and got played in turn. This is a fuck fest and the child is the only one loosing here.
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My wife and I have a 3 year old daughter, Alexis. Both of us work and Alexis has attended daycare since she was 1. In the 2 years since, we have been asked to leave 2 programs because my wife is a micromanager. I admit both of us went into the first program not really understanding daycare. I quickly learned that they can’t provide personalized care and after learning from her teachers, I reset my expectations. My wife, however, has a lot of anxiety and worries about our daughter. She hates when she gets even a little upset. **She’s in therapy and is working on it.**
First program, my wife would constantly watch the live feed and call the daycare multiple times a day. We had several talks about it and the school talked to us twice. My wife ended up screaming at one of the teachers and then the director. We were terminated immediately. Second daycare was a little better because my wife began therapy. But my wife was still so nervous and had a complaint every single day. These were not important things, small things like she saw another child took a toy from Alexis and she would cry. The teacher would give the toy back to Alexis but my wife didn’t understand why the other child wasn’t punished for it. This daycare didn’t kick us out but did eventually suggest that this may not be the best program for us. My wife and I decided to pull Alexis out. My wife because of her anxiety, myself because I knew my wife had burned bridges and was becoming “one of those moms”.
We chose a smaller home daycare this time as we couldn’t afford another center. The woman who owns it is very nice but also firm. She stands by her boundaries and won’t let my wife break any rules, whereas the centers were definitely more accommodating. My wife would take any inch she got. This time, she doesn’t get that opportunity. I thought all was well as the owner only speaks to my wife for the most part.
Then, I get put in a group text saying my wife has been bombarding the owner with texts every day, despite the owner saying she will text her at lunch when things are settled. She said at this point, she will only be responding at specific times of the day and not looking the rest. The owner then added sent several pages of the contract with passages highlighted, reminding us of certain policies my wife had violated.
I was pissed. When Alexis went to bed that night, my wife and I talked. I said this was our last option for daycare. The other centers are too expensive and this was the only home daycare in the area that we like. A nanny is not in our budget. My wife made a million excuses, including that it’s not her fault she’s anxious. I said if we are asked to leave this program too, my wife will be the one quitting her job to watch Alexis, not me. This upset my wife. I pointed out I’ve spoken to her kindly about this plenty of times. I encourage her to keep up her therapy. But she can’t keep getting us kicked out of programs. My wife is now not speaking to me.
AITA?
EDIT: I cannot be the primary contact for daycare due to not being able to have my phone on me at work.
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Nta. To keep it 100% honest with you. 20 years down the line, your daughter is going to hate your wife and there’s a high chance she will not be part of your lives.
Your wife is the exact definition of a toxic helicopter parent, she’s going to not only ruin your life (already in that process), your daughters life in the future, and her own life.
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\*\*\*\*\* UPDATE: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tc16mg/update\_aita\_for\_imposing\_my\_culture\_even\_though\_i/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tc16mg/update_aita_for_imposing_my_culture_even_though_i/) \*\*\*\*\*
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Even though I (23f) am American, my parents are immigrants and therefore I have a different cultural upbringing than most. One thing that was hammered into my head from a young age was to always, *always* bring a small gift when visiting anyone's house. It doesn't matter if it's family or friends or that one person you kind of know but don't really like, bringing something is a must.
My bf (28m) and I have been dating for almost 4 years now and since we both work from home he suggested we make dinner with his parents a weekly thing since we haven't been able to see each other much for obvious reasons. I love his parents, so obviously I agreed! Every week I made sure to bring something small to show my appreciation for them cooking for us (always using my own money); a small bottle of wine, their favorite dessert, some flowers etc. and they always thanked me for it. This has been going on for a few months and absolutely didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until yesterday when my bf and I were preparing to head over.
I'd gotten a cute vase of daffodils since luckily I'd found some in bloom and my bf's mom really loves them, but my bf suddenly got really mad and asked why I kept bringing stuff over every week like his parents were "a charity case". Honestly I got super confused and asked him what the problem was and that I've always done this with everyone including his friends since we met. That it was a cultural thing but then he got even madder and told me to stop imposing my culture on everyone and it's weird since I'm white. At that point I didn't feel like going anywhere with him and just gave him the flowers and went for a walk while he drove over to dinner by himself.
After he came home he still had the flowers which he gave to me and told me he was sorry but his parents really were super annoyed with me constantly bringing stuff over like they can't take care of themselves, and later on I got a text from his dad asking me to not come over for dinner anymore. Now my bf's giving me the cold shoulder unless I give his parents a huge apology, but I really, truly don't feel like I'm in the wrong for trying to be nice to them. AITA?
quick edit: I didn't realize you could edit posts directly but I'm in a hurry to convince him to let me go over to his parent's house. I did post a brief update and faq in my most recent comment.
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RemindMe bot doesn't work here, and 90% of you are using the wrong prompt anyway. For the love of all things holy,
#Stop with the RemindMe spam.
[Use PMs](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)
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I don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. It's not like that. I get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense.
What I have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a SAHM. As in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come.
I told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. But that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids.
Her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. We would help them survive. I told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? She said "I don't know, Mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen."
I told her bluntly that I don't want her becoming Nancy Botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. I emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. She can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. She can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. But she says no, she's going to plan to be a SAHM.
With that all in mind, I asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? She said "Just try to find a husband. Maybe marry someone in the military." I asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? Her rent?
She said she assumed she would be living at home.
I told her no, and that she would be moving out. She could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. But that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own.
This didn't go over well, and I am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc.
I don't think I'm wrong at all. I want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. If this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, I don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself.
AITA?
**ETA:** Ohhhh my god, I posted this when I was SUPER agitated and walked away and forgot about it and came back to see all of the responses. Holy shit. Give me a few minutes to catch up. Damn.
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NTA, her expectations for life are unrealistic. You're doing your part as a parent and showing her that.
Her entitlement is astounding.
Edit: thanks for the awards, Fellow Redditors!
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My sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. I asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home.
She stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, My husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. He said it causes him stress although I suggested he put on earbuds. He suddenly told me to forget it and so I did.
Last week, I had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, He said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. I returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. My husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. This felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, I called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. I was worried I had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, I contacted relatives but they knew nothing.
Yesterday, I got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. I was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. I waited til he got home and I blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. I he said I was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. I went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. I told him I'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while I'm gone and I won't be allowed to bring her home. I'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that I'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and I can't leave him homeless. I get that it's house too but I don't see why he's so against her staying.
Edit:- he returned home and we started arguing again, I couldn't take it anymore I'm going to stay at a hotel for tonight am I'm leaving in an hour or so. He is wanting to talk again now but I'm incredibly overwhelmed and stressed out and need some time by myself. I don't care if he's going to change the locks or not I'm working on meeting up with my sister as soon as possible so we can talk more openly about what happened and hopefully try and figure something out.
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NTA. He waited until you were out of town so that you couldn't object. So that you couldn't protect her as he- not only kicked her out- but took her fucking phone so she couldn't contact you. He is a dangerous man. He threw a woman and her newborn onto the street without a care in the fucking world.
Now, he's threatening to lock you out of your own house. You need to divorce him. Immediately.
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I have a cousin by marriage (husband's cousin) that's 22 and dying of cancer. It was always her dream to marry and be a mom and now that's not going to happen. It's hard on everyone. She has a much older fiance (30) and they had a symbolic wedding so she could have the experience.
They started looking for ways to get access to a baby that she could take care of and experience some level of child care that way, but with 2020 and ethics in general, there's not a lot of ways to do that safely. My husband and I have the first and so far only children of our generation, who are 10 months and 23 months old.
I had hopes that it wouldn't happen, but her parents asked me if she/they could borrow my younger baby for "a few weeks". The cousin and her fiance would basically be playacting having a baby. Her parents would also join in on pretending. There would be photoshoots and everything. This makes me really uncomfortable.
It's really creepy. I cannot understate how creepy I think this is. I know that her not getting to live her dreams is sad, but I don't think this is the answer.
I'm worried it will be traumatic for my baby. She's almost a year old and will, well, notice that her entire family will just vanish overnight for what will seem like forever. She's also still nursing, and they don't really seem to care about this factor.
I'm really worried about problems down the road. This is setting a dangerous precedent of my child living under other guardianship. Her parents will have time to get attached and they could try to use that for familial pressure if not legally. Her fiance is also a wild card in that regard.
I said no, and my husband's entire family is hounding us about this because her time is running out and it's time sensitive. They say we're being selfish. They say that we could use this as a free vacation and bond with our older child because I "popped them out so close together". They want to compromise now by letting me come by a few times a day to bring milk. We still don't want to do this. AITA
EDIT/UPDATE:
Yesterday afternoon, we got an email from the cousin's parents offering actual dollar amounts for us to agree. We got enough from that to file a police report and at least get the threat in writing. We also had a call with my husband's parents and his siblings to basically clear the air. Apparently what they were telling people they asked for and what they were actually asking for were very different. Everyone on that call now had them blocked on social media except for MIL (because of the cousin).
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You are never the asshole for not loaning your baby for a 3 week make believe photo shoot.
What your cousin is going through is tragic but this is insane.
Hard no and never feel guilty about this.
NTA
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Throw away account although my sister in law will probably recognize the story anyway so I don’t know why I even bother. I don’t think what I did was an AH move at all but maybe the timing was a bit off but No, I don’t think I’m an AH full stop
My (f27) sister in law (f30) got married last weekend. She’s my long term boyfriend’s (m32) sister. They’re white and I’m Middle Eastern. And a dark one with raven black hair. She was looking for a photographer that didn’t bankrupt her so I suggested a friend of mine who’s new in business and charged less than half because these things cost over € 5k these days. She was excited and I set a group chat with her and my photographer friend. We talked a little and later they met and they started messaging directly to each other.
The wedding was amazing and everything went smoothly. I was one of the guests and she seemed happy. The next day they went off to their honeymoon. I don’t know if it was by mistake but instead of texting the photographer directly like she’s done for the past few months she texted him to our old iMessage chat. She thanked him but had a favor to ask him and wondered wether he could retouch some asymmetry in the (flowers archway? I’m sorry I don’t know the right terms in English) but also if he could take me off some photos because I’m too dark and ruined the color palette. Not all pictures. Just the ones she’s in.
I texted back are you kidding me?
She didn’t answer. I took a screenshot and posted it on my insta story tagging her in it. She called my bf crying her eyes out calling me an ah for embarrassing her and ruining her honeymoon. Bf thought it was a low blow. I was blinded with rage when I did it but even now I’m calm I still don’t feel that I was an AH. But people have been contacting her apparently asking if she really wrote this. She’s so beautiful and successful so please don’t blame it on jealousy or scare of being outshined.
#**edit for a little update**
[update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwwaaway22/comments/w220ia/update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
1) Sister in law is still on her honeymoon so I haven’t talked to her yet but she’s bombarding my bf demanding that I apologize and make a new insta story with my apology. More people got involved including my Bf’s mother that thought I was way out of line ruining her daughters wedding. I have also got contacted by my sister in law’s friends, some of them told me stories about what she’s been talking about me behind my back. Yeah she got what she deserved. The amount of her friends that weren’t surprised at all with her text made it clear for me that I wasn’t wrong.
My sister in law is self employed with some foreign customers thats why she’s taking it so hard because she’s scared that would affect her career. I don’t feel like I need to save her career should something bad happen to it.
2) My photographer friend did what he was told. Thats the only right way imo. Being professional and not confuse work with his own values. He asked me if I wanted him to say something and I said no. I also asked him not to tell me what they’re texting since she’s his client so he shouldn’t break confidentiality. He’s just starting his career and he will meet worse brides. She was at least nice to him throughout their interaction.
3) now to my bf. As I said he thought this whole thing was uncomfortable. I told him if he wanted to be with me he needed to discuss uncomfortable topics. He opened up and it was actually deeper than this. This has happened before. His uncle is very rich and for his 60th birthday he had a very big party. As a thank you we received thank you cards with our pictures on it professionally taken. I remember this picture because his uncle had a “red carpet” moment when guests were photographed upon their arrival. Later we went to my bf’s mother to see the rest of the photos and I wasn’t in any of them. I thought it was funny how I literally evaded being caught on camera. I never mentioned this or even reflected on it and while my bf and his family were looking at the pictures and discussing the evening it was just so normal and no one mentioned something out of the ordinary. Today he told me that I was photoshopped off the pictures. Everyone in his family knew it but me. At the time they just thought the uncle could choose whoever he wanted to have in his pictures and they moved on
-but you all kept it from me
-yes
-so you must’ve thought it was hurtful
-i did, I asked my family not to tell you
-and we continued going to that uncle. Celebrated some Christmases, Easters and vacations with him?
Silence
-you didn’t feel offended on my behalf?
Silence
-and now you think it’s okay that your sister is doing the same?
-I didn’t think of it that way I know my sister. She nit a racist.
-if it wasn’t racist why is she feeling “embarrassed” now?
Silence
-you think what she did was alright?
-of course not!
-will you just stand and watch when this happens to our children
-OF COURSE NOT.
I know my bf very well. He’s very kind and I never felt he was racist in anyway. I know he’s not stupid and is aware of these things which makes it worse because it just means he doesn’t care enough. I asked him why he didn’t care enough and he said he was so sorry but he knows me to be a strong girl that never let these petty things affect her. He’s right, I normally ignore 99% of the racism and micro aggressions I face in life and even laugh at the ignorance. We even discussed this before. But does being strong mean that people are entitled to try to hurt me? Because I usually don’t let them? Does it mean I wouldn’t appreciate to feel the support of my bf having my back? Don’t strong women deserve being supported by their loved ones and feeling safe and loved? He couldn’t answer this.
I told him that I never want his sister in my life again or his uncle and probably not his mother either if she still wants me to apologize. I don’t want to surround myself with people like them and especially when I have children and I asked him if he’s willing to live like that. I asked him not to answer me now and think about it. It kinda felt like an ultimatum and thats bad but I didn’t know how to handle the situation better.
I never thought of myself as someone who’s petty or that makes ultimatums. This experience taught me that I’m both🤷🏽♀️
And thank you for the NTA judgment <3
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It is always, always, always appropriate to embarrass a racist. Always. And while you're not likely to cure your sister–in–law, perhaps she will think twice before communicating such ugly thoughts in the future. NTA.
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I (23F) was raised by my older half sister (32F). I never met my dad and our mom OD'd when I was 10 and my sister was 19. My sister's dad was still in her life and was willing to support her, but not me. My sister chose to be my guardian and her father's family went low-contact with her as a result. In order to raise me she gave up a lot; her relationship with her father, college, her 20s, and so much more.
A few months ago I got engaged and I told my sister that in addition to being my maid of honor, I also wanted her to be the one to walk me down the aisle. All my life she's had to fulfill so many roles for me -- big sister, mother, father, friend -- that it only felt right that those multiple roles be honored on one of the biggest days of my life. My sister was ecstatic and so was I, but when I brought it up with my fiance he objected.
My future in-laws are very traditional and my fiance had always expected that his wedding would be a very traditional white wedding. He said that it was great that my sister was my MOH, but that her having two roles wasn't and that it wasn't appropriate for her to walk me down the aisle since that's usually done by a man. Apparently, his family had assumed that my future father-in-law would be the one to give me away since I don't have any male relatives.
I told him that I appreciate his father being willing to fill that role, but that the one who make me the person I am is my sister and so it's right that she be the one to give me away. It turned into an argument that's spread to my in-laws. My MIL called me a few days ago to say that although she understand how important my sister is to me, that it's also my fiance's wedding and I shouldn't be putting my sister before him on his day.
I definately heard her on that, but this is still important to me. At this point, my sister has even said that she doesn't mind just being the MOH and that she doesn't want to turn my happy day into something stressful. So now it's just me holding out and being stubborn, but I really don't want to concede on this point. Am I being the AH?
**EDIT**
I did not expect this to blow up like this and haven't been able to read through all of your verdicts and comments yet, but I wanted to clarify on some of the inquiries which I've seen repeated so far.
**Are the in-laws contributing to the wedding?**
Yes. In fact, they're paying for about 75% of it since I'm in still in school and don't have the money to put towards a wedding the scale that fiance wanted.
**Does your fiance have sisters?**
No; he has two younger brothers.
**Did he ask your sister for your hand?**
He did, actually. She also helped him custom design the engagement ring. She showed me their group text and at one point they spent three weeks trying to decide between five different diamonds. "Maybe I should just propose with an infinity gauntlet". It was very sweet and cute.
**What about when you have children/Have you talked about children?**
Because of a medical condition, I am infertile, though neither of us feel a particular strong urge to be parents anyway. But we also know we're still young and that may change, but even if it does it would be very far in the future. I know all to well that things happen, people leave or fall down or die and so even if we got to the point of wanting to adopt it would have to be when I'm financial stable enough that even alone I'd be able to support and care for a child without it being major blow to my or the child's quality of life.
**Could you walk down the aisle by yourself?**
That was my sister's suggestions when she said she was fine just being the MOH, but I rejected it. Because of her, I never walked alone on the worst days of my life so I'm definately not going to walk alone on the happiest.
**Your sister is amazing!**
She is, as far as I'm concerned, the definition of strength and love and I am collecting all of the kind kind things you all have said to show her because she doesn't realize how amazing she is and it's a gd crime.
**Please update us**
I absolutely will. You've all given me a lot to think about, including underlying motivations and larger implications. I'm going to be taking a few days to sit with that and with myself and my feelings, but I promise to make an update about how I've decided to move forward.
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Tell your MIL that your FIL can walk your fiancé down the aisle if he wants to give someone away. Or better yet, strongly consider not marrying into this family because they’re the assholes.
ETA: NTA. Holy comments, Batman! I was not expecting so many replies. Thank you for the awards!
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I, m17, moved in with you sister after my parents kicked me out for coming out (another story) they said I'll be here temporarily til I get back to "normal" which I don't think I will, lol. But uh...anyways, so I moved in with my sister and her husband about a month ago. FYI she does everything around the house (I started helping here and there) as well as looking after a 2 year old niece and now she's 6 months pregnant. BIL does nothing because he's the breadwinner as he claims but imo he's taken it a bit too far. e.g he'd tell her to start his laundry once he takes off his clothes, put dinner on the table once he's home, get the shower ready and so on.
They fight a lot cause my sister is exhausted and burnt out, I usually put my headphones on and mind my own business but 2 nights ago there was a lot of commotion once heart home so I went to see what the issue was. Turns BIL was complaining about dinner and my sister was too exhausted to get up. I mean the dinner was already cooked but he wanted her to put it for him on the table. I told my sister I'd do it, but instead of using their kitchen utensils, I used my niece's toy utensils like toy cup, toy plate, toy fork and knife and a tiny napkin. I put the food on the toy plate and the drink in the toy cup while BIL was in the shower. He then came into the kitchen and sat down and stared at the plate for few seconds. He then looked at me and asked what the he'll this was, and whether I was joking. I told him if he wanted to act like a helpless child, then he might as well get treated like one. He began yelling and my sister came inside. He then threw the napkin and stormed off upon saying that I'd disrespected him and that he'll let my parents know about what I did. My sister saw what I'd done and started laughing. I went inside my room but the argument didn't stop, now he's expecting an apology for me for meddling in his marriage and pulling this crappy stunt on him. I could be TA for this but I was just so mad for my sister and also sick and tired of being sick and tired of the nightly fighting over dinner.
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Ok, so this is funny as hell and he TOTALLY had it coming, but we all know you should have stayed waaaayyyy out of this. LOL tho.
I get that you were trying to stick up for your sister, who deserves that.
Please accept my softest ESH. You might have actually made them fight more. Abusive people like your BIL often take these things out on people like your sister.
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My husband and I don't want kids. My MIL is big into family in the traditional sense. She has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. Literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking.
My husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. Every time we see her, she asks. Everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "We might not even have kids" and MIL would *not*hear it. At year 4, husband had a vasectomy and I had a tubal.
So this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some BBQ and drinks and everything. When I get up to grab a beer, my MIL asks me if maybe I should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know.
I was annoyed by this and said "There's really no chance."
MIL, all wide-grin, said, "Oh come on! It's time for you two to finally get serious! Put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!"
I said "We've been official for about 5 years now, MIL," and drink the beer. Husband laughs with me.
MIL gets more annoyed and says "Well, you won't be REAL (Lastnames) until you bless us with babies!"
Husband said, "Mom, enough." MIL pushed again. Husband repeated.
After about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, I finally snapped and said "MIL, Husband got snipped. I had my tubes tied. We're not having kids. You need to stop bringing it up. Period."
Well, I thought I started WWIII. She started crying and stormed off. Family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. We left. Party kinda ended. The social media bullshit started shortly after. Vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. Some meme about how "I guess I wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." It's obnoxious to the point that I just muted all of them.
My MIL finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if Husband and I came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. I told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "Well then, I guess you two aren't prepared to be REAL (Lastname)s. I'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (It wasn't that much. It was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.)
I hung up on her. When recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that I was the asshole here for dropping it like that. But I don't think she was ever going to drop it if I didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. So AITA?
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NTA.
> Well, you won't be REAL (Lastnames) until you bless us with babies
I think it's clear who is TA here
> I'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding
Oh! They paid for babies!
You had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not TA.
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I live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. My neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house I live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa.
My apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. It's gorgeous and is a big reason I picked the place, I love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. Looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows.
Once it has gotten to be warm out I've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. Even sometimes I'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. So I started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. And I can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light
So I bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. During the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now.
From the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. From the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. The section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide.
After a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. The wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons...
1. They were ugly
2. It was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. It's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool.
3. In the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes.
I said sorry about the inconvenience but I wanted it for privacy.
They both pushed back on that some and I said that I needed privacy because of the husband's starting.
He started denying it in front of his wife and so I took out my phone where I'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time.
He got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction.
I said that I'd like to keep it, and that I was sorry but frankly this was avoidable.
I think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off
AITA for putting the mirrored film on my windows?
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NTA. You proved that you needed the privacy because her husband is a creep and they’re upset for being called out. You don’t owe them anything and if your landlord hasn’t contact you about it then you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to.
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Two days ago, I was on a long-haul flight. I was sitting in an aisle seat. Since I haven't seen Games of Thrones yet, I was looking forward to binge watch the first season. I made myself comfortable and set up my tablet. An hour or two into watching, the woman two rows behind me tipped on my shoulder and told me that I need to turn it off immediately. A little bit confused, I asked why. She told me that her young son could see the show playing on my tablet and it's totally not suited for such young children because of the sex and violence involved in it. While I agree with that, I told her that I'm not going to turn it off. She then basically told me that I am an asshole for not considering other people around me. Is she right?
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Edit: I want to clarify a few things that were mentioned in the comments:
\- I was wearing headphones all the time.
\- It was a flight with Swiss from Europe to a city in the United States. The in-flight entertainment system offered various movies and tv shows that were also not suited for children. However I have to admit that probably none was as bad as GoT. However, none of these shows was censored as far as I can tell.
\- I'm not sure exactly where (aisle, middle or window) the kid was sitting since it was behind me and I think they switched seats frequently.
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NTA. Certainly, GoT is not appropriate for a child but this is a rather unreasonable request. She is two rows behind you it is not like it is just playing in the kid's face. She could have swapped seats with the kid or distracted him. If all else failed she could have politely asked if you would mind angling your tablet so he couldn't see it. Instead she jumped straight to telling you that you \*had\* to turn it off. That is entitlement right there. The world does not revolve around her child.
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My wife and I got married last summer. Her family lives across the country from us, so up until this point I had never actually visited them, but I had met them a handful of times and we've always gotten along fine.
They invited us to come visit and stay with them for a few days and we took them up on the offer. We flew in yesterday, and everything went well - her dad and I watched football while she caught up with her mom and sisters, and then we had a really nice dinner. But things went south at the end of the night when it was made clear that they didn't want me sharing a bed with my wife while in their home, and that they expected me to sleep on the couch.
I honestly thought they were joking at first, but they insisted we sleep separately. I had a problem with the implication that I shouldn't be allowed to sleep next to my wife, and I also have a bad back and the couch did not look the least bit comfortable (they don't have a guest room).
After arguing back and forth for a bit, I decided to leave and book a hotel. I told my wife she didn't have to come with me, she chose to stay and I said I'd come back the next day. I went off to a Marriott about 10m away and got a good night's sleep, trying to not let the whole situation bother me.
This morning, I called my wife asking when I should come by. She told me her parents want me to apologize for leaving the way I did. I told her that I'm willing to apologize to keep the peace, but they need to acknowledge that it wasn't appropriate to insist I can't share a bed with my own wife. She said she'd talk to them and call me back.
About 10 minutes later, I hear back from her, and she tells me that not only will they not apologize for it, they are now insisting I need to come back and stay on the couch for the rest of our visit, and if I don't agree to this, I'm not welcome back in the house. I'm pretty livid at this point - I told her that there's absolutely no chance that I will do that, and I am no longer willing to offer any sort of apology.
My wife's sisters are now bothering me saying this is just the way their parents are, that my wife is very upset, and that I need to just give in and stay on the couch for the rest of the trip before this turns into some sort of family feud. From my perspective, I don't care what they think and I'm willing to treat the rest of this trip as a solo vacation, go sightseeing and meet my wife back at the airport at the end of the week.
AITA?
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UPDATE: Wow, I didn't expect this post to blow up the way it did. Thanks for all the responses and awards! I took the advice of one of the posters here to ask my wife and her sisters to meet me for dinner apart from their parents. It was interesting to say the least.
After we sat down, I leaned into them a bit about what had happened. I asked my wife if she knew her dad was going to demand we sleep separately, and she said she was surprised by it as well - she'd expect that if I were still just her boyfriend, but we're married now. I then asked them all if they thought it was OK for their parents to act the way they did. They said it wasn't, but they know their father and it's best to just let things like this go.
This led to a somewhat uncomfortable conversation about how controlling he can get, how he angers easily when he doesn't get his way, and that he was already throwing a fit over me "disrespecting him" by leaving. The reason they were all trying to get me to come back and apologize was because he would find some way to make them all miserable for the rest of the week if I didn't. I told my wife I was really disappointed that she wouldn't side with her husband when I was clearly in the right, and she went sort of quiet.
I then asked if they thought this was even about house rules, because it seemed more like their dad was just trying to show me who was in charge. They agreed.
Up to this point I had really done everything I could to not escalate this situation, but I started to get really mad that they were all so afraid of how their dad would react. I decided I needed to push back a bit.
I know my wife was mainly here to spend time with her sisters who she rarely gets to see. so I told them all I was going to move to a hotel by the beach about an hour away in San Diego for the rest of the week and I'd book a second room for them if they wanted to all join. They don't get to go on trips much, so I figured they'd be excited to get a free vacation away from their parents. They know that their dad is probably going to freak out when they leave, but I think they realized this situation had gone too far so they decided they would come and deal with the fallout afterwards.
So that's where this all stands for now. I'm about to check out of my hotel and hit the road for San Diego. My wife and her sisters are coming down in a separate car after their parents leave for work. I fully expect their dad to throw a conniption fit when he finds out they left without telling him, but I really don't care at this point. I tried to be the bigger person at every turn, but he pushed this all way too far.
Thanks again to everyone for all the insight.
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NTA - Your in-laws are abhorrent hosts. It's their house, their rules and their rules are stupid. Rather than fighting a pointless battle, you set a clear and valid boundary, and they chose to take offense to it. They want you to stay on their couch because it's a power play. You staying in a hotel takes that power away, and they can't handle it. The fact that your wife doesn't have your back on this is a giant red flag. Good luck.
Edit: based on OP’s update, my red flag comment is unwarranted, as it’s clearly a result of a toxic, abusive household.
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My wife and I have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. Our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on AirBnB and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. My wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. That worked for us since it was on our way anyway.
I was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. My MIL knows this and hates it. She thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic.
So we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, MIL says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. I ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. I tried my best to keep my cool so I didn't scream at MIL in front of my son, but I pretty much grabbed my son and left. On the car ride home I was fuming and told my wife as calmly as I could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. She tried to downplay what her mom had done but I told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because I'm not fighting in front of my kid.
When we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. I told my wife I no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs I can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. I said this was a huge breach of trust and I will forever look t her mom differently. She continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. She even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter.
I told her that under no circumstances will I allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. I said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. I also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. She started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision I get to make on my own and I'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son.
I told her that I no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that I don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. I told her I don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. She's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but I'm not budging. To me this is a hill I'm willing to die on.
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NTA These types of baptisms violate church law, and if it actually was done by their priest you should contact the bishop and file a complaint.
[Is a secret baptism against the parents’ wishes the right thing to do? No. In fact, the Church prohibits a secret baptism without the knowledge or approval of the parents](https://thecatholicspirit.com/faith/focus-on-faith/faith-fundamentals/secret-baptisms-parents-wishes/)
ETA: Thanks to all for your kindness!
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I have a son (adam 14) from my previous marriage, I'm currently with my husband of 4 yrs. I handle everything related to Adam's school. He has a friend (Dean 14) that he started hanging out with a year ago. Dean is an amazing boy and has been nothing but a great influence for adam. I met Dean's dad (Mike) who's a single dad and we'd see each other daily for school pickup/drop offs. My husband kept asking about Mike and pointed out that he's being boundary stompping but I disagree.
Unfortunately, Adam fell sick months ago and had to undergo a surgery recently. It's been hard but Dean kept visiting, sometimes Mike would come too and my husband would either ignore Mike or make passive comments towards him. Mike picked up on that and I told my husband to knock it off cause his hostility affected Adam and Dean as well.
Days ago, I found Adam crying in his room, this was weeks after getting discharged, I asked and he said that Dean sent him a text telling him they were no longer friends and blocked his number. I was confused they were fine. I wanted to go talk to Dean but the next day I found his phone in my husband's car. I confronted him and he said he "borrowed" it from Dean but I didn't buy it. After pushing he confessed that he stole Dean's phone at the hospital and sent Adam a text telling him to not contact him again. I asked why and he said it was all Mike's fault for being too close to me and acting inappropriately, and said that he didn't want to directly tell Adam to no longer speak to Dean and chose this stratagy to not make Adam hate him while keeping Dean and by extention Mike away. This hit a nerve so hard I started screaming at him. He said he already expressed how uncomfertable he felt with Mike being around and I kept brushing it off. I said it was because of how ridiculous his argument was, Mike has been nothing but respectable and helpful, I yelled calling him insecure and unreasonable and also cruel for causing Adam heartache with his stunt. He begged I don't tell Adam but I took the phone and returned it to dean and exlained to him and Adam what happened.
Adam is no longer speaking to my husband and he is blaming me for telling instead of keeping it between the adults like I'm supposed to.
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Holy moly, NTA
So let me get this straight...
Your husband, the one that stole a phone from a kid and then used said stolen phone to mentally abuse your sick son because of his own insecurities, is now blaming you for salvaging your son's friendship and giving back the stolen property? what?
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Situation is a bit messy so bear with me.
I M42 have two boys, Adam 16 & Leo 14. Their mom passed away 5 years ago and I married my wife Rose about a year ago. Rose adores both of my boys but complains about Leo being overly uptight and closed up. It's true that he likes to keep to himself, doesn't participate in most family functions but that's just how he is. My wife has taken it personally and kept saying that Leo clearly doesn't like her and/or doesn't like spending time with her.
What she started doing was try to exclude him from events under the excuse of "he wouldn't be I interested anyway" which I thought was wrong because he's picked up on that and started asking why. So I told my wife to just do herpart and that giving him the choice to decide whether he wants to participate or not and not outright exclude him.
I'd been arranging for a family trip and days ago I booked tickets/hotel reservation upon deciding our destination. Note that I was paying for the entire thing. But the day of the trip I found out that Leo's ticket had been cancelled, I was dumbfounded to discover it was my wife who cancelled it, I immediately confronted her and she said she figured Leo wouldn't want to come but she knew he said he'd go, she tried to argue that due to his "moody personality and introvert nature" he'd change his mind last minute or go on thd trip but turn it into a miserable experience for us all. I got so mad at her especially after she tried pressuring me to leave him with his aunt. I cance.led the entire trip, all tickets, all reservations everything. She blew up at me and started lashing out. I had the boys unpack and I did the same which made her go crazy and yell at everyone in the house. She went to stay with her sister while exposing what I did to the rest of the family who thought I made a big deal out of it and should've cancelled the trip that I promised the while family.
1#Edit. format and mistakes, I'm so sorry for those.
2#Edit. I am planning another trip with the boys (without my wife) but right now there's huge conflict in the family and even Adam is upset and blames Leo for what happened. I'm trying to get everyone to calm down then we'll see where this goes.
3#Edit. I've decided (and following some opinions here) to speak to Adam to see exactly why he blames Leo for what happened. He just got home and I'm about to get him into a seperate room for a private talk to be able to hear his side in this and find out why he feels this way. If there's any relevant information I will add it below.
4#Edit. I spoke with Adam. Turns out, Rose told him I cancelled the trip after Leo changed his mind "last minute" and that I decided to cancel it for everyone else and fought with her when she tried to convince me to go anyway and let Leo go stay with his aunt. This is just....I don't know what to say to be frankly honest. Adam didn't even want to talk but I told him we needed to talk. He and Leo aren't speaking right now because of this and I'm struggling trying to clean up this mess. I was actually thinking about calling Rose but after this I've decided I need more space than she does. I will have the boys sit together (it's hard to do it but I'll try) and talk this put so I can focus on the other major issue I have with what Rose did.
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NTA. Your wife cancelled your son's reservation because she didn't want to go on vacation with him. Your son is 14. He lost his mother and then had to adjust to you getting remarried. Your wife is an AH, and canceling the trip was the right thing to do.
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Original post here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m0dd2m/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_daughter\_its\_her\_fault\_she/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m0dd2m/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_its_her_fault_she/)
So it's been less than a week because I wanted to make amends asap so I printed off all the pictures and put them in the album. They didn't fill it, but I made a spread on one of the pages that said 'go make new memories' with a picture of her and her fiancé. I put a lot of work into making it look cute.
I called her and asked to talk. She arrived and we had a long discussion. I asked if she had any trauma, or self esteem issues (in a more tactful way, obviously) and she said no- she simply did not like having her photo taken and adopted the behaviour of screeching and kicking to avoid photos. She did say she had anxiety and that's why she had panic attacks, but that it was mostly because she was gassing herself up (if that makes sense). I knew she had anxiety, but not that she 'gassed herself up', if that makes sense? Btw, 'gassing herself up' are her words, not mine.
Regarding her visit (the one that kicked things off) she explained that she was embarrassed by her behaviour and even more so when it was 'exposed' to her fiancé. She said she didn't quite realise how much time she had lost and that it was very emotional time for her. I apologised for my wording during our spat and we both made up.
I even showed her the post and we read the comments together. We had quite a laugh at all the armchair psychologists and internet detectives that claimed just because she knew a sexual gesture as a child, she was in danger. Some people were writing borderline fanfiction and re-writing my entire history with my daughter based on one post- that's talent.
After a little bit of talking, I brought out the album and gave it to her---
She was happy, and she seemed to take responsibility over the fact she refused to have pics taken. I told her I had printed out the candid ones from when she was 12-18 and asked if she wanted them. She said no. She really liked the page with her and her fiancé, which made me super happy.
​
So that's that! You might find this hard to believe, but other than this incident (which we are working through) we have a very good relationship.
EDIT: Wow thank you for all your kind comments and rewards! I'm slowly working through all the comments and replying to as many as I can :)
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Sounds like a good resolution, and I hope she has handled her anxiety so she is able to make those new photos she wants.
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My boyfriend and I are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. Since the day I found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her Renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. He's a massive twilight fan, I personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character.
It kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks I've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr I'm not naming my child that. I went onto Instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "I can't wait to meet you Renesmae."
I got really really mad my this. I told him to delete that, or change the caption because I'm not naming our daughter that. He refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. I said "I haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. Delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house".
He left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said I should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that I'm being an unreasonable asshole. AITA?
Edit: Feel the need to add, I have a stutter and can't even say Renesmae out loud, I would much rather name my child something I can say.
Stop trying to adopt my child. She is very much loved and wanted.
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NTA baby names fall into the "two yeses, one no" category. He absolutely sucks for the post and trying to use that as leverage to get his way. Be careful about someone who uses such a tactic.
Your parents also suck for telling you to just go along with the name.
At the hospital (presuming you're giving birth in one) I would tell the nurses not to let him sign the birth certificate without you
ETA your edit makes it even worse.. They get extra AH points for saying you should just go along with a name you don't want *nor can you pronounce*
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For context I’m a black woman and my husband is white. I have 4c hair and I wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. For those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well.
I used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while I tossed and turned in my sleep. But recently I’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and I don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so I started wrapping my hair up again.
First night I wore it my husband said that I looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so I let him have that one. But since then, it’s the little comments when I get into bed. Like “are we doing the slave tonight?” Or “should I help you into bed grandma?” Little things like that. I’ve explained why l do it, and I think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now.
Last night I was getting ready for bed and I couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so I asked DH if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. He wouldn’t stop joking around even when I got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and I snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman.
He got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. We haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. The only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that I made him feel really racist and I didn’t think about it that way.
I thought he was upset because I yelled at him but I didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted I probably should not have brought race into it but I wanted to illustrate a point.) Now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? I don’t think it was that serious and I don’t want to go through all that. AITA?
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NTA saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. Trying to control how you style your hair is weird. Being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. I think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you.
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I will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. If INFO is needed, please ask.
Son is in 4th grade. School is only open on Mondays. The rest of the week he is home with me. They dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. No zoom calls are made. No teacher actually checks in. Homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. Its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do.
Every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. Last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. They also had other prizes on this flier. Basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get.
My son wanted the headphones prize. No where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. I called the school to ask and they said 12. I sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. The donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student ID and we were to pick up the prizes this past Monday. Son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones.
We walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. Apparently the prizes for donations started counting AFTER you recieved the 20. They turned damn near every student away, not just my kid.
So I sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that I thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. I then told them that I was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones.
They said "Sorry you feel that way. This is just how things are right now due to Covid." So I responded with "Oh. So lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of Covid? Failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of Covid? Asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" I then walked out.
Well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "I'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. We are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. Please accept this as an apology."
My son is over the moon. My husband says that I was being a Karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that I now look like an AH helicopter parent.
AITA? I dont think I am.
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NTA. Being a Karen is when you make an overly dramatic scene over something that either doesn’t matter or isn’t actually an issue. You made a point to pull the principal aside and not make a public scene to make a legitimate point.
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I'm a 22 year old, female waitress at Texas Roadhouse. This is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. Most days are fine but other days are a living hell.
Yesterday I was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). Everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. The husband then tried ordering a beer. The wife instantly lost her noodles and said "Uh, no. He will not have a beer. He will have a water." She then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. He said no, the daughter could drive. It was childish.
Anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. She keeps telling me no. In this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. If I get him the beer, wife wont tip. If I dont get him the beer, he wont tip. Damned if I do, damned if I dont. So while they were arguing AT me, I said "Listen, I really dont have time to play mediator here." They went silent. I went and got both of them their alcohol. Daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow.
Flash forward to after their meals. Husband has had 2 beers at this point. Wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime I return. Wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. Husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. I told him I couldnt accept it. He insisted. Eventually I pocketed it.
Wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that I give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that I was a terrible host and went against her and I dknt deserve a tip. She got my manager involved who said "She is not obligated to give you her tip. You left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. Have a nice night." She was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an AH I was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. Other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that I was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt MY fault that she was a controlling wife. She storms out.
Given the fact that I was put on the spot like that, I feel insanely guilty. AITA?
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Nta imo, manager has your back (which is good!) and the other customers as well. Really she’s pissed at her husband not you.
Edit- I think some people are reading this as if I think the wife is a harpy and drinking and driving is fine, I don’t, and I have no idea what happens in their life, for all I know he pulls this shit all the time, or she’s the one who always has a glass of wine and he never gets to, etc etc. Just it’s clear the actual annoyance was not with the staff.
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My dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather.
I've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while I got a business degree.
I found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. His reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. And that it would go to me after she died.
I was pissed and "quit" the next day. My dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work I was doing.
Now this is the potential asshole part. A month after I quit, I found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. I bought it and had it up and running in two months. My restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well.
My dad reached out to me last September and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. He offered to buy my business so I would get something out of it.
I declined the offer. Now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, I'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue.
The family restaurant however, is going under.
Now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined.
AITA?
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NTA. Inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. It sucks that your family’s business is going under, but I don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. It’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you.
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My (34M) daughter (14F) had a sleepover b-day party last saturday, and she invited 5 girls from her school.
There was this one girl that she invited who I could tell from her attitude, was a spoiled brat. When she rang the doorbell, she walked in looking down at her phone, didn't greet me or my wife, and handed me her jacket without even looking up.
The whole night she was on her phone doing whatever the heck 14 year olds do on phones. I thought she was just embarrassed or shy because maybe she didn't know anyone, but according to my daughter, she is a "super duper cool girl".
Anyways, towards the end of the night, my daughter was opening her gifts. SB made a comment about every single gift. (not exactly snarky, but more like she was just unimpressed)
The final gift was from me and my wife, we bought her an iPhone 7 by pooling all of our remaining extra money to buy her it.
the SB scoffed because she had the newest gen iPhone. I helped my daughter set up the phone with a sim card, and the rest of the night they just hung out in her room.
My daughter came down a bit later and she was just sitting on the couch, I asked her what was wrong and she just went back up while saying "why couldn't you have just bought me the newest iphone??". That was really out of character for her, as she is always grateful for receiving anything.
My daughter left the phone on the table. I grabbed my daughter's phone to see a bunch of texts going back and forth between SB and my daughter, they exchanged numbers and the convo went something like this:
D "hey its me"
SB "thanks for inviting me to ur lame slumber party lol, and congrats on the iphone SEVEN haha"
D "what"
SB: "arent u mad that ur parents and friends got u such lame gifts"
SB "slumber parties are for little girls lol, but wtvs its cool"
D "u dont like the party..?"
SB "I jus wish i could go home looool"
\~end
It was around 1AM and the girls were still up talking, I knocked and asked if I could speak with SB, she looked confused, I told her she needs to grab her things something came up. (I did this as to not embarrass my daughter in front of her friends).
I took her downstairs and asked her to call her mom, she asked why and I said "because thats what you said right? that you wish you could go home? so go." She was tearing up a bit, and made the call.
I talked w/ her mom for a bit when she came, I showed her the texts and she apologized profusely and said "its just a teenager phase I guess. I'm so sorry, but dont you think she could stay? If not I understand."
I thought ab it for a bit, but her staying probably would have made it awkward for everyone, so I told her it was best if they just left.
My wife said that I overreacted, and I should have just talked with SB rather than immediately kick her out, I firmly believe I taught her a good lesson that she needed to learn. It was MY DAUGHTER's bday, and I didn't want the rest of her night ruined because of some spoiled brat who was making it all about her. I guess she didn't exactly do anything wrong, but at the same time her attitude was unbelievable. AITA?
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NTA. How does your daughter feel about it though?
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I'm 25M, i have two parents. My birth dad (John) who's 48M and my other dad Dwayne who's 45M. I call my birth dad John, "Dad". And I call my other dad Dwayne, "Pops".
My birth dad John was married to my mom for a few years, then she left my dad and yeah. They ended up divorcing and now she's somewhere in California, idk where or what she's doing. Haven't talked to her in ages.
So dad, and pops i'm super close with. They are the best parents any child could ask for. I love both of them and they've always been with me. My dad introduced me to pops when i was a little boy and they had told me they were in a relationship (and i was all for it because i had saw my dad become lonely/sad when he was single) so seeing the fact that my dad loves someone and has a life partner made me super happy.
Pops & Dad got married, and we've been living an amazing life. I'm probably more to close to Pops then my own dad haha. Due to the fact that Pops is really cool and he's laid back. I love both of them equally and they love me as well, and i'm blessed to have them as parents.
For a few months i've been dating this girl bella who's my age. I thought she's pretty cute and i liked her. So we kicked it and recently she told me "My parents want to meet your parents and want to come over for dinner" I said sure. I'll tell my family.
So yesterday, Friday night. Bella comes in. Pops greets her and says "Come on in sweetheart, dinner is ready". She says "You must be \_\_\_\_ dad so good to meet you" and she shakes his hand and she sees Dad come out of the kitchen "He's holding the mac n cheese tray" with the mittens and is putting it on the table. Then bella says "Who's he?" i said, "Oh that's my dad". She said "I though he's your dad" she's referring to Pops. I say yeah. That's my pops? And that's my dad? She pulls me to the side and says "I didn't know your parents are gay? Oh my god? why didn't you tell me?"
I genuinely didn't know why, that'd be an issue or so. Because your dating me, not my parents and all. So it shouldn't matter. But i guess it's a concern for her. Her parents come at the door after they parked the car and bella tells her parents "let's leave" and they left. I told my parents i'm sorry and they said "son don't worry this is nothing new haha" and then we all sat down and enjoyed dinner and went to sleep.
So AITA for not telling?
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NTA, did she ever tell you her parents are straight?
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I've been seeing my fiance for 4 years now and I came in to the relationship with 2 boys. My boys are now 12 and 9. Once a year me and the boys go to my families vacation home with the entire family and up until this year, my fiance did not attend. But now that we are engaged and merging families, the family asked that he come too (they all get along great with him anyways). I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family, my kids do not have a bedtime. We do a lot of night activities, such as night swimming in the pool, karaoke, fires, nightly strolls through the neighborhood, etc etc. So during this week, my kids absolutely do not have a bedtime and this is how it has always been. I made it clear that bedtime was not to be enforced like it was at home because this is vacation and time with family and I'm not making my kids miss out on the nightly activities. I also explained that due to this, some nights they are up until easily 11-midnight. It's once a year, it's no big deal. So he was fully aware and please note that this is the only time I've seen this side of him that I will mention below.
We get here the first night and you can tell he is already uncomfortable with the boys staying up past their bedtime. He was stressing out because the boys were still in the pool at 10pm and he felt they should be in bed already. I reminded him at least twice that we were not enforcing a bedtime here and he let it go the first night. The second night 9pm rolls around and the boys were still up and my fiance was dropping comments like "you're lucky you're even still awake right now, you should be in bed". Saying it right in front of my mom, who looked mortified that he had such an attitude. I told him to cut the fucking shit, in private. He tells me he thinks it's fucked up and that it's going to be terrible trying to get them back on their schedule (never been an issue in the years prior). I stood firm and told him to knock it off and let it go.
But then last night my fiance starts angry sighing every single time he looks at my kids still awake and I finally pulled him aside and told him he was a fucking embarrassment because he keeps saying these comments in front of my family, which leads to awkward silences and judgemental glances my way. I warned him prior to coming here and if he had an issue that he can't control for a week than he needs to leave because he's ruining our trip with his passive aggressive BS surrounding a bedtime. He told me I'm an AH for making him feel like garbage over wanting to keep the kids on a schedule because it's "best for them". AITA?
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NTA
I know you said this behavior is not his usual, but I would say that this is a prediction of the future with him.
He has an opinion that differs from yours. He doesn't have to agree with you, but he does have to respect your decisions. He doesn't respect you and can't control himself. He made a fool of himself and openly showed his disdain to your entire family.
Please rethink your relationship. Things may have been smooth in the past because a situation where you disagree has likely never been an issue.
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So here's the problem, My son Simon (16) moved out of the room he used to share with his little brother and got his own room a few months back. Eversince, he's been complaining about his mom barging in without knocking and interrupting his sleep and studying. Sometimes when he's changing...I know that she's his mother but he says he's got his own room and has a job and is learning to become an independent adult but
doesn't feel like his privacy is being respected even when that's his mom. He says he's not a kid anymore and is entitled to at least get a knock on the door before she comes in.
He was getting tired of her not listening to him
So he came to me and said ...dad, you need to help me set some clear boundaries with mom. So I spoke to her about her need to knock before entering Simon's room. She was like what? And no, we're family, not strangers...do you really expect me to foolishly knock on the door 5 times a day?...that's ridiculous!!! Also the..."who knocks doors in their own home?". I told her my family for instance.
She made a face then went on a rant about how my family hate each others and the way they treat each others like they were strangers is shameful.
I told her family or strangers it's about respecting one's privacy. We had an argument about it and
I told her if she wasn't going to stop with the barging and refuse to knock on the door before entering then our son will get a lock.
She did it again at 11pm, she barged in when our son was asleep he jumped up because he got scared.
Once he told me this I told him to go ahead and get a lock and pay for it with his own money, there was literally no other way.
My wife saw it and got upset and my brother was visiting when she was raising her voice at me
questioning if *I* really went ahead and got a lock for Simon despite her disapproval and said that I caught her off guard and it's not okay because this teaches our children that they can 'manipulate' one parent into doing what they want. I told her that A. Simon got the lock not me and B. I already warned her about the possibility of him getting a lock because he was getting tired of her boundary crossing. So she should've expected this outcome.
She mentioned the same above points in her defense and said locks means secrets and that's not good. My brother was sitting watching while she was complaining, She began chewing him out when he asked her to let simon keep the lock and said it wasn't a big deal.
She stopped talking to me and Simon til we remove the lock but I've no intentions on doing that.
Was I at fault for my stance?
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NTA - So do you have sex with your wife with the door open? Do you shower with the door open? Poop? There are reasonable things that one does in private that even a mother does not need to know about, much less see.
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My brother (17M) lives with me (25F) and my husband (26M) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last Feb. He's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. I've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. I get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, I won't pressure him. I try to be as involve in his life as I can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car.
Before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. Totally valid. But she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal.
Last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and I could see the distress on my brother's face. The worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and I decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running.
Now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her I called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. My brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure I'm overreacting and that I should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice.
**Little update: I just talked to my brother and we agreed on getting a restraining order no matter what, he'll be switching rooms since he told me that he can't sleep there anymore, our guest room is a bit smaller bus he says that he doesn't care! That's it for now, he hasn't said anything about therapy or dropping the charges.**
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NTA - if the gender roles were reversed I’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. She’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
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I've been with my wife for 8 years. We have 2 children, a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I've known since my wife got pregnant that there was a possibility our daughter wasn't my biological child. I don't care. She's my daughter and my wife has never been unfaithful. However, I don't want to know if she is or she isn't biologically related to me, and I've never wanted to know.
Edit to include the full story as people are assuming she cheated: My wife and I were together for around 2 years when we had a fight and broke up. We were broken up for 3 months, during which we both slept with other people, and then we got back together. After approx 2 months of being back together, my wife found out she was pregnant. We knew there was a possibility of one other man being the biological father, and it was a toss up between me and him, but it was more likely to be mine. My wife was honest with me that she'd slept with other people when we got back together, and I was equally honest, and the window of conception for our daughter was just large enough we couldn't say for sure if she was conceived when we were together or apart and while she offered to get our daughter tested, I didn't want to know. My entire family were aware we broke up and got back together.
Visibly, she looks like her mother. Same dark hair, same dimples, same bone structure, and I see bits of myself in her, too, mainly in her mannerisms, with the only part that doesn't match up being her eyes, which are brown, while mine are green and my wife's are blue. Meanwhile my son, with his green eyes, blonde hair, and bone structure, looks like I cloned myself, and looks very different to his dark haired, dark eyed sister.
My mother has noticed, and remarks on it often. This really gets my wife's hackles up, both because of the reality behind that, which my mother is unaware of, and because she and my mother have clashed a few times in the past. They are very different people, and their personalities just don't mix.
Then a few months ago my wife's sister and my best friend (they're married) got into a car accident, they were in the hospital with one of their 3 kids, while the other 2 were home alone, so we asked my mother to watch our kids while we helped them out. Our kids were with her and my dad for about 5 hours.
Last week mum came over and said she had something important to tell me. When she had my daughter unsupervised, she did one of those DNA test kits on my daughter, comparing it to her own DNA (which she apparently ordered months ago for this exact purpose and was waiting to use it) and it confirmed my daughter isn't biologically related to me, and she began to tell me about a lawyer she could get me in touch with to begin divorce proceedings. I told her this changes nothing, she's still my daughter and that's my wife she's talking about. Mum was shocked, and called my wife some names I don't care to repeat. I told her to get out of my house.
It's been nearly a week. I've told my wife, blocked my mother on everything, and there's been constant calls and texts. My mother is furious I never told her that I had an inkling, and has since disowned my daughter, but says my son is still her "special little guy" so she wants a relationship with my son but not my daughter. In addition to my mother, all 5 of my siblings (3 sisters, 2 brothers), and dad are angry with me, they want me to get back in touch, and a couple of them have even said I should thank mum for what she did as she was looking out for me and now I know. However, I can't justify my mother going behind my back to get a DNA test on my daughter without consulting me.
I feel I'm in the right, but I also feel I could be overreacting, and I would appreciate another perspective as I'm seriously considering cutting contact with my mother over this.
AITA?
​
EDIT: I DO NOT GIVE CONSENT FOR THIS TO BE TURNED INTO A NEWSPAPER ARTICLE
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NTA. This was your choice and had nothing to do with your mother. She did this solely to hurt your wife. If you allow your mother to have a relationship with your son while not having one with your daughter, you’d be a terrible father. Blood doesn’t make a father.
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I am my brother and SIL’s only relative in the city. When SIL was pregnant I made it clear that I’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. I won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because I don’t have the free time for that. I work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me.
Last year, my brother and SIL asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. Everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. They wanted to go on a date. I said no, I have an important work event. They continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long.
The night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend Mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and I needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit Mike. I reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so I could leave for my work event. They did not come back until two days later. I had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. My brother and SIL never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. Their excuse was that Mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. I accepted that, since I had met both Mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but I emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. Throughout the next two months, my brother and SIL regularly used the excuse of aiding Mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew.
Mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after Mike’s “accident”. I ran into her and asked her how Mike was recovering. Apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. Neither did Mike. Mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and SIL had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. I confronted brother and SIL, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about Mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. They claimed I “gave them no choice since I would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and I had no idea and it was just a little white lie”.
I made it clear that after this incident, I would never babysit for them again, and I’ve stuck to that. Yesterday my brother and SIL begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in SIL’s family. They even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. I still said no. They didn’t care about betraying my trust, so I don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. They said I was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. AITA?
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NTA they cried wolf too many times now they get to live with the consequences.
Plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter.
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My (M33) parents are late for everything. Like everything. Both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times.
Graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. It is completely my mother's fault. She is a wonderful mother and I love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality.
I have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. She waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced.
We are all used to it. My dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything.
My now wife (F28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. She was only half joking. But she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera.
So here is what I did. It is completely on me. Me wife was not involved. If there is a dick move it was completely mine.
When we were getting samples for the wedding I talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony.
My mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my MIL lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff.
When she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it.
The ceremony went off beautifully. And so did the wedding pictures and the reception.
The problem came last Sunday. My parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. She asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late.
She said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. She hadn't been. They arrived 45 minutes AFTER the time on their invitation.
My idiot cousin John, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. A few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny.
I came clean and told her about the "special" invitation.
She is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. If my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known.
AITA,?
Edit
Part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. To be honest I was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home.
Edit number two.
Yeah we are Latinos. And no I do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. I have been to Spain and it's an issue there too. And the Philippines. Basically anywhere those guys were in charge.
Edit three.
Stop defending John. He and I have spent thirty years messing with each other. I have an AITA story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the Mexican border. I would post it but it happened like ten years ago.
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NTA - How can she complain? If you had sent her an invite with the real time then she would have been 45 minutes late. She should appreciate the fact that you wanted her to be there enough that you took the time to make her a special invite to ensure she arrived on time.
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So for the past month, my (36) husband (39) has waking up at 5 every night to have a walk. These walks would take about 2 hours, Side note to mention that this new, he's not trying to lose weight (pretty thin) he's not athletic by nature nor has sports interests or hobbies. infact, he hated doing any type of sport.
I'm happy for him since it's an overall positive thing. but yesterday, he came home in the evening after working for long hours then stayed up late playing with his phone. I went to bed at 10 after getting done with the mess and everything.
I woke up by him yelling at me at 7 am asking me why I didn't wake him up for his 5am walk. He said he missed it and I'm responsible for that. I was so confused I said that first of all, he always wakes up by setting his alarm, why should I be expected to wake him up this time. He yelled that he forgot to set his alarm. I said so what? it's no big deal it's not like....he missed an important meaning or something but he got more angry and said that those walks help imrove his health and restore his energy and help him feel better. I made a comment about how missing one walk won't hurt but he unloaded on yelling about how I was trying to prevent him for doing his hobby for some unknown reason. I told him he was sorely mistaken even though I admit that those daily 5am walks around the veteran's park are weird but also his reaction? I really thought it was over the top. He stormed off and went to shower saying I ruined his entire day.
When he got out he started avoiding and ignoring me. Even when I talk to him directly. he went to work and refused to respond to my calls.
Really, I'm at a loss like maybe it was something I said about his walks. but I really don't know. he's sulking nonstop as of now and I'm literally about to lose my mind. AITA?
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Perhaps I'm crazy, but tomorrow I'd wake up at 5AM as well, just to see where exactly he goes on those morning walks. But again, perhaps I'm crazy.
ETA: Personally, I don't think it's cheating, as it doesn't explain the desperation and anger. The stakes seem to be higher, where missing his "walk" has unpleasant consequences. Of course it's possible he's very neurotic about his new routine and you caught him at a bad moment, but his response is suspicious enough to dig a little deeper. Also forgot the judgment: NTA.
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[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca82iu/update_aita_for_going_to_my_sisters_dream_school/)
So, I got into Cornell last week. Honestly I think it was fluke. I’m not smart, at all. I got a 28 ACT, a decent GPA (because my school grade inflates considerably). I had some decent extracurriculars but nothing remotely competitive enough to get me to a school like Cornell. But anyways...
My twin sister is the opposite of me. She’s a GENIUS, she has way more impressive stats (34 ACT and she only took it once, compared to my 3 times), she has way better grades, way cooler extracurriculars. Everyone always looked up to her as the smart one. I didn’t and still don’t mind, it’s true. The only reason I can fathom I got in and she didn’t is that she applied to the engineering college while I applied to Arts and Sciences (I don’t know if too many of you guys are familiar with Cornell, but they have a bunch of different colleges you can apply to, each with their different admission criteria).
Well last week, decisions for ivies came out. Unfortunately for my sister, she didn’t get into a single one, including her first choice (Cornell). She checked as SOON as it was available and called me bawling. I consoled her and told her everything was going to be okay, that who cares what school you go to, that she was brilliant and was going to be successful no matter where she goes.
Well anyways, I pretty much resolved that I was getting rejected, so I didn’t even bother to look at my email until later that night. Well, I guess surprises do happen sometime, because I’m a Cornellian. I got in. I just don’t know how but I did.
I really want to go guys. But this would devastate my sister. All week she’s been crying and solemn and sad. She’s been angry at her friends who got into top schools (especially the ones with lower stats). She’s decided to go to NYU, but she just hasn’t been herself. I haven’t told our parents (I think they assumed I didn’t get in because she didn’t).
Am I being selfish? Should I just go with her to NYC? We always thought we were going to school together but like... it’s Cornell. I couldn’t in a million years imagine I’d get in. I’ve been researching obsessively about it and I can’t shake the desire that if I don’t go, I’ll regret it. Ithaca looks beautiful, it’s a small town (which I would LOVE to get away with from the huge city that is New York). It seems like a dream opportunity.
Am I being a bad sister? I KNOW she would be upset; we were supposed to go to school together. It would crush her. I really don’t have anyone else to talk to :(. AITA for going to her dream school? Especially considering how much harder she’s worked compared to me...
TLDR: dumb sister (me) gets into Cornell. Smart sister didn’t. She’s depressed. It was her first choice. I want to go tho. AITA?
UPDATE: so everyone here told me that I should go, so I decided to tell my sister.
Well, she started screaming from excitement and got (not actually) mad that how couldn’t I tell her earlier and she’s so proud of me
But seconds later, her excitement just turned to....sadness. She went from like super giddy to depressed in like seconds,, and she started bawling. Like uncontrollably bawling. I tried to comfort but she pushed me away and locked herself in our room...
I going to give her some alone time right now and we can talk more about it later.
Update 2: Please let me know if my updates are annoying; I only expected 3-4 comments and didn’t know so many people were interested, so I thought least I could do is update
So after 5 mins of the previous post, my sister sent me a text. It said:
> I’m sorry for how I reacted; please don’t be mad. I’m so happy for you and your accomplishments. It’s just that after I got rejected, I at least had the consolation that I get to go to school with you and we can go together. But now you’re going to be where I wanted to be and I’m just so sad. I worked so hard and did everything I could to go to the best school I can and I just feel like all my hard work was just wasted effort. I’m sorry I’m ranting I just need more time
I’m not going to lie guys, when I read this, I cried. A lot of you are saying that I obviously I have to have attributes that made me desiresble but I really don’t. I don’t deserve my acceptance. I did my homework between classes, barely studied for anything, took the easiest AP classes available, etc. Meanwhile I see my sister always taking the hardest classes, studying as hard as she can, always volunteering. She deserves it, not me, and seeing her so hurt pains me. I’m really strongly just considering going to NYU with her. Everyone at Cornell will just be just like her and I don’t stand a chance. And I know if I go to Cornell, we’re going to drift apart which would suck because we’re best friends and I just don’t want to lose my sister :(
Update 3: So I told my parents and they did NOT react how I would've expected them to. First, they tried to insist that Cornell made a mistake between our applications (which would be IMPOSSIBLE; if we applied to the same school within Cornell, like we both applied to Arts and Sciences, then it would be somewhat probable, but we applied to different schools with different admission committees. They couldn't have mixed them up).
Then they went on to explain how I should go to NYU with my sister. I thought it was strange, because they definitely would've supported my sister going to Cornell if I didn't get in. My sister apparently thought so too, because she asked why would I not go to Cornell, and they said how it was unfair that I basically slacked off in high school and was able to go, when my sister was the hardworking one who busted her ass all of school. I don't know if I'm being dramatic, but that hurt. I knew they always thought my sister was the smarter one (they've made it clear multiple times), but to hear them say that I don't deserve my spot sucks. Even though they're probably right.
I stood there in silence, but my sister stood up for me. She asked them how could they say something so cruel to their daughter, that I 100% have every right to be there, and that they should apologize for being so rude. My parents were SHOCKED because we're both very passive people, and neither of us ever talked to them like that before. This started an argument and long story short, we're currently in our rooms. I'm just so thankful to have her stand up for me. I realize that I have internalized a lot of the comments they've made over the years. I'm glad I have my sister actually believe in me.
I still don't know if I want to go to NYU or Cornell, mostly because I just don't want to go to school without her. She's my best friend, and going 4 years without someone who just thinks so positively about you just seems so long. At the end of the day, I ALWAYS thought the NYU was going to be the school I was going to, so I wouldn't lose much by choosing it over Cornell. I'm going to talk about it more with my sister and look into both schools more. Thanks again everybody for your comments; I wouldn't have realize how important of a person my sister is if you guys didn't give me the courage to tell her that I got in.
Update 3.5: No new news but I just wanted to say that I'm reading every single comment and I apologize if I don't get to you individually and I appreciate everyone's overwhelming support! You guys are amazing :)
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Pre-edit: no assholes. Do not turn down an opportunity just to spare her feelings. You will likely wind up being resentful and thinking of what might have been. Seriously, congrats - it sucks she didn't get in, but that is not your fault. You did, you earned it, enjoy.
No assholes bc it's not like the sister knows and has been awful to you....yet
Post-edit: NTA, sister is great, parents are the assholes, OP is probably just as smart as her sister but they have been running her down her whole life.
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●I M37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. It's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens
My family knows how much I struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. She had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. She re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist I let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. She then started calling my daughter with another name and I'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. I told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying I'm lashing out of grief.
I recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while I take care of bigger stuff. My sister said that what I'm doing is wrong. That I'm giving her more than she can handle. She's just a kid and although I told her I'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that I'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility.
I got into a fight with her about it. Told her she has zero say in this. And the next day. A CPS Officer came to my house and took a tour around the house
My first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that I'm never home and that I make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that I'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. I told the officer my story and explained that I'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions.
It was clearly a false report. However I was told that I will have a permanent record with CPS. and I was shaken up by this. I told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called CPS after we had a big argument. I was so mad I confronted her after she hid herself. Called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. Then cut contact. It's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable I was. He said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on Christmas dinner.But I said no. He and the others insisted saying that I should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on Christmas. Saying I refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. I yelled and said that my daughter and I don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? They demanded that I at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on Christmas.
Edit: I don't want my daughter to go and I plan on going to my in-laws instead. I want to talk to her about it and see what she wants to do.
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NTA Calling CPS just because you’re angry is wrong. She took time away from children who are being neglected and need help to get back at you. Not wanting to have her around your family is a normal response, she proved herself to be a danger to your family.
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I(M51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son Eric(M22) is the oldest, Eva(M20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole LGBTQ thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life
i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now Eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here
now my daughter Eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with Eva and Charlie sided with him, Eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down
i told Eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect Charlie or Eric like that, me and Eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was LIVID, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers
but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground
AITA for this?
(edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog)
(another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was NOT expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!)
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NTA. She's 20 which is old enough to grasp the maliciousness of her actions as well as the potential repercussions. I'm sorry that you lost the letters, that sounds pretty devastating. Maybe they can be salvaged as a collage art piece?
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I'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. I've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. I should have reported them or just blocked them but I had, had enough so I screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who I am and how their sons have been bothering me.
Their mothers were horrified and shocked by what I sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. Some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think I took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their Mothers and also how I don't know what their home life is like.
Am I the asshole for doing this? Should I have gone about it another way?
Edit due to questions/comments: When it was just standard bullying I reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove I couldn't do anything. I figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this.
Edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? I mean i'm honestly good but thanks.
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NTA.
The people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys".
What they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. Those are rapists in the larval stage.
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I (32F) was raised Mormon but I’m not now, nor do I follow any other religion. My mom is still very much in the cult. As such, she has the typical Mormon mindset regarding gender roles and all that bullshit. Granted, I still think she’d be this way without her religion, though maybe not as bad. We get along splendidly, except when the topic of her religion comes up, which doesn’t often.
She’s visiting right now. I don’t see her in person much but she came down for my birthday. It’s also important to note that I have two sons. My 5 year old has a Mohawk. My 3 year old has shaggy, shoulder length hair. He’s never had a haircut for a multitude of reasons, none of which would even be asked if he were a girl.
Not long after she got here, she started going in on his hair. This is not the first time she’s given her opinion on it. Why don’t I cut it? Don’t I want to prevent him from being bullied? Or from people thinking he’s a... GIRL??? Because he hasn’t asked and I want it to be his choice. Because he acts like I’m murdering him when I brush his teeth and hair. Because he also flails around like he’s having an exorcism so imagine that with a pair of scissors. Because if someone sees long hair and assumes “girl,” that’s on them and a simple “he’s a boy” corrects it. But mostly it’s because I don’t fucking want to.
She got pissed and said what she really thought, which was: “Well I just don’t like long hair on boys.” Clearly. Yet she has no problem with my other sons MOHAWK. Guess that’s boyish enough for her. AND she said it in front of both my sons, which pissed ME off.
I said the first thing which came to my head, which was: “If you have a problem with long hair on boys, I suggest you take it up with your lord and savior Jesus Christ. You can start by asking him to get a haircut. Call John the Barber.”
Bruh. If looks could kill, I’d be in outer darkness right now. She steeped in her anger for a while but didn’t say anything else. She hasn’t changed her opinion nor will she, but I don’t think she wants to get roasted again either so she won’t bring it up anymore.
I feel like we’re both assholes. As much as I hate her religion, that was also a low blow and I have a tendency to speak first, regret later. Though I don’t necessarily regret my words, I do regret how they made her feel. She is my mom after all.
Update: Oh my Heavenly Father, I didn’t expect this at all. Thanks for the rewards and honest responses. I’m glad I could make so many of you laugh. I’m here all night. Seriously though, working until 7 am and gonna waste it all reading comments. See you all in the telestial kingdom.
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Lmaooooo!
NTA.
As a former Mormon, I am *cackling*.
“Call John the Barber.” Hilarious.
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My father is a dick. When he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. He is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. My mother refused and divorced him. Because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to Europe. His parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and I never really wanted for anything. My grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and I got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of Western Canada with them. My father never paid the child support he should have. Like I said it did really matter. My mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child.
So the point of this post. I'm (F28) getting married. I met the love of my life (M31) at university and we have been together for eight years. He is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (Sorry, Friends reference).
His family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. Because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me I suppose. The have been in contact and want to come to Canada to meet me and my fiancee who I guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. Small world.
When they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. It is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here.
So long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. They then gave my this as a gift. What I didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund.
He is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. He may need to ,GASP, get a job.
He has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if I don't give him back this money.
I don't really need it. And I guess I am entitled to it and I am getting a trust fund now as well.
But I really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy.
I'm not giving it back.
AITA?
Edit: to answer some common questions.
1. My half siblings will not really be affected. They have trust funds set up already and their tuitions and fees and stuff are covered.
2. My grandparents family sets these up when ba kid is born. One of the reasons my father is upset is because since he didn't bother to tell his parents about me they did not set this up. They have since taken a good chunk of his trust fund and used it to set mine up. Realistically the principle being separated 28 years ago would have left him in the exact same position.
3. My mom was working on getting her PhD so she could help kids with a certain condition. That is what he wanted her to walk away from.
4. My grandparents have sent me pictures of my family there. The coolest thing is that my grandfather looks like the granddad from The Parent Trap.
5. My mom never remarried. But she has had a special friend since I was five. He is amazing and taught me to swear in Colombian Spanish.
Edit número dos.
I just had lunch with my mom. Apparently she has no debt. Like at all. I guess she did literally write the book about the treatment for the kids she works with she does okay for herself. I never really thought about it. We decided that what would be best is to set up a scholarship for people who want to go into her field of study. Since I am now a trustafarian I can afford to do this. I am however going to book her and her "friend" a trip for after my wedding. And I am going to go pay off my car.
Edit tres
My half brother has posted about this. He has a slightly different viewpoint than myself. He is not in any way coming after myself or my mother. If you comment there keep in mind he is a young man who is disillusioned with his father.
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NTA. He should have been paying it all along. And your grandparents sound badass.
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I'm (18m) graduating high school at the end of this month. My dad dropped the bomb on me two nights ago that his stepdaughter (14f) has an award ceremony for some competition she entered and won in another state on that same day and that she really wants him to be there. He told me he couldn't possibly make it to both and since his wife and their children together will be going, he needs to be there too. He told me he would make it up to me and we could celebrate another time.
I still live with him (not for much longer). My mom died when I was 7 and my dad got married again when I was 11 or 12. It's been a few years anyway. His stepdaughter never knew her bio dad, so my dad has accepted her as his own. And he has prioritized her a lot in the last 5/6 years. It doesn't always show in the most obvious ways but it can be felt. Father/son time was put on an indefinite hiatus and instead dad told me we needed to include her in our time together but he also spent time with just her for father/daughter time. I brought it up to my dad and he told me I wasn't exactly making an effort to be closer to her so he wanted us all to bond and didn't want me to just focus on my relationship with him.
He has attended her dance things instead of my basketball games if they're on at the same time. It doesn't matter if mine was known about first, he will still skip my stuff to go to hers.
He will take us on family days and whenever he and his wife say "kids can choose" he picks her choices over mine. He claims it's because they will be the most fun for everyone but really, he even says it afterward, anything his little princess wants.
Our refrigerator and our shower broke at the same time. His stepdaughter's birthday was coming up so he took money from my birthday fund to pay for that stuff and so his stepdaughter would definitely get what she wanted (this barbie house thing and a whole fashion set and they were I think dad said $250). He didn't get all the money back by the time my birthday came around so instead he bought me a $30 gift card for Steam when he had promised me a new monitor and keyboard for my computer (that was a gift from my grandparents).
When my dad told me he wouldn't be at my graduation to go and support her, I told him there is no making up for that and he can forget about being included in my life going forward. He told me he would make it up to me and I told him I will always come second to his little princess and I'm not going to be okay with that. I told him he's discarded me for the last time. Dad begged me to be reasonable but I walked away. Then I invited both sets of grandparents who agreed to come. His wife told me I could have come with them and I don't need to attend the ceremony but could support "my sister". I said her daughter's not my sister and I do not want to support their family anymore and I will be out of their hair soon. She called me selfish and told me I can't deny her daughter a dad.
AITA?
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NTA
Graduating HS is a big milestone.
It's creditable your Dad wants to be there for his stepdaughter.
He needs to maintain balance though & I feel he should have made time for a once in a lifetime thing for you.
I hope you still enjoy your day & many congratulations!
Edit spelling
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I sure feel like TA but I don't think I am so help me out here.
I live in a non English speaking European country and because of history that means land borders between properties are sometimes very weird. Well that is the case with my house and the neighbors, all our houses are about the same size yet out of all the land behind our houses my area is huge I own like 90% of all land there reaching all the way to the woods far behind our houses, meanwhile all my neighbors essentially got tiny strip right behind their houses.
Now the part right behind my house is fenced off yet the rest is pretty much open and my wife and daughters like to use it for gardening.
The field is used by most of the neighborhood boys to play football on as it is the only flat piece of grassland around they always ask for permission to use it before hand and I always allow it on the condition I get no complaints if I tell them to leave and they don't litter.
I also recently had a pool installed to the far back of my property and fenced it off, this is important later.
Well this is where the issue starts, recently a new family moved in and they seem to think it is public land. I kept catching their kids running around through the flowers and vegetable garden and they even moved their grill on the field and held a picnic on my land. I keep telling them off and informing it is my land, but they just ignore me and the kids sometimes wont leave when I tell them to. A month ago the kids even climbed over the fence around the pool and when I got them out and went to their parents they just said "Oh we figured it was a public pool", I had hoped that was the end of it yet these people build a fire pit in the 3 days I was away from my house and when I got back I found it with a bunch of empty beer cans around.
That was the last straw for me and I hired a company owned by a buddy of mine from when I used to do construction work, bought all the supplies, and 7 days later and a lot of money lighter my entire property was walled off and whenever anyone asked I told them why I was doing that and who they could thank for it.
Well now the new family is treated as if they are a pest and all the neighborhood kids are gutted they lost their football field which has resulted in them picking on the new neighbors kids
I honestly feel pretty terrible, but I also feel like I gave them plenty of warnings before taking drastic actions.
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NTA. It just takes a few assholes to ruin it for everyone. You repeatedly told them it was private property and they repeatedly trespassed and disrespected it anyway.
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For the past month my 24 year old niece has been living with us. I'll call her Princess because that's what her parents call her most of the time. She is a medical researcher (Studied medicine but wasn't interested in the practical side of things more interested in the theoretical) and took up a position near where we live, and my sister convinced me to let her stay so she can save money. I was apprehensive because I know this girl has been coddled and babied since she was little.
We have a 4 bedroom house. Me and my husband, my son (16), my daughter (21) and our 4 year old rottweiler Freddie. I told sister that Princess would have to sleep on the sofa in the living room which she seemed OK with, but when she arrived both mother and daughter set about trying to convince me to clear out the dog's room and let her sleep in it. Princess even said it would be OK to make him sleep outside because ''it's just a dog''. It's getting a lot colder now and I'd never let Freddie sleep outside.
I told Princess that this is where she'd sleep, take it or leave it, and she was and still is really sulky about it, sulking about how we think a dog is more important than her.
In all honesty I was right in thinking having Princess stay is more trouble than it's worth. She goes out clubbing and partying a lot and makes no effort to keep the noise down when she comes home in the early hours of the morning. Since she's arrived the living room smells of weed and that smell definitely wasn't there before she came.
She's also rude to my kids. My daughter got engaged and we were all delighted, but Princess was lovely enough to say that if her BF had gotten her a ''cheap'' ring like that she wouldn't even get out of bed for the wedding. Daughter was in tears because of this and both husband and I had a word with Princess, who then cried and phoned up her mother saying we were rude to her.
Had another phone call with sister today, and she still tried to convince me to put her daughter in the dog's room. I made clear this wasn't happening and sister got upset with me saying how nasty it was to value pets over family. I also said that her daughter was skating thin ice and that I wouldn't tolerate her behaviour for much longer. Sister was very offended and said we should be happy to have her daughter there. Sorry but how can I be happy to have a spoiled overgrown child who keeps trying to steal a room from a dog in my home?
EDIT: A lot of replies here who don't seem to understand the situation. I won't say too much as apparently arguing gets you banned from here. Firstly to the people who have claimed I was acting snobby about Princess's job. That wasn't the case. I wasn't saying that she was more interested in the theoretical side of things so that I could say she's ''only a researcher''. On the contrary, I specifically mentioned that she studied medicine so that people understood that she had a well paid job in a selective intellectual field and wasn't some lab assistant or something like that. She earns enough that she could afford a place of her own if she wanted. She just wanted more money to herself.
Also, the people who claim that I was being nasty to her because I didn't like her and things like that. I don't dislike her at all. I was apprehensive about having her because having known her since she was born, I've seen many of her tantrums and seen her parents give in to them over and over again even into her adulthood. I was worried about how things would turn out since we wouldn't give into her demands. She has tried to pick on both my children when she was a teenager and we went through a period a few years back when my daughter refused to visit their home because Princess constantly bullied her.
Regarding the dog's room. There isn't any furniture in Freddie's room that a 24 year old woman could comfortably sleep on, and we weren't about to go and buy furniture since we didn't know how long she'd be staying.
And for those who think I was trying my best to make her uncomfortable, not at all. We tried our best to make her feel welcome. Gave her as much space as she wanted and left the living room whenever she needed privacy. We gave her food and while she brought more than enough clothes for home, I went clothes shopping with her and was happy to pay out of my own pocket. Within her first week here, Princess couldn't stop laughing when my daughter told her what she did for a living (hairdresser), said that Freddie should sleep outside and shouted at my husband because he hadn't cooked dinner quick enough, so you can't blame all this on me.
Regarding the weed and clubbing thing: I've nothing against weed use. I smoked it a few times as a teenager, as did my husband, and I'm 99% sure my kids have both done it at some point, but that fact is it's completely illegal in this country. If she was doing it away from the house I would not care at all. I wouldn't even have too much of a problem if she was smoking it outside, but it is obvious from the strong smell that she is smoking it in the house. I'm well aware that going out clubbing and making noise is what most people her age do. However, this particular 24 year old doesn't bother to take her high heels off when she comes in, and as we have a wooden floor we can hear her stomping around in them which wakes us all up.
Last but not least, I didn't call her ''Princess'' on here offensively. I wasn't going to put her real name on here obviously, and the fact is her parents genuinely do nickname her Princess most of the time, and she doesn't mind it when they call her it.
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ESH. The kid is clearly a brat, but you're a pretty terrible host for leaving a dog a room and making your guest sleep on the sofa. No matter who they are, that's incredibly rude on your part, and she's right to be offended.
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My boyfriend m/27 started asking to join me in my girls night in. Everytime I tried to say no he be like "I have to join or you'll have to cancel". It made me & the girls miserable having to sit there with him in the middle.
This past friday he insisted to join us again, I had enough I came up with an idea to get him to hate hanging out with us, made a plan and told the girls what we were going to do and they were down for ot.
The girls came and my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement. So here's what I did, I started bringing up gross/ embarrassing subjects and the girls were eating them up by talking about them in details. Subjects like sevx, periods (his most sensitive spot), cramp diarrhea, hairy legs, fart getting trapped in the valva and coming out the front. Squeezing shit out of our faces, cramp diarrhea, dirty underware, and again...cramp diarrhea.
We talked about this stuff in boring details, like...I could feel his discomfert without even looking at him. But God when I turned to see why he got quiet suddenly. he was getting red in the face, and had sweat all over his forehead, I bet he found himself unable to relate to thise subject thus couldn't take part in the conversation.
He got up from the couch ready to head out, I looked at him and asked where he was going and he was like "I just ah...I just remembered that I have an important meeting with a guy in about 10 minutes and....ah...I have to go now" he rushed out telling us to have fun. The girls and I started laughing hysterically.
he came home and berated me saying I made him feel uncomfortable/sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing. I said "what u talking about? This is the typical stuff girls talk about all the time" but he insisted I made him upset and caused him to leave. He declined to speak to me and been quiet since then.
AITA?
**UPDATW** Y'all wow, just got home and left this post at 70ish comments, and here I am looking at hundreds of comments but only read a bunch, you guys...thank you so much for your feed back and enlightening advice. Just to add context: this is his apartment, he tells me who is and isn't allowed to come and I thought this was fine since it's his place (though I help with the bills, but he makes so much more as the head of security in his company so that's that) I just can't believe how dense and blind I been to his negative ways. He's still giving me the silent treatment and I've decided it's just a lot to take, and so I'm temporarily moving in with one of the girls and will now be definately reconsidering few things.
Just wanted to keep you guys updated since many of you got engaged in this post, thank you so much for those DMing me their concerns, appreciate your time and concerns. Many hugs go out to you guys, I really appreciate y'all! :)
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The big question is why are you choosing to be with a man that refuses to respect your right to hang out with other people without him?
Edited to add: Thank you Redditors. You are too kind.
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[original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ilp6dw/aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come_straight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I suppose this falls under relationships but just wanted to let you guys know how it went.
I left my BF’s to go rest at my mom’s. During that week, my BF never reached out to me (even if to check if we arrived safely or to ask about our son) and that was the answer I needed. End of the week I texted him to ask if I could pick my things from his place.
I told him things weren’t working out as he clearly didn’t care about me and we weren’t a priority to him. He said he didn’t see what he had done wrong which is why he had kept quiet and didn’t reach out.
He said by me moving out, I was taking his son away from him; yet he spent 3/4 of his free time out of the house in the ‘sauna’(3-4hrs on a weekday after work and 8hrs on the weekend; EVERYDAY)
He said he didn’t see the point of coming home to baby sit a 4 month old who needed his mother more. All I wanted was for him to come home after work on some days and take care of the baby while I shower in peace or eat food.
He said it’s clear I wasn’t ready to have a child because he knows women who work 9-5 jobs and still come home to cook and take care of the kids. Implying that I’m failing because I need a break for an hour?
He said we could reverse roles and he wouldn’t complain at all. When I told him he should be bonding with the baby, he said he’ll take over when he’s a toddler and easier to handle and that kids can be bribed with money and trips and they’ll be your best friend.
I did not make the decision to end this just because of this issue; it was a combination of all red flags. But to be honest, this was the last straw. I was running on fumes, exhausted physically and mentally and I was asking him to help me but he decided, without talking to me about it, that I didn’t need a break.
I believe He wants to live his life as a single man but enjoy the benefits of a relationship (sex, companionship, good housekeeping and food) when he comes home; that’s not how a relationship works.
For a while he made me feel like what I was asking for was too much. And that I was crazy for asking for a little consideration. Like I wasn’t worth fighting for. I felt it was wrong and talking to you guys here on reddit strengthened my resolve.
We are now officially ex’s and to be honest, I don’t feel like it’s a loss. I only feel stupid that I chose this person and I’m tied to him for the rest of my life and now my child is the one that suffers from my choice and not having a good father around him everyday.
Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments and messages. You made me feel much better about everything and like I wasn’t alone; y’all are awesome! xoxoxo
Edit; the comments were unlocked a while after the post was appoved. Sorry 😐
Edit; the awards 😍😍 thank you so much
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I love it when the other partner thinks staying home with a infant is easy. They have zero clue. You are better off without him.
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So I (17F) still live with my mom, my step-dad, and my two half siblings (5M and 7F). My dad died when I was 5, driving me to the hospital (Mom didn't want to pay for an ambulance). He died in the crash and my leg and spine got busted up in a way that has left me needing a cane pretty much ever since.
My step-dad's always been a little distant with me, he likes to make jokes about how I'm an 'early blooming black widow'. I think he gets that from my mom, who blames me for my dad's death. I do to, it *is* my fault after all, so I don't push back on it. Anyway, the point is that with the current situation my parents are always looking for ways to get my half siblings active and doing things without leaving the house, and have recently settled on scavenger hunts.
I have no problem with this honestly. I wish they'd stop hiding stuff in my underwear drawer, but it's a 5 y0 and a 7 yo so that's not the worst. My *problem* though is that they keep taking my cane when I'm not looking (I tend to get lost in my homework and my writing hobby and zone out) and having it be one of the items that my half siblings have to find. When I complain to my step-dad (he's a SAHD so is usually the one running these things) he scolds me for being selfish and points out that my swivel chair has wheels if I need the bathroom and that they always get it to me before I have to go downstairs for dinner.
I tried my mom yesterday, and she said that I was being a brat and that if I wanted a father who cared about me I shouldn't have killed my dad. I got really upset at that point and called my grandparents (my mom's parents, Dad's are dead too). They showed up at 10 PM yesterday, and Grandma screamed at them while Grandpa packed my stuff up and helped me out to their car.
My mom's been blowing up my phone and email, calling me all sorts of names and accusing me of turning her family against her and trying to get her in legal trouble since minors can't move out. And I can't help but think that maybe she's right so...AITA?
EDIT: I would just like to say thank you to everyone who's taken the time to comment and try to reassure me that I'm not the asshole. I can't reply to all of you, I lack the energy and I have homework, but I'm reading them all and I really appreciate it! You've...given me a lot to think about, and I do thank you.
EDIT 2: I Uhm...Wow. that's...that's a lot of support, and a lot of messages. Too many for me to reply to, I'm sorry. Thank you all so much. I promise that I do care what all of you have to say, and I'm reading every chat, comment, and PM. I was so scared this wasn't going to go my way, so thank you, thank all of you.
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Oh honey no. You didn't kill your dad. It isn't your fault. Accidents are accidents because they aren't your fault. Your mother is unbelievably awful for the way she has been treating you and allowing you to be treated. Please stay with your grandparents. And if you have access, maybe seek out a therapist to help you work through all this guilt you're holding onto.
More than anything, I send you hugs.
Oh and, NTA. In any way shape or form. Do not go back to that abusive house.
ETA: aww cmon yall I'm sure there's people way more worthy of all your free awards, but thank you kindly.
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My friend is quirky. She was never diagnosed with anything but she is very clueless sometimes. I have had to spell things out for her a lot. Few months back, she borrowed a dress of mine. I really love that dress. There isn't any sentimental value but I got it when we were on vacation few years ago. She also loved the dress and one day just transferred the money to my account and told me that she was keeping the dress.
I spoke to her but she just told me that doesn't matter as she has paid me. Her birthday was a week ago and her mom asked me to bake a big cake for her. I usually sell cakes cheap (little more than ingredients cost).
On her birthday, I went over to her house with the cake 15 mins before the party was due to start and then decided to talk to her mother. Like I said, sometimes my friend is really clueless sometimes and I was hoping her mom would speak to her and get my dress back.
I was very shocked when she also said that as long as I was paid what does it matter. She told me to just move on as it was just a dress and that my friend really liked it. She told me as long the dress was paid for, what am I complaining about.
I got really pissed off and pulled out the amount she paid me just paid me, put it on the table, picked up the cake and left.
She got mad and started yelling at me that I was ruining the party. I kept walking back to my house. She kept telling me to give back the cake and that I couldn't take it back just because I want to be petty. I just asked what she was complaining about as I had paid back the money.
My friend ended up having a cakeless 16th birthday because of this.
AITA here?
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Nta obviously, but I'm dead laughing at this. They can have the "sO wHaT? iT's PaiD fOr" mentality but if it comes back on them it's petty? lol
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My daughter Bryn F9 is going on a trip to a nearby water park with her class next week. She loves water and has been talking about it for months, so I was a bit thrown off when she came home crying a few days ago and told me she didn’t want to go. I asked her why and she wouldn't tell me because she thought I’d think she’s a “bad person.” When I finally coaxed it out of her, she said her teacher “Ms. N” has forced her to be the “buddy” of her classmate “Ben” for the entirety of the trip. She was to ride the bus with Ben to and from the trip, eat lunch with him, and go on all the rides with him instead of spending time with her friends. She then said nobody likes Ben because he whines whenever they have to do work and picks his nose and wipes boogers everywhere.
I was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing, but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to. Unfortunately this wasn’t my first experience with Ms. N, as she frequently used my soft-spoken, intelligent older daughter as a “behavior buffer” for the naughty boys until I threatened to report her to the superintendent. It’s clear to me that Ms. N is still too comfortable with enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing girls to do unpaid emotional labor for the sake of the boys.
I immediately sent Ms. N an email condemning her actions. She sent me back an email with a bunch of bs that basically ended with “if Bryn goes on the trip, she has to be Ben’s buddy.” *Fine.* I informed her Bryn would not be attending then. I immediately booked VIP tickets the same day her class was going so she could still go to the park and see her friends.
What happened next I wasn’t expecting. Bryn is quite popular, so I have gotten to know a lot of the moms in her class. When I let them know what Ms. N did, some of them were so horrified that they also pulled their kids out of the trip. In total, eight kids (out of a class of twenty) are either not going, or going with us. Today I got an email from Ms. N saying that because almost half of the class isn’t going, they either have to raise the cost for the other students or not go at all. She practically begged me to let Bryn go and tell all the other parents to let their kids go, promising she wouldn’t make Bryn do anything she didn’t want to do. I told her she should have thought about that before she tried to make my daughter do *her* job.
My husband said I was being a bit petty and that Ms. N clearly feels bad about what she did, and I should let Bryn go as I’ve already gotten my way. He asked me if I really wanted to deprive children of what they’ve been waiting for all year. The thing is, if this wasn’t Ms. N’s first offense I probably would have agreed, but she has a pattern of this type of behavior and hopefully this will put a stop to it. Plus, if she has to explain this to her superiors, I have receipts. Is my husband right? Or am I justified?
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UPDATE: Bryn WAS the only student assigned a "buddy." The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted.
UPDATE: First, thank you for the support everyone!
Second, I have taken the issue (including screenshots of the emails) to admin. Several other parents also came forward with similar stories about Ms. N. using students, particularly female students, to do her job. Ms. N. has been placed on temporary leave while they figure out a more permanent solution. Personally, after hearing things from other parents about her, I'd like to see her fired and blacklisted from ever teaching again, but I hope this at least scares her out of treating her students this way.
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Am I alone in suspecting that the teacher isn't so much feeling bad about what she did, but faintly terrified of either having to explain to her superiors why the trip is suddenly in jeopardy, or the backlash from other parents when it comes out why the trip she organised has fallen apart?
Not to mention that if you've booked VIP tickets, I'm going to guess that if you DID cancel your plans to suit her, you'd end up paying twice over - once for the school tickets, and again for the VIP tickets you've already bought?
NTA. I'd stick with a simple "Sorry, I've already commited to and paid for my own arrangements for that date now" (with a possible *unless* other parents ask and you actually can rearrange without significant personal loss).
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I don't have a relationship with my biological father. He left her when she got pregnant and never acknowledged that he had a child, always saying she was lying. She did prove paternity in court and got an order for child support. At the time at least, he had a job making well over 6 figures that was handed to him by his parents as well as rental properties, so the ordered amount was pretty high. He refused to pay it at all and somehow got away with it. My mother has died and I'm her only child. He's never had a relationship with me, and in this matter, I wanted justice for my mother.
While I couldn't independently sue for that back child support, I could essentially sue on behalf of her estate. I won, and he owed me almost $350,000, plus my legal fees. He cried poor, but the judgment was paid almost immediately, so either he was not, or his parents bailed him out.
I've seen his wife's social media, and she's posting about "bastards wanting a payday" and other tears. Some of my friends and family think that I shouldn't have just used the legal system to get money that wasn't technically mine. AITA?
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The money _is_ technically yours. Literally the reason why people has to pay is to support the child (you).
It doesn’t seem like he was ever in a bad financial position and he abandoned you. Financial support is the minimum.
NTA.
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So I’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. I’m actually subletting and I’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that I’d stay until the end of the year. I mean it’s a pandemic, I didn’t think I’d move either.
Anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. It’s been...a lot. She’s obviously had some trauma in the past. I didn’t dig but I believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back.
Well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. She obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate.
He said I couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. He also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, I should wait until she leaves before I grab food, etc.) Like yes it’s strange but I figured it’s his place so whatever. I’m not trying to befriend her either.
Things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. It’s REALLY hard to avoid someone 24/7. So obviously I’ve slipped up more. One time I came home from Costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water I couldn’t fit in the fridge. Big mistake. My roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how I should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer.
The most recent one was when she was watching some GoT in our living room. I just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. I laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. I got another earful from my roommate about how I needed to stop “creeping” on her now that I’m home all the time.
Long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and I’m gonna move. I told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. I feel bad because yeah, I did say I wasn’t gonna move. But I’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. However, I feel kind of guilty because I agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when I thought it’d be ok.
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NTA - That's an insane way to have to live. Get out ASAP
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It our first real vacation since 2020 and my first with just my husband and in over 10 years.
Our daughter Annie (17) was left home alone. For some reason recently Annie can do no right in hubby’s eyes. Dress, music, chores. He has deemed her irresponsible. It farthest from the truth. She has a summer job and makes good grades. She’s in-fact kinda a hermit for her age.
Unknown to me my husband set the hot water heater to refill only once a day while we are gone. Annie did some dishes and laundry. She took a shower and the water was cold. She was upset and thought it broke and called us panicking.
My husband yelled into her for wasting our hot water and telling her how irresponsible she was enough to make her cry.
I got madder than I ever have in this marriage and basically said most parents would love to have a 17 year old like Annie. We argued and screamed all night so next day I left the resort to a little hotel down the street. My husband as been trying to call me and I told Annie to block her father and don’t pay attention to him.
My husband is mad about the wasted money on this vacation but I can’t stand to even look at him over an argument over something so stupid and preventable.
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Your husband dislikes your daughter, so much so that he manipulated a situation so that he could have an excuse to bully her. This is deeply toxic and obsessive behavior.
You need to truly consider whether you are enabling this abuse by staying with him and giving him an avenue for the ongoing verbal abuse of your child.
NTA for your behavior here, thanks for sticking up for an innocent kid.
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Delta gave me $2,000 to skip my flight. This is $2,000 that can be spent ANYWHERE. The flight looked like it was going to get canceled anyway. It did. So now I have $2,000 and a hotel stay but my fiancée is mad at me because I chose the money over coming home. But it looked like the flight was going to be canceled. Not to mention I called once and texted once to ask her opinion and she didn't answer either so I had to make the decision by myself. She claims because shes been in a semi depressed state the last few days it is crazy of me to ever make that decision. She has not communicated to me well enough how "bad" she really is right now. Last night when we spoke and she seemed better.
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You know what would make me feel better? My husband telling me he just earned $2000 in 24 hours. Hopefully, in a good relationship, it benefits both of you. NTA
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I got my son a 7k motorcycle for his 18th birthday this past june. My son is obssessed with automobile and loves motorcycles. In his room he has plenty of models and posters of motorcylces of all types. His bio dad passed away when he was just 12, now I'm married to my current husband and he has kids of his own.
My husband has always been against my son's interest in motorcycles. he thinks I'm encouraging him to be reckless, distracting him from school and by extension his future, and spoiling him and blowing away money by spending 7k on a motorcycle. This caused some tension between him and my son so I told him to stop complaining about it.
Around 2 weeks ago, my son's motorcycle went missing. We opened a police report but nothing came out of it. it just disappeared. My husband had a smirk on his face the entire time just walking around saying "I told you so!, you just wasted your money!". This was unbbearablr to hear to be quite honest.
My mother inlaw visited few days ago. She was talking about the other house my husband owns and mentioned seeing a motorcycle, one that's similar to the one that we lost in my husband's carage while she was cleaning it (she goes to clean that house weekly even though it's empty, my husband plans on giving it to his kids as inheritance). I was puzzled I asked if she was certain but she showed me a photo she took of it which confirmed that it was indeed my son's motorcycle. I immedietly rushed to call my husband and confront him about it. He admitted that he took and hid the motorcycle in his garage as a last resort after me and his stepson kept brushing him and his thoughts off about the 7k being spent on something unnecesary and that could cause issues.
I blew up at him demanding he return it, he refused and told me he had been considering selling it and giving the money back to me so "I could use it wisely this time". I told him I was serious and that I'd call the police. He literally said "this is a family matter and cops can't do shit about it". I had enough I called the cops soon as I ended the call with him.
The motorcycle was found and returned, but my husband had to be taken in since there was an open file about the motorcylce going missing. he was let go eventually but he was livid with me. He came home yelling about how awful what I did was and how crazy my behavior was. I refused to engage in the argument but he told his entire family about it and they judged me for calling the police on my own husband even though I already asked him to return it. he said he was just looking out for my son and that one day we'll realize that he was right but only when it's too late.
My son isn't spsaking to me or my husband. I feel horrible about the whole situation and am starting to think I handled this the wrong way.
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NTA. The debate about whether a motorcycle is a good gift for an 18 year old is irrelevant. Completely. Red herring. Ignore any responses based on this.
Your husband stole an item and hid it, then allowed you to go to the police about it, smugly knowing they wouldn't turn up anything and lied to you either overtly or by omission about it. When confronted, he doubled down. No remorse, no contrition.
You were right to call him out, you were right to involve the police when he threatened to sell it against your wishes, and my recommendation would be to begin divorce proceedings because this man does not have any respect for you whatsoever. He's already proven he will commit crimes and file false police reports in order to get his way.
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My ex and I have one child together. We found out during my pregnancy that our child would be deaf, and wouldn't qualify for the surgery that some deaf people are able to get due to a combination of problems. While the external issue is a fluke, the internal issue is apparently something that I always had a 25% chance of passing down to a child.
Not to toot my own horn, but once I learned this, I made an effort to start connecting with the Deaf community in my area and learn ASL. He did not, and while he stayed for the birth, he moved in with his brother right after dropping me off at my home. I own the house, and did before I met him, so it's not part of the divorce. He was nice enough to give me 2 months worth of a cleaning service and a gift card to GrubHub.
He ended up telling everyone that I am the reason he doesn't see our child, and that I filed for divorce because I overreacted. The truth is that I have sole custody because he cried, in court, that he couldn't "deal" with the baby and wanted to just pay support. While I did file, it was because he abandoned me and said so many horrible things that I couldn't get over.
I have text messages he sent me which say that he wouldn't have married me if he knew that we would produce "problems" and that he couldn't handle raising a "r******" (the only thing wrong with her is hearing). I don't want my child to grow up in a home where she's hated.
I was starting to hear all sorts of crap from my family and his, who started to take his side because divorce isn't really a thing here, so I took action. I made a social media post publishing the text messages so that people would finally see the truth. I'm now getting calls and messages for "making a private issue public" and "parental alienation". AITA?
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NTA. This guy has no businesses smearing you and damaging your reputation. You did what you had to do to set the record straight and nobody can fault you for that.
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I live in British Columbia and my family often hosts at our home because we live on a lake.
However I seem to always get roped into watching the kids. Which means I don't get to enjoy my life when we have guests.
My husband will drink beer with his brother and dad and my MIL and SIL will go on winery visits and I end up at the house responsible for my nieces and nephews.
So last weekend I made sure I was high as fuck when they showed up.
My husband and his brother had to watch the kids because I was in no condition. Their mom is pissed at me because she "trusts me to make better choices". I told her that my free time is valuable and I wasn't free child care.
My husband had already had a few so his brother had to stay sober, poor baby.
My husband thinks I should have tried talking to them again for the fiftieth time instead of getting fucked up. I think they now know better than to not ask me if I even WANT to watch the kids.
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Nta. And your hubby is the biggest ah. He was just as happy with the previous scenario because he still got to drink and socialize while You were the one being held hostage to the expectation of forced babysitting duties. He didn't even remain sober to help you watch his nieces and nephews. He held the exact same expectation as his family that
He could drink and schmooze while you chased the kids. And isn't he such a great guy to bring a babysitter for the family. He got all the benefits and goodwill of doing the family a favour while you were stuck with the actual work of it. He should have put a stop to it from day 1 (and if he was the one who was stuck with the kids from the beginning he would have)
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My sister is a stay at home wife, no kids for now. Her and her husband had been discussing getting a house keeper to help clean the windows and bathrooms since she said it took a long time. I was visiting last weekend and she brought it up to me and seemed very happy. Out of pure curiosity, and since i clean my house by myself being unwed, i asked her how long it took to do that since it didnt take me too long. She got defensive and upset, which i wasn't expecting. She said i should try cleaning her two bathrooms(toilets and showers), and windows so I can see how long it takes her if I want to know so badly. So, I did. I got out the scrubbing bubbles, the toilet and shower brush. Sprayed down the shower and toilets with it. Then went and sprayed and cleaned the windows. went back scrubbed the toilets and showers. about half an hour later I was done. I guess she made it seem like to her husband that it took her hours to do what I did in half an hour. She once again got very mad, started yelling until she let out that "fine I lied about how long it takes because I HATE cleaning those!" to no surprise her husband got mad then. he said if she had been honest about just not wanting to clean those that would have been fine but the fact that she lied about it gave him pause and he said he w as gonna re-think hiring someone if she thinks she can lie to get what she wants.
​
I noped out of there fast as I could. I didnt mean to expose a lie, i was just trying to understand my sister more. WITAH?
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> I didnt mean to expose a lie, i was just trying to understand my sister more.
NTA, but come on - you had to know she didn't want you to actually show her up by cleaning her bathrooms and windows in front of her husband to demonstrate that it doesn't take that long.
It's not your problem that she lied in the first place, or that she has this shitty attitude about doing her share of the work (which is almost nothing) but I call bullshit on you "just trying to understand your sister more."
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My (36) sister N (29) got pregnant at 18. I am infertile and knew I couldn't have kids so when N said she was giving her baby for adoption, I decided to be her mom. N went no contact 5 months after giving birth. For a bit of background, N got pregnant by a one night stand and she apparently didn't remember or know the father at the time of birth but when V was 2, a man T (35) messaged me on social media claiming to be the father of my child. N had run into him at a club and drunkenly confessed to the pregnancy. We met up, he bonded with his daughter and well that man is now my husband of 7 years. Coming back to my sister, she called me yesterday. Although I was surprised at her call, I picked up. We made some small talk, then she said she had just gotten married a year back and both of them wanted children but couldn't because her husband was infertile but really wanted kids. I asked her if she wanted to adopt and she said she would just need to get her baby back. I was speechless for a few moments before replying that if she wants to meet my child as an aunt she is welcome to and we both can sit V down and explain the reason for her absence but she can't just ask me to give up my child. She said she'll sue me as she's the birth mother. I told her she was out of her mind and I told her about T. She exploded. Calling me names and saying I stole her life. I got too emotional and hung up. T came home from work and on explaining to him, he was beyond furious. I then got a call from my parents saying I was an asshole for telling N she couldn't she her baby. I said I never said that and I welcomed her to bond with V but they refused to listen and said I was being insensitive and harsh and flaunting my family.
I now feel bad because me and N were very close as sisters and I feel quite close to her situation since I know the struggles of infertility. T said there was no way he was letting my sister have full time and I agree but I want to know if am the asshole for being too harsh and telling her about T.
Edit - I did legally adopt V at birth. T adopted her too after we got married. N never wanted kids and I feel the only reason she wants V now is because her husband wants kids. I don't know but I think this is it and T agrees.
Edit 2 - For all the people wandering why I said we were close, I meant growing up.
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So let me get this straight, your child is now \~11 years old & your sister thinks she can just swoop in and become her Mom? NTA
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